Little Earthquakes
by charmedbionic
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test. (written by / NOT MINE!)
1. Chapter 1

**Content Warning**

This story deals with the topic of **rape**** and** **recovery. **I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.

I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.

At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.

If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.

CHAPTER ONE

Dr. Arizona Robbins walked across the well-lit parking lot of Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital with a smile on her face. It had been a good day. An eight-year-old patient had finally received his new liver and was recovering nicely, and now she was heading home an hour before Callie got off work. That gave her plenty of time to whip up a light dinner for them to share then take a hot bath before a long night of dirty sex. Given Callie's enthusiastic goodbye kiss in the elevator only minutes ago, Arizona thought it was safe to assume that Callie was also in the mood for Sex Olympics tonight.

After a long but satisfying week, Arizona was eager to celebrate the weekend. If that meant blowing Callie's mind in the process, even better.

As Arizona approached the edge of the lot where her car was parked, she noticed that one of the powerful lights that illuminated the area was out. There was a dark circle of shadow beneath the pole, right where her car was parked. Naturally. Arizona pulled her cell phone out of her purse and dialed the security desk.

"Hello, Dr. Robbins. Can I help you with something?"

Arizona grinned at the familiar voice. "Hey, Barry. I'm out in the parking lot and noticed that one of the safety lights on the east side had gone dark. Just wanted to let you know…"

"I'll send someone from maintenance over to check it out," Barry said. "Do you want me to send an officer to escort you to your car in the meantime?"

"Oh, that won't be necessary," Arizona said lightly. She really didn't want to wait for someone to walk her the last remaining twenty feet to her car. Not with that bathtub beckoning. "I'll see you Monday, Barry. Have a good one."

"Will do. You too, Doc."

Arizona ended the call and slipped her phone back into her purse. Tightening her grip on her car keys, she pushed the unlock button on the fob and walked swiftly into the darkness, making a beeline for her driver's side door. Her hand grazed the door handle just as something slammed into her from behind.

Everything went into slow motion. Arizona's face and shoulder smashed against the driver's side window from the impact, then a strong pair of arms grabbed her around the middle and dragged her backward. Away from her car, out of the parking lot, and into a shaded grassy area where she was thrown onto the hard ground with savage force.

Stunned, it took Arizona a moment to regain the presence of mind to try and scramble to her feet. She managed to get on her knees before her attacker came around in front of her and caught her hard across the face with a closed fist. The force of the blow knocked her backwards and wrenched a cry of pain from her lips.

"Shut up." A male voice, harsh, terrifyingly angry. Arizona tried once more to stand and the man punched her again. Then he pushed her onto her back and got on top of her, pinning her down. "Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you. Understand?"

Arizona nodded silently, turning her head and desperately searching the lot for any signs of life. Nothing. She had parked in a section used exclusively by hospital personnel, so her only hope was that someone else's shift was ending, or else that security sent someone to check the light immediately. Unfortunately she had worked an irregular shift tonight, and she had no idea whether anyone else shared her schedule. It could be at least forty-five minutes before anyone else returned to their car.

"You know what I'm gonna do to you?" The man's hands were everywhere, pulling at her shirt and her pants, leaving no doubt about his intentions. "Do you?"

Arizona closed her eyes. She didn't want to cry, didn't want to give him the satisfaction. A hard, open-palmed slap across the face took her by surprise, and she opened her eyes and stared up at the man on top of her. It was too dark to make out his features, but Arizona could tell that he was white, with a full head of hair.

"I'm gonna fuck you." Her blood ran cold at his words, even though she had already known where this was going. "You like that, slut?"

"Please let me go," Arizona whispered. Frightened to draw another blow by speaking too loudly, she nonetheless needed to try and talk him out of this. "I'm a surgeon at this hospital, I just called security to come look at the light—"

He slapped her again, softer this time. Degrading instead of painful. "I don't plan on taking a long time."

Arizona realized with a start that he had her pants unbuttoned and her zipper lowered. She reacted on instinct, despite her fear of further violence. Struggling with all her might, Arizona tried to get out from underneath the man. If she could break free and run for the parking lot, he would probably choose to escape rather than pursue her. That meant she could stop this from happening if she only tried hard enough.

The man growled with rage and hit her again, his fist crashing into her temple. Dazed by the blow, Arizona went limp long enough for the man to pull down her jeans and flip her onto her stomach. When she recognized that this was really going to happen, he was actually going to rape her, Arizona opened her mouth to scream.

"No." A large hand grabbed her hair and yanked hard, then shoved her face into the grass. "Stay quiet or I'll make it really hurt."

Defeated, Arizona nodded then gasped when he loosened his grip on her head. She turned her face to the side and gulped in cool, sweet air as he tore her panties off with both hands.

Callie. She had to think about Callie. If she could remember how Callie made her feel—safe and warm and loved—then she would be able to block out what the man was doing. If she thought of Callie, she wouldn't feel his erection pressed against her bottom, or the way he snaked one hand beneath her shirt to maul her breast as the other forced her legs apart.

Arizona tensed when she felt his cock press against her anus, fearing the worst, then relaxed when he repositioned at the opening of her vagina. His fingers pawed at her labia, sending a shiver of disgust through her body. It was too intimate, too personal. She wondered how she would keep herself from screaming when he penetrated her.

"You're wet." The man pushed inside her with a violent thrust, and Arizona cried out in pain. He covered her mouth with a hand that smelled like cigarettes, muffling the sound. "Filthy whore."

Her lingering arousal was from the kiss in the elevator with Callie, but Arizona felt hot shame spread through her body anyway. She couldn't believe what was happening, how excruciating it was in every way. This was the first time a man had ever been inside her. He may as well have been stabbing her with a knife, it hurt so bad. Worse than the physical pain was the emotional. She was Arizona Robbins, she was _awesome_, goddamn it, but that wasn't stopping this man from treating her like an object to be used for his personal satisfaction.

The man battered her with his cock, sharp, brutal thrusts, and though it felt like hours, Arizona knew it was probably only a couple minutes later that he stiffened and came inside her with a quiet groan. She lay beneath him silently, hoping he would get off and leave her.

Instead he collapsed, crushing her with his full weight on her back. His hand continued to paw at her breast as he kissed the side of her neck, scratching the tender skin there with his coarse facial hair. He continued to roll and grind his hips against her bottom even as his cock softened inside of her.

"I hope I got you pregnant," he whispered into her ear.

Arizona gagged, suddenly certain that she was going to throw up if he didn't pull out of her body immediately. Maybe even if he did.

The quiet sound of female laugher cut through the stillness of the night, and her attacker froze. A moment later he pulled out of her, not at all gently. Arizona moaned in pain, then lifted her head when a familiar voice called out.

"Hey! What are you doing over there?"

It was Meredith Grey. Arizona opened her mouth to call for help, but only managed to whimper as the man stood, fumbled with his clothes for a moment, then took off running. She wanted to stand up too, but her whole body hurt, and the shock of what had just happened seemed to have done something to her muscles. Like, they didn't work.

"Fuck," Arizona whispered into the grass.

"Are you okay?" Meredith was kneeling beside her now, rolling her onto her side with a gentle hand. "Hey…" When their eyes met, Meredith's mouth dropped open. "Arizona."

"I didn't see him." Arizona's voice didn't sound right. It sounded like it came from someone else, someone wholly disconnected from the woman who had just been held down on the ground and violated. "He came up behind me and just…I didn't see him."

Nodding, Meredith glanced over her shoulder at someone standing behind her. Arizona craned her head to follow her gaze. Cristina Yang. Of course.

The knowledge that she had an audience finally compelled Arizona to get to her feet. Incredible pain shot through every inch of her body, and sickeningly, she could feel sticky wetness trickle down the insides of her thighs. Arizona closed her eyes and swayed, sure she was going to be sick.

"She's gonna—"

Arizona bent and heaved, cutting Cristina off mid-warning. She managed to turn away from Meredith before she emptied her stomach, but Meredith stayed close and put an arm around her back.

"You're okay," Meredith murmured soothingly. She rubbed her hand over Arizona's back as she retched. "You survived. You made it through. You're okay now."

Blindly, Arizona reached for her pants, wanting desperately to cover herself. It was bad enough that Meredith and Cristina were seeing her this way. She didn't want to risk anyone else coming upon her like this.

Meredith bent and gathered Arizona's pants in her hands, pulling them up her calves until Arizona could take over and tug them on the rest of the way. She buttoned them with trembling hands, sickened by the memory of her rapist shoving them down the length of her legs.

"I don't want Calliope to know," Arizona said, though she knew that wasn't going to be possible. She was about to walk back in to their workplace to get a rape kit done. Even if she wanted to hide this from Callie, she couldn't. Not with the way gossip traveled the halls of Seattle Grace.

Besides, she loved Callie. And that meant she deserved the truth.

"I think she's going to have to know, sweetie," Meredith said. Still at Arizona's side, she looped her arm through Arizona's, providing support. "We have to get you inside. Do what we need to do so you can get cleaned up."

Arizona felt her face crumble, the tears she had been holding back finally coming to the front. "_Fuck_."

"Yeah," Meredith said quietly. She turned them toward the hospital, letting Arizona lean on her as they began the slow, painful walk back. Arizona was aware of Meredith glancing over her head at Cristina, and a moment later, Yang flanked her other side.

"He beat the shit out of you," Cristina said in a low voice. Meredith made a quiet noise of displeasure, and Cristina shrugged defensively. "What? He did."

"Are you saying I don't look pretty, Dr. Yang?" Arizona said. She flashed back on each punch, every violent blow, and decided she really didn't want to see what her face looked like.

"I'm saying I want to find that guy and cut off his testicles," Cristina said flatly.

To her surprise, Arizona managed a brief, genuine smile for that. "You find him and hold him down. I get to use the scalpel."

"Deal."

Meredith snorted quietly at that. "I'll help."

As they approached the hospital, Meredith turned concerned eyes on Arizona. "I figured we'd take you in the staff entrance. Unless you'd be more comfortable doing this some other way…"

Arizona's composure threatened to shatter completely. What would make her most comfortable would be not going in at all. Fleeing to her apartment, running a hot bath…those things would bring her one hell of a lot closer to _comfortable_than the prospect of facing her friends and colleagues—not to mention Callie—after what had just happened. Straightening her shoulders, determined to be strong, Arizona said, "That's fine."

Nodding, Meredith steered her toward a door marked _Hospital staff only_. Cristina jogged ahead to pull the door open, letting Meredith lead Arizona through. Then she fell in step beside them, like a sentry assigned to protect Arizona from the curious stares of their co-workers.

"We need to do a kit," Meredith murmured under her breath. "I'll find somewhere private where we can go."

Arizona blinked back her emotion, grateful that Meredith hadn't suggested that someone else take care of the nasty business of evidence collection. The fewer people they could drag into this, the better. Surprising herself, Arizona turned to regard Cristina and made an unexpected decision.

"I'd like Yang to do it." When Cristina blinked, clearly shocked, Arizona mustered a pained chuckle. "I know, right?"

"You sure?" Meredith asked.

Arizona nodded and looked Cristina in the eyes. "Look, I know you're not…my _person_ or anything. But I need you right now. I need someone who can just do this with no sympathy, no platitudes. All business."

"I can do that," Cristina said, betraying no emotion.

"I know," Arizona said. Cringing, she noticed Owen Hunt hurrying toward them wearing a look of wide-eyed concern.

"What happened?" Owen said by way of greeting. "Is she okay?"

Frowning at being spoken about like she wasn't there, Arizona said, "She's fine."

Sharing a quick look with Meredith, Cristina yanked open the door of the nearest exam room and, finding it empty, pulled Owen inside. Meredith led Arizona into the room after them. Arizona stared down at her feet as she listened to Cristina murmur to her lover.

How long until this was all over the hospital? Not that she thought Owen was a gossip. But a handful of nurses and orderlies had already seen Meredith and Cristina escorting her down the hall, doing the painful, stiff-legged walk of a rape victim. With her face no doubt bruised and bloodied. Arizona imagined Callie finding out about this through the grapevine and shuddered.

Though she wanted Cristina to do the rape kit, Arizona wasn't ready to let Meredith Grey leave her side. That meant she had to send Hunt. Straightening, she looked at Owen, whose face had gone ashen at Cristina's quiet explanation. "Dr. Hunt?"

Owen blinked and turned his gaze on her. There was the sympathy Arizona didn't want to see, the well-meaning concern that made her feel as though the man in the parking lot had taken _everything_ from her, everything that had made her awesome. And left her with that _look_.

Owen must have seen something in her face, because he cleared his throat and straightened.

"Dr. Hunt," Arizona said again, "Could you please go find Dr. Torres and tell her I'm down here? She…needs to know. I don't want her to find out…some other way."

Owen nodded. "Of course." He took a step toward the door, then paused and glanced back. "I'm sorry, Arizona. Really."

"I know," Arizona said. Awkwardly, she gestured for him to go. "Tell her I'm okay, all right? I don't want her to worry."

Owen tipped his head and hurried away, closing the door behind him.

"Okay," Meredith said softly, releasing Arizona's arm. "I'll go grab a kit and be right back."

Arizona hated to see her go, but refused to show weakness by protesting. She hobbled to the exam table in the center of the room and sat carefully, wincing at the pain between her legs. Cristina lingered by the door after Meredith left, arms folded over her chest. Arizona sensed that for once, Yang had nothing to say.

Forcing a humorless smile, Arizona glanced at Cristina without meeting her eyes. "Well, this isn't how I planned to spend my evening."

"Me neither." Seeming to realize how that could be taken, Cristina winced. "You know what I mean."

"I do."

They sat in silence for long moments. Then Cristina said, "What were you going to do?" Her voice was tentative, as though she wasn't sure she should be asking.

The tears finally flowed in earnest. "I was going to feed Callie some dinner," Arizona said in a broken voice. "Then I was going to fuck her all night long."

Cristina was quiet for a long time. Finally she said, "That would have been better."

Arizona hated crying. And she loved Cristina Yang for making her laugh.

There was a knock on the exam room door and Meredith poked her head inside. "Hey." She handed Cristina a sexual assault evidence collection kit along with a handful of other supplies. "That should be everything you need. I can just wait outside…"

Arizona shook her head. "No." She held out her hand, giving Meredith a shaky smile as she eased back into the room. "No, I need Yang to do the kit. You, I need to hold my hand."

"I can do that." Meredith rolled a stool next to the table where Arizona sat and took a seat. "I can definitely do that."

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Dr. Calliope Torres leaned against the counter of the surgical nurse's station and anxiously watched the clock. She still had the taste of Arizona on her lips, and the memory of their kiss in the elevator stoked fierce arousal. Knowing that Arizona had already left to prepare for their evening together made it even harder to stay at the hospital. Callie was tempted to skip out fifteen minutes early and rush home to the pleasure Arizona's lips and body had promised her between the second and third floors. 

"Let me guess." Mark Sloan set a file on the counter next to her and smirked as he made a note in his patient's chart. "You're counting the minutes until you go home to blondie." 

Callie snickered and elbowed Mark in the ribs. "Whatever. Like you've never looked forward to a long night of Sex Olympics." 

"Of course I have," Mark said. He closed the file and turned to face Callie, leaning on the counter casually. "It wouldn't be nearly as pathetic if it were actually just about sex." 

"Whatever," Callie said again, but Mark was right. Sure, she looked forward to licking Arizona to orgasm later, but mostly she just wanted to be with her again. To smell her hair, feel the warm press of her body against Callie's. There was no denying it—Callie was head over heels in love. "So?" 

"So she's ruined you, Torres." Mark's face conveyed disgust, but Callie could hear the affection in his voice. "You're always smiling now. Sappy. _Happy_." Mark sniffed. "It's a little revolting, actually." 

"Yeah, yeah." Callie grinned and looked at the clock again. "How early do you think I can get out of here?" 

"Are you asking me to cover for you?" 

Callie brightened at the unspoken offer. "Thanks, Mark." She raised up on her tiptoes and kissed his stubbled cheek, grinning at the way he couldn't hide his delight at the gesture. "I owe you one." 

"Damn right you do." Mark glanced over Callie's shoulder and all the good humor drained from his face in an instant. "What's going on?" he asked whoever had approached. 

Callie turned to see Owen Hunt standing behind her, looking as grim as she had ever seen him. And that was saying something. Callie's stomach dropped when she realized that Owen's expression of sorrow and trepidation was directed at her. He looked nervous about whatever he had to say. 

"What?" Callie said. The look in Owen's eyes frightened her, and she just wanted him to come out and say it. "Tell me." 

"Arizona is downstairs." 

From the tone of Owen's voice, Callie knew there was more. She braced herself. "What happened?" 

Owen's gaze flitted to her left, and the look he gave Mark punched Callie hard in the gut. Before she could yell at Owen to just spit it out already, he turned his eyes back to Callie, radiating sympathy. "She was attacked in the parking lot. Meredith and Cristina found her and brought her back inside." 

Attacked. The word was terrifying, yet left so much to the imagination. It could mean anything from a few bruises to injuries too horrific to imagine. Callie took a deep breath before she spoke. "Is she conscious?" 

"Yes," Owen said, sending Callie jogging for the elevator. She had to go see for herself. Had to make sure Arizona was okay. "Callie, wait." Owen caught up with her and grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. "You're gonna need to be prepared before you see her. For her sake." 

Callie tugged her arm away and met Owen's gaze. Her heartbeat crashed in her ears, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. "What?" 

"She's pretty beat up." A gentle hand landed on Callie's back, and it was only then that she realized that Mark was still at her side. Owen lowered his voice. "Cristina is collecting evidence right now." He paused. "Rape kit." 

A wave of nausea rolled over Callie at Owen's words. Mark wrapped his arm around her middle and steadied her as she wobbled. She couldn't even imagine what the woman she loved had just experienced. Didn't want to. 

It took everything Callie had to start walking again. "Take me to her. Please." 

Owen nodded and pushed the elevator call button. "Of course." 

Callie didn't understand how her feet were still working. How she was still breathing. She walked into the elevator after Owen, leaned against the back wall next to Mark, let him hold her close to his side. How was she still breathing? 

When the elevator doors slid open on the first floor, Callie's feet moved automatically. She followed Owen down the hallway to a closed exam room door. He lifted his hand to knock, then hesitated and looked at Callie. 

"Arizona wanted me to tell you that she's okay. She didn't want you to worry." 

Callie felt her expression harden as her stomach turned over in disgust. "She's not okay. How could she be okay?" 

Owen didn't answer. He just knocked lightly, stepping back when the door opened and Meredith Grey peeked her head out. Callie craned her neck hoping to catch a glimpse over Meredith's shoulder. Clad in only a hospital gown, Arizona lay on the exam table covering her face with both her hands, deadly still as Cristina worked between her thighs. 

"Let me in," Callie said quietly. She could feel Arizona's pain from across the room, and needed to get closer. She needed to make everything better, no matter how impossible that was. "Please, Meredith." 

Meredith put a hand on Callie's wrist. "Come on." 

Callie glanced over her shoulder at Mark, who regarded her with sad puppy-dog eyes. Owen had stepped away from the door and leaned against the wall beside it. "Has anyone called the police yet?" Callie asked. 

Owen nodded. "I did." 

"Thank you." Taking a deep breath, Callie followed Meredith inside the room. She tried to prepare herself for her first good look at Arizona's injuries, but nothing could have prevented the horror that seized her heart when Arizona uncovered her face. 

Arizona's beautiful features were streaked with blood and dirt and grass stains and tears. Bruises had already started to form under her eyes, and it was obvious her nose had only just stopped bleeding. Callie didn't allow her gaze to stray lower than Arizona's swollen, cut lower lip, too terrified by what she would see if she examined the rest of her battered body. 

Arizona took one look at Callie before bursting into tears. "I'm sorry." 

Callie rushed to Arizona's side, sitting on the stool beside her and grabbing the hand that Arizona offered. Shaking her head, she tried not to let Arizona see just how horrified she was at the state her lover was in. 

"You have _nothing_ to apologize about," Callie said as evenly as she could manage. She wanted to cry, scream, throw things around…but that wasn't what Arizona needed right now. Arizona needed Callie's strength, her support. She needed a good man in the storm. Callie raised Arizona's dirt-smeared hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. "Let's just get that straight right now, okay?" 

"Okay," Arizona whispered. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, clearly uncomfortable. "Are we almost done, Dr. Yang?" 

Callie forced herself to glance over at Cristina, who stood in front of a table on which she placed the speculum she had been using. Next to that sat an evidence bag that contained Arizona's clothes, and another smaller bag that Callie knew held a comb and pubic hair clippings. Her throat went dry. Rounding out the little pile of evidence were swabs that were almost certainly blood and semen samples. 

Cristina picked up a digital camera and darted her eyes to Callie. "I just need to get a few pictures of your injuries, and then you'll be able to clean up. Unless you wanted to just wait a few days until the bruises look really gnarly." 

Arizona took a deep breath, eyes still closed. "Just do it." 

Callie released Arizona's hand and backed off as Arizona stiffly raised herself into a sitting position. She gave Cristina a pained smile, lowering her gown without being asked. Callie wanted to look away but didn't, staring into Arizona's empty gaze as Cristina snapped photos of her cuts and bruises. She could see that Arizona was struggling to keep her emotions in check, that every click of the camera was another violation of her dignity. 

"All done." Cristina put the camera on the table and handed Arizona a small bag of toiletries. "Go ahead and shower. When you're finished I'll give you antibiotics and emergency contraception." 

"Thank you," Arizona murmured. She glanced at Callie, then Meredith. "I have an extra shirt in my locker—" 

"I'll get it," Meredith said quickly. She opened the exam room door and slipped out. 

Cristina stood by the table organizing the evidence she had collected and studiously avoiding both their eyes. Callie helped Arizona stand, unsure what to do next. She assumed Arizona would prefer to be alone to clean up, but she didn't want to just leave her without being asked. So she hovered, not knowing whether she should offer Arizona physical comfort or distance. 

Arizona squeezed Callie's hand. "Will you wait for me outside?" 

Callie nodded, wanting more than anything to brush back the stray lock of hair that had fallen over Arizona's face. But she looked so sore that Callie was afraid to get near. "Of course." 

Arizona scrunched up her nose, and Callie knew that meant she was about to lose her battle with tears. "I tried to get away. I really tried." 

"I know, baby." Callie reached for Arizona's face then, barely grazing her cheek with tender fingers. "I can see that." 

"I can't believe he _did_ that." Arizona swayed on her feet, going pale. Callie could see sweat bead on Arizona's forehead, and she grabbed Arizona's shoulders, keeping her on her feet. To her surprise, Arizona collapsed into her arms and held on tightly. "Why would he do that to me?" 

Callie lost her own fight against emotion. She gathered Arizona close and whispered into her ear. "I don't know, darling. He shouldn't have." As much as Callie wanted to tell Arizona exactly what she wanted to do to her attacker, she knew it wasn't what Arizona needed to hear. "But you're safe now. I've got you." 

There was a knock on the exam room door. Sniffing, Arizona stepped out of Callie's embrace then cleared her throat. "Yes?" 

Owen opened the door and poked his head inside. "The detective is here." 

Arizona stiffened and folded her arms over her chest. Sensing her distress, Callie turned and caught Owen's gaze. "She's going to shower right now. Meredith and Cristina can give their statements first." 

"Understood." Owen backed out of the exam room and shut the door. 

"Thank you," Arizona said softly. "I'll try to make it quick." 

"You take your time." Callie met Arizona's gaze but didn't try and touch her. She recognized the folded arms as a defensive stance, and didn't want Arizona to feel attacked all over again. "The detective can wait." 

Arizona nodded, then took a deep breath and limped to the door of the attached bathroom. Callie's heart threatened to explode at the sight of Arizona's painful gait. She turned and took her own deep breath, catching Cristina's gaze as Arizona shut the bathroom door behind her. 

Alone with Cristina, Callie swiped at her eyes, determined to hold it together. Falling apart wouldn't help Arizona. "You found her?" 

"Yeah," Cristina said in a tight voice. "Unfortunately not soon enough." 

Callie watched as Cristina gathered the pile of evidence that would be turned over to the police. "That's her favorite shirt," Callie commented, not knowing what else to say. 

Cristina glanced at the evidence bag that held Arizona's clothing, hefting it in her hand. "Not anymore, I'm guessing." 

Callie choked back the bile that rose at Cristina's flat comment. "Let's go talk to the detective." 

Nodding, Cristina carried the collected evidence to the door, which Callie opened for both of them. Just outside, Meredith held Arizona's shirt and spoke quietly to a tall brunette, who listened intently to what she was saying. As they exited the room, the woman turned and gave Cristina a quick once-over. 

"Dr. Yang?" 

"Nice deduction," Cristina said. "You must be the detective." 

As inappropriate as it was, Callie felt a smile tug at her lips. Sometimes she positively adored Cristina Yang. 

The woman spared a brief smile. "I'm Detective Janis Mendoza." Her gaze slid over to Callie, then back to Cristina. "You were with Dr. Grey in the parking lot when Dr. Robbins was attacked?"

"We interrupted the attack, yes." 

Callie sagged against the wall. She hadn't realized that Meredith and Cristina had seen Arizona's attacker. That their presence had probably stopped things from going even further. Her knees turned to water, thinking about what might have happened if Meredith and Cristina hadn't gone to their cars when they did.

Detective Mendoza turned her attention to Callie. "And you are?" 

Callie automatically extended her hand in greeting. It was trembling. "Callie Torres. I'm Arizona's partner." 

Mendoza's eyes softened as she shook Callie's hand. "I'm sorry. How is she doing?" 

"How do you think?" Callie wasn't trying to be rude, but her nerves were frayed. And it was a ridiculous question. 

Mendoza didn't seem to take offense. "I promise I won't keep her very long. Once I get her statement, you'll be able to take her home." 

"I appreciate that," Callie mumbled, drawing back and folding her arms over her stomach. "Thank you." 

Mendoza shifted her focus back to Cristina. "Would you quickly go over what you saw?" 

Cristina glanced at Callie, clearly uneasy about talking in front of her. "Meredith and I were walking to our cars, talking. Meredith thought she heard something, so we stopped and listened. That's when we noticed movement on the ground just beyond the east edge of the parking lot. The light was out for some reason, so we couldn't tell what we were seeing. Meredith shouted and all of a sudden this guy gets up and takes off running. We realized he had left someone behind so we went to help." 

"What condition was Dr. Robbins in when you found her?" 

"She was in shock," Cristina said. "Half-naked. Bleeding." 

"Do you have any idea how long the attack lasted?" 

At Cristina's blank look, Callie forced herself to speak. "She left the building just after nine o'clock." 

"We found her no later than a quarter after nine," Cristina supplied. "So not long." 

"Can you give me a brief description of her injuries?" 

Cristina grimaced, glancing at Callie again. "It's in the medical record." 

Mendoza nodded. "I understand. I don't need specifics." 

Cristina tightened her jaw, no longer meeting Callie's eyes. "Dr. Robbins sustained multiple abrasions and contusions to the face, back, and thighs. She was penetrated vaginally and required two sutures to repair a small tear. According to her, there was no oral or anal penetration." 

"I need to sit down," Callie murmured, and out of nowhere Mark appeared to grab her arm and lead her out of earshot. She collapsed onto a bench and dropped her head into her hands, taking deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. "I don't understand," she said thickly. "Why did this happen?" 

She didn't expect an answer and Mark didn't offer one. He just sat silently at her side, rubbing gentle circles over her back. Callie was grateful for his presence. Regardless of his own questionable decisions when it came to his personal life, he had always been a true friend. 

A few minutes later, Mark's hand stopped moving. "Callie." 

Callie looked up to see Arizona limp out of the exam room with Meredith Grey at her back. It was obvious Arizona was in pain. She took small steps and her jaw tightened on every one. She wore a T-shirt and scrub pants, and her hair hung in wet tendrils. Though her face had been scrubbed clean, the sight of it constricted Callie's heart. Her skin was pale and sallow, making her bruises stand out in stark relief. 

Callie hopped up and rejoined the small group of doctors just as Arizona reached them. Detective Mendoza gave Arizona a reassuring smile, which Arizona returned only half-heartedly. 

"Dr. Robbins," Mendoza said. "I promised Dr. Torres I wouldn't keep you long. Do you feel comfortable giving me your statement now?" 

Arizona nodded, staring down at her feet. 

"Would you like to talk in the exam room, or is there somewhere else you'd prefer to go?" 

Shrugging, Arizona said, "Here is fine." 

"Great." Mendoza opened the exam room door and gestured for Arizona to enter. "After you, Dr. Robbins." 

Arizona glanced at Callie, panic in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak then hesitated, casting a self-conscious look around the tight cluster of doctors surrounding them. Like magic, Meredith, Cristina, Owen, and Mark peeled away, leaving Arizona and Callie alone with the detective. 

"What's wrong, baby?" Callie said under her breath. "If you don't feel like you can do this right now, nobody's going to make you." 

"I know." Arizona folded her arms over her chest again, darting her gaze to the detective. "Do you, um…" She trailed off. 

Detective Mendoza cleared her throat. "How about I give you two a minute alone?" She stepped away from the door. "Just poke your head out when you're ready to start." 

Visibly relieved, Arizona retreated into the exam room. Callie murmured a quiet thank you to Detective Mendoza, then followed Arizona inside and shut the door. 

"Seriously, you don't have to do this tonight. Nobody would blame you." Callie watched Arizona walk to the exam table, pause, then sit on the stool beside it. "If you want to go home, just say the word. I'll take you home." 

Arizona shook her head. "No, I want to get it over with." She stared down at her hands, clearly weighing something in her head. Callie bit her lip and gave Arizona time to work through whatever was bothering her. When Arizona finally looked up and made eye contact, the anguish on her face eviscerated Callie anew. "I can't decide whether I want you to stay with me for this part." 

Callie swallowed past the lump that rose in her throat. It wasn't personal. She knew that. And if she were being honest, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the graphic details. But Arizona was obviously struggling, and some part of Callie desperately needed for Arizona to need her. 

"I want to do what makes you most comfortable," Callie said quietly. "Whatever that is." 

"Comfortable," Arizona murmured under her breath. For a moment she looked as though she was about to break down into tears again, but she straightened her back and finally met Callie's eyes. "I'm afraid of what you'll think. What you'll feel. If you…know what happened." 

"Nothing could ever change how I feel about you." Callie took a step closer to Arizona, wishing she could take her hand again. To make a connection, to reassure herself that their bond remained strong. "You hear me? This doesn't change anything." 

A quiet sob burst out of Arizona then, and she clapped her hand over her mouth as though forcibly holding her emotion inside. It took Arizona a long time to lower her hand, even longer before she finally spoke. 

"That's not true." Arizona met Callie's gaze with haunted eyes. "This changes _everything_." 

Callie swallowed, not knowing how to disagree. "It won't hurt my feelings if you'd prefer I wait outside. But if you want me to stay, I'll stay. And I'll love you just as much after the interview as I do right now. Which is even more than I loved you this morning. Not as much as I'll love you tomorrow, sure, but give me time." 

Arizona broke into a shadow of her familiar sunny smile. "I love you, Calliope." 

Callie crossed the room in three strides, kneeling in front of Arizona's stool. "I love you. Forever. No matter what." 

Arizona studied Callie's face, then leaned down and carefully brushed her lips over Callie's. The kiss was so gentle Callie barely felt it, but Arizona inhaled sharply and drew back. 

"Ouch," Arizona whispered, touching her cut lower lip with her fingertips. 

"Sorry." Callie took Arizona's hand instead, clasping it between her own. "Are you ready for the detective?" 

Arizona nodded. Tightening her grip on Callie's hand, she said, "Stay with me?" 

"Absolutely."

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

She should have waited for security.

No matter how hard she tried, Arizona couldn't stop that nagging, devastating thought from tormenting her as she soaked in her bathtub later that night. Now that the exam and the police interview were over and she finally had a moment to reflect, it all came down to that. If she had accepted Barry's offer to send an officer to escort her to her car, none of this would have happened.

It was that simple.

But instead of waiting another ten minutes to leave, she had walked straight into danger. Because she was impatient, because she didn't honestly believe anything bad would happen. Even though the light was out. Even though she was alone in the parking lot at night.

Maybe she had deserved it. For being so stupid. So naïve.

Arizona's throat tightened. Easing lower into the hot water—so hot it nearly scalded her—she exhaled slowly. She refused to cry again. Already she was tired of the tears. And she didn't want Callie to hear her and worry. She had already caused Callie enough heartbreak this evening, so now it was time to be strong. For both of them.

Curling her toes, Arizona pushed back the tears. Being strong would be easier if she could shut off her brain. If she didn't have to keep replaying the entire evening in her mind, from her decision not to wait for an escort to the terrifying assault to the painful interview with Detective Mendoza. She was completely and utterly exhausted, totally at the mercy of her emotions. And she sensed that there would be no rest for her tonight.

She couldn't imagine crawling into bed with Callie and falling asleep. Not with the pain between her legs and the fear that lingered just below the surface of absolutely everything. Even being surrounded by the familiar artifacts of her life didn't make her feel safe. She wondered if she would ever feel safe again.

_"Did he have a weapon?" Detective Mendoza asked._

_Arizona's stomach flipped over. Did fists count? His cock? Probably not, and yet that's all he'd needed. "No. I don't think so. He didn't show me one."_

_Nodding, Detective Mendoza folded her hands in her lap and glanced at the digital recorder that documented their interview. Arizona wondered what she was thinking. Then Arizona glanced at Callie, focusing on the tight set of her partner's jaw. What did Callie think? That she should have waited for security? _

"Stupid," Arizona whispered aloud. Her gaze strayed down the length of her naked body, then she shut her eyes tightly. She couldn't stand to look at herself. Not when every cut and bruise reminded her of what that man had done. How he hit her and touched her and took away something Arizona hadn't even known to appreciate until it was gone.

Arizona sank deeper into the water, until her head was submerged. She allowed her nose and mouth to break the surface, but kept her ears underwater. There was something comforting about the way it dulled her sense of the world around her. With her eyes closed, she could almost pretend nothing was wrong. That things were normal again.

Almost, except that her brain just kept going.

_"Can you describe what he looked like?"_

_After having only just stopped crying, the question had Arizona on the verge of tears once again. She hadn't gotten a good look at him. She didn't know if she could even pick him out of a line-up. And what she had seen, she didn't particularly want to remember._

_"Take your time," Detective Mendoza said quietly. "No rush."_

_"I barely saw him." Arizona reached for Callie's hand, but couldn't meet her eyes. "He was white. He had hair. He…smelled like cigarettes. And his face was unshaven." She shuddered, remembering the scratch of his stubble on her neck. "He was behind me for most of it."_

_Callie reacted so subtly that Arizona may not have noticed if she hadn't been paying attention. Callie stiffened, her fingers twitched. Arizona used her free hand to wipe her eyes and stared at the floor. She hated knowing that Callie was horrified. Hated having to relive this in front of her._

_"Okay," Detective Mendoza said. "Did he say anything to you? I know it's difficult, but…it's important to know."_

Arizona cringed at the memory of being forced to repeat the ugly words of her attacker. Listening to the nasty names and threats had been traumatic enough, but saying them aloud was like being violated all over again. She did it anyway. The only thing she held back was his shaming her for being wet. That was too private to confess. She couldn't imagine saying it for everyone to hear.

Every inch the professional, Detective Mendoza had reacted with calm sympathy. But it was Arizona's recitation of her rapist's final words—_I hope I got you pregnant_—that finally shattered Callie's stoicism. After amazing Arizona with her quiet strength throughout the entire ordeal, Callie started to shake. From rage, disgust, or fear, Arizona wasn't sure. All Arizona knew was that she never wanted to tell the story again.

Callie said this wouldn't change how she felt. But how was that possible? Arizona was a different person now. She could feel it, deep inside. The very core of her had been altered, a fundamental shift that made her into someone she didn't even recognize. A good night's sleep wasn't going to fix it. Though time would almost certainly help, Arizona couldn't imagine ever again being the woman she was only hours ago. The woman Callie loved.

The world looked different to her now. More sinister. Sharper. Harder. How could she make out in the elevator with Callie in this world? Or roll down the hallways of Seattle Grace Mercy West in her Heelys, grinning at everyone she passed? The sunny optimism she had always possessed, that quality that defined her, was nowhere inside her now.

He had taken it away.

Overcome by a gut-wrenching sense of loss, Arizona opened her eyes and saw a shadow looming over her. Her heart charged into overdrive and she screamed, scrambling into a sitting position to clutch at the side of the tub. Protecting herself.

Callie quickly stumbled backward, coming to a stop in the bathroom doorway. Wide-eyed, she held up her hands. "I'm so sorry, baby. I tried knocking and you didn't answer, so I was worried…" Callie swallowed hard. "I was worried."

Arizona rested her cheek on the cool porcelain of the bathtub and fought not to get sick again. Her body screamed in pain and adrenaline coursed through her, leaving her light-headed and nauseated. "I didn't hear you. Sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I should have known better." Callie averted her eyes from the bathtub, clearly sensing Arizona's lingering unease. "I didn't mean to intrude. I just…"

Arizona exhaled slowly, willing her heart rate back to baseline. "You were worried."

"Yeah."

"I'm okay." Arizona managed a weak smile, but Callie didn't look convinced. "Just trying to wash the day off, you know."

Sorrow passed over Callie's beautiful features, and Arizona's heart constricted at knowing she had caused it. "You want something to eat? I could make you something."

Arizona shook her head. "Not hungry."

"No. Me neither." Callie glanced down then slowly bent to pick something up off the floor. "I brought your jammies."

A genuine smile tugged at Arizona's mouth when she saw what was in Callie's hands: her very favorite pair of pajamas, the ones with the pink and the unicorns and the rainbows. Callie teased her every time she wore them, but Arizona always insisted they were the most comfortable, happiness-inducing sleepwear in the world. Because it was true.

"I thought you said those were ridiculous," Arizona said, finally meeting Callie's eyes.

Callie shrugged. "They are. But they make you happy, so…" She set them on the counter, smoothing down the material with a gentle hand. "Besides, you're adorable in them."

Arizona cursed quietly as tears stung her eyes yet again. She dipped a hand in the tub and splashed water on her face, hoping to hide her emotion. When she met Callie's gaze, Callie's throat moved in a way that suggested she was trying just as hard to stay strong.

"I'm glad you're here with me, Calliope," Arizona murmured. "Thank you."

"Hey, it's my job to be here. You're stuck with me." Callie retreated into the hallway. "I'll see you when you're finished?"

"Of course." Arizona waited until Callie closed the bathroom door to move, gritting her teeth at the way her body screamed in protest. She had been all instinct and no conscious thought when reacting to Callie's sudden presence, and now she was suffering the consequences. "Damn it," she whispered under her breath, pulling her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. "Ouch."

Getting out of the tub and into her pajamas was an exercise in sheer will. Every movement was excruciating, leaving her struggling for balance as agony and fatigue finally overwhelmed her. Arizona gripped the edge of the sink and took deep breaths, absolutely refusing to call Callie back to help her. She didn't want Callie to see her like this. Didn't want Callie to know how badly she was struggling.

By the time she managed to finish buttoning her pajamas, Arizona was on the verge of collapse. She walked stiffly to the bathroom door and pulled it open, making a beeline for her bedroom. Seeing Callie sitting on the living room couch, Arizona said, "I need to lie down".

"Okay." Callie jumped up and rushed down the hall to meet her. She reached for Arizona then paused. "May I help you?"

Arizona nodded even as she sort of tipped to the side, landing within the strong circle of Callie's arms. "Yes."

Callie half-carried her into the bedroom, then carefully eased her onto the bed. "I'll get you a painkiller."

Cristina had written her a prescription for Percocet, and though Arizona would normally be wary of relying on pharmaceutical relief, tonight she was in no mood to refuse. "Please."

"I'll be right back."

Arizona exhaled shakily as Callie left the room. For wanting so badly to be strong, she was doing a piss-poor job of it. She pressed the heels of her hands to her closed eyes, gathering herself. When she heard Callie return to the room, she dropped her hands and propped herself up on her elbows with a thin smile. Ready to put on a brave face.

Callie smiled back, but Arizona could see the worry behind it. Holding up a glass of water and an orange pill bottle, Callie crossed the room and carefully sat on the edge of the bed next to Arizona. "This shouldn't take long to kick in."

"Hopefully." Arizona tossed back a pill and set the glass of water on the nightstand. Then she lay back with a groan. Truthfully, she didn't particularly want to lie down. But she was too exhausted to stay upright any longer. "Everything hurts."

Callie blinked, then cautiously touched Arizona's arm. "Tell me what I can do."

The anguish in Callie's voice was palpable. It stabbed at Arizona's heart, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. She wished the painkiller would hurry up and bring the heavy numbness she craved. "Nothing," Arizona said softly. "There's nothing you can do."

Swallowing, Callie whispered, "But I need to do something."

Knowing that Callie needed comfort just as badly as she did, Arizona demurred. "Lie with me. Hold me."

"Okay." Callie stood and walked to Arizona's dresser. She opened the drawer Arizona set aside for her shortly after they became official, pulling out the camisole and pajama pants she kept at Arizona's place for overnights. She undressed quickly, and despite everything, Arizona felt a mild stirring at the sight of Callie's full, womanly curves.

"You're so beautiful, Calliope," Arizona murmured. Her lover was everything she wasn't at that moment: beautiful, strong, untouched. Arizona had a flash of the evening they were supposed to be having, making love long into the night, and had to fight against a wave of crushing sadness. "I should have waited for security."

"Don't," Callie said tenderly. Slipping her camisole over her head, she walked to the bed and slipped in beside Arizona. "You can't blame yourself. How could you have known?"

"Years of social conditioning." Arizona noticed her words were slightly slurred. Either the exhaustion or the painkiller was finally catching up to her. Maybe both. "I knew what could happen to a woman walking alone in a dark parking lot. And yet I didn't think it would happen to _me_."

"I would give anything to take back what happened. _Anything_." Callie lay on her side facing Arizona, gazing at her without a trace of judgment. She was so strong. When had Callie gotten so strong? "But I can't. You can't either. It wasn't your fault."

Arizona would say the same thing to any rape victim. She'd say it and believe it. Unfortunately it wasn't so easy to let herself off the hook. She had made a mistake and she was paying the price. Nothing would change that. Detective Mendoza had given her the name and number of a sexual assault counselor, and fleetingly, Arizona wondered whether she would ever call. Seeking professional support was another thing she would recommend to someone in her position. Especially someone who had fallen prey to self-blame. That didn't mean Arizona could fathom seeking help for herself.

Needing to feel the familiar safety of being spooned within Callie's strong embrace, Arizona turned on her side facing away from Callie. Then she tugged Callie's arm around her middle and closed her eyes, focusing on the soft press of Callie's warmth against her back. Usually this relaxed her, no matter how bad her day had been. But instead of comfort, Arizona felt a jolt of panic. All of a sudden it wasn't Callie holding her tenderly around the middle. It was the man in the parking lot. He was behind her. He was going to hurt her again.

The arm let her go, and Arizona sobbed quietly in relief. "Arizona?" The tender concern in Callie's voice made her sob harder. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

Arizona shook her head but didn't otherwise move. She didn't want to look Callie in the eyes. "No."

"How about we try the other way?" Callie's voice held a subtle note of desperation, as though she would do anything to make Arizona happy but didn't know how.

Arizona didn't know either. "Okay," she whispered after a moment. "Other way." She waited until Callie turned on her other side before carefully shifting to face Callie's back. Easing her arm around Callie's stomach, she was relieved to find that the physical contact was comfortable. Familiar.

Totally non-threatening.

But instead of feeling relief, Arizona's stomach twisted into a tight knot. He had taken this away, too. Stolen her very favorite place in the world.

"Everything will be okay, sweetheart," Callie murmured. "I promise. I know it doesn't feel like it tonight, but it will."

Missing the tickle of Callie's breath in her ear, Arizona buried her face in the smooth skin between Callie's shoulder blades. The contact was moderately painful against her facial abrasions, but Arizona didn't care. She needed the connection and would take it any way she could get it.

"Everyone at the hospital will know," Arizona said once she had calmed down. "Won't they?"

"Some people will." Callie gently covered the hand Arizona had pressed against her stomach with her own. ""But I'm sure they'll respect your privacy."

"I'm so embarrassed," Arizona whispered. She squeezed her eyes shut, tightening her arm around Callie. "I don't want people to talk about me. Don't want to see people _looking_ at me, like Owen looked at me tonight."

"He was concerned."

"I know. I didn't like it."

Callie gripped her hand. "I've got your back, sweetheart. I promise. Anyone messes with you, they'll have to deal with me."

Arizona managed a small smile at that. "The enforcer."

"Damn right." Callie glanced over her shoulder, and Arizona drew back slightly so she could meet her gaze. "Maybe you should take some time off. Regroup. Then when you're ready, you go back."

Shaking her head, Arizona said, "I have patients who depend on me. I can't just disappear."

"Sometimes you've got to take care of yourself."

The thought of spending her days on the couch wallowing in misery was too horrific to imagine. As much as she didn't want to face her co-workers, Arizona craved the possibility of losing herself in her work. If helping kids couldn't make her feel better, nothing would. "Surgery will give me something else to think about. I need that right now."

Callie settled back down on her pillow. "I understand."

They fell into silence then, though Arizona knew Callie was still awake. Despite her own exhaustion, sleep felt elusive, like a myth. And Arizona was almost afraid to surrender to it. Who knew what her dreams would bring? She said the first thing that came to mind. "First time I've ever been punched in the face. Hurts."

Callie stiffened. "I bet."

"First time…" Arizona swallowed hard. "First time with a man."

Now she could feel anger and devastation rolling off Callie in waves. "I know," Callie whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"I hate him," Arizona said softly. And it was true. She had never felt such intense loathing in her entire life. The strength of her hatred was shocking, but also comforting. It made her feel better. So she clung to it. "I want him to die."

"I know."

"I don't want to feel that way." Arizona rested her cheek on Callie's back, listening for the faint echo of her heartbeat. "I'm not supposed to feel that way."

"How are you supposed to feel?"

Arizona hesitated. "Different." Shrugging, she said, "Like myself."

"You're still you. And I don't blame you for hating him. I hate him, too." Callie entangled their fingers, stroking Arizona's wrist with her thumb. "You should try to get some rest, darling."

"I know," Arizona whispered. "But I'm scared."

"I'm right here with you." Callie reached back and very carefully touched Arizona's hip. "So are the unicorns and the rainbows. You'll be okay."

Nodding, Arizona closed her eyes and allowed exhaustion to take over. _You'll be okay._

She wished she believed that.

_To be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

When Callie returned to her apartment to pack some things for an extended stay at Arizona's, it was like walking into another world. For the past two days her whole universe had been Arizona: her pain, her fear, the guilt and sorrow she was trying so hard to conceal. Now, standing in the doorway of her living room, Callie watched Cristina Yang move sensuously against Owen's body as they engaged in heavy petting on the couch. Proof that the world continued to turn.

Seeing something so normal and carefree shocked Callie into stillness. She stared dumbly, not able to find the appropriate good humor with which to interrupt them. To her relief, Owen turned his head, spotted Callie, and immediately grabbed Cristina's hand before it could complete its journey between his legs.

"Cristina." Owen was out of breath.

Cristina followed Owen's gaze then jumped back like a teenager who had just been caught by her mother. "Oh! Callie. Hey."

Callie gave her a sheepish wave. "Hey."

"I didn't hear you come in." Cristina straightened her clothing as Owen grabbed a pillow to put over his lap. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." Callie stepped into the room, planning to rush straight past them to her bedroom. "I just came to grab a few things. I'll be out of your hair in a minute."

"Whoa." Cristina held up a hand as Callie walked by. "Hold on a minute. Wait."

"How's Arizona?" Owen said.

Callie stopped in front of the couch. She turned to face Owen and Cristina, steeling herself for the conversation. They deserved an update, even if Arizona wasn't happy with the idea of being talked about. Even if Callie weren't sure she would be able to hold it together if she had to say it all out loud. "She's…okay. Doing okay. You know, as well as could be expected."

Owen nodded. "Have you heard anything from the police yet?"

"Just that they won't have the results of the DNA test for two to three weeks. And they have no idea who did it. Other than Cristina and Meredith, there were no witnesses. Arizona wasn't able to get a good look at him, either. So there's not a lot to go on."

"I wish I could have been more help." Cristina frowned. "It was just too dark. By the time we realized something was going on, he was already running away."

Callie forced herself to remain calm. Not to let her mind fill in the details of that night, as it had been doing relentlessly since Arizona told her story to Detective Mendoza. It was hard to think about the man who hurt Arizona. To picture what he did to her. Did he have any idea of the devastation he caused? Was there any part of him that cared?

Probably not. Callie's hands curled into fists as she battled the anger that rose in her chest. That someone could treat the most important thing in her life like garbage was incomprehensible. That Callie could do nothing to take away Arizona's pain—it was beyond maddening.

"Let's just cross our fingers they find a match for the DNA," Owen said. "So they can lock the guy up."

"And throw away the key," Cristina muttered.

"Yeah, let's hope," Callie said. She didn't know what she would do if they caught him. Could she sit quietly in a courtroom with the man who punched Arizona in the face then held her down and raped her? It was hard to imagine not trying to cause him some well-deserved pain. Prison was too good for him. Callie preferred the idea of a slow death. Even that was more than he deserved. "Well, I'll let you know what we hear."

Cristina stared at Callie with genuine concern that seemed almost foreign on her normally impassive face. "So how is she, physically? Those bruises must look pretty nasty by now. I know she has to be in some pain."

"The pain is actually a little better today. She's doing better." Callie shrugged. "Or at least she's putting on a brave face. But the bruises…you're right. Not good."

Not good didn't begin to describe it. It was hard to look at Arizona's face. She was bruised and swollen, almost unrecognizable from the beating she had taken. Worst were her eyes. They were empty, impossibly sad. Knowing that a man had used his hands to do that to her, used his body, made Callie want to tear the world apart. Made her want to scream and cry and break down entirely.

But she couldn't. She was Arizona's rock in this thing. If she allowed herself to fall apart, who would be there to pick up Arizona's pieces? There was nothing to do except be strong.

"I'd give anything for ten minutes alone with the guy." Owen's voice was rough, and Callie blinked, seeing a darkness behind his gaze that sent shivers down her spine. It wasn't hard to imagine what Owen might accomplish in those ten minutes. She appreciated the thought.

"Me too," Callie said. "Trust me." She glanced down the hallway at her bedroom door, gesturing awkwardly. "So anyway, I'll be staying at Arizona's place for a while, I think. She wants to be there right now and, well, I want to be with her, so…" Callie cleared her throat. "Anyway, you two get back to what you were doing. In your bedroom, preferably. At least until I leave."

Owen grimaced. "Sorry again."

"Don't be." Callie walked to her bedroom door. "Sex is a good thing. A healthy thing. So I'll leave you to it." Knowing she sounded like an idiot, she winced and shook her head. "I'll see you guys later."

Callie dashed into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She was grateful for the escape. As nice as it was to see her friends, talking about Arizona was difficult. It was all still so raw, so fresh. And though Owen and Cristina asked out of concern, knowing that Arizona didn't want people discussing her made it that much harder for Callie to do. Callie didn't want to say or do anything to hurt Arizona, not when she was already in so much pain.

Packing her largest suitcase with clothing and other essentials, Callie was ready to go in less than fifteen minutes. Which was about ten minutes longer than she had wanted to take. Being away from Arizona was torture. Despite Arizona's insistence that she collect her things, Callie hated leaving her alone. Now that the initial shock of the attack was fading, Arizona was in turmoil. Over the past thirty-six hours she had vacillated between deep silence and tumultuous fear, anger, and sadness, often within a five-minute span. It was obvious she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened, and worse than that, blaming herself for it.

That's what really broke Callie's heart. Nothing she said seemed to ease Arizona's self-recrimination, her grim acceptance that she had somehow deserved what happened because she had walked to her car alone. There were no magic words Callie could say, nothing she could do to convince Arizona to forgive herself. The only way Callie knew to help was to stay close. Be there. And so that's what she was determined to do.

When Callie stepped back into the living room, Owen and Cristina were gone. Cristina's bedroom door was closed, and though Callie couldn't hear any noise, she imagined that they were doing exactly what she had told them to do. It was kind of comforting, in a way. Normal. Hopeful.

Leaving as quietly as she could, Callie locked the apartment door behind her. Then she turned and gazed longingly at Mark's door. She should really get back. Go be with Arizona. Knocking on Mark's door would be selfish. No matter how badly she wanted to see her best friend.

Guilt crept into Callie's belly at the mere thought of taking time for herself away from Arizona. Sure, seeing Mark would probably make her feel better. But her feelings should come second to Arizona's, at least right now. Although Callie knew the right thing to do, it still wasn't enough to make her turn around and leave.

Even knowing Arizona was waiting for her to return, Callie craved Mark's shoulder. She would only need a few minutes. Enough time for him to crack a joke, give her a hug…do whatever it was he did that always seemed to make her feel better. Since Friday night she had done nothing but suppress her own emotions, knowing that if she allowed them free reign, she wouldn't be able to give Arizona the steady support she required. Callie sensed that Mark could provide a temporary reprieve from the strength that was exhausting her. Maybe even give her a place where she could just _feel_for a moment without worrying about the consequences.

Shoving back her guilt, Callie rolled her suitcase to Mark's door and knocked. She would be lucky if he was even there. Luckier if he were alone. Just when she was deciding it had been a bad idea to even try, his lock disengaged.

Mark answered the door shirtless. Naturally. "Callie."

"Hey." Callie's voice broke from the sheer pleasure of seeing him. She cleared her throat, willing herself not to dissolve into tears. "Hey," she said again, steadier this time. "You always walk around shirtless or did I just get lucky?"

"Well, you never know when a beautiful woman will knock on your door." Mark stepped forward and gathered Callie into a tight hug. "I'm glad to see you. How's Arizona?"

"Whoa." Callie disentangled herself from Mark's embrace, patting his bare chest. "How about you put on a shirt first, then we'll catch up?"

Mark ambled over to his couch, grabbing a shirt that was thrown over the back. He tugged it over his head and held up his hands. "Better?"

"Much." Callie rolled her suitcase into his apartment and leaned it against the wall. Then she sat on his couch and sighed. "Sorry to just drop in. I went by my place to get some things, thought I'd say hi."

"Of course." Mark came to join her on the couch. "I'm glad you're here." He tilted his head, studying her eyes. "How're you holding up, Torres?"

Callie opened her mouth to answer, but stopped, horrified when her eyes welled up and threatened to spill over.

"That bad, huh?"

Callie shook her head. Feeling was one thing, falling apart was another. There wasn't time for that now. She took a deep breath then exhaled. "I'm okay."

"Don't give me that." Mark's voice was kind but insistent. "You know you can be honest with me. Isn't that why you're here?"

Callie snorted, giving Mark a sidelong glance. He knew her well enough that there was little point pretending with him. "Arizona is hurting, Mark. She's hurting and sad and blaming herself, and there's nothing I can do. I try to get food in her. Bring her painkillers. Hold her hand. I talk to her, but there's so much she's not saying to me. I've never felt so helpless in my entire life. I hate it."

Mark touched Callie's knee. "I have a feeling you're selling yourself short. You're an incredible person, Callie, and you love Arizona more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm sure you're helping. Just by being there."

"You should see her," Callie murmured. She pressed her fists to her stinging eyes, forcing back her emotion. It was scary to be so close to the edge. If she fell over, would she ever find her way back? "She doesn't look like herself. Doesn't act like herself. That light in her eyes? It's gone. He took it."

"It'll be back."

Callie's throat ached from the effort of holding back her tears. "I hope so."

"She's strong, Callie. She'll get through this. With you." Mark's hand landed on her back, and he pulled her to his chest. "Go on, let it out."

Callie shook her head even as she settled against him. "I need to get back."

"First take care of you," Mark said. He stroked down her spine tenderly. "Then you can take care of her."

Exhaling shakily, Callie whispered, "I don't know how. She has nightmares. I can't hold her in bed without frightening her. She's barely eaten anything since Friday, and I can't…I can't make it better."

Mark tightened his arms around Callie but said nothing. She listened to his heartbeat beneath her ear, grateful for its steady rhythm. His solid presence made it hard to remember why she needed to be so strong.

"I can't believe this happened to her." Callie realized tears were pouring from her eyes only when she felt the dampness of Mark's shirt against her face. "To us."

"I know," Mark murmured into her hair. "It's not fair. Arizona is the sweetest person in the world. She doesn't deserve this. Neither do you."

Callie's rage and grief finally spilled over and she sobbed into Mark's chest, too exhausted to hold it in anymore. These were the tears she had wanted to release from the first moment Owen told her what had happened. The ones she hadn't allowed herself. Mark just held her silently, keeping her safe as the anger and sorrow poured out in waves.

When she finally stopped crying, minutes later, Mark tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Feel better?"

Callie sat and wiped the back of her hand across her face, laughing at the large wet spot over Mark's chest. "Sorry I had you put on a shirt just so I could get it wet."

Mark gave her a devilish smile, a familiar twinkle in his eyes. "Wouldn't be the first—"

"Don't," Callie said, but didn't even try to suppress her grin. Amazing how he always managed to lighten her mood. "I do feel better, actually."

"Good."

Despite her mild embarrassment at breaking down, Callie realized she felt about ten pounds lighter. More importantly, she was ready to be strong for Arizona again. Callie clapped her hands on her thighs and exhaled. "Wow. Yeah, that's much better, to tell you the truth." She grabbed Mark's hand and squeezed. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you'd have one less devastatingly handsome man in your life." Mark grinned then sobered quickly. "You gonna be okay, Callie?"

"Yeah." Callie exhaled. "Yeah, I've got to be. For Arizona."

"I suppose you should get back."

"Definitely." Callie checked her watch. She had been with Mark just over ten minutes. "I don't like leaving her alone."

"I understand." Mark stood and offered her his hand. He pulled her to her feet, slapping her on the back. "Go take care of her. Make sure she eats something."

Easier said than done. But the words gave Callie an unexpected flash of inspiration, and she grinned at Mark. "I will."

"Call me, okay? If you need to talk?" Mark walked her to the door, but caught her hand before she could open it. "_When_you need to talk. You feel like venting, I'm your guy. I'll even let you hit me if you need to. You know, if that helps."

Callie raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Well, not _hard_."

Laughing, Callie leaned in and kissed Mark on the cheek. "Thanks, Mark."

"Whatever," Mark grumbled. Clearly biting back a smile, he rolled Callie's suitcase to the door then opened it for her. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yes, you will."

#

Callie got back to Arizona's apartment an hour and a half after she left. She had taken longer than she intended, but hopefully the brown paper bag in her hands would earn her forgiveness. If what was inside didn't make Arizona happy, Callie didn't know what would.

Arizona still sat on the couch where Callie had left her, half-watching something on television. Even from the doorway, Callie could see Arizona's mind working. She hated to imagine what her partner was thinking. Didn't want to imagine, but couldn't help that her mind supplied a laundry list of possibilities. From the slight frown on Arizona's battered face, Callie knew it was something heavy.

Hoping to rescue Arizona from whatever torment she was putting herself through, Callie said, "Hey, sweetheart."

Arizona startled slightly. "Oh." She lit up. "Calliope."

It was brief, lasting only an instant, but Callie's heart soared at the genuine joy in Arizona's eyes. "Sorry I took so long. But I brought you a present."

Arizona shook her head, checking her wrist for the watch that Callie knew was still on her nightstand. She hadn't gotten dressed or gone out since Friday night. "No, you're fine. That didn't take long at all." Blinking as though coming back to herself after a long mental journey, Arizona muted the television with a click of the remote. "Everything go okay?"

"Yeah." Callie shrugged off her jacket then went to sit on the couch beside Arizona. She set the paper bag on the coffee table. "Spoke to Owen and Cristina for a couple minutes. Cristina wanted to know how you were, I told her the pain was better today."

"It is."

Callie decided to gloss over the rest of their conversation. She didn't want to bring up the topic of the police or Arizona's attacker. Not when she was about to introduce the idea of dinner. Talking about the rape would surely kill whatever appetite Arizona might have. "Then I stopped to see Mark for ten minutes." Callie checked Arizona's reaction. "I hated being away from you longer, but it was good to see him."

Arizona nodded, searching Callie's eyes before lifting a hand to trace the line of Callie's jaw. "I'm glad you did that. Did it help?"

Too embarrassed to admit exactly how badly she had needed to cry things out, Callie shrugged. "It was good. We didn't talk much."

Arizona dropped her hand and her gaze, picking at the knee of her pajama bottoms. "I know I said I don't want people talking about me," she said, "and I don't, but…" She shrugged one shoulder. "You can talk, Calliope. You have to talk, and I trust you to know what's okay to say. And who it's okay to say it to."

"I know Mark isn't exactly your favorite person." Callie rested her head on the back of the couch. Carefully, she lifted her hand and fingered a lock of Arizona's blonde hair. "I'm sorry about that."

Arizona shook her head. "He's your best friend. I don't love that he's slept with you, and he can be….well, Mark, but…" Another shrug. "I know how brave you're trying to be for me. Do you have any idea how much I appreciate that?"

"A lot?" Callie took a chance that she could coax out Arizona's playful side, and batted her eyelashes daintily. "Bunches?"

"Precisely. Bunches." Arizona scooted closer, curling up against Callie's chest. Callie enveloped her in a gentle hug, happy to have her so close. "Am I pathetic if I admit how glad I am that you're back?"

"Not as far as I'm concerned." Kissing Arizona's hair, Callie glanced at the television and smiled. "The Golden Girls, huh?"

"It's chicken noodle soup."

Callie's heart was so full of love she felt like it might burst. "I know. Was it working?"

Arizona inhaled, then hesitated. She turned her face and kissed the slope of Callie's breast through her T-shirt. Knowing the contact was innocent, merely Arizona seeking a connection, Callie simply tightened her embrace.

"I'm having a hard time not thinking," Arizona finally said. "About STDs, HIV, pregnancy. How it still hurts to pee."

Callie closed her eyes. It was a very good thing she had let all her tears out at Mark's. This would have broken her for sure. "The emergency contraceptive makes pregnancy a non-issue. You're on antibiotics, your initial blood work all looked clean. We'll cross the HIV bridge when we get to it in six weeks, but you and I both know that the chance of infection is minimal." Opening her eyes, Callie pulled back and gave Arizona a reassuring smile. "You're okay. We'll get through anything that comes up together. But you're okay."

Arizona returned her smile halfheartedly. She pointed at the brown paper bag. "What have you got going on in there?"

"Oh." Callie watched Arizona's face. "Dinner. You hungry?"

Swallowing, Arizona nodded soberly. "I'll eat something."

Callie released Arizona and sat forward, grabbing the bag. She pulled out a plastic container and set it on the coffee table. Then she sat back and studied Arizona's reaction.

Arizona's mouth twitched. "Is that what I think it is?"

"If you think it's your favorite roasted red pepper hummus, then yes." Callie revealed the bag of whole-wheat pita bread that completed Arizona's most-loved snack. "Interested?"

Instead of seeing the smile she had wanted to elicit, Callie watched in horror as Arizona's eyes filled with tears. "I love you, Calliope."

"This was supposed to make you happy," Callie said, cradling Arizona's bruised face in her hands. "Not cause tears."

"They're happy tears," Arizona said, though the intensely emotional look on her face hardly suggested joy. "I'm just so lucky to have you."

"It's only hummus."

"No, it's not." Arizona picked up the plastic container, finally managing a smile. "It's everything."

Sensing that this was her chance to get some food into Arizona, Callie opened the bag of pitas and fished one out. "Want me to heat this up for you?"

Arizona shook her head, taking the bread from Callie. "It's fine like that."

Callie watched silently as Arizona cracked open the container of hummus and scooped a little on to a bite of pita bread. She popped it into her mouth and chewed slowly, then closed her eyes with a contented smile. Even black and blue, her face was the picture of satisfaction.

"Oh, that's good." Arizona swallowed and quickly tore off another piece of pita, dipping into the hummus with enthusiasm. "This is _perfect_."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Arizona took a break from chewing to gesture at the hummus. "Have some."

"In a minute," Callie said. Right now she simply wanted to see Arizona enjoying something. It had only been two days since she last saw Arizona so happy, but it may as well have been forever. Callie's heart swelled. "I'm glad this was a good choice."

"You know me well." Arizona grinned then winced. She raised her hand to the cut on her lower lip. "It'll be nice when it stops hurting to smile."

"It will." Callie eased into a grin despite the pang in her chest at the sight of Arizona's pain. She wanted to keep the mood up if possible. "You have a beautiful smile."

Bowing her head, Arizona blushed and self-consciously touched her face. "Not at the moment."

"You could never _not_ be stunning, Arizona." Callie tore off a piece of pita bread and took a healthy bite of hummus, hoping to encourage Arizona to keep eating. "Even covered in bruises, you're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen."

"You're just trying to make me happy again."

"Is it working?" Callie poked Arizona with her toe. "A little?"

"Yes." Arizona glanced at the remaining bread in her hand, then slowly took another bite. "I didn't realize how hungry I was until I started eating this."

Relieved, Callie allowed them to fall into comfortable silence as they ate. She waited until Arizona had eaten her fill before she spoke again. "You up for some more Golden Girls?" Callie glanced at the television, marveling at how the show always seemed to be on. "'Cause I know I am."

"Derek Shepherd called while you were out," Arizona said quietly. She wiped her hands then sat back against the couch cushions, meeting Callie's gaze. "Checking in. Encouraging me to take some time off if I need to."

"What did you tell him?" Callie knew Arizona wanted to get back to work, but personally she thought it was too soon. For as badly as Arizona wanted to maintain her privacy, right now her appearance would only fuel the rumor mill. There wasn't enough makeup in the world to cover the cuts and bruises on her face. And pain was still evident in every step she took. They may not know how, but everyone would see she was hurt. "Maybe taking a week or two wouldn't be a bad idea."

Arizona gave her a look that left no doubt about her desire to push herself back into a normal routine. "I told him I'd be in on Wednesday morning."

That was two days longer than Callie had thought Arizona would stay away. It still wasn't enough time, in Callie's opinion, but she was pleased to hear that Arizona didn't plan on going back tomorrow. "Oh. Good! I'll give Derek a call and tell him I'll be off until Wednesday, too."

Arizona shook her head. "You don't have to do that. Really."

Callie's initial reaction was to feel hurt. Didn't Arizona want her around? "What?"

"I can be by myself. There's no need for you to stay with me."

"Do you not want me here?" Callie braced herself for Arizona's answer. Since that moment in the exam room when Arizona hadn't been sure she wanted Callie to stay for the police interview, Callie had been half-expecting Arizona to push her away. So far Arizona had leaned on her without fail. But that didn't mean it couldn't still happen. "If you don't, that's totally fine. I can go to work. But I just thought…"

Arizona's blue eyes had widened, and Callie knew that Arizona had seen more in her words than Callie had intended to reveal. "I want you with me, Calliope. I just hate for you to take time off on my account."

Frowning, Callie tried to make sense of that. "Why? You're the best reason to take time off under any circumstances."

"Well, this isn't exactly a weekend trip to Napa, so—"

"Hey." Callie captured Arizona's hand, lifting it to her lips to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. "This is actually one of those for better or worse deals for me. Us, I mean. I'm not just here for weekends in Napa. I want every day with you. No matter what those days bring."

Arizona blinked, sending a single tear falling from each eye. "Damn it," she whispered as she swiped at her face with the back of her arm. "I'm sorry."

Callie shook her head. These were definitely happy tears. It was obvious from the light she glimpsed in Arizona's gaze. "If you didn't already know it, I'm telling you right now. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. And I would do _anything_ for you."

"I do know that. I'm just…still getting used to it," Arizona murmured. "I'm pretty sure I've never been with a woman who would have stayed with me through something like this before."

"Your ex-girlfriends were stupid. I know something worth keeping when I see it."

Arizona laughed. Leaning in, she planted a tiny kiss on Callie's cheek. "So do I."

Callie inhaled, surrounded by Arizona's scent and loving it. She burned to wrap her arms around Arizona but hesitated, not wanting to startle her. "May I hold you?"

"You'd better."

Callie snaked her arms around Arizona's middle, holding her tenderly. She pressed her lips to Arizona's hair and closed her eyes. "This is nice."

Arizona burrowed into Callie's embrace. "Yeah, it is." Her finger traced the letters on the front of Callie's T-shirt. "You're so careful with me."

It was hard to read Arizona's tone. Callie thought for a moment, then asked, "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it's sweet. Nice." Arizona's hand stroked over the side of Callie's breast, and Callie inhaled quietly, not wanting Arizona to know how it affected her. "I hope it doesn't last long, though."

Callie settled back against the cushions, pulling Arizona with her. "It lasts as long as it lasts. We go at your pace."

Laying her palm flat against Callie's chest, Arizona said, "I don't want to be fragile."

"I know."

"I'm _not_ fragile."

"I know." Callie kissed the top of Arizona's head. "You shouldn't be worrying about this right now. It's been two days. You haven't even healed yet."

"I just want to get back to normal," Arizona mumbled. She pulled her knees up, drawing in on herself. "I'm tired of feeling like this."

"I understand. But be patient with yourself, all right?" Callie laced her fingers with Arizona's, keeping their hands over Callie's heart. "Something happened to you. Something scary and painful and traumatic. It's okay to need time to recover. It's okay to be fragile for a while."

Arizona didn't say anything, just stared at their joined hands and breathed steadily. Callie could feel her mind working. She wished she could turn it off for just one night, to give Arizona a break from her thoughts.

In all the time they had been together, Callie had never seen Arizona turned so inward. She knew there were things Arizona was keeping from her, memories or worries Arizona considered too private to share. Callie also knew it was a privilege to be let in at all. So she didn't want to push.

More than anything, Callie wished that Arizona would trust her with all her demons. With whatever it was she didn't want to say out loud. Worse than the bruises, even worse than the emptiness in Arizona's eyes, was the knowledge that Arizona was choosing to suffer alone. That there were parts of this she couldn't share with Callie. Things she thought were too terrible for Callie to know, so instead she shouldered the burden of those secrets on her own.

Not wanting to risk destroying Arizona's mood, Callie said nothing. It had only been two days, and she didn't want to force Arizona to talk. That wasn't how she would earn Arizona's trust.

Callie stroked Arizona's arm with her free hand, enjoying the closeness of their bodies. This was as intimate as they had been since the attack. Callie practically held her breath in an effort to stay still, afraid to move lest she trigger panic or discomfort. She didn't want the moment to end.

After a couple minutes, Arizona's breathing slowed and deepened, signaling that she had dropped off to sleep. Callie wasn't surprised. Arizona's sleep the past two nights had been fitful at best, so now that her belly was full it made sense that she would finally succumb to her exhaustion. Another success. Dinner and sleep. Callie couldn't have asked for a better end to the day for Arizona.

Callie's eyes drooped as she was able to relax for the first time that day. Moving slowly so she wouldn't wake Arizona, she unmuted the television and turned it down low, ready for her own dose of chicken noodle soup.

_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Only two hours into her first day back at work, Arizona was afraid that maybe Callie had been right. Maybe she should have taken more time off. Maybe she had been too eager to pretend that everything was normal. Because the reality was that nothing felt normal anymore. Not doing rounds, not talking to her patients, and certainly not dealing with the questioning looks of the tiny human makers and her colleagues when they saw the injuries her makeup couldn't cover. Even though she wore her best perky smile, Arizona didn't think she was fooling anyone. Surely they could see how damaged she was, how shaken, how disconnected from herself.

Even her youngest patients noticed something was wrong. Four-year-old Gracie Williams had taken one look at her before asking where she got her owies, to the obvious horror of her parents. After gathering her wits, Arizona was able to chirp out a story about fighting a dragon—and winning—all while keeping a sunny smile firmly planted on her face. Inside she was dying, certain that Gracie's mother and father knew the truth, that they could see it written in every movement she made, every word she said.

Arizona hated showing weakness. She hated that she cried during conflict with authority figures, absolutely loathed that sometimes she couldn't stop her emotions from raging. That's why she always tried to stay as positive as possible in every situation. Acting like she was always happy actually meant that she usually _was_ happy—and even when she wasn't, nobody had to know unless she chose to tell them.

When it came down to it, Arizona didn't like showing her cracks. She was supposed to be strong, the person her father raised her to be. A good man in the storm.

So that meant Callie had most likely been correct. It probably was too soon to be back, because wearing a smile didn't help. Arizona wasn't happy, and acting like she was didn't seem to fool anyone. She could feel eyes on her everywhere she went. It felt like everyone knew what had happened, and they could see she was struggling, and this pain was just too personal for her to share.

But that didn't mean Arizona was going to accept defeat. She was bound and determined to make it through the day. Then get up tomorrow and do it again. Because what other choice did she have?

Work had to make this better. If helping dying kids couldn't take her mind off her own problems—which seemed to pale in comparison, really—then she didn't know what would. And as she had told Callie, she couldn't abandon her patients. They needed her, no matter what had happened in her personal life.

Exhausted after making rounds, Arizona decided that a break from human interaction was in order. She found an empty cot in an empty hallway and sat down. Pulling her smartphone out of her pocket, she tapped the icon to check her email. Five days of not logging in had no doubt left her with plenty of messages to catch up on.

As suspected, she had seventy-three unread emails since Friday night. Arizona began to scroll through them, tapping out brief replies where necessary, until she came to an urgent message sent on Saturday morning to all hospital personnel. From Chief Derek Shepherd. Subject: Security Alert. Arizona's throat went dry as she opened the email and read the message silently.

Phrases jumped out at her. _A hospital employee was sexually assaulted in the staff parking lot._ That was a doozy. And: _For the safety of all personnel, we are asking that nobody walk to their car alone after dark._ But the kicker, Arizona decided, was at the end: _Security officers will be on-hand to escort employees to their cars upon request._

Arizona closed the message with a shaking hand. Then she pocketed her phone and tried to stay calm.

She understood why Derek sent the email. He had to. For everyone's safety, to cover the hospital's ass. Even if it meant there couldn't possibly be _anyone_ in the building who didn't know that she was the one he was talking about. The one who had walked to her car alone. Arizona had disappeared for days, come back with bruises on her face. And people talked. A lot.

_Fuck_.

Arizona squeezed her eyes closed and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around them. Everyone knew what that man had done to her. They knew she was falling apart. Arizona's stomach turned over and she exhaled slowly. Trying not to lose the meager breakfast she had eaten.

She just wanted to be awesome again.

#

"_Demonios_." Callie skimmed Derek Shepherd's email, heart sinking. "_Mierda_."

"Bad news?" Meredith Grey said from behind Callie.

Callie logged out of her email account and turned away from the computer. Not knowing how to answer, she said, "Have you seen Arizona?"

Meredith's eyes softened. "Not for a couple hours, sorry. Last I saw her, she was with her Ebstein's Anomaly patient."

"Oh. Thanks." Callie sighed, trying to decide if she should go looking for her partner or not. She had a feeling that when Arizona saw the "Security Alert" email, she would be upset. It didn't matter that Derek had kept the details vague, that he hadn't named names. Arizona would know as well as Callie did that any hope that the news of her attack hadn't spread through the hospital like wildfire were pretty much dashed with that message.

Callie's first instinct was to warn Arizona about the email so it wouldn't take her by surprise. If she hadn't already read it. But she hesitated, not wanting Arizona to feel like she was handling her with kid gloves. Since the night Arizona had fallen asleep in her arms on the couch, Callie had sensed a subtle shift in her mood. There was even less willingness to show emotion, far more pretending that everything was okay. Callie knew that if she tried to be there for Arizona for every little thing, she risked being accused of hovering. Arizona was single-mindedly focused on bouncing back from her attack as though it was the type of thing she could just brush aside and forget, and Callie worried that if she expressed concern, it would be met by anger.

Looking at Meredith, Callie figured she had the perfect opportunity to gauge the climate at the hospital. Nobody was more deeply tapped in to the gossip at Seattle Grace Mercy West than Meredith Grey. "Are people talking? About her?"

Meredith blinked, then took Callie's arm and steered her to a quiet corner away from the nurse's station. "What?"

"They won't talk in front of me," Callie said. "They know not to talk in front of me. But you…well, you always seem to have your finger on the pulse of this place. Does everyone know? Are they talking?"

Biting her lip, Meredith hesitated a moment then said, "Pretty much. Yes."

"_Mierda_," Callie murmured again. "That's what she didn't want. She doesn't need that."

"I know." Meredith gave her a helpless shrug. "A few people saw us bring her in here after…after. Then once everyone found out that someone was attacked on Friday night—"

"Yeah, people aren't stupid." Callie's gaze darted over Meredith's shoulder, at a nurse who was trying not to be obvious about the fact that she was staring at Callie. "What?" Callie said loudly, pleased when the nurse quickly buried her face in a chart.

"They don't mean any harm." Meredith lowered her voice to a murmur. "It's just that everyone loves Arizona. They care about her. And of course people are scared. That it happened in the same parking lot that they've all walked through hundreds of times."

"I get it." Callie folded her arms over her chest, searching the constantly moving stream of people behind Meredith for any sign of Arizona. If she happened to bump into Arizona, it wouldn't be hovering. She really wanted to check on her, to know that she was okay. "I do understand."

"So how is she?" The quiet concern in Meredith's voice pulled Callie's focus back to their conversation.

"She's…" Callie trailed off. It was such a silly question, and she was honestly tired of answering it. "I don't know."

"I haven't been able to stop…thinking about her. Worrying." Meredith cast her gaze at the floor, then met Callie's eyes with a sheepish shrug. "Nothing compared to how you must be feeling, I'm sure."

"Thank you for being there for her that night," Callie said quietly. "I meant to tell you that earlier. It helped. It definitely helped."

"I just wish Cristina and I would've gotten there ten minutes sooner…"

Ten minutes. That's all the time it had taken for that man to turn their lives upside down. To hurt the woman she loved so terribly that Callie didn't know if she would ever be the same. Callie shook her head, cutting off the rest of Meredith's thought.

"We all have regrets. Things we wish we had done differently." Callie didn't just mean Arizona's deep self-blame for walking to her car alone. How many times over the past five days had Callie silently admonished herself for not escorting Arizona to her car? She could have done it. It wasn't like she had been tied up in surgery. She had been daydreaming at the nurse's station while Arizona was being held down on the ground and raped. But Callie knew that those kinds of thoughts would drive a person crazy, and all you could do was forgive yourself for not being able to see the future then move on. "What happened, happened. Now we just need to deal with it."

The pep talk was for herself as much as Meredith. Callie managed an uneasy smile when Meredith nodded in agreement. "You're right. Do you want me to tell Arizona you're looking for her, if I see her?"

Callie tried to decide her best move. She hesitated then said, "If you can find a way to mention where I am…and try to get her to check in…but without her knowing that I wanted you to get her to check in…"

Meredith smiled sympathetically. "You don't want her to think you're hovering."

"Do you think I'm hovering?"

"No." Meredith shook her head for emphasis. "No, I think you're worried. And you care. Does _she_ think you're hovering?"

"I don't think so." Callie thought back over the past few days. Arizona definitely liked having her around, and she had sought out physical comfort more than once. But at the same time, she sensed that Arizona didn't want to fully unload all that she was holding inside on Callie. Arizona wanted Callie to think she was strong. More than that, Arizona wanted to _be_ strong. So making Arizona feel weak was the worst thing Callie could imagine doing. "I want her to know that _I_know she's strong. But I also want to protect her."

"She's lucky to have you. And I'll drop hints if I see her." Meredith squeezed Callie's arm briefly, stepping backward. "I should get back to my patient. We're taking him to the OR in a couple hours."

Callie waved Meredith away. "Of course. Go." When Meredith turned to leave, Callie added, "And thanks."

Nodding, Meredith said, "Let me know if you need anything else."

"Sure thing." Sighing, Callie watched Meredith walk away. She had work to do, but it was hard to keep her mind on her patients when she knew Arizona was in the building somewhere, quite possibly upset. Or about to get upset, once she saw that email.

It took everything Callie had not to run through the halls of Seattle Grace Mercy West looking for Arizona. She needed to hold her, to hear her voice, to know that she was okay. The only thing that stopped her was the memory of cradling Arizona in her arms two nights ago, listening to Arizona's insistent declaration of strength. _I'm_not_fragile._ When Arizona decided something, she stuck to it, and she had decided that she could handle coming back to work today. Callie just had to trust that she knew what she was doing. Most of all, she had to trust that if Arizona needed her, she would let her know.

Easier said than done.

#

Arizona opened her locker with shaking hands. She reached into the back and grabbed the unopened pack of cigarettes she had bought a couple months ago during a particularly risky surgery on a seven-month-old infant. Luckily the baby had survived and she had never needed to indulge in her very worst habit. Cigarettes were Arizona's last resort during difficult times, and today was a very difficult time.

Slipping the pack and a lighter into her scrub pants, Arizona left the locker room and hurried to the isolated third-floor balcony where she knew nobody would interrupt her. She didn't want anyone knowing she smoked. Even if it was just one cigarette. And she really, really super needed it.

Arizona sighed in relief when she found the balcony empty. She stepped outside and slid the door closed behind her, then walked to the corner of the small outcropping where she wouldn't be seen from inside the building. Fingers trembling, she pulled out the pack of cigarettes and fumbled with the wrapping. It took her a minute or so, but she was finally able to unwrap and open the box.

Some hands. She was supposed to be a world-class surgeon.

With a sad chuckle, Arizona managed to produce a flame from her lighter on the first try. That made her feel marginally better, at least. She put the cigarette in her mouth and lit it behind a cupped hand, expecting to feel the rush of euphoric relief the first drag usually brought.

Instead she was slammed by a wave of memory, triggered by the smell of the cigarette between her lips. First the visceral sensation of being penetrated hard and fast, being torn open in the most painful way possible. Then a sick, suffocating flash of that man's hand pressed over her mouth, stinking of tobacco, muffling her screams.

Arizona let her cigarette fall from her mouth and bent at the waist, grabbing onto the railing in front of her as she struggled not to pass out. She closed her eyes for a moment but that made it worse. With her eyes closed she couldn't be sure she was safe, that it was the middle of the day, that she was on the east wing balcony. So Arizona opened her eyes and stared at the cigarette smoldering next to her foot, wondering how the hell she would ever go back inside and pretend to be okay now. Putting a hand on her stomach, she extinguished the cigarette with her shoe so she wouldn't have to smell it anymore.

At least the rape had taken care of her worst vice. She doubted Callie would be heartbroken about this particular side effect.

The sound of the balcony door opening jolted Arizona upright. Her heart raced at the sight of a man invading her sanctuary, then her stomach twisted when she realized it was Alex Karev. Perfect.

Karev noticed her right away. "Hey." He stopped and blinked at her. Instead of either smirking or scowling, the only two expressions he seemed to have at his disposal, he gave her a kind, sympathetic look. _That_ look. "You okay, Dr. Robbins?"

Arizona knew she was going to snap an instant before she did. Far too late to stop herself. "Go fuck yourself, Karev."

Karev was clearly floored by Arizona's language, not that she could blame him. It was completely and utterly unlike her to talk to anyone like that, especially someone whose only transgression was to show concern. But Arizona didn't want Alex Karev's concern. Or his pity. She didn't want him being nice to her. That wasn't who he was, and she couldn't stand for Karev of all people to change the way he treated her.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you," Karev said, holding up a hand and backing away. "I'll just leave you alone."

Arizona's eyes filled with tears. Horrified not only by her overreaction but also by the emotion she knew she would no longer be able to hide, Arizona rushed to the door. She was relieved when Karev backed away so she wouldn't have to brush past him to get back inside.

"Sorry," Arizona mumbled as she stepped back into the building. Not waiting for an answer, she rushed down the hallway before she started crying in front of him. She refused to let anyone see the tears she felt coming on. Without breaking her stride, Arizona kept her head down and hurried to the nearest on-call room.

She would give herself ten minutes to fall apart. Then she would gather herself and try again.

#

"You can have more painkillers in an hour." Callie raised an eyebrow as her frat-boy knee surgery patient opened his mouth to protest, shaking her head to cut him off. "Seriously, an hour. You're barely lucid now."

"_You're_ barely lucid," he parroted back to her with a drunken grin. "And _hot_."

Callie rolled her eyes. Yeah, he didn't need any more. "I'll be back to talk you through the procedure at three o'clock. Try to control your hormones until then."

"I got something for you to control," the frat boy mumbled, then giggled to himself. Callie shook her head and stepped out of his room, nearly running into Mark.

"Hey." Callie fell into step beside Mark, happy to leave the flirtation behind. Normally she would be amused at such a lack of inhibition. But today with all her stress, it was hard to muster a sense of humor. "How's it going?"

"Hey yourself," Mark said. He stopped them near the elevators, leaning against the wall to face Callie. "It's going all right. How about you?"

Callie shrugged. "Well, you know."

"Arizona's back at work today?"

"Yeah." From the look in Mark's eyes, Callie knew she wasn't doing a good job of hiding her displeasure with that fact. "I haven't seen her all morning. I want to go check on her, but without, you know…actually _checking_ on her."

"You think she'd be mad?"

"I'm not sure," Callie said. "Maybe not _mad_, but I do know she wants to prove something today. And if she thinks that I don't think she can do it…"

"Wouldn't you talk to her on a normal day?"

Callie stopped and thought about Mark's question, which seemed to lead her to exactly the conclusion she wanted. "Well, yeah."

"So would it really be so terrible if you talked to her today?"

"Of course not. I was hoping that I'd just run into her—"

Mark shook his head. "C'mon, Torres. She won't be mad if you go say hi. So go say hi. For both your sakes."

Relieved by Mark's logic, Callie nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I will." The more she thought about it, the better the idea sounded. "She'd probably be hurt if I ignored her all day anyway."

"Damn right she would," Mark said. "Stop overthinking. Go see your woman."

Even despite her stress and worry, Callie had to smile at Mark's words. _Her_ woman. When it came to Arizona, she definitely liked the sound of that. "Now I just need to figure out where she is without resorting to asking around…"

As if on cue, Alex Karev suddenly appeared beside them. He spoke quietly, so no one outside their small circle could hear. "Dude, your girlfriend totally freaked out on me."

Callie frowned, just stopping herself from snapping at Karev. Despite his choice of words, he seemed unusually kind, and most certainly concerned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing." Karev shrugged. "Asked if she was okay."

Taking in Karev's uncharacteristic sensitivity, Callie imagined how it must have gone. Alex Karev, being nice. Arizona, seeing that as proof positive that she was being treated differently. "Damn it, Karev."

"What?" Karev looked at Mark, presumably for backup. "I try to be nice and she tells me to go fuck myself."

Mark barked laughter, but stifled it at a sharp look from Callie. "She actually said that? Go fuck yourself?"

Karev shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah."

"Well, you probably had it coming," Mark said. "But from Arizona? Ouch."

"Where is she?" Callie waved her hand in front of Karev's face, drawing his attention back to her. "Where did she go?"

"I saw her go into the third-floor on-call room." Karev scowled at Callie, but she knew he was doing it to cover embarrassment. "Tell her I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to interrupt her. I had no idea she even smoked."

Callie wrinkled her nose briefly, then forced back her disgust at Arizona's coping strategy. If Arizona was smoking at eleven in the morning, she was definitely having a hard day. And Callie needed to find her. That instant.

"Thanks, Karev." Callie patted him on the shoulder. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Damn right I didn't," Karev muttered, but he looked relieved.

Callie practically jogged to the third-floor on-call room, hoping to catch Arizona while she was still in a private place. While she was obviously hurting. When Callie got there, the door was closed. She knocked swiftly, holding her breath as she waited for an answer.

"This room is occupied."

Arizona's voice. And she was crying. Heart breaking, Callie answered in a hushed tone. "It's me, sweetheart. Open up."

To Callie's relief, the lock disengaged and Arizona opened the door a crack. When she didn't say anything more, Callie pushed inside the room then closed and locked the door behind her.

Arizona stood with her back to Callie, head down. Dressed in blue scrubs with her blonde hair falling loose onto her shoulders, she looked just as she had so many other times they had stolen away to this on-call room for a quickie during a lull in their long shifts. Callie wanted to touch her but didn't, needing to see Arizona's face to get an idea of her current mood.

"This is hard," Arizona said quietly. Exhaling, she swiveled to face Callie, lifting her face to reveal red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked makeup badly in need of retouching. "I knew it wouldn't be easy but I didn't know it would be this _hard_."

Callie took a step closer but kept her hands to herself, waiting for Arizona to initiate contact. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Arizona shook her head, but said, "Did you see that email?"

"From Shepherd?" Callie asked, though she knew that was exactly the one. "Yeah. I was worried it would upset you."

"I understand why he sent it." Arizona put a hand on her stomach, then went to sit on the edge of the bed. "But everyone knows, Calliope. All day people have been looking at me, and then Alex Karev is _nice_ to me—"

"He said he's sorry about that."

Arizona jerked her head up, meeting Callie's eyes. "You talked to Karev?"

"I think you surprised him." Callie allowed a smile to tug at her lips. "Telling him to fuck himself."

Arizona's face reddened and she stared down at her shoes. "That was mean."

"He can take it," Callie said lightly. Alex Karev would recover. She didn't want Arizona beating herself up any more than she already was. "Mean is Karev's middle name, right?"

Arizona shook her head. "He surprised me, is all. Bad timing."

Callie stepped to the bed and sat next to Arizona, careful to give her space. But Arizona scooted closer and curled against Callie's side as soon as she settled down. Callie wrapped her arm around Arizona's middle, kissing the top of her head.

"After I read that email I decided to have a cigarette." Arizona held up a hand as if to forestall Callie's reaction. "I know, I know. But…I thought it might calm me down."

"Did it?"

Arizona shivered. Her entire body trembled, and Callie pulled her closer to try and keep her warm and secure. "His hand smelled like cigarettes. When he went inside me I screamed and he put his hand over my mouth so nobody would hear. And he…he smelled like cigarettes."

"Smoking reminded you of him." Callie shook her head, fighting back tears of anger and frustration. Not because cigarettes were a habit she wanted Arizona to keep, but because she knew it was her partner's refuge of last resort, and even that was tainted now.

"I guess it was a flashback," Arizona said. "Because it felt so _real_, almost like it was happening again. I thought I was going to pass out. And then Alex Karev came out onto the balcony and asked me if I was okay and I just…snapped."

Squeezing Arizona carefully, Callie stroked a hand up and down her side. "I'm sorry that happened. It must have been scary."

"Well, you don't have to worry about me smoking anymore." Arizona's voice was humorless. "So at least something good came of this mess."

Callie shushed Arizona, rocking her gently as the trembling started again. "I'd rather you smoke a pack a day than go through this. Believe me."

Arizona played with the neck of Callie's scrub top, curling her finger beneath the edge of the fabric. "Remember the last time we locked ourselves in this room together?"

Callie closed her eyes against a wave of bittersweet memory. Arizona spread out on the narrow bed beneath her, writhing under her tongue. Her firm legs thrown over Callie's shoulders, slim fingers tangled in Callie's hair, keeping her on task. "Of course I do," Callie said, tightening her arm around Arizona.

Arizona lifted her face and found Callie's mouth with her own. The kiss was soft, just a gentle press of Arizona's lips, but Callie's heart pounded as though Arizona had just thrown her down on the bed. It was the closest they had come to sexual contact since the attack. Arizona made no move to deepen the kiss, but she held it for a long time.

When Arizona finally drew back, Callie exhaled. "That was nice."

"Yes, it was." Arizona caressed Callie's cheek, giving her a genuine smile. "It felt normal."

"Yeah?" Callie knew what Arizona was trying to say. The kiss hadn't triggered anything unpleasant. Relief swept through Callie's body, leaving her grinning. "That's good."

Arizona traced her thumb over Callie's lower lip. "It's very good."

Sensing that Arizona's mood had improved, Callie took a chance and said, "Maybe you should take the rest of the week off. Start fresh on Monday."

Arizona shook her head. "It's not going to be any easier on Monday. And my patients—"

"I know," Callie said, having heard it more than once over the past few days. "They need you." When Arizona frowned, Callie forced a bright smile. "I mean, of course they do. Because you're _awesome_. And _super_. And all those other adjectives I never used before I met you."

Arizona gave her a weary smile. "Well, even if I'm not those things, I am their surgeon. And I need to be here."

"You are those things." Callie tucked a lock of Arizona's hair behind her ear, only realizing that it had gotten caught on her finger when she tugged it gently. Arizona flinched but said nothing. The mask that immediately dropped over her face was a clear message to Callie not to ask. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine." Arizona straightened and threw back her shoulders, dabbing at her eyes. "How do I look?"

"I can fix your makeup." Callie grabbed a tissue from the small table beside the bed and held it to Arizona's face. "If you want."

Nodding, Arizona leaned in and stared at the wall as Callie did her best to erase all evidence of her tears. "I wish everyone didn't know."

Callie winced, meeting Arizona's gaze. "I'm sorry."

Arizona shrugged. "It is what it is, I guess."

"Your patients don't know. Their parents don't."

"They know something is wrong. Even four-year-olds can see it." Arizona touched under her eye where the bruising was deep purple. "How could they not see it?"

"Hey." Callie stopped evening out Arizona's makeup, taking her by the chin to catch her gaze "You can't worry about what people think. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of. A man attacked you. He hurt you. _You_ didn't do anything wrong."

"I know." Arizona's reply was automatic, and Callie could see that she didn't believe what she was saying.

"No," Callie said forcefully. Taking Arizona by the shoulders as gently as she could, Callie stared deep into her eyes. "You didn't do _anything_ wrong. Understand me?"

Arizona nodded, chin trembling.

"Do you know how many times I've walked to my car alone?" Callie ducked her head, forcing Arizona to maintain eye contact even as she tried to look away. "I've never asked anyone from security to escort me. Not once. If it had been me out there on Friday night, if that man had raped me, would you think I deserved it? That I'd done something wrong?"

Arizona blanched and her face went pale. "No. Of course not. God, Calliope, I don't even want to think about that happening to you."

"Nobody thinks this was your fault." Callie refused to look away, watching Arizona react to her words. She knew she was being intense, but she needed to set Arizona straight on this once and for all. "We've all gone out to that parking lot alone at some point, _querida_. You're not the only one. You were just…" Callie swallowed. "The unlucky one."

Rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand, Arizona exhaled shakily. "You'll make me cry again."

"I don't want to do that." Callie brushed Arizona's hand away and finished touching up her makeup the best she could. "You might want to reapply, but I think I've gotten rid of most of the evidence."

"You're a life saver." And just like that, Arizona's perky façade dropped into place. "I should get back to work."

"Of course," Callie said. Recognizing Arizona's need to rebuild her defenses before venturing out among their co-workers, Callie stood and threw the tissue in the garbage can. Then she offered her hand to Arizona and pulled her to her feet. "Page me if you need me. I'll drop whatever I'm doing."

Arizona patted Callie's chest above her heart. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"See you for lunch?"

Relieved at the thought of being able to see Arizona again in just a couple hours, Callie nodded vigorously. "It's a date."

Arizona smiled, closing the distance between them and raising on her tiptoes to kiss Callie's cheek. "I'll be fine."

"I know you will," Callie said. She put on her very best, most confident smile, sending Arizona off with a casual wave. As soon as Arizona closed the on-call room door behind her, the smile slid from Callie's face and she sat down hard on the bed.

And started to shake.

_To be continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

Arizona hid at a corner table in the hospital cafeteria on Friday morning, worrying about the laparoscopic appendectomy she had to perform in just over an hour. It had been a long time since something as routine as an appendectomy caused her anxiety, so she sat with her gnawing unease quietly and tried to understand where all her self-confidence had gone.

She knew the procedure. Knew it cold. She was the self-proclaimed rock star of pediatric laparoscopic appendectomies, even. Today she would be teaching Dr. Jackson Avery as he assisted her, an opportunity she normally would have enjoyed. It should have been a good thing, exactly what she wanted—getting back to work in its purest sense.

But this would be her first surgery since the attack, and that made it anything but routine. It didn't seem possible that it had only been seven days since she last cut open a tiny human, but at the same time, it seemed a lifetime ago. Arizona barely remembered how it felt to be that in control. That sure of herself.

No doubt that was exactly why something as simple as an appendectomy was so daunting. Seven days ago her entire sense of self had been stolen. It wasn't just about being punched and violated. Nor was it simply the realization that she was as vulnerable to random, senseless violence as anyone. The worst part of what happened—what twisted her stomach into knots when she thought about picking up a scalpel—was that she had lost her certainty that she could handle anything, no matter how challenging. During her career she had performed surgeries that shouldn't have succeeded, had saved children other doctors would have declared beyond help. But when Arizona had most needed to rescue herself, she had been powerless.

And she was still powerless. Even now, the nightmares, the depression, the anxiety—she was falling apart and there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening. Pretending she was okay didn't make it true. The only thing that suppressing the fear and anger did was wear her out. When random smells and unexpected contact threatened to trigger panic at any moment, Arizona no longer believed in her ability to walk into any given situation and succeed.

Which was not something a surgeon should ever feel.

Arizona recognized that she couldn't control every factor in every surgery—if she could, she would never lose patients—but she knew that as a surgeon, beyond her skills the one thing she had control over was her attitude. She needed confidence, and had never lacked it before. To suddenly feel its loss was stark and terrifying.

Today she had to cut open a little boy and remove his infected appendix. Something she had done so many times before, but each surgery was different. Each one carried a degree of risk. Without the same ease and confidence she used to carry outside the operating room, she wondered how she would perform inside one.

Maybe Callie was right. Maybe she was pushing herself too hard.

"Arizona?"

Startled, Arizona brought a hand to her chest. Her heart raced beneath her palm and adrenaline flooded her body. Clearly the fight or flight instinct that had failed her in the parking lot was in high gear now. Looking up, she forced a smile at Teddy Altman, who stood next to the table with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Sorry." Teddy's eyes shone with regret. "I thought you saw me."

"Hey," Arizona said in her brightest voice. Chances were Teddy already knew what had happened, but she would be damned if she let her disquiet show. "Welcome back."

Besides Callie, Teddy was her best friend at the hospital. And she had been gone for the past week, attending a conference in San Francisco. Technically Teddy had returned yesterday, but Arizona had actively avoided socialization since coming back to work two days earlier, so she hadn't sought out Teddy even knowing she was in the building. She hadn't wanted to discover the same look in Teddy's eyes that she saw in everyone else's. She didn't think she could stand it.

But the look Teddy gave her was different. Empathetic instead of sympathetic. She pointed at the chair across from Arizona. "You look like you don't want to be bothered, but may I?"

Arizona nodded. Now it was obvious Teddy knew. It was written all over her face. But it didn't upset her on Teddy like it did on the others. And suddenly Arizona was happy to have her friend back in town.

Teddy pulled out the chair and sat. Then she opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, and gave Arizona a tight, awkward smile.

"I see you've had time to get caught up on the gossip." Arizona smiled back, but it was weak and she knew it. So she let it fade. "I'm doing okay."

Teddy shook her head and set her coffee cup on the table. "I'm so sorry, Arizona."

"Yeah." Arizona drew her fingernail across the rim of her own cup, breaking eye contact. "Me too."

Teddy's hand landed on the table next to hers. She paused, then curled her fingers around Arizona's wrist. Squeezing gently, Teddy murmured, "I promise it gets easier."

Arizona blinked hard, cursing under her breath when a tear slipped out of one eye. She hated the implication of Teddy's statement even more than she hated getting so emotional right before surgery. Dabbing at her face with a napkin, Arizona met Teddy's gaze. "I wish you didn't know that."

"Yes, well…it was a long time ago."

Arizona looked down at Teddy's hand on her wrist. "I can't talk about this right now, Teddy. I have surgery in forty-five minutes."

"I understand. I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk, I'm here for you. I do have some idea what you're going through, and…it sucks."

Teddy had terrible timing. The last thing Arizona needed was to start crying. "Really, I'm fine. I'm doing better. The bruises are healing, the pain is pretty much gone. I'm okay."

"I can see you're not okay, Arizona." Teddy's hand moved up to take hers. "Which is totally normal. And you'll need to talk about it at some point."

"Not now." Arizona gave Teddy a pleading look. If she didn't drop this, Arizona would dissolve. Right there on the spot. And what good would she be to her patient then? "Please?"

"Of course." Teddy's smile was kind. "Sorry, I never meant to upset you. This is just me trying to live up to my end of this whole friendship thing."

"I appreciate that." Arizona sniffed, willing the perky back into her voice. "Truly."

"Hey, guys."

Arizona sat up at the sound of Callie's voice, pulling her hand away from Teddy's and wiping her eyes quickly. She didn't want Callie to see how upset she was. Right now she desperately needed to convey strength, not only for herself but also for her patient and his parents. People were counting on her to be the capable, kickass surgeon she was, and that meant she couldn't let anything undo her. If Callie knew she was off balance, it would be all over. Hiding her feelings from Callie was nearly impossible.

"Hey, Calliope," Arizona chirped. She could see that Callie was concerned about what she had interrupted, maybe even a little hesitant, but Arizona was happy for the shift in focus. Wanting to prove to Teddy just how okay she was, Arizona grabbed the front of Callie's scrub shirt and pulled her down for a long, lingering kiss. Callie planted a hand on the table, presumably to keep her balance. When Arizona drew back from the kiss, she made sure to show Callie her dimples. "I missed you."

Callie's gaze darted to Teddy's face then back at Arizona. "I missed you, too. Everything okay?"

Insisting that she was all right was starting to get old. "Absolutely. I've got an appy in about forty minutes, so I'm getting ready to head to that."

Callie slid into the chair beside Arizona. She glanced at Teddy again, relaxing at whatever she saw in Teddy's expression. Then she smiled at Arizona. "Feel good about it?"

Arizona stiffened, angry that Callie would even ask. It was a simple procedure, beyond simple, and Callie had never questioned her readiness before. The idea that Callie may have picked up on her very real unease only upset Arizona more. "Honestly, Calliope. It's an appy. I do them in my sleep."

Callie blinked. "Of course. I'm sorry."

Teddy cleared her throat and pushed back her chair. "Well, I've got a lot of catching up to do, so…"

"No problem." Arizona smiled up at her. "It was nice talking to you."

"I hope we can do it again soon." Teddy gave her a meaningful nod. "When you're not on your way to the OR."

Arizona tipped her head and watched Teddy walk away. Then she turned back to Callie, suppressing a wince at the hurt etched across Callie's face.

"I wasn't implying that you can't handle an appy," Callie said quietly. "It's just that this is your first surgery since everything happened, and I thought you might have some feelings about that."

Callie's uncertainty tore at Arizona's heart. She was trying so hard to be careful with her, to do the right thing at every moment. And she had been doing an incredible job of it, overall. But Callie didn't seem entirely comfortable letting Arizona pretend that everything was normal. Right now, more than any other time since the attack, Arizona needed to pretend. She needed to be the surgeon she had spent her career becoming, not the woman who had been raped.

"I'm fine. Really." Hating that she caused the sadness in Callie's eyes, Arizona reached across the table and held Callie's hand. "I'm sorry. Talking to Teddy kind of threw me off. I didn't want to have the conversation we were having right before I go cut open a tiny human."

Nodding, Callie's mouth twitched. "So I saved you from that?"

Arizona gave her the sunniest smile she could muster. "Why do you think you got such a big kiss?"

"I thought it was because I'm hot." Callie winked, and for a moment everything felt exactly like it used to. The flirtation, the innuendo. The attraction. "And you like how I look in scrubs."

Arizona's smile became easier to sustain. "That, too."

"Well, I know it's a little like wishing you luck riding a bike, but…" Callie lifted Arizona's hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. "Good luck on the appy. You'll be awesome, and Jackson Avery will be awesome for having stood at the same table as you."

Arizona rubbed her thumb across Callie's chin. She knew Callie's heart was in the right place, even if being wished luck on something so routine made Arizona uneasy. Probably because she felt like she needed it.

"Thanks. I appreciate that." Arizona drew back and stood up. "On that note, I should go get ready."

Callie stood as well. "I'll walk you?"

"Sure." Arizona waited until Callie stepped in front of her, then kept pace at her side. When Callie's hand came to rest on the small of her back, gently guiding her forward, Arizona tensed then forced herself to relax. It was a familiar touch from Callie, but Arizona was on edge. And the sensation of having someone behind her in any way only made it worse.

Callie removed her hand. "Sorry."

Arizona's chest ached at the guilt in Callie's voice. "No reason to be." She stepped closer to Callie, bumping her hip. "Please stop worrying about me."

Callie didn't say anything. They stepped into the elevator, which was thankfully deserted, and Callie punched the button for their floor. Then she folded her hands in front of her stomach and stared at the elevator door.

Arizona sighed. She was doing a terrible job of acting normal. On top of that, she felt a headache coming on. "I don't want this to be a bad day. I just need to make it through the appy."

Giving her a sidelong glance, Callie said, "Would you prefer I not observe? I was going to ask, but I don't want to make you nervous."

It took Arizona a beat to decide how she felt about the idea of Callie watching the surgery from the observation room. Usually she found it comforting in a way, even sexy. The old Arizona had loved having Callie's eyes on her in any circumstance. But the idea of Callie watching new Arizona struggle to perform was intimidating.

Unfortunately, admitting that would mean acknowledging something was wrong.

"No, please do." Arizona grinned over at Callie, rocking on her heels. "I like it when you watch me kick ass."

"Cool." Callie's hand brushed against hers. "I'll even buy you lunch after."

"I've trained you well." The elevator door opened, and Arizona gestured for Callie to go ahead. "After you, Dr. Torres."

Callie stepped out first, then turned and waited for Arizona to join her. "Go be awesome, Dr. Robbins."

"Always." Arizona grinned, raising up to kiss Callie on the cheek. "See you later."

Callie shot her the sexy grin that always turned Arizona's knees to water, but today it just didn't have the same effect it usually did. Arizona faked it anyway. Winking, she patted Callie on the bottom and opened the scrub room door. Then she walked into her most important test of self with her head held high.

#

Arizona stood over her eight-year-old patient, staring at his infected appendix on the monitor that displayed the view from the laparoscope she had positioned through the umbilical port. She glanced across the table at Bailey, who met her eyes, clearly waiting for Arizona's next move. Dr. Jackson Avery hovered at her left side, craning his neck to look at the image on the screen.

The surgery had only just begun, but so far Arizona was tentatively pleased. She had made the first incision without hesitation, and now that the laparoscope was in place, instinct had long since taken over. Holding the Endo Babcock clamp in her right hand and a 5 mm grasper in her left, she felt totally in control. This was where she did what made her special, and inside the operating room, she was still Dr. Arizona Robbins. Surgeon.

Arizona glanced up at Callie, who beamed down upon her from the observation room. Even having Callie watching was okay. The familiar glow of Callie's love and support emboldened Arizona, restoring her lost confidence and making everything feel normal again.

Arizona turned to Avery and smiled. "Dr. Avery, what should I do next? Tell me using what you see on the monitor, please."

Avery's gaze shifted from Arizona's face to the monitor behind her. He blinked, then moved his head as though trying to see around her. Arizona looked back at the monitor, ensuring that the position of the camera inside the patient was acceptable. She didn't understand Avery's hesitation and wondered if there was something she should be doing or if he simply needed a moment to collect his thoughts.

She caught Avery's movement from the corner of her eye just as he took a step behind her. She gasped as he bumped against her back, his hips pressing her against the table for an instant before he quickly jumped away.

Though fleeting, Avery's touch evoked memories of other touches she hadn't wanted. Rough fingers sliding over her labia. Cruel hands squeezing her breasts. Panic and disgust rose in Arizona's throat even as she fought to stay calm. Her heart thumped and, terrifyingly, her hands began to shake.

She knew it was Dr. Jackson Avery who had just pinned her, and that he hadn't meant any harm. More than that, Arizona knew she needed to remain focused and finish her surgery. But as soon as she realized that she had been triggered, all of the fear and anxiety of the morning came flooding back and she was helpless to stop her body's reaction.

"I'm sorry," Avery said. "I was trying to get a better look at the gastrointestinal tract." He stood too close to her. Arizona could feel the heat of his body on hers. Could smell him, a distinctly masculine scent that turned her stomach.

"Dr. Robbins." Bailey's voice, calm and in control, snapped Arizona out of her slide into abject dread. "Are you all right?"

Arizona swallowed, desperately trying to steady her hands. She was holding two graspers inside her patient via the right upper quadrant and left lower quadrant trocars. Trembling was _not_ an option. But Avery's presence unnerved her. She needed him gone.

"Scrub out, Dr. Avery." Arizona tightened her grip on the graspers, but couldn't hold them still. "You're done here."

"I apologize, Dr. Robbins." Avery took a step away but didn't leave. "I was clumsy. I won't let it happen again."

Arizona took her eyes off her still shaking hands for just a moment to pin Avery with a cold stare. "Get out of my OR. Now."

Clearly stricken, Avery nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He walked to the door, stripping off his gloves then pulling off his face mask. No one spoke as he left the room.

Mortified, Arizona returned her gaze to her hands, terrified that they hadn't stilled. Everything she had feared was coming to pass. The rape was affecting her even here, in a situation where she couldn't afford to show weakness. And everyone in the operating theater could see it. The anesthesiologist, the nurses, the techs. Bailey. Arizona's stomach turned over as she lifted her eyes to the observation room window, where Callie stared at her from the front row.

"Dr. Robbins." Bailey's voice tore her attention away from the concern on Callie's face. Swallowing, Arizona met Bailey's eyes, fearing what she would read there. Bailey slowly reached over the table and placed her hands on Arizona's, steadying them. "Dr. Robbins, take a moment."

She was putting her patient in danger. She was a surgeon with shaky hands and she couldn't control her own emotions. She was letting her personal life interfere with her work, something she had never done before.

She was failing.

"Dr. Robbins. Arizona." Bailey gently squeezed her hands. "You are the best surgeon in the hospital to perform this procedure on this patient. You can do this. Just take a moment and breathe."

The soothing cadence of Bailey's voice penetrated Arizona's racing thoughts, bringing them to a halt. Arizona lifted her gaze again to the observation room and met Callie's eyes. Callie had her palm pressed against the window, and her face radiated sober confidence. In Arizona.

_You can do this,_ Callie mouthed, echoing Bailey's words.

Arizona took a deep breath then exhaled. She _had_ to do this. For the little boy on her table. For herself. Reaching down deep, she forced her hands steady, relieved when her body finally obeyed her mind. Then she met Bailey's stare. "I'm fine, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey released her hands. "Yes you are." Her brown eyes flicked to the monitor. "And to answer your question, what you'll do next is use the left lower quadrant grasper to create a mesenteric window behind the base of the appendix."

"Correct." Shoving her mind away from the deep humiliation she felt at her panic attack, Arizona did exactly as Bailey said. She couldn't change what had just happened, but she could sure as hell try and salvage her reputation by finishing what she had started.

There would be plenty of time to dwell on her failure later, when a child's life wasn't at stake.

#

In the scrub room after her successful—albeit shaky—appendectomy, Arizona couldn't meet Bailey's eyes. They stood side-by-side at the sink washing up, and though Bailey hadn't said a word since they left the operating room, Arizona knew she wasn't going to escape without some kind of conversation. Despite Bailey's policy about not discussing personal issues at work, she was deadly serious about surgery. After how Arizona had dropped the ball in the OR, she was certain Bailey would have an opinion.

"Just say it." Arizona toweled her hands dry and turned to face Bailey, who raised a questioning eyebrow. "I know you've got something to say, so just say it. I messed up. I panicked. I put my patient's life at risk. I was unfair to Dr. Avery." Throat tightening, Arizona stared at a spot on the wall over Bailey's shoulder and tried to hold it together. Nothing Bailey could say would ever come close to being as bad as what Arizona already thought. "Say it."

"I think you need to stop beating yourself up." Bailey stepped into Arizona's line of sight, catching her gaze. "You had a momentary lapse. You pulled it together. The patient is just fine."

Arizona bit her lip. Now that her patient was closed up and on his way to recovery, the turmoil she had pushed aside earlier resurfaced, twisting her into knots. "I don't belong in there. If I can't keep it together when I'm inside a little boy's abdomen, I have no business being in an OR."

Bailey set her mouth in a tense line, and Arizona could see she didn't have a response to that. Because it was true. "Maybe you just need to take some time off. Do you have someone—a professional—you can talk to?"

A lump rose in Arizona's throat, threatening to choke her. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. Talking about it was too painful. Too humiliating. Talking about it made it real.

"There's no shame in any of this, Dr. Robbins. It's been a week. Only a week. This _just_ happened. And you need to deal with it." Bailey's face was as gentle as Arizona had ever seen it. The woman who hated dealing with personal life stuff was gone. In her place was a trusted friend. "So deal with it. Because you're one of the best damn surgeons in this hospital, and I refuse to let you decide that you don't belong in the OR. That's _exactly_ where you belong. And soon enough you'll be back in there, better than ever." Bailey cracked a smile. "Hopefully to teach me your laparoscopic technique, because it is _stunning_."

Eyes stinging, Arizona nodded quickly. She had to get out of there before she started sobbing. "Thank you, Dr. Bailey. I'll…take that under advisement."

"You do that."

Arizona turned on her heel and rushed out of the scrub room. She kept her head down, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes. The day so far had been a roller coaster, and Arizona could feel that she was about to break from the stress. If she was going to crumble yet again, she wanted to do it away from prying eyes.

In the hallway just outside the scrub room, Arizona ran into something solid. Yelping in surprise, she raised her hands to protect herself then immediately dropped them when she realized that Callie's arms cradled her, keeping her on her feet.

"I didn't see you," Arizona mumbled. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry." Callie released her and stepped back, leaving Arizona cold with her absence. "I was waiting for you. I promised you lunch."

"I'm not hungry." Arizona put a hand on her stomach, sickened by the thought of trying to get something down. "I just…need to be alone for a while."

Callie put a hand on Arizona's arm and tugged her across the hall to an empty exam room. There was a part of Arizona that wanted to pull out of Callie's grasp and take off, not ready for yet another conversation about the state of her mental health. But she didn't want to hurt Callie. So she followed.

Pulling them inside, Callie closed the door and turned to face Arizona with a familiar look of sympathy. _That_ look. And that was the last straw. Anger flared deep in Arizona's belly—anger for the attack, for the physical and emotional scars it had caused, for the way it left her broken in ways that felt impossible to fix—and she lashed out at the one person she knew didn't deserve it. "What part of me wanting to be alone don't you get?"

Callie flinched. "I…I just wanted to tell you that I know you had a rough spot in there, but you did great. It was a beautiful surgery."

"It was a fucking _disaster_!" Arizona knew she was probably overstating. After all, she had gotten through it without harming her patient. But she was furious: at herself, at the man who had attacked her, at Avery, even at Callie for having seen her panic attack. She was angry at the goddamn world. "Don't you dare patronize me. Don't tell me I did well when I didn't. That doesn't help me. It doesn't help anything."

"I'm not patronizing you. I'm telling you that you're being way too hard on yourself here." Callie's whole body had tensed. "Just calm down, Arizona. Breathe."

"Don't tell me what to do," Arizona spat. "You have no idea what this is like. None." She turned and grabbed the door handle, hating the way she was speaking to Callie, wanting nothing more than to run away. With her back to Callie, Arizona said, "Just leave me alone. Let me deal with it by myself."

Callie's hand slammed against the door next to Arizona's head, preventing her from opening it. Arizona could feel the warmth of Callie's body at her back and she swallowed, waiting for fear to take over. She was almost relieved when all she felt was frustration. Whirling around, she took a step forward, forcing Callie to back off.

"Don't." Arizona glared at Callie. She knew Callie wasn't the appropriate target for all this anger and pain, but it felt good to let it out. It had been building for a week now, poisoning her. Now that she had let go of her tight control over her emotions, she savored the freedom of giving them full reign. "If you love me at all, then leave me the fuck alone."

At first Callie drew back as though she had been struck. Then her face darkened. "You know what? No." For the first time in seven days, recognizable fire burned in Callie's eyes. "I do love you, Arizona, so I'm not going to ignore this anymore. You're hurting and you're angry and you're scared and that's healthy. All of it. What isn't healthy is pretending like everything's fine. So I won't let you do it. Not anymore."

"Damn it, Calliope." Arizona brought her hands to her head, pressing her fingers against her temples. She knew Callie meant what she said. There would be no more facades, no more playacting. But she was teetering on the edge of a total meltdown in a place where she didn't feel safe. Where she had no privacy. It was too much. "Not here. Not now."

"Yes, now. Tell me what happened in there. Tell me why you're so angry with yourself over this." Callie exhaled, and Arizona saw that her hands were shaking, too. "Ignoring it won't make it go away."

Arizona bit her lip until it hurt. But she was too tired to keep fighting. So she let go. "Avery bumped into me and I just fell apart. My hands were _shaking_, Calliope. Shaking. When I was inside that little boy. I could have killed him."

"But you didn't."

"But I could have." Hot tears spilled over onto her cheeks, but Arizona didn't bother to wipe them away. There was no point. "How would I have lived with myself if I had?"

"You can't punish yourself for something that didn't happen," Callie said. "Yes, you panicked. But then you overcame it. You kicked ass."

Arizona shook her head. Both Bailey and Callie were far too forgiving, far too understanding. As a surgeon, her personal issues had no place in the operating room. "This is my career we're talking about. My reputation. You know what I proved today? That if a man touches me, any man, I will freak out. Do you know how many male surgeons there are? Anesthesiologists? Nurses? Men are going to touch me, Calliope, and if every time it happens I start to shake because I'm thinking about _that_ man…thinking about him touching me, kissing my neck,_fucking_ me…"

Arizona could see the horror Callie tried so hard to hide, but instead of regretting her words, she felt some measure of satisfaction. Right now she was full of rage, and she wanted Callie to be angry, too. To show her something other than the calm strength she had been so good at maintaining. Arizona wanted some sign that Callie was just as damaged by all this as she was.

"It won't feel like this forever, _querida_. I promise. It _will_ get better. You just need time." Callie took a tentative step forward, but didn't close the distance between them. Didn't touch Arizona. From the hesitation in her eyes, Arizona knew Callie was frightened about how Arizona might react to physical contact.

That hurt more than almost anything. Maybe even more than the rape itself.

"You can't even touch me," Arizona whispered. "You can't spoon me in bed or put your hand on my back without making me think of him. You're afraid to get near me, because you know I'm fucked up. Because you know I might freak out."

"I'm just trying to be respectful—"

"You're being wonderful. Perfect." Arizona's eyes burned from all the crying, but she couldn't stop. Now that all these feelings were pouring out, there was no bottling everything back inside. "It's me. I'm not okay." It was a relief to finally admit it out loud. To say the words. Sobbing, Arizona said them again. "I'm not okay, Calliope."

Callie stepped forward and tugged Arizona into her arms, holding her tightly. Instead of making her feel trapped, the strong embrace comforted Arizona. All at once, she was certain that Callie's arms were the only thing keeping her from flying apart at the seams.

"I'm not okay," Arizona mumbled. "I want so badly to be okay, but no matter how much I pretend I am, I'm not. And I don't know how to get okay."

Callie shushed her, rubbing her hands up and down Arizona's back slowly. "I know, baby. We'll figure it out, all right? Together. I promise we'll make you okay again."

Arizona clutched at Callie's shoulders, flashing back to the operating room. To the spectacle she made of herself. "I can't be in an OR until then."

"You know that can be arranged."

"Teddy and Bailey think I need to talk about it. But I've talked about it enough already. With Detective Mendoza, with you." Arizona sniffled, burying her face in Callie's dark hair. "Talking about it makes me feel bad."

"If it were me dealing with this, what would you say?" Callie's heart pounded against Arizona's chest. "Would you think I should talk through it? Or bottle it up and stew over it?"

"Not fair," Arizona said. "It's not the same."

"Why not?"

Shrugging, Arizona murmured, "It just isn't."

"For what it's worth, I think Teddy and Bailey are right. I think you need to talk about it."

"How will that help?" Arizona wiped her eyes without pulling out of the warm circle of Callie's arms. "Every time I think about what happened, every time I talk about it…it hurts. I don't want to think about it anymore."

"But you are thinking about it. Even when you don't want to. Maybe if you talked about what happened, it would take away some of its power over you." Callie stroked her head and Arizona closed her eyes, trying not to remember the way her rapist had fisted his hand in her hair before slamming her face into the ground. The stroking stopped. "Like that. Don't tell me not to worry this time. Tell me what you were thinking about when I touched your hair."

Arizona shook her head, uneasy about putting words to the violent flashes of memory. She wanted to tell Callie she was okay but knew that wouldn't work anymore. "He…"

"I love you, Arizona. I don't want to frighten you. I don't want to trigger anything unpleasant. You need to help me—and yourself—by telling me what your triggers are, as you discover them. Then we can work through them together. Okay?"

It made sense. As much as she didn't want to talk about the way Callie's loving caresses would sometimes stir fear deep in her gut, the truth was that Callie deserved to know. If she knew, maybe Arizona wouldn't have to continue to deal with the consequences of her well-intentioned physicality.

Steeling herself, Arizona said, "When I realized it was really going to happen, I tried to get away. Fought with everything I had. He punched me in the head and turned me over, and when I tried to scream…"

Callie's hands were shaking against Arizona's back. "Tell me."

"He grabbed my hair and pulled it so hard it brought tears to my eyes. Then he slammed my face into the grass. I couldn't breathe." Arizona inhaled deeply to reassure herself that she could. "Sometimes when you touch my hair, it makes me remember. And I feel that anticipation again. Knowing what's about to happen, trying so hard to think about you to distract myself from the pain that's coming."

Now Callie's heart thumped wildly against Arizona's breasts. Arizona opened her eyes and brought her face even with Callie's, pressing their cheeks together. She couldn't tell if the wetness she felt were her own tears or Callie's.

"Okay," Callie whispered. "So for right now, I'll try my hardest not to do anything to bring that up for you. And if I do anything else that bothers you—"

"I'll tell you." Arizona drew back so she could look Callie in the eyes. Both Callie's cheeks were streaked with tears. "I promise."

"And you'll think about talking to someone?" Callie touched the side of Arizona's face, and Arizona leaned into the caress. "Even if you don't want to talk to me. Just find someone you can trust and talk to them. Okay?"

Arizona nodded. "Okay."

"I know you're not sure how that'll help, but what about Owen Hunt? He woke up choking Cristina, for God's sake. Then he got into therapy and look where he is now."

Arizona thought of Teddy's offer that morning to listen when Arizona needed to talk. She wasn't exactly a professional, but apparently she had experience with recovering from a sexual assault. It was a start, at least. "I promise I'll talk to someone."

"Good." Callie took a step back, out of Arizona's personal space. "If you want to go be alone now, I understand. Thank you for talking to me."

Arizona bit her lip as her chest filled with renewed emotion. This time it wasn't fear. Or anger. Gazing at her impossibly gorgeous partner, seeing the adoration in her eyes even after everything Arizona had thrown at her today, Arizona was overwhelmed by deep, all-consuming love. It was like nothing she had ever felt before, for anyone. Right on the heels of the self-flagellation and despair the incident with Avery had evoked, it was the most healing sensation she could imagine.

No matter what else happened, Callie loved her. She believed in her. And she meant it when she said she was here to stay.

"No, I don't want to be alone." Arizona closed the distance between them, taking Callie's hand. "Besides, you promised me lunch."

The joy on Callie's face made even the idea of eating palatable. "Sky's the limit, sweetheart. I'll even spring for chocolate pudding."

Despite everything, Arizona finally felt a small ray of hope. Some measure of reprieve. If nothing else, she didn't have the burden of hiding from Callie anymore. For the first time in a week, the weight Arizona had been carrying on her shoulders eased. At least with Callie, she didn't have to pretend. She _couldn't_ pretend.

What a relief.

"Chocolate pudding, huh?" Arizona gave Callie a genuine smile. Dimples and all. "Maybe the day can be salvaged yet."

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Callie collapsed onto Arizona's couch, exhausted after a long shift that had ended about an hour after she hit her physical limit. Unfortunately, the day wasn't over yet. At some point this evening she would have to return to the hospital to pick up Arizona. After a week of managing to schedule their shifts to coincide, Arizona had stayed late tonight to consult on one of Mark Sloan's patients, a little girl who had been severely burned in the fire that destroyed her family's home. Not wanting to crash in an on-call room, Callie had decided to go back to Arizona's place to rest, even if it meant she would just have to leave again shortly.

Being alone in Arizona's apartment stirred mixed feelings. Surrounded by Arizona's scent, Callie missed her partner so intensely she ached. They had been nearly inseparable for the past two weeks, and even when they weren't together, Arizona consumed Callie's thoughts—where she was, how she was doing. Logically Callie knew that Arizona needed space occasionally, a chance to be alone, but until this moment, Callie hadn't realized how healing time apart might be for her as well.

As difficult as it was to be away from Arizona, Callie felt her body relax now that she could let down her guard. Alone, she didn't have to stay on high alert. There was no need to analyze her every word and action, no worry that she might do something that would set Arizona off on a path of fear or anger. Getting Arizona to drop her defenses and be honest about her struggles had been the best thing possible for her recovery, but now that Arizona was no longer protecting Callie from the full brunt of her emotions, Callie was just plain worn out.

Just as Callie's eyes began to droop closed, her cell phone rang. Sighing, Callie said, "Seriously?" Tempted to let the call go to voice mail for only an instant, Callie picked up the phone and looked at the display. Addison Montgomery. Debating internally, Callie decided that her nap could wait. "Hey, Addie."

"Men suck."

Callie smiled at Addison's typically direct greeting. After the past week and a half, she had more sympathy for the sentiment than normal. "Agreed."

"I'm starting to think you had the right idea, relocating to the Isle of Lesbos."

Callie closed her eyes. "I wish I could tell you it was all sunshine and rainbows here, but that would be a lie."

Addison was silent for a beat, then, "What's wrong, Callie?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"You sound exhausted." Addison's voice softened. "Hard day?"

"Hard couple weeks." Swallowing, Callie said, "Hardest of my life."

"Girl troubles?"

"No." Callie winced, questioning whether she had the energy to talk about this tonight. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack the conversation."

"Don't be ridiculous," Addison said. "It sounds like you need to talk. And I'm your friend. So talk. What happened?"

Callie exhaled. There really was no good way to say it except plainly. "Arizona was attacked in the parking lot at work. Friday before last."

Addison gasped audibly. "Oh my God. _Attacked_?"

"She was raped."

"Jesus, Callie. Oh, no." Addison sounded near tears. "I…don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah." Callie pinched the bridge of her nose without opening her eyes, hoping to stave off the tears she was too tired to hold back. "It's pretty devastating."

"Poor Arizona. How badly was she hurt?"

"It was pretty bad. He really beat her up. Black eyes, cut lip, bruises all over her body. He…tore her. In the parking lot. While I was inside the hospital, watching the clock."

Addison made a small, pained noise. "I hope you're not blaming yourself. How could you have known?"

"I couldn't have." Callie's chin trembled. "But I wish I had."

"I know it's a silly question, but how is she doing?"

"She's struggling. She has trouble sleeping. Nightmares. Not much of an appetite. She's had a few fairly intense flashbacks, one in the OR—"

"Damn." Addison's voice radiated sympathy. As a surgeon, she obviously understood how unsettling it would be to lose control in that situation. "Is she seeing someone? A therapist?"

"No." Though Arizona had promised to talk to somebody—anybody—so far she hadn't followed through. But it had only been five days since her panic attack during surgery, so Callie was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. "She said she'll find someone, but I think she's trying to work up the courage. She doesn't like talking about it."

"That's understandable. But it'll help."

"I know." Callie sighed deeply. "Arizona's just a generally happy person and I think this is really throwing her. Hurting like this. For the first week, she tried to bury it as best as she could. Act okay, be okay."

"Well, that doesn't work."

Something about Addison's tone told Callie that she had knowledge on the subject. Callie's heart sank. "Please tell me you don't know that from personal experience."

"I counseled sexual assault victims as a volunteer when I was in medical school. And at different times since then." Addison cleared her throat. "It's a difficult process, healing. But she will heal."

"I keep telling her that. It's just so hard right now."

"That's totally normal. Her world has just been rocked." Addison wasn't saying anything Callie didn't instinctively know, but it helped to hear confirmation. "So has yours."

Callie didn't like talking about herself in this situation. Arizona was the one who had really been broken. "I just want her to be okay."

"She will be. You're both going to be okay."

When the first tear finally slipped out, Callie decided to just let them come. It felt better than straining so hard to suppress the sadness that constantly lingered on the surface. "I've never seen someone I love in so much pain. I couldn't have ever imagined feeling like this." Laughing bitterly, Callie said, "I don't even know how I feel anymore. Sometimes I'm just numb."

"This is a process for you, too," Addison said quietly. "Are _you_ talking to anyone?"

"Not really." Callie curled up on her side, pressing her knees into the couch cushions. The position comforted her, made her feel sheltered somehow. "Mark, a little. Arizona told me she knew I would have to talk about it, but somehow it doesn't seem right. Like it's not my thing to talk about."

"It's your thing, too. A different thing than Arizona is going through. But still a thing." Addison chuckled lightly. "But Mark? Really?"

Callie smiled. "He's been great, actually."

"Well, if you ever want to talk to someone who isn't Mark Sloan, I'm here."

The offer was soft-spoken and sincere, and Callie warmed at the concern in Addison's voice. Now that Addison had given her permission to unload, the words started to tumble out. "I never expected to experience something like this with a partner. And not just because I've pretty much always dated men. This is the first time I've ever gone through something of this magnitude within a relationship. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do."

"Support her. Listen to her. Talk to her." She could hear Addison smile. "I know how you feel about that girl, Callie. I have a feeling you're doing just fine."

"I'm really trying. At first I was giving her space, not pushing her…but after what happened in the OR, she had a little bit of a meltdown. I've never seen her so angry. Honestly, it was scary." Callie took a breath, remembering how it had felt to withstand the full brunt of Arizona's rage. Standing up to Arizona, not allowing her to run away and hide, had been terrifying. "But things have been a little better since then. When I touch her and she stiffens, she tells me why instead of insisting that she's fine. And now she wakes me up when she has nightmares, because she says I help her feel safe enough to get back to sleep. And when she's scared or upset, she admits it. I think it's all helping, bit by bit. She's starting to have good days now. Not just good hours. You know?"

"That's excellent."

"But it's like I'm constantly on edge. Not wanting to do or say anything to upset her. Not knowing what's coming next. We should be hearing about the DNA results any day now. HIV test next month. And then there's all the other potential fallout. What if they catch the guy? What if there's a trial? Will that help, or set her back?"

"You can't worry about the future." Addison's confident tone told Callie that she had slipped into counselor mode. "Take it a day at a time, okay? If you focus on things that _might_ happen, you'll drive yourself crazy."

"And then there's sex. I mean, we haven't even talked about that yet. She's not ready for sex right now. But what happens when she says she is? What do I do? What if I end up frightening her? Triggering her?" A tear dripped onto Callie's neck, alerting her to the fact that she hadn't yet stopped crying. This subject had been twisting her guts into painful knots for the past couple days, despite the fact that it really hadn't come up. But she missed Arizona in that way, and from some of Arizona's recent comments, she knew Arizona also felt the loss of their physical connection. The discussion—and the reconnection—would happen at some point, and Callie was terrified of that day.

"Whoa," Addison said quietly. "Like I said, one day at a time. When Arizona decides that she wants to explore being sexual again, it'll just be one more step in the healing process. The key is to talk to her, to communicate. Help keep her in the moment. When a survivor is triggered by something, the trick is for them to learn to stay in the present. To recognize that they're safe. There are many different ways Arizona can do that. And you can help."

Callie wiped at her face with shaky hands. "I don't know why I'm even thinking about it right now. We're so far from that point."

"Well, you never know. There is no timeline for that. She may want to wait a while until she feels more comfortable, or she may be eager to reconnect sexually in a safe space. To reclaim her body and her sexuality." Addison paused, then said, "And you're thinking about it because you miss her. She's still the woman you love. This doesn't change any of that."

"No, it doesn't." Callie slipped a hand beneath the hem of her T-shirt, touching her bare stomach. The connection soothed her, though she wished it were Arizona's skin beneath her fingertips. "I love her so much, Addison. And you're right. I do miss her. She's the one, you know? If I didn't fully appreciate that before, I do now."

"She's lucky to have you, Callie. Try not to worry so much, okay? Arizona will tell you when she's ready for sex. And she may or may not be right about that. You may have to stop if she gets overwhelmed. But you'll work it out eventually."

"I hope so." Callie exhaled again, then laughed shakily. "Seriously, I'm sorry. You didn't call to hear all this. Maybe you should tell me why men suck. Beyond the obvious reasons, I mean."

Addison hesitated, then said, "Honestly? You just put my problems into major perspective. I'm fine."

"Well, that's good to hear."

"No wonder you're so tired," Addison said softly. "Do me a favor, sweetie. Make sure to take time for yourself every once in a while. For both your sakes. If you get burnt out, you're no good to her."

"Well, I plan on sleeping like the dead just as soon as I pick her up from work." Callie yawned at the thought. "We've been sharing shifts but she had to stay late tonight. She doesn't come or go alone anymore."

"I can understand that. But I wasn't just talking about sleeping. I'm talking time relaxing, hanging out with friends. Time away from the little bubble I suspect the two of you are living inside."

"I'm not really in the mood, to be honest. To leave the bubble."

"I know. But that doesn't mean it's not important." Addison chuckled. "That's something Mark would be good for. He's a fun guy. So go have fun the next time you have the opportunity. Please."

"I'll try." The phone beeped in Callie's ear, and she held it away from her face to check the display. "Hold on a second, Addison. Arizona's calling."

"No problem."

Callie clicked over. "Hey, baby. Ready to come home?"

"Hey." To Callie's delight, she could hear Arizona's smile in her voice. And it sounded genuine. "I like that. Hearing you call my place home."

"My home is with you. Wherever that may be at any given moment."

Callie swore she could hear Arizona's grin grow wider. "You're batting a thousand tonight, Calliope. I don't think it's possible to love you any more."

Arizona's happiness washed away the turmoil and exhaustion Callie had been mired in only moments earlier. This was why she never doubted that Arizona was worth every bit of effort. "I'll leave now and be there in ten minutes."

"No, I was actually calling to tell you that Teddy is going to drive me home. I think we're going to hang out for a bit first, though. Is that okay?"

"Of course." As much as Callie missed Arizona, the thought of being able to crawl straight into bed was seductive. "I'll probably just crash, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind." Arizona lowered her voice. "You've earned it."

Callie smiled. "Tell Teddy I said hi, okay?"

"I will." Arizona paused. "I think we're going to…talk. About things."

Callie sat up on the couch, suddenly awake. "Oh. That's good. Right?"

"I guess we'll see." Arizona laughed nervously. "I hope so."

"It'll be good." Callie put her hand over her heart, overcome by a wave of deep emotion. She knew Arizona wasn't entirely pleased with the way she had been coping in the aftermath, but Callie couldn't be more impressed. "I'm proud of you, darling. I really am."

"Thanks," Arizona murmured. "I'll see you in bed, okay?"

"You bet. I'll leave a light on."

Callie clicked back over to Addison. "You still there?"

"I am."

"Sounds like Arizona's going to hang out with Teddy for a bit. So I guess I get to enjoy that deep sleep I was talking about a little sooner than anticipated."

"Good for Arizona," Addison said warmly. "Take note, Torres. Hanging out with friends."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Message received. But tonight, bed is my friend. And we've got a lot of catching up to do."

Laughing, Addison said, "Message received. I'll let you go. Take care of yourself, okay? Take care of Arizona. And call me if you need me."

"I will." Callie grinned. "I miss you, Addie. Remind me again why you moved away?"

"Sometimes I ask myself the same thing."

"I'll talk to you later. And good luck with your man problems. We'll get to them next time, I promise."

"Night, Callie."

"Good night."

Callie closed her phone, relieved that she didn't have anywhere else to be. She trusted Teddy to take care of Arizona, so for the next few hours at least, she only had to worry about herself. She hated to admit how good that felt. Knowing she would miss the warmth of Arizona's body beside hers, but excited by the prospect of stripping down and crawling beneath the warm comforter, Callie dragged herself to the bedroom for a good, long sleep.

#

Arizona sat in the passenger seat of Teddy's car and stared out the window at the darkened city streets. She hadn't been out this late at night without Callie since the rape. Amazing how something she used to do without thinking had become such a foreign, unsettling experience. Being with Teddy meant that she was probably reasonably safe—after all, she got the impression that Teddy could kick some major ass if push came to shove—but these days Callie's presence comforted her like nothing else. As much as she was looking forward to spending time with her other best friend, Arizona couldn't help but miss Callie intensely.

"You mind if we grab some dinner?" Teddy glanced away from the road, catching Arizona's gaze. "I'm starving."

"Of course." Technically Arizona wasn't very hungry, but she knew she had to eat. She needed to give her body fuel if she wanted to stay strong, even if food no longer tasted as good as it used to. "Whatever you want."

"Pizza?"

Arizona smiled. Pizza always made her think about Callie. About the first time they made love. "I love pizza."

"We can call and order from the car. Maybe have it delivered to my place, unless you wanted to go sit down somewhere."

Arizona shook her head. Though she was dreading it, part of her mission tonight was to try and talk to Teddy about what had happened. What she was going through now. She was no closer to wanting to go over it again, but she had promised Callie. And Arizona kept her promises. The obvious joy in Callie's voice when they had spoken on the phone had reminded her why facing her fears was more than worth it.

"I'd prefer to go to your apartment," Arizona said. "More privacy."

"I understand." Teddy raised a hopeful eyebrow. "You like green peppers and onions?"

"Perfect."

Arizona sat in silence as Teddy ordered their pizza. When Teddy hung up, Arizona turned in her seat and studied her friend's profile. Before the rape, talking to Teddy had always been effortless. Now Arizona barely knew what to say.

"We don't have to talk about it tonight, you know." Teddy gave her a sidelong glance. "If you're not ready. I'm totally fine with just hanging out."

"No, I'm ready. To talk a little, at least." Shrugging, Arizona picked at the knee of her worn jeans. "I guess I just don't know how."

Teddy steered her car into the parking lot of a gated apartment building. She nodded at a security guard who sat in a booth at the entrance, then pulled into an empty spot. Turning off the car, Teddy unbuckled her seatbelt and shifted to face Arizona. "Why don't we go inside and pour a glass of wine?"

Arizona smiled. "I can live with that."

Teddy got out of the car then walked around to the passenger side, where Arizona climbed out with a nervous look around. The parking lot was well-lit and quiet, and Teddy was there with her, but that didn't stop a flutter of panic from stirring Arizona's gut.

"Security does an excellent job here." Teddy stepped close to Arizona, giving her a supportive smile. "I promise."

"Of course," Arizona murmured. Before the attack, she never thought twice about walking through parking lots. Now she couldn't imagine anything more sinister. "I'm sorry, it's silly."

"No, it's not." Teddy met her eyes, then slowly reached out to take Arizona's hand. "It's perfectly natural. But you're safe now, I promise. Let's get inside."

Arizona let Teddy lead her to her apartment by their joined hands. She could have felt embarrassed by Teddy's gentle handling of her fears, but she didn't. It was clear that Teddy truly understood where she was coming from in a way that nobody else had so far. Teddy released her hand only to unlock the door, then ushered Arizona inside.

Arizona looked around. This was only her second time inside Teddy's apartment. Usually they hung out at Callie or Arizona's place, or more frequently at Joe's. Appreciating the meticulous yet homey atmosphere of Teddy's space, Arizona made a quiet circuit around the room, glancing at the photos lining the wall. She stopped at one of Owen and Teddy in army fatigues with their arms around each other's shoulders.

"I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose." Teddy gave her a sheepish smile as she stepped into the attached kitchen. "But no matter how things are now, with Cristina, he's always going to be the best friend I had over there."

Walking to Teddy's couch, Arizona kicked off her shoes and sat at one end. "I'm sorry you guys missed your chance. I think you would have made a beautiful couple."

Teddy held up a bottle of wine. "You like Cabernet Sauvignon? Great with pizza."

"Sounds wonderful."

"As far as Owen, you never know. Maybe we'll have another chance." Teddy opened the bottle, pouring two glasses. "And if not, I'll have a chance with someone else." Carrying a glass in each hand, Teddy smiled as she approached the couch. "Who knows, maybe I'll even get lucky enough to find my Callie someday."

Arizona blushed, taking the wine with a grateful nod. She remembered Callie's heartfelt words on the phone earlier and had to forcibly stop herself from swooning. If anything convinced her that their relationship was _the_ relationship of Arizona's life, it was that she could still feel so strongly about Callie even when everything else in her life was in turmoil. "I am pretty lucky."

"Cheers," Teddy said, raising her glass. When Arizona clinked hers against it lightly, Teddy took a sip, watching Arizona's face. "How are you guys doing?"

"We're good." Arizona could say that with confidence. She and Callie were the most stable thing in her life right now. "She's wonderful. Patient, supportive, able to withstand everything I throw at her." Shaking her head, Arizona tasted the wine. "Lucky doesn't really begin to cover what I am, having her in my life. Especially right now."

"That's awesome, Arizona." Teddy's eyes shone. "That has to really help."

Unsure how much she should ask Teddy about her own experience, Arizona nonetheless sensed an opportunity to transition into what she had come to talk about. "Were you…with someone? When it happened?"

Looking calmer than Arizona could imagine being while thinking about her own attack, Teddy shook her head. "No. I'd only had one boyfriend before then, in high school. It happened during undergrad, when I was terminally single."

Arizona blinked and looked down at her socked feet. "You know, I don't want to make you talk about anything you don't feel like revisiting."

"Hey," Teddy said quietly, ducking her head to catch Arizona's eye. "It really was a long time ago. I can talk about whatever you want to talk about."

Arizona pressed the knuckles of her index fingers to her eyes, steeling herself against tears. She was so tired of crying but couldn't seem to stop. "I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I'm not in control of my own body anymore. My reactions." Exhaling shakily, she whispered, "I fix people. That's what I do. But I don't know how to fix myself."

"You're not crazy," Teddy said. "And unfortunately, there's no quick fix. It'll take time. It'll also take practice. You just need to work on regaining control of your body's reactions to things. That means taking charge of your thoughts. Focusing on your breathing." Teddy poked Arizona lightly with her foot, which was clad in a brightly colored sock. "I can give you some really good tips. Because I went through the exact same thing. For months after it happened, anything could set me off. Certain smells, tastes, sounds. Being touched. Feeling unsafe, feeling trapped."

Arizona nodded in recognition. "The smell of cigarettes. The sensation of someone behind me. Having my hair touched or pulled."

"Triggers?"

"Yeah." Arizona had starting keeping a mental list, which she shared with Callie. Things to avoid, if possible. Or at the very least, to be aware of. "There's probably more, but that's what I've found so far."

"It's important to know what might set you off. That way you can start focusing on where you are and what's _really_happening the instant you start to react. So you can remember that you're safe."

Arizona exhaled harshly. "I'm so tired of feeling like this. When does it go away?"

"It's different for everyone, I'm sure. I struggled for a long time after it happened. There are things that make me uncomfortable to this day, like being drunk when I'm alone with a man."

"How about just the part where you felt crazy. When did that go away?"

Teddy gave her a look of sad understanding. "Honestly, it took me a while. But I was away at school where I didn't have much of a support system." For the first time, Teddy dropped her gaze, looking almost ashamed. "It was a toxic environment for me, after it happened. Everyone knew. Or thought they knew something, at least. What they believed and what really happened…well, they didn't know the truth."

Arizona bit her lip. "May I ask?"

Teddy met her eyes. She seemed to gather herself before starting to speak. "There were these two guys who lived in my dorm. Same hall as me. Jay and Steve. Jay was in a lot of the same pre-med classes as me, and his roommate Steve just seemed like a nice guy, so we all kind of hit it off. I hung out with them all the time. Studying in their dorm room, grabbing lunch with one or both of them between classes." Teddy gave her a sheepish smile. "My best friends have always been guys. Until you, actually."

Now Arizona poked Teddy with her foot. "Glad you decided to make an exception."

"Me too." Teddy smiled warmly then quickly sobered. "So one night I was in Jay and Steve's dorm room. Jay and I were supposed to be studying for a biology test, but Steve came back to the room with a bottle of vodka. They talked me into doing shots." Teddy shook her head, laughing without humor. "I look back on it now, and it's like…what the hell was I thinking? But they were my friends, you know? I never would have expected…" She sniffed, looking away. "Anyway."

Arizona swallowed as a lump rose in her throat. She knew where the story was heading and felt sick over it. "I think I can guess."

Teddy stayed calm and unemotional as she continued. "One minute we were laughing after a round of shots, then the next, Steve was kissing me. Like, _really_ kissing me. And I had only ever kissed one boy before, in high school, so I was just sort of taken by surprise. I think I even kissed back for a minute, but then I realized that Jay was just sitting there watching, and it…" She shook her head. "It was too weird. So I pulled away and told Steve to stop." Teddy bit her lip. "It still bothers me, the way I trusted them. The way they betrayed that trust. They were supposed to be my friends. My best friends."

Arizona nodded. It was one thing to have been hurt by a stranger. She could hate a stranger, tell herself he was a sick, evil man who clearly saw her as an object instead of a person. But to have been violated in that way by someone you thought you could trust…Arizona wiped away the tears that surfaced. "I'm sorry, Teddy. I can't even imagine."

"Jay ended up holding me down while Steve raped me. Then they switched places." As though a switch had been flipped, Teddy's voice had gone flat. No more sadness, no more shame. Just a cold recitation of facts. "I was way too drunk to fight back. I just kept begging them to stop, but they didn't. By the end of the week, the whole dorm had heard that they had double-teamed me. That I was a slut who had begged them for it."

Arizona's cheeks flooded with heat at Teddy's words. Immediately she felt the shame of her own attacker's name-calling. "The man who raped me…he called me a slut. Among other things. Like I wanted it. Like I deserved it somehow."

"But you know it wasn't your fault. Right?"

Blinking back tears, Arizona whispered, "Yes. But I wish I would have waited for a security guard once I realized the light next to my car was out."

"It took me a long time to accept that what happened to me wasn't my fault," Teddy said. "After all, I was in their room. Alone. Drunk. Probably even flirting. I totally had a crush on Jay." She shook her head. "No matter what, I asked them to stop. They didn't. I didn't deserve what happened. It was their fault, not mine."

Arizona nodded. There was no question in her mind where the blame rested, for both she and Teddy. "True."

"I don't even want to imagine how scary it must have been for you." Teddy scooted closer, tentatively touching Arizona's shoulder. "What happened to me wasn't nearly as brutal. They didn't leave a mark on me."

"It was terrifying." Arizona swallowed, fighting the urge to close her eyes. If she did, she knew what images her mind would dredge up. "I've never been so frightened in my entire life. It was degrading and painful and just…" Arizona exhaled. "I don't know how to forget it. How to move on."

"Well, you'll never forget it. It's a part of you now."

Nodding in defeat, Arizona whispered, "That sucks."

"It does. The trick is learning to live with that new part of yourself, to make it one small piece of who you are instead of letting it control your thoughts and reactions to everything."

"How do I do that?"

"Learn how to stay in the present. My therapist recommended counting to five, which worked for me. Slow down and concentrate on your breathing. Look at your surroundings, ground yourself in the fact that you're not in that situation anymore." Teddy gave Arizona's shoulder a careful squeeze. "Eventually it won't be so fresh. You won't get triggered as easily. And staying calm and centered will start to become second nature."

"I miss being happy." Feeling a little ridiculous, Arizona broke eye contact. "I know that sounds silly, but I do. I miss being the perky one everyone rolls their eyes at. I miss feeling _good_."

"It'll come back. You're a happy person, Arizona. That's who you are at the core. You'll never be exactly the same woman you were before this happened, but those fundamental things that make you Dr. Arizona Robbins? You haven't lost that stuff. It's not gone forever. I promise."

Arizona's lower lip trembled. She hadn't wanted to cry tonight, but she didn't know how to keep it together when Teddy's warm reassurance was everything she wanted to believe. "I hope so."

Teddy opened her arms. "Come here."

Arizona fell into Teddy's embrace, greedy for the connection. It grounded her, making it easier to keep her emotions in check. "I swear I'm not usually such a wreck."

"No excuses necessary," Teddy said, stroking her back. "Besides, I needed a hug too."

Smiling gratefully, Arizona squeezed Teddy around the middle. She felt so different than Callie, more angular, less curvy. "You're an awesome friend."

"I try." Teddy drew back and smiled shyly. She opened her mouth to speak, but a knock at the door cut her off. "Pizza's here."

Arizona waited on the couch while Teddy went to the door to pay the delivery guy. When Teddy returned with a fragrant cardboard box, Arizona's stomach growled. Maybe she was hungry after all.

"How much do I owe you?" Arizona said as Teddy sat down and flipped open the lid. She leaned forward and inhaled deeply. "I didn't think I wanted dinner, but that smells great."

"You buy the next one," Teddy said. "Deal?"

"Deal."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Arizona was surprised by how delicious the pizza tasted, and couldn't help but moan quietly as she chewed. Life had been seriously lacking in pleasure lately, so Arizona met it with enthusiasm.

Teddy laughed, raising an eyebrow. "See? Not all your happiness is gone."

"This is excellent." Arizona's face grew warm. "I haven't been eating much. I'm trying, believe me, but food just hasn't tasted very good. With the exception of the red pepper hummus Calliope keeps bringing me."

Teddy smiled. "Do you realize that your face lights up every time you talk about her?"

"Yeah, well." Shrugging, Arizona admitted, "Yeah. It's sickening, I'm sure."

"It's inspiring."

Arizona swallowed her last bite of pizza and sat back, not sure she wanted another slice. As good as it tasted, she should probably take it easy. After barely eating for the past two weeks, it wouldn't be difficult to overdo it. "I miss her so much."

"I'm sorry I took you away from her tonight—"

Arizona shook her head. "No, I mean…physically. I miss her." She met Teddy's gaze, uncertain about even broaching this subject. "Sexually."

"Oh." Teddy nodded, polishing off her second slice. The woman could pack away food like nobody's business. Not that her body showed it. "I get it. You miss that connection. That intimacy."

"Not to mention orgasms." Surprised by the wave of embarrassment that rolled over her at the confession, Arizona mourned the loss of her easy, open sexuality. "When will that part come back? Wanting sex?"

Teddy exhaled and reclined against the cushions. "I honestly don't know, Arizona. Whenever you're ready. I didn't have sex for two years after my rape. But I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wasn't interested in finding one for a long time. Not necessarily just because of what happened. I was so busy with school. I kind of threw myself into coursework and ignored my social life until I happened to meet a guy who made me realize I wanted to try a physical relationship again. But you're in a different situation with Callie."

"I'm sure she misses me, too." Arizona managed a bashful smile. "We've always had a _lot_ of sex."

Chuckling, Teddy said, "I could tell."

"Really?"

"Are you kidding? You two are electric together. Mark Sloan can hardly control himself sometimes, watching the two of you interact."

Face hot now, Arizona said, "I've always been a sexual person. Especially with Calliope. But now…" She shrugged weakly. "I don't know how it'll be. I couldn't get through being spooned without flashing back to that man behind me. What will it be like when she…goes inside me?" Covering her face with her hand, Arizona shook her head. "God, I was never shy about this stuff before."

"There's no need to be shy." Teddy pulled Arizona's hand away from her face, meeting Arizona's eyes with a good-natured smile. "Don't start with the big stuff. The beautiful thing about being with a woman, I'm guessing, is that you've got lots of options as far as making love goes. Do what feels comfortable. Work up to the rest."

It made sense. And she was sure Callie would be willing to follow her lead. But was she crazy for thinking about this already? "I've barely healed, I'm so turned upside-down that I don't know if I'm coming or going, and I won't even get back the results of the final HIV test for another month, so I know I'm probably jumping the gun even worrying about sex right now. I just…I hate knowing that man was the last person inside of me. I want Calliope to make me remember something else."

"Just don't push yourself, okay? It'll be traumatic for both of you if you try to do something you're not ready to do." Teddy was a trooper. Arizona had always read her as being a bit shy when talking about sex, but she projected a quiet confidence that put Arizona at ease. "The trick is to talk a lot. Keep your eyes open and focus on who you're with. And if you don't like something, don't be afraid to communicate."

Arizona nodded. "I hear you."

"It'll be great." Teddy waggled her eyebrows, playful in a way Arizona had never seen before. "And safe, and healing."

"Anyway." Arizona smiled, picking at her fingernails. "I probably do need to work on the small stuff first. Like having my hair touched."

Teddy clapped her hands together. "That's a perfect place to start. Consider it your first assignment."

"Are you my counselor now?" Arizona kept her tone light, so Teddy would know she wasn't entirely displeased with the thought.

"I'm just someone who's invested in your recovery. And who knows some of what you're going through." Easing into a self-deprecating smile, Teddy said, "If I can get past the devastation I felt after it happened, you can, too. Trust me. You're way stronger than I am." Teddy tilted her head, meeting Arizona's gaze fondly. "Honestly, Arizona, you're probably the strongest woman I've ever known. Look at what you do for a living. You fix kids. But nobody can fix them all, and sometimes you lose them, but you have this way of always looking ahead to the next one who needs you while keeping a genuine smile on your face. You're…amazing, really."

Arizona's cheeks were on fire. "Now you're just making me blush."

"Please don't." Teddy waved an apologetic hand. "I just want you to know that I _know_ you'll get through this. You're too bad-ass not to."

"Really?" Arizona grinned. She had always considered Callie to be the bad-ass in their relationship, but was tickled by the idea that maybe she was, too. "I always wanted to be bad-ass."

"You've always _been_ bad-ass. And you're still bad-ass. Use it to your advantage."

"I will." Spirits thoroughly raised, Arizona exhaled in relief. "This is nice. Hanging out. We need to do it again, soon."

Teddy lit up suddenly. "Hey, you like to run?"

"Like, for leisure?" Arizona pulled a silly face, knowing it would make Teddy laugh, delighted when it did. "Or because something is chasing me?"

"For exercise."

"I…might. Do I get a doughnut afterwards?"

"If you don't mind cancelling all that effort out."

Arizona tipped her head. "That's acceptable to me."

"Exercise also helps with recovery," Teddy said. "I started running in college, afterwards. And when I was in the military, I loved going on runs. It cleared my mind. Got my endorphins pumping. Made me less stressed out when I was done." She bounced up and down on the couch slightly, conveying excitement in a way Arizona immediately understood. "You should come running with me. We can go in the morning before work. Or at lunch, if you don't mind showering at the hospital. Or after work. Whenever you want."

Raising a suspicious eyebrow at Teddy's enthusiasm, Arizona said, "Have you been looking for a new running partner?"

"Owen and I used to run together. But not since…well, you know." Teddy blushed. "I don't think Cristina likes it. Not that I blame her one bit."

"So I'm an Owen replacement?" Arizona winked, not wanting Teddy to think she was actually upset about the idea. Tonight Teddy had given her a place where she felt safe, and more like herself than she had in a long time. The least she could do was give Teddy some companionship in return. "I don't know how awesome I'll be about running, but I'll try. Especially if you think it'll help."

Teddy's excitement boiled over into the most unabashed grin Arizona had ever seen on her friend. Usually reserved, Teddy was absolutely glowing. "It'll help. And I 'd love the company."

Since drifting apart from Owen, Teddy had seemed disconnected from almost everyone, which was one reason Arizona had been so eager to draw her into the fold. Now more than ever Arizona realized what a treasured friend she had become. "You promise to slow down if I can't keep up?"

"Yes. I even promise to buy your first doughnut."

"Then I accept." Still smiling, Arizona realized that she was as relaxed as she had been since the attack. "Thank you for tonight, Teddy. This really did help."

"Good." Teddy held her gaze. "Anytime, okay?"

"I'll hold you to that."

#

An hour later, close to midnight, Arizona said goodnight to Teddy at her door and crept inside her apartment. True to her word, Callie had left the kitchen light on, illuminating a path to their bedroom that Arizona followed after locking up. She opened the door to her room as quietly as she could, not that Callie was anything resembling a light sleeper. But she didn't want to risk interrupting Callie's rest when she knew how badly Callie needed it.

Arizona smiled at the welcome sight of Callie stretched unselfconsciously across the mattress, face slack in sleep. The lamp on Arizona's nightstand was lit, casting Callie in a warm glow that filled Arizona's heart with affection.

Unbuttoning her pants as she crossed the room to stand next to the bed, Arizona swept her gaze over Callie's body, admiring the tan skin on display. No doubt due to typical tossing and turning, Callie's camisole had ridden up so that the bottoms of her bare breasts and the gentle swell of her stomach were exposed. The comforter had been kicked carelessly to the foot of the bed, revealing Callie's luscious ass encased in a pair of delicious cotton boyshorts that accentuated her womanly shape.

A sharp pang of lust rocked Arizona hard, forcing her to sit down on the edge of the mattress to catch her breath. The intensity of her sudden desire shook her, but almost immediately surprise segued into relief. She wasn't sure if it was talking about sex or simply feeling so comfortable all evening long, or even if she should chalk it up to the lingering effects of her two glasses of wine, but one thing was certain. Arizona was unmistakably, unbelievably aroused.

This was something she most definitely hadn't felt, at least not to this degree, since the attack. Physically, she had finally started to heal so the pain no longer held her back from wanting Callie. But emotionally, she felt so far from being ready for sexual intimacy that even having the craving threw her. At the same time, Arizona was thrilled that she still desired sex at all.

Arizona craned her neck, admiring the faint outline of Callie's pussy through her panties. There was nothing about wanting Callie this way that felt threatening. At least not as long as Callie couldn't touch her back. Shedding her bra and socks, Arizona slipped into bed beside Callie, eager to feel the heat of Callie's body against her own.

Callie murmured contentedly as Arizona pulled up the comforter to cover their bodies. Still asleep, she shifted backwards as though seeking out Arizona's warmth, pushing her bottom against Arizona's abdomen in a way that made it very hard to ignore her still-thrumming desire. The need to touch Callie only intensified now that Callie's scent filled her nose. Wrapping her arm around Callie's middle, Arizona pressed the flat of her hand against Callie's bare stomach and closed her eyes, exhaling shakily.

"Did you have a good time with Teddy?" Callie's voice was rough with sleep.

Smiling, Arizona kissed the back of Callie's neck. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, I'm glad. I wanted to tell you good night."

Arizona traced her fingertips around Callie's navel. "I had a great time with Teddy. We talked. It was…nice."

"Good." Callie half-rolled over, giving Arizona a soft kiss on the cheek. "I missed you."

"I miss you, too," Arizona whispered. Unable to help herself, she stroked her hand over Callie's side, admiring the full curve of her hip. Callie sucked in an audible breath, but didn't exhale. "Breathe, Calliope."

After long moments Callie obeyed. "I guess you did have a good night, huh?"

"I did." Settling against Callie's back, Arizona closed her eyes. For the first time in two weeks, darkness didn't bring fear or flashes of violent memory. At that moment, she was too consumed by her overwhelming love for Callie to spare a thought for the man who had thrown the rest of her life into chaos.

This was what mattered. The two of them. With Callie, Arizona could get through anything. Callie believed it, and Teddy believed it, and for the first time, Arizona kind of believed it, too.

Arizona thought back to Teddy's assignment. Start small. Baby steps. If she could get comfortable having Callie touch her hair, Arizona would be that much closer to reconnecting with Callie in a way she sensed could provide more healing than anything else in the world.

"Good night, Arizona. Sweet dreams, okay?"

"I love you," Arizona mumbled against Callie's shoulder.

"Love you, too." From the slight slurring of Callie's heartfelt words, Arizona knew she was losing Callie to sleep once again.

But that was okay. As she cradled Callie in her arms, Arizona focused on thinking positive thoughts, determined to keep the nightmares at bay. _Start small_.

That's exactly what she would do.

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Arizona walked into her apartment on rubbery legs, running a hand through her sweat-dampened hair with a half-grin on her face. Who would have ever thought she would go running? And survive? While Teddy had been gracious enough to intersperse their hour-long journey with healthy bouts of walking, Arizona was still impressed with herself. She had exceeded her own expectations.

Already sore, Arizona sensed that she might have jumped the gun as far as being active so soon after the attack, but this was a good ache. A healthy ache. So she welcomed the burn, especially because it seemed to obliterate much of the anxiety she had felt over the past two weeks. Teddy was right about endorphins. This was as mellow as she had felt in a while.

"I'm back," Arizona shouted from the foyer, kicking off her shoes then stripping her socks from her feet. "And I'm sweaty."

"I love me some sweaty Arizona," came Callie's reply from deeper inside the apartment.

Smiling, Arizona strolled into the living room to find Callie reclining on the couch with a thick book. This was one of Callie's best-kept secrets: the woman was a reader. Not medical journals or magazines, either. Mystery novels. Thrillers. Even the occasional romance. Though she rarely had time to indulge in what Arizona knew Callie considered a guilty pleasure, whenever the opportunity arose Callie grabbed on with both hands. As far as Arizona was concerned, there was something very sexy about a bookworm.

"Ten minutes ago I was doubled-over, gasping-for-air Arizona." Putting her hands on her hips, Arizona stood still and pretended not to notice the way Callie's gaze lingered on her chest. "Not nearly as appealing."

"Teddy gave you a run for your money?" Callie cracked a goofy smile at her own joke. "So to speak."

Arizona rolled her eyes, leaning down to kiss the crown of Callie's head. "She tried to take it easy on me, believe it or not."

"Feel good?"

"Actually, yeah. Really good."

Callie grinned. "That's _super_."

Arizona gave Callie a gentle poke in the ribs. Super was a word Callie never used unless she wanted to tease Arizona. Thrilled that they were finally at a point where teasing felt possible, Arizona couldn't help kissing Callie again. On the cheek this time. "Yes, it is."

Callie wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, you're definitely sweaty."

Laughing, Arizona pulled away. "Hint taken. I'll hit the shower."

"Probably best."

Arizona stuck out her tongue then spotted her cell phone on the coffee table. She'd left it at home during her run, turned off so it wouldn't disturb Callie. Normally she was reachable every moment of every day, but for once she had wanted an hour with no outside interruptions, no reminders of the real world.

And she knew that if anyone had really needed her, they would call Callie. Who would call Teddy. Even so, the illusion of a break had been nice.

Powering on the phone, Arizona saw that she had a new voicemail. Hopefully she wasn't being called in to the hospital. She desperately wanted to finish out her Saturday relaxing on the couch with Callie. Maybe even cuddling a little.

Arizona's heart leapt into her throat when the message began playing and she heard Detective Mendoza's voice. "_This message is for Arizona Robbins. This is Detective Janis Mendoza with the Seattle PD calling to let you know that we got back the results of the DNA test on the semen sample provided to us by the hospital. Unfortunately, we were unable to find a match against the state or national database. That means we're essentially still at square one with our investigation. I know this can't be the news you wanted to hear and I'm sorry for that. Please know that your case remains a priority and if anything else comes up, I'll let you know immediately. In the meantime, feel free to give me a call if you have any questions. Or if you remember anything else that might help. Have a good weekend. Bye."_

Numb, Arizona hung up the phone. In the space of a minute, her mood had gone from balls-out joy to cold emptiness. Not sure how she felt about the news, all she knew for certain was that it wasn't good. Arizona startled when Callie walked to stand in front of her, then jerked away when a tentative hand touched her arm.

Callie drew away quickly. "What's wrong?"

It took effort to make her mouth work. "That was Detective Mendoza. The DNA results came back, but they weren't able to make a match." Arizona shrugged. "So I guess we just wait for him to rape another woman. Maybe she'll be able to give a better description."

Callie's jaw tensed. "It's not your fault, Arizona. He attacked you from behind."

There was nothing Callie could say to make her feel better. Right now she just wanted to be alone. To decide what she was feeling. Shaking her head, Arizona said, "I'm going to take that shower now."

"Hey," Callie murmured. "Are you okay?"

The past week had proven that letting Callie in helped, but right now Arizona had nothing to say. "I don't know how I'm feeling yet. I just want to go get clean and be alone for a few minutes."

"Okay." Callie stepped back but didn't break eye contact. "I'll be out here if you want to talk."

"Maybe we can watch a movie or something after I'm done."

Callie gave her a careful smile. "That would be nice."

The old Arizona would have probably invited Callie to join her in the shower. New Arizona felt far too vulnerable to be naked with Callie right now. All she wanted to do was retreat into solitude and lick her wounds. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take your time."

Arizona walked into the bathroom stone-faced. She shut the door then turned on the shower, mind almost blank as she tried to take everything in. Nothing had changed, really. Before five minutes ago, she didn't know the man who had changed her forever. She still didn't. So why did it feel like the world was crumbling around her?

Stripping off her clothes, Arizona stepped into the shower, exhaling when the hot spray pounded against her loose muscles. She wished she could recapture the balance and contentedness she had felt only minutes ago, but it was gone. As the numbness faded, a riot of conflicting emotions battled for dominance.

On the one hand she was frightened. Her rapist was still out there, maybe even trolling for his next victim. The chances of him hurting her again were slim, but knowing that he was on the streets made Arizona feel fundamentally unsafe. Anxious. She realized that there was a part of her that had really counted on the idea that the DNA test might lead to his capture, something that almost certainly would have eased her mind.

Then there was frustration. Because she hadn't been able to provide a detailed description to the cops, DNA had been their only real hope of making an arrest. No match meant that he wasn't in the system, but it certainly didn't mean he wouldn't rape again. Arizona remembered his anger, the sick pleasure in his voice as he touched her, and had no doubt that he had gotten off on her fear and pain. A man like that doesn't just change. Especially if he thinks he's gotten away with his crime.

Another woman could be hurt. Just like her. If Arizona had gotten a better look at him, if she had only focused on making out his features for those brief moments he had her on her back, maybe she could've given the police something real to go on. Now he would almost certainly need to attack another woman for them to have any chance of catching him. The thought made Arizona want to vomit.

So there was intense, crippling guilt.

Beneath all that, Arizona felt something else—a niggling of relief. Perhaps this meant she wouldn't have to endure a trial. A trial would mean testifying, retelling her story to a room full of strangers. If the police did catch the man she knew she would have to do it. Not just for herself, but for all the women he could hurt if he wasn't locked up. But if the police didn't catch him, that was just one more violation she wouldn't have to suffer. One more challenge she wouldn't have to face.

Arizona lifted a shaking hand and wiped it across her face, hot tears mingling with hotter water. She concentrated on crying quietly, not wanting Callie to overhear. She knew her body simply needed a way to release all the feelings roiling around inside, and for once she didn't beat herself up for her lapse. Deciding that she would give herself a good minute to cry, Arizona pressed her palms flat against the shower wall and bent her head, dissolving into silent sobs.

It was entirely possible that her rapist would walk away from this experience unscathed. Just go on with his life, no worse for wear. Meanwhile Arizona had been shattered, and every day was a struggle to keep moving forward. To regain what she had lost, to find herself again.

That fucking _bastard_.

There was nothing fair about this. He was the one who had committed a crime, and Arizona was paying the price. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Sexually. Arizona couldn't escape the repercussions of that man's actions, while he very well would never suffer any consequences at all.

Arizona straightened, forcing her tears back. Rubbing her face vigorously with both hands, she grabbed a bottle of body wash and squirted a generous glob onto her fingertips. She worked up a foamy lather then ran her hands over her body—arms, chest, stomach. Arizona hesitated a moment, struggling with the simple task of cleaning between her legs. Since the rape she hadn't really touched herself there, afraid of the pain she might feel if she did. It wasn't fear of physical discomfort as much as a sense that psychologically, exploring the place where the most violent, invasive injuries had occurred was just too much for her to handle.

It was like her pussy no longer belonged to her. Something that had brought her so much pleasure in the past now seemed inextricably linked to the worst, most humiliating moment of her life. He had left his mark on her, even after the bruises faded and the cuts healed. Nobody could see it but that didn't mean it wasn't there. And it closed her body off to everyone, including herself.

An unexpected jolt of anger surged through Arizona. It wasn't fair. More than that, it wasn't right. If that man could potentially walk away from this unscathed, why couldn't she?

Arizona took a deep breath and slid her hand down her abdomen, coming to a stop when the tips of her fingers brushed against the top of her trimmed curls. She had a choice here. Reclaim her body or give it over to him. To the fear and shame.

Old Arizona had loved her life. Her career, Callie, her sunny outlook and passion for new experiences. She had dreamed of traveling. Silly things like kittens could brighten her entire day. She went dancing with friends. But what she loved most was staying in with Callie, spending hours enjoying each other's bodies. Since the rape, none of those things were true anymore. But she wanted them to be. She wanted the old Arizona back.

If that man got to walk away from this, so would she. She could never change what happened, it would always be a part of her, but she could damn well demand her life back. The fire Teddy helped light flared into determined intensity.

Arizona wouldn't let him win. She couldn't.

Sliding her hand between her legs, Arizona touched herself tenderly. Almost surprised that the soft folds felt so familiar, she gradually relaxed when the contact elicited no pain. She set her feet apart on the shower floor and traced her fingertips over her labia. The stitches had likely started to dissolve by now, and it no longer hurt to walk or urinate. She certainly wasn't ready for any kind of penetration, but the gentle touch of her own fingers was wholly tolerable.

Funny how something so simple felt so much like victory. Arizona washed herself slowly, taking the time to reacquaint her mind with her body. Since the rape there had been an almost total disconnect. Before, she had loved her body. Had touched it often for pleasure. Had encouraged Callie to touch it whenever and however she wanted. That feeling of truly owning her body and her sexuality had always made Arizona confident and in control of her pleasure. This was the first step in finding her way back to a place where that man didn't have a grip on her.

After a couple minutes of calm exploration, Arizona grabbed a bottle of shampoo and washed her hair. She was ready to get out and go back to Callie, strangely energized by the conclusion of her processing. That man didn't get to break her. He just didn't.

When she stepped out of the shower, Arizona toweled off, resisting the urge to turn away from the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door. She had been willfully avoiding the sight of her nakedness since the night of the attack. No longer. Dropping the towel, Arizona took in the sight of her nude body. Determined to stay in control of her reactions, she concentrated on taking slow, even breaths as she stared at her reflection.

It was hard to look at her bare breasts without remembering the grasping, squeezing pain of his hands all over them. Or the bruises his fingers had left, which had only just faded away. But these were the same breasts she had always considered her greatest physical assets, the breasts Callie hadn't been able to leave alone the first time they made love. She could associate them with so much pleasure, and only one instance of pain. Straightening her back, Arizona ran her hand along the curve of one, then the other. This was _her_ body.

Arizona dropped her gaze to the smooth plane of her stomach, the trimmed patch of hair between her thighs. She was going to fight through this. She accepted it wouldn't come instantly or easily, but it would definitely happen.

Any other outcome meant letting him win.

During her run, Arizona had thought more about how to start small. Now she had an idea, and she was certain that there was no better time. Grabbing a brush and a couple hair ties, Arizona wrapped herself in a towel and went in search of something to wear, nervous but excited about the prospect of really starting to heal.

#

Callie sat on the couch staring sightlessly at her book, trying not to be obvious about the fact that her attention was glued to the bathroom door. She had given up reading twenty minutes ago, almost immediately after picking up her book. She knew Arizona was probably upset, that she was hurting all alone in the shower, and even though Callie was determined to give her space, that didn't mean she wasn't going to worry about her every second they were apart.

When she heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, Callie glanced up and saw Arizona tiptoe out wrapped only in a towel. Not wanting to get caught looking, Callie dropped her gaze quickly. She didn't move again until she heard Arizona slip into the bedroom and close the door behind her. Callie exhaled, shifting all her focus to the bedroom door. All she could do was wait—and hope that Arizona really intended to rejoin her on the couch for a movie.

Though she had spent most of the past twenty minutes worrying about Arizona, Callie had also taken some time to feel her own emotion about Detective Mendoza's voice mail. It was very simple. She was angry. Pissed off. Enraged. Not only did no DNA match mean that Arizona's rapist was free to enjoy his life and quite possibly rape more women, but it also put Arizona in a position where she blamed herself for not being able to better describe the man who had hurt her.

Callie couldn't imagine how difficult it would have been to get a clear look at a man who repeatedly punched you in the head, in the dark, before pushing your face in the grass and violating you from behind. That Arizona had even noticed details like his race and the fact that he had a full head of hair was remarkable. Callie didn't know what she would have been able to glean if she had been afraid for her life like that.

Thinking about just what Arizona had lived through only fueled Callie's rage. If that man got to walk away scot free after doing what he had done, then Callie's faith was shaken—her faith in justice, in what was fair and right, even her faith in God.

The bedroom door opened and Arizona stepped out into the hallway, showing more skin than Callie had seen in weeks. Callie inhaled sharply, surprised by Arizona's choice of outfit. Since the attack Arizona had been lounging in T-shirts and pajama bottoms, body covered at all times. Now she wore a tank top and girly pink boxer shorts that revealed the toned length of her bare legs. Struggling to act normal, Callie plastered on as calm a smile as she could muster.

"Hey." Callie's voice came out high-pitched, anything but calm.

"Hey." Smiling shyly, Arizona walked to the couch and plopped down beside Callie with a quiet sigh. "Not sweaty anymore."

"Oh." Callie wasn't sure how to respond. Everything that came to mind seemed either too flirty or just plain dumb. "Good."

"I'm okay, Calliope. Really." Arizona smiled, closing the distance between them to give Callie a soft kiss on the lips. "The shower helped."

Worried that she was simply reverting back to playing the 'I'm fine' game, Callie pulled back and searched Arizona's face. "You sure?"

Arizona nodded. There was a fire in her eyes that Callie hadn't seen in what felt like forever. "I'm positive. I've decided not to let that bastard win."

"It's okay to be upset about that voicemail," Callie said tentatively. Though Arizona seemed to be handling Detective Mendoza's news better than Callie had expected, she wanted to be cautious with her words. To give Arizona permission to vent, to work through the same anger and frustration Callie was feeling. "It's upsetting."

"It is. You're right." A shadow passed over Arizona's face for an instant before Callie watched her willfully shake it off. "I don't like the idea that he could get away with this. What I like even less is thinking that he might do it to someone else. But those are things I can't control. What I can do is make sure I get to walk away from this too. Intact."

Callie blinked, encouraged by the strength and honesty in Arizona's voice. Lifted by her obvious determination. At once her own anger dissipated, replaced by a very real sense of pride in Arizona. "You're amazing," Callie said softly. "You know that?"

Arizona smiled, cheeks going rosy. "Shut up."

"No, you are." Between her fierce new attitude and relative lack of clothing, it took all of Callie's willpower not to give Arizona a kiss that would go well beyond the tentative pecks they had shared over the past two weeks. "I hope it doesn't sound condescending to say that I'm proud of you."

"Not at all." Arizona grinned. "I'm kind of proud of me, too."

"Good." Callie sat back, returning Arizona's smile. "Want to pick out a movie?"

"Actually, I thought maybe we could do something else."

Curious about what Arizona had in mind, Callie raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Whatever you want."

Arizona held up a hairbrush and two hair ties. "Would you braid my hair?"

Callie swallowed, shocked that her throat could get so dry, so quickly. Her thoughts jumbled together, making it hard for her to know how to react. Arizona looked so pretty in braids, and the idea of seeing her wear them again set Callie's heart racing in anticipation. But braiding her hair meant touching her hair, even tugging on it. That was number one on Arizona's trigger list, as far as Callie was concerned. For the past week she had been careful to the point of paranoid not to touch Arizona's hair. Certainly not to pull it.

Callie realized that Arizona was rubbing her arm, blue eyes full of compassion. "Don't panic, Calliope. I know what I'm asking you to do. Teddy said I should start small. Eventually we'll want to make love again. Braiding my hair is starting small."

If Callie thought it was difficult to breathe before, now it felt near impossible. She couldn't believe Arizona had just mentioned sex. It was so soon. Too soon.

"Relax, darling." Arizona squeezed Callie's arm gently. "And trust me. I can't promise I won't get frightened, but I can promise to communicate. If it's too much, I will tell you. We'll work through it together."

Nodding, Callie tried to remember what Addison had said about what she should do to help Arizona stay in the moment. Talk to her. Communicate. Callie reigned in her anxiety, exhaling slowly. It was up to her to help Arizona through this, not the other way around. She couldn't let her fear of scaring Arizona stop her from doing whatever Arizona asked. Not when she was clearly determined to face one of her triggers head on.

"I can do that." Callie mustered what she hoped was a soothing smile. "I'd be happy to do that."

"Good." Arizona handed Callie the brush and hair ties, then gave her a smile of nervous anticipation. "Just talk to me, okay? Keep me here with you."

"I will." Callie tried to sound more confident than she felt. "You're adorable in braids. I'm excited to see them again."

"Me too." Taking a deep breath, Arizona turned and presented Callie with her back. She glanced over her shoulder, met Callie's eyes, then faced away again. "My mom used to braid my hair all the time when I was a little girl. I loved it."

Callie couldn't help but smile at the thought of tiny, braided Arizona. "I'm not sure I can fathom that level of cuteness. Got any pictures?"

"I might." Arizona's smile came through in her voice. "Ask nicely and I just may share."

Glancing at the hairbrush for a moment, Callie lifted her hand then hesitated. "I'm going to brush your hair out, okay?"

Arizona nodded. "Thanks for the warning."

As Callie touched the brush to Arizona's hair, words began to bubble up from her throat. She knew she had to keep talking, so she winged it. "My mom used to braid my hair, too. But I hated it. Not because I didn't like braids. I just hated sitting still for so long. It used to feel like she took _forever_."

Giggling, Arizona said, "I can only imagine fidgety little Calliope. You probably gave your mom hell, didn't you?"

"I did. But no matter what I pulled with my parents, I was always their little princess." Callie ran the brush through Arizona's hair gently, wincing when she got caught on a small tangle. "Sorry."

Arizona exhaled. "It's okay." Callie watched her hands tighten into fists then relax. "I loved having my hair braided because it was the only real 'girl time' I had with my mother. Not that I was a very girly girl, because I wasn't. I spent most of my time running around outside with Danny, climbing trees and collecting bugs."

Callie wrinkled her nose. "Bugs? Gross."

"Whatever. Bugs are cool." Arizona paused a moment, then amended, "Except spiders. Spiders aren't very cool."

"Agreed." Callie pulled the hairbrush away, biting her lip as she thought through what came next. "So I'm going to start a braid now." Slowly, she touched Arizona's left arm. "On this side. Okay?"

"Okay." Arizona half-turned her head, almost as though she was going to look over her shoulder again. Then she faced forward with a shaky exhalation. "I'm doing all right."

"You're kind of facing two things at once here," Callie said quietly. "Hair, and having someone behind you."

"I know you won't hurt me."

"You're right." Callie placed her hand on Arizona's left shoulder, feeling her tense slightly, then moved it up so she could gather a thick section of blond hair. "When I was a little girl, I used to think about the person I was going to marry. I always assumed he would be a man, of course. But when I thought about this person, it was never about gender. It was about all the things I wanted this person to be."

"Like what?" Arizona's voice was slightly breathless, but because she wasn't asking Callie to stop, Callie kept working.

"Like strong. Brave. And funny. I definitely needed someone funny." Callie smiled as Arizona's shoulders relaxed and she leaned back slightly as though wanting to get closer. Twisting Arizona's hair into a loose braid, Callie took a moment to remember the ideal husband she had used to fantasize about finding. "This person would make me feel beautiful just by looking at me. I would feel warm and safe and loved all the time, just knowing that they were in my life."

"He sounds nice." Arizona's humor came through in her light tone, easing Callie's mind. Whatever she had been working through moments ago seemed to have passed. "And if I ever meet him, I'll kick his ass if he even looks at you sideways."

Callie nearly tugged on Arizona's hair in playful response, something she used to do all the time. Stopping herself just short of a major faux pas, Callie snickered instead. "He's you. You're everything I always wanted. Plus a whole bunch of stuff I never even knew I needed."

"Stuff like perky?"

"Exactly like perky." Callie chuckled and moved on to the other side of Arizona's head without warning her first. She was pleased when Arizona didn't react at all to the sudden change in position. "I couldn't have even imagined someone like you when I was dreaming about this perfect soulmate. And yet I found her anyway."

Arizona ducked her head slightly, but Callie sensed it wasn't because she was uncomfortable. Knowing Arizona well, she imagined that her partner was fighting with a pleased grin. "I just wanted to find a girl with big boobs."

Callie sputtered shocked laughter. "What? Seriously?"

"I _really_ liked boobs."

"Nice," Callie said. Shaking her head, she giggled at Arizona's unexpected confession. "Well, how do I stack up?"

"They're incredible." Arizona reached a hand back, curling her fingers around Callie's foot and giving her a tender squeeze. "But you're more than just boobs to me, Calliope."

Callie dissolved into helpless laughter. All the emotion of the past couple weeks sort of boiled over into hysterical amusement at the turn their conversation had taken. That was quite honestly the last thing she had expected to hear from Arizona today. "I hope so."

"Your ass is just as spectacular." Arizona hesitated a moment, as though waiting for Callie's fresh peal of laughter to die down. "So are your big brown eyes. And your smile. Your heart. The way you love me. The way you make me feel—about myself, about my future. About life in general."

Sober now, Callie finished Arizona's second braid and tied it off. Then she put her hand on Arizona's shoulder. "All done," she whispered.

"Yeah?" Arizona turned to face Callie, giving her a bright smile that reminded Callie so much of the first time she met Arizona that it made her chest ache. "How do they look?"

"Gorgeous." Callie bit her lip, touching Arizona's cheek with the palm of her hand. "I love you so much, Arizona. You did great."

"So did you." Arizona looked truly radiant in a way she just plain hadn't since the rape. "And I love you, too."

Afraid to break the spell, Callie stroked her thumb over Arizona's lower lip. "I mean it, you know. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me. Like, ever. Better than surgery."

"Stop," Arizona whispered softly. But she kissed the tip of Callie's thumb, eyes sparkling.

"No, it's true. If I had to choose between you and surgery, I would choose you. Every time."

Arizona put a hand over her heart, drawing Callie's attention to the slight hint of cleavage revealed by her tank top. "You know what? Me too."

With effort, Callie dragged her gaze back to Arizona's face. And met her knowing smile with an apologetic grin. "Guess this is for real, then. Us."

"Guess it is." Arizona scooted closer, taking Callie's free hand and lacing their fingers together. "You know what I miss?"

"What?" Callie licked her lips, almost afraid of the answer. The heat in Arizona's gaze hinted at feelings Callie wasn't certain either of them were ready to deal with yet.

"Making out."

Swallowing, Callie darted her gaze from Arizona's twinkling eyes to her full mouth then back again. "Me too. But—"

Arizona brought her fingers to Callie's lips, stopping her protest. "Please?"

"Are you sure?" Callie searched Arizona's face for any hint of discomfort. She was afraid that Arizona was pushing herself too far, too fast. Hair braiding had gone well, but it hadn't been without minor speed bumps. Deep kissing took intimacy to a whole new level. "That might be…a lot."

"For you?"

Callie wanted to say _honestly, yes_, but didn't. The last thing she wanted was for Arizona to think she didn't desire her. Because she did. Desperately. She just didn't want to do anything to frighten Arizona or erase any of the progress they had made today. "For both of us."

Arizona brought her other hand up and cradled Callie's face, staring into her eyes. "I promise to communicate with you. I won't do anything I'm not ready to do. But if I don't start kissing you right now, Calliope, I think I might explode."

The thing was, Callie knew just what she meant. After the intense experience of beginning to regain Arizona's trust, with this bone-deep love coursing through her body, it was taking everything Callie had not to press Arizona back against the couch and kiss the hell out of her. If Arizona didn't want to resist the growing desire between them, why force her?

"Okay," Callie said. "But you tell me if you need to stop. And let's take it nice and slow. And—"

Arizona leaned forward and captured Callie's mouth in a searing kiss. Gasping in surprise, Callie parted her lips then groaned when Arizona eased her tongue inside. The groan turned into a whimper at Arizona's familiar taste, at the warm press of Arizona's body against her own. Callie flexed her hands at her sides, then quickly sat on them, not trusting her fingers not to go roaming over Arizona's curves.

Breaking their kiss briefly, Arizona mumbled, "This is good", and then she swept Callie away in another series of dizzying kisses.

It _was_ good. In fact, it was better than good. It was mind-blowing. Aware that things seemed to be escalating quickly but too far gone to try and slow Arizona down, Callie fell back against the couch cushions when Arizona pushed on her chest with both hands. Before she knew it Arizona was on top of her, kissing her breathless.

Then Arizona's hand snuck under the hem of Callie's T-shirt, sliding over her stomach to cover her breast. Callie moaned into Arizona's mouth, unable to believe how good it felt to be touched. Arizona barely hesitated before slipping her fingers inside the cup of Callie's bra, stroking the bare skin of her breast until the tip hardened painfully. Seizing Callie's nipple between her fingertips, Arizona moaned quietly and twisted the turgid flesh in a way that sent a bolt of pleasure straight to Callie's clit.

Raising her hips in an unconscious search for friction, Callie brought her hands to Arizona's face and took control of the kiss without thinking. Then she moved one hand down to rest high on Arizona's chest, so that the heel just barely touched the gentle swell of one breast.

Arizona inhaled swiftly and broke their kiss. Sensing the shift in mood immediately, Callie pulled her hands away and raised them over her head so she wasn't touching Arizona at all. Clearly embarrassed, Arizona removed her hand from Callie's bra, easing out from under her T-shirt with a murmured apology.

"No, I'm sorry." Callie cursed herself for losing track of what she was doing. "Too much, too soon."

Arizona shook her head, pressing her forehead against Callie's. "I'm the one who got carried away." Her voice was thick with shame. "I wanted more than I was ready for. I didn't mean to lead you on."

"Hey." Callie tilted her head, waiting until Arizona drew back so she could look her in the eyes. "You didn't lead me on. And don't ever apologize for needing to stop. I enjoyed every second of that."

Red-faced, Arizona gave her a sheepish grin. "Me too. Except maybe the last second or two."

"What happened?" Callie sat up as Arizona eased backward, giving them both a little breathing room. "Did I scare you?"

Arizona shook her head. "No. Not you. I just realized how fast we were moving and I knew…" She sighed deeply, looking upset. "I knew I wasn't ready for more."

"It's okay, sweetheart. I don't expect you to be ready right now." Callie gave her a careful smile. "Honestly, I was shocked you wanted what you did."

One corner of Arizona's mouth lifted in a silly half-smile. "Don't ever be shocked that I want you. I _always_ want you."

"Yeah?" Amazing how hearing such simple, sweet words from Arizona made her feel so good.

"Oh, yeah." Suddenly having trouble meeting Callie's eyes, Arizona traced a nonsense pattern over her bare knee with her fingernail. "Do you…still want me?"

Knowing the answer without thinking but wanting to choose her words carefully, Callie hesitated then said, "Oh God, baby. Yes. Always. Forever."

Arizona blinked rapidly, wiped shining eyes with a trembling hand, then met Callie's gaze with a watery grin. "Okay. Do you want to watch that movie now?"

"Absolutely."

"And I get to pick?"

Something about Arizona's tone made Callie wonder if she had made a mistake in offering. "Um…sure?"

"_Annie_."

Callie rolled her eyes. "How many times have you seen that movie, darling?"

"At least once less than I need to." Arizona bounced up and down a little and Callie grinned, thrilled to see her rebound so quickly from a moment that could have easily derailed her mood. Last week it probably would have. A sure sign of progress. "Come on…cute kids, great songs, Carol Burnett, and a brown, shaggy dog. That's pretty much all the ingredients you need for the greatest movie musical of all time."

Callie couldn't even pretend not to be enchanted by Arizona's excitement. "Like I said, it's your pick. Just don't try and make me sing along this time, okay?"

Arizona scoffed. "Whatever. Let's see you try and resist."

"Game on."

"Hey." Arizona's face softened as she leaned in to wrap her arms around Callie tightly. Callie brought her hands up and placed them on Arizona's back, careful to keep her touch light and non-threatening. "Thank you for today," Arizona murmured in her ear. "I know this stuff requires courage on your part, too."

Shrugging, Callie dropped a light kiss on Arizona's cheek. "Whatever it takes." She drew away but didn't break eye contact, wanting Arizona to see just how much she meant what she said. "Anything for you."

It was a promise Callie intended to keep.

_To be continued…_


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Just over a week after the momentous Sunday afternoon that had culminated in their short-lived make-out session on the couch, Callie pretended to use a computer at the pediatric surgical nurse's station so she could watch Arizona do rounds. There were other things Callie probably should have been doing—she was way behind on charting—but she couldn't stop herself from checking in on Arizona at least a couple times a day. Surreptitiously, of course.

Today appeared to be going well. Arizona's smile lit up the whole floor, infectious in a way that would normally raise concern in a hospital environment. But Arizona spread happiness, a rare gift that had always made her uncommonly good with children. That's just who she was. Who she really seemed to be finding again. Though Callie could see a subtle difference in Arizona now, the fact that she carried with her something the Arizona of a month ago never could have imagined, she was closer to the woman she had been than ever.

And Callie was overjoyed. It wasn't that Arizona didn't still struggle—the nightmares had lessened but not stopped, she still succumbed to depression and anxiety if she let her thoughts drift, and physically they hadn't gone farther than moderately heated kissing—but for the first time, Callie could see a light at the end of the tunnel. She had no idea how long it would take them to get there, but it seemed that every day brought new progress.

"If you're trying to be subtle about watching her, it's not really working."

Callie startled at the amused voice behind her, glancing over her shoulder to give Teddy Altman an embarrassed smile. "And here I thought I was being sneaky."

Teddy laughed. "Uh, no. She doesn't mind, though. She thinks it's sweet."

"Seriously?" Face hot, Callie logged out of her email and stood. "I figured if she knew, she'd be mad at me for hovering."

"She knows it's not just for her benefit," Teddy said meaningfully. Her eyes flicked over Callie's shoulder and Callie turned to see Arizona striding down the hallway with two interns in tow.

Arizona caught Callie's gaze and smiled widely. Then she entered a patient's room, disappearing from sight and leaving Callie's heart fluttering from the impact of that single, shared look. Exhaling shakily, Callie put a hand on the counter and suppressed the grin that fought to take over her face.

"Wow," Teddy said quietly. "I think _I_ might need a cigarette after that."

Callie laughed, but sobered quickly. The truth was, she was desperate for Arizona. As they slowly reintroduced intimacy into their relationship, Callie found that rather than feel sated, she craved more. Not just sex, though she experienced that desire keenly. She wanted all of Arizona, access to her innermost thoughts and feelings, the warmth of her bare skin, the sound of her laughter. Every day Arizona was able to give more and more, and every day, Callie struggled to be patient. Pressuring Arizona for something she wasn't ready to offer was Callie's biggest fear, but that didn't mean it didn't sometimes take a concerted effort to let Arizona set the pace.

The ferocity of Callie's need frightened her because she knew how easily it could frighten Arizona. So she kept it tightly bottled up where it couldn't hurt either of them.

"She's doing really well, isn't she?" Callie said, searching Teddy's face. She knew Arizona confided in Teddy and most likely told her things she couldn't say to Callie. Though she would never betray Arizona's confidence by asking Teddy what they talked about, Callie was eager for an objective opinion. "She seems so much better."

"She is. She does." Teddy closed the distance between them, keeping her voice low enough that none of the nurses or interns bustling around could hear. "I think she turned a corner last week. Not that she doesn't still have plenty of healing to do, but…" She smiled. "She's really determined to work through this."

Callie nodded. Not only was Arizona determined, she was allowing herself to feel. To have moments of weakness, to lean on others for support. And that had only made her stronger. The phone call from Detective Mendoza had certainly been the catalyst for much of the change, but Callie knew it had really started earlier, and Teddy had a lot to do with it. Hesitating only a moment, she put an awkward hand on Teddy's arm and squeezed gently. "Thank you."

Teddy raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure Arizona deserves all the credit."

"Not all of it." Callie squeezed again then drew back. "You're a good friend."

Blushing, Teddy dropped her gaze to the counter. "So is she."

Callie's attention drifted back to the room where Arizona was just as Arizona and both interns emerged. They walked to the next room and disappeared again. "I miss her wheels."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, her Heelys." Callie met Teddy's gaze. "She hasn't used them yet."

"It'll come." Teddy smirked. "She loves those things too much to stay away forever."

"I hope so." Callie shook her head. How she could miss seeing Arizona skating around in those things, knowing how easily she could fall and break a bone? But she did. She would give anything to see Arizona roll down the hallway right now.

"You know, you deserve a lot of credit, too."

Callie glanced back at Teddy then dropped her gaze, embarrassed. "Well, I'm trying."

"From what Arizona has told me, you've been amazing. She's lucky to have you."

"We're lucky to have each other." Callie winced at hearing words come from her mouth that, no matter how true they were, felt so uncharacteristic to say aloud. "God, maybe Mark is right. That was a little sickening, wasn't it?"

Teddy laughed. "You guys are too adorable for words."

"Adorable. Great." Callie rolled her eyes at what she had become. Not that she was complaining.

Teddy glanced over Callie's shoulder and tipped her head in greeting. "Hey, Arizona. Everything okay?"

Callie turned just as Arizona grabbed her arm, wide-eyed and grinning. "Everything is _super_. I just got off the phone with UNOS, and Sophia's going to get her heart!"

Callie's own heart leapt at the excitement on Arizona's face. Sophia was a ten-year-old long-term patient who had been waiting for a heart transplant for eight months. She had spent the last two in the hospital, her condition too fragile to manage at home. Callie knew that Sophia was special to Arizona, and the news clearly had her over the moon.

"That's fantastic," Callie said. She held open her arms, thrilled when Arizona threw herself into them with a joyful squeal. "This is a good day, huh?"

"_Awesome_ day." Arizona drew away so she could bounce up and down, then she clapped her hands. "Yay!"

Callie nearly burst into tears. _This_ was the Arizona she had fallen in love with. The one she hadn't seen in weeks. Not wanting to burst Arizona's bubble, but curious what the plan was, she asked, "Are you going to lead the transport team?"

Arizona blinked, smile faltering just a bit. "No, I…" She threw back her shoulders. "I'm going to perform the transplant."

Unsure what to say, Callie simply nodded. If she asked _are you sure,_she risked having Arizona think that Callie didn't believe she was ready to go back into the OR. And Callie had no idea whether she was ready or not. That was something only Arizona could decide.

"I had a major surgery scheduled for this afternoon that got postponed," Teddy piped up from behind Callie. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to scrub in."

Arizona's face lit up. "That would be amazing. I'd love that."

Grateful that Teddy would be by Arizona's side, Callie still couldn't shake her fear about how Arizona would react if she had another lapse in the operating room. This surgery was longer and trickier than the appendectomy that had so recently proven to be Arizona's breaking point. After making so much progress, so quickly, Callie couldn't stand the thought that Arizona might risk it all for a surgery.

"Calliope." Arizona placed her hand on Callie's cheek, forcing her to meet Arizona's eyes. Obviously Callie hadn't been doing a good job hiding her anxiety. "I can do this. I _have_ to do this. Sophia has been my patient for four years. I can't tell her parents that their daughter's surgeon can't handle the most important day of her life."

Arizona's confidence went a long way toward reassuring Callie that she would be all right. "I believe in you, darling. And I understand." Giving Arizona a small grin, Callie covered the slim fingers on her cheek with her own hand. "You're going to kick ass."

"Hell yeah, I am." Arizona looked at Teddy. "Is Yang on your service today?"

"She is."

"Why don't you let her know she needs to join the transport team to get the heart? When she gets back she can scrub in and assist with a heart transplant, peds style." Arizona clapped again. "I'm going to call Sophia's parents and tell them the news!" And with that, she took off down the hall in a bouncy, excited blur of motion.

"Well, it wasn't Heelys, but that was pretty excellent to see," Teddy said.

"Yes, it was." Callie turned and met Teddy's gaze. "You take care of her in there, okay?"

"I have a feeling she'll take care of herself," Teddy said mildly, but nodded anyway. "But I'll definitely be there for her."

"I know you will," Callie murmured. She had two surgeries of her own that afternoon, but she would try to sneak into the gallery to watch Arizona when she had the chance.

But not because she was hovering. She just liked to see Arizona shine.

#

Arizona took a deep breath and stared into the mirror hanging on her locker door, mentally readying herself for the next four to six hours. This was her last stop before she made her way to the scrub room for Sophia Young's heart transplant, her last chance to gather her strength and summon the will to perform her first surgery since that horrible appendectomy. The organ transplant team was due to land in twenty minutes, and once that happened there would be no more time to prepare.

She hadn't planned on returning to the OR so soon. Despite the progress of even just the past week, Arizona had imagined that she wouldn't feel comfortable cutting anyone open until she somehow felt "normal" again. She couldn't honestly say that she felt normal—or even knew yet what her new normal would feel like—but she did know that it was time for her to take back control of her professional life. Sophia was one of her kids, a girl she had seen grow from a chatty six-year-old to a thoughtful, compassionate ten-year-old with a startlingly old soul.

Arizona had to see their journey through. She just had to.

Just as the news of the DNA results had mobilized Arizona to start reclaiming her body and the intimacy she so needed with Callie, this new heart for Sophia sparked fierce determination to rediscover the confident professional she had always been. She refused to hand off this case to anyone else. And she would never do anything to put Sophia's life in jeopardy. That meant she had to keep herself in the moment, focus on her breathing, and not let her personal issues keep her from being the surgeon Sophia needed her to be.

A door opened behind Arizona, yanking her out of her deep focus. Glancing over her shoulder, she smiled as Teddy walked in with purpose. "The transport team is fifteen minutes out," Teddy said.

"Awesome." Arizona closed the locker door and exhaled. "I'm ready."

"Are you?" Teddy asked kindly.

Arizona didn't bristle at the question because she knew Teddy understood exactly what she was going through. "I am." Arizona gave Teddy a determined nod. "I won't lie and say I'm not a little anxious, but not about my ability to do this surgery. Just…being back in the OR."

"Just remember, emotionally you're in a different place now. You know what you're dealing with, you have the tools to cope with it."

Arizona pulled on her scrub cap and tied it with expert efficiency. "You're right. And I'll be surrounded by friends." Funny how she could think of Yang as a friend now, but after the way Cristina had helped her the night of the attack, Arizona understood the resident in a whole new way. She was a good person at her core, even if she wasn't always able to show it.

"Yes, you will." Teddy opened her locker, grabbing her own scrub cap and a bottle of water. "We're going to slay this surgery."

Not for the first time, Arizona mused that although she hated what made Teddy such an excellent support system, she was beyond lucky to have her. Taking advantage of the otherwise empty locker room, Arizona decided to share one more piece of good news. "This has been a pretty great week. And not just because I got my period."

Teddy closed her locker door and smiled. "Wish that didn't have to come as a relief, but I'm glad to hear it happened. Feel better?"

"Yeah." As a lesbian, Arizona had never had to worry about missing her period for that reason before. Though she knew the emergency contraceptive she had taken would work, that hadn't stopped Arizona from worrying about pregnancy every day since the rape. Her feelings about having children of her own were complicated enough, but the idea of carrying that man's baby was a nightmare that had haunted her since the instant he whispered his final words in her ear. _I hope I got you pregnant._ Shuddering, Arizona took a deep breath, forcing her mind back to the present. "I've never been so happy for cramps and bloating in my life."

"I'll bet. So what else has been great this week?"

"Calliope." Unable to resist, Arizona dissolved into a goofy grin. "We've been working through some of my triggers together. And making out a little."

"Nice." Teddy pulled on her scrub cap, smiling crookedly. "And now Sophia gets a heart."

"The icing on the cake." Arizona took a deep breath then gestured toward the door. "Shall we go scrub in?"

"Absolutely." Teddy waited for Arizona to get close then stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Hey. Remember, if something does happen, if you _do_ have a lapse…don't panic. Breathe. Just look at me and breathe, okay? We'll get through it together."

Overcome by a rush of affection for her friend, Arizona threw her arms around a clearly startled Teddy and pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you. I'm _so_ happy you're going to be in there with me."

Teddy's hands landed on her back, stroking gently. "Wouldn't miss it."

The locker room door opened again and Alex Karev stepped inside. He stopped short when he saw Arizona and Teddy embracing, clearly startled. The look that flashed across his face would have been almost comical if Arizona hadn't known that she was the one who put that nervous uncertainty there. He obviously realized he was interrupting something, and cringed as though Arizona was going to yell at him again.

Arizona pulled away from Teddy and gave him a polite smile. "Hi, Alex."

"Dr. Robbins." Tearing his eyes away from Arizona's face, Karev scowled and walked to his locker. No doubt he was deciding not to risk being nice again if it might backfire on him. "Dr. Altman."

"Dr. Karev." Teddy glanced at Arizona, cheeks light pink. "I'll see you in the OR?"

"I'll be right behind you," Arizona said, gesturing for Teddy to go ahead and leave. As much as she didn't particularly want to dwell on what had happened two weeks ago, Arizona knew she owed Karev an apology. Things would be awkward until she offered one, and Arizona was tired of awkward. When Teddy closed the locker room door behind her, Arizona put her hands on her hips and bit her lip, staring at the back of Karev's head.

Karev must have felt her gaze burning into him, because he glanced over his shoulder with a sneer. "What?"

"I just wanted to apologize, Dr. Karev." Arizona shifted her weight, lacing her fingers in front of her stomach. "For what I said to you on the balcony. I was out of line."

Karev returned his focus to his locker. "Don't worry about it. It's forgotten."

"I was having a bad day."

"I get it." Karev turned and pinned her with a hard expression, but Arizona could see the vulnerability he always tried to hide. "I do that, too, sometimes. It's cool."

"It's definitely _not_ cool," Arizona said softly. "But I appreciate you accepting my apology."

"Whatever." Karev shrugged dismissively, but Arizona could practically see the tension leave his body. "I'm a big boy. I didn't go home and cry in my soup over it or anything."

Pleased that their relationship seemed to have returned to normal, Arizona gave him a bright grin. "All right, then. I'm off to give a little girl a new heart."

"Of course you are," Karev muttered good-naturedly. "Go save a life, Dr. Robbins."

"That's the plan."

#

Callie sat in the front row of the gallery, eyes locked on Arizona's pink scrub cap as she strolled into the operating room. Teddy already stood at the table across from Yang, and both of them returned Arizona's sunny smile as she approached the prostrate form of the little girl who was hooked up to dizzying array of machinery.

"Are we ready to give Sophia her new heart, people?" Arizona said, holding her gloved hands in the air in front of her chest.

"I am!" Yang piped up, standing ramrod straight. Callie knew it was taking everything Yang had not to fall all over herself in excitement. There was nothing that got Cristina off quite like a cardiac procedure just before the first cut.

"That's the spirit." Arizona's eyes crinkled at the corners, a telltale sign that she was grinning beneath her mask. She lifted her gaze and the laugh lines intensified as she made eye contact with Callie. To Callie's relief, Arizona seemed pleased to find her watching. If Callie's presence made her nervous at all, Arizona didn't show it.

Callie would only be able to stay for the first twenty minutes or so of the surgery, having her own knee replacement to attend to in forty-five minutes. But she had wanted to show up for moral support, and also to reassure herself that Arizona was okay. There was no doubt that Arizona had the skills to knock this surgery out of the park. Callie's only concern was that Arizona might forget that if she let her nerves get away from her.

"We're ready to make the first incision," Teddy said quietly, handing Arizona a scalpel. "It's all you."

Arizona took the blade from Teddy and visibly exhaled, face relaxing as her smile disappeared from beneath the mask. Callie sat forward and watched, wishing she knew what was going through Arizona's mind. This was the moment of truth, the first time she would make a cut since the day of her flashback with Avery. Callie knew how badly that had shaken Arizona, and no matter how confident Arizona had acted earlier, there was no way she wasn't thinking back to that incident now.

Lifting the blade, Arizona positioned it over Sophia's chest, above her breastbone. But instead of cutting she hesitated, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Callie's throat tightened as she waited for Arizona's familiar self-assured confidence to reappear. Not knowing what Arizona was thinking in that moment was torture. Callie couldn't tear her eyes away from Arizona's hand, terrified that it might begin to shake.

Teddy leaned closer, bringing her mouth to Arizona's ear. Callie could see Teddy's mask moving, knew she was whispering something to Arizona, and the next thing she knew, Arizona's eyes were open and she was laughing out loud. Turning to raise an eyebrow at Teddy, Arizona bumped her with her hip then repositioned her scalpel for the first incision.

"Making the first cut," Arizona said in a voice full of easy confidence. Then she lowered her scalpel and did just that.

With a hand so steady Callie couldn't help but pump a triumphant fist into the air.

#

Six hours later, Arizona stood next to Teddy at the sink in the scrub room, washing her hands with a beaming grin on her face. The transplant had gone perfectly. So often even the most routine surgeries presented unforeseen complications, but every once in a while a procedure came along where everything happened just as it should. No frightening moments, no need for improvisation. Just pure, textbook cutting and suturing, beautiful in its precise rhythm.

Arizona was imminently grateful to the universe for allowing her first surgery back to be so uneventful. For giving her this one small break. Not that she was ready to give the universe all the kudos. Because she had rocked that transplant.

"You really are one hell of a surgeon," Teddy said, shutting off the sink. She dried her hands and nudged Arizona's shoulder with her own. "You were impeccable."

"We make a good team," Arizona said. "I really loved having you in there with me. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure." Teddy wrinkled her nose. "Yang was something, too. As much as it pains me to admit that at times."

Arizona gave Teddy a sympathetic smile, disappointed once again that Owen had broken her friend's heart. "I'm in awe of the way you're able to separate the professional from the personal. Sometimes I can barely stand to be in the same room as Mark Sloan. But you're a great teacher to Cristina. You have a strength of character that frankly astounds me."

"Well, at least Cristina doesn't try to get a rise out of me." Rolling her eyes, Teddy pulled off her scrub cap and pocketed it. "I know Mark likes to remind you of his history with Callie whenever he has the chance."

Arizona shuddered at the thought of that history. "Yuck. Let's change the subject now."

"Good idea." Teddy handed Arizona a towel to dry off, waggling her eyebrows. "Why don't we go find Callie and tell her what a rock star you are?"

Arizona showed Teddy her dimples. "Like she doesn't already know."

"And modest."

"Why be modest?" Grabbing Teddy's hand, Arizona pulled her toward the scrub room door. "I'm awesome."

Teddy snorted. "Fair enough."

Arizona opened the door and her heart soared at the sight of Callie leaning against the wall directly across the hallway. Dropping Teddy's hand, Arizona jogged to Callie and launched herself into the open arms she found waiting.

"Let me guess…you were perfect." Callie squeezed Arizona around the waist. "And Sophia has a shiny new heart."

Arizona tossed an I-told-you-so look over her shoulder at Teddy, who rolled her eyes again. "It was incredible," Arizona chirped. "Everything went just the way it was supposed to. And I was super-focused. Like, the only thing that existed in my world for those six hours was that little girl and her heart, and it was fantastic."

Callie gave her the grin that always made Arizona fall in love with her all over again. "We should celebrate." She waved Teddy over, loosening her hold on Arizona. "How about we head over to Joe's? I'm buying."

Obviously pleased by the invitation, Teddy approached while searching Arizona's eyes. "I'm up for it if you are, Arizona."

Still hovering on cloud nine, Arizona was surprised by the twinge of anxiety that threatened to deflate her mood. She hadn't really gone anywhere except the hospital and on her runs with Teddy since the attack. Certainly not to the bar. But old Arizona loved hanging out with friends at Joe's—and so did Callie—so this was something she needed to tackle. Just one more challenge to overcome.

"Hey, if you don't feel like drinks, the three of us could just head back to your place and order in." Callie's rapidly fading smile signaled that she saw Arizona's internal struggle. Arizona knew she was about to start backpedaling in a fury of rambling. "We could watch a movie or something. Just not _Annie_. No more _Annie_ for at least a month. Or we could—"

Arizona stopped Callie with a quick kiss on the cheek. "No, Joe's is good. That'll be good."

"You sure?" It was clear that Callie regretted even bringing it up. "I don't need to go to Joe's. I just want to spend time with you."

"Definitely," Teddy said quietly. "It's your call."

Embarrassed by all the concern on her behalf, Arizona stepped out of Callie's arms and gave them both a good-natured grin. "Relax, you two. I love going to Joe's. You know that."

"Cool." Teddy smiled. "It'll be fun."

"Yeah. Fun." Callie tilted her head, watching Arizona's face.

"Super fun." Arizona stuck out her tongue at Callie, relieved when that seemed to ease some of the tension between them. "Let me go talk to Sophia's parents for a few minutes, then I'll meet you two in the locker room." Taking a step away, Arizona mustered her best flirtatious expression and let her fingers trail a path down Callie's arm. "Smile, Calliope. I'll even let you help me change."

That elicited a genuine grin, which quickly dissolved into a smirk. "Change into what?"

#

Going to Joe's was harder than Arizona expected. When Callie opened the bar door and ushered her and Teddy inside, a wave of panic gripped Arizona and refused to let go. For a moment it stopped her dead in her tracks, but the knowledge that freezing would draw even more attention than walking through the room forced her feet moving again. Callie grabbed her hand and squeezed, meeting her gaze with concerned eyes, and Arizona managed a smile that she hoped was bright enough to cover her sudden, startling case of nerves.

Arizona had never suffered from social anxiety before, but she was certain this was what it felt like. The people, the noise, the close atmosphere of the bar—it was all more than she wanted to deal with. There were a number of familiar faces from the hospital in the crowd, and a handful regarded them as they weaved their way to an empty table in the corner. Though the glances lasted only brief moments, Arizona couldn't escape the gut-churning thought that they were looking at her. Making judgments. Wondering what exactly had happened to her, and how she was handling it.

Callie stopped in front of the table and faced Arizona. Her face was a study in worry. "You okay, baby?"

Arizona nodded quickly, cheeks hot. She didn't want any attention on her, even from Callie. "I'm fine." Easing past Teddy, she took a seat with her back to the wall. "Really."

Teddy sat beside her, but Callie remained standing. "What are you drinking, Teddy?"

"Beer. Fat Tire." Teddy gave Arizona a sidelong glance. "You?"

"White wine," Arizona told Callie. "You know what I like."

Callie gave her a cautious smile. "I do." She turned in the direction of the bar, leaving them with a weak wave. "I'll be right back."

As soon as Callie left them, Teddy scooted closer and spoke as quietly as she could while still cutting through the din of the crowd. "It's okay, Arizona. Nobody's paying any attention to you but me and Callie."

Arizona couldn't help smiling at Teddy's typically insightful reassurance. "So I _am_ being obvious about freaking out, you're saying."

"You do seem a little anxious." Teddy put her hand on Arizona's wrist, squeezing briefly, then pulled away. "But mostly I can just empathize."

Arizona sighed. "It sucks. I don't think I've ever felt this way before." Her gaze darted around the room, worried that she would find eyes on her. "Shy."

"It'll get better. I promise."

"I hope so. Because up until we came here I was really starting to feel awesome again. And now..." Arizona shook her head. "I'm embarrassed. And pissed off."

"We won't stay long." Teddy scooted even closer, as though shielding her from the rest of the room. "Don't beat yourself up for these little setbacks, okay? Focus on the progress." She planted an elbow on the table and her chin on her hand, giving her a warm smile. "Let's talk about how well things have been going. Because it sounds like you're doing great."

Arizona nodded, forcing her attention onto Teddy's face. If she could block out all the rest of the noise in the bar, she had a feeling she would calm down. Before the rape it hadn't been difficult to keep her focus narrowed to only what was in front of her face. Now she was hyper-aware of her surroundings, vigilant and wary. Arizona took a deep breath and reached back to the success she'd had in the OR. And the many strides she'd made over the past week with Callie.

"You're right. Things are good." Exhaling, Arizona perked up when she spotted Callie only feet from their table. "And looking better all the time."

Callie set a bottle of beer in front of Teddy then gently handed a full wine glass to Arizona. "Ladies." She sat down and lifted her own bottle of Fat Tire. "To kick-ass peds surgeons. And the cardiac gods who stand beside them."

Arizona clinked her glass against Callie's bottle, then Teddy's. "And the hot ortho rock star who buys the drinks."

"Cheers." Callie took a long pull of her beer then scooted her chair closer to Arizona's. "You doing okay, sweetheart?"

Two weeks ago, Arizona would have snapped at Callie for acknowledging her struggle. But tonight Callie's concern warmed her completely. Knowing that she had a partner who not only loved her but also cared about how she was feeling made her feel safe in a way very little did anymore. Arizona rested her head on Callie's shoulder for a moment, then lifted up and kissed Callie's cheek. "Much better now that you're here."

Callie eased an arm around Arizona's back, tugging her close. Then she gave Teddy a serious look. "So tell me how cute Arizona is when she's running with you. Does she talk about doughnuts the entire time, or just near the end?"

"I actually tie a doughnut on a string and keep pace a little bit ahead of her." Teddy took her own sip of beer, winking at Arizona. "Enticement, you know."

"That work?"

"I'll do anything for a doughnut." Starting to feel more comfortable flanked by her partner and her best friend, Arizona leaned back in her chair and managed a genuine smile. "Calliope, you should know that better than anyone."

Callie raised an eyebrow and took another drink, smiling around the mouth of her bottle. Teddy snorted laughter. "Sexual favors for doughnuts. Nice."

"Only for the ones with the sprinkles." Arizona took a large sip of wine, liking the way she almost instantly felt the fuzziness even a small amount brought on. Being a lightweight wasn't half bad. "I'm not _cheap_ or anything."

"Of course not," Teddy said.

"Cheap is the last word I'd use to describe you, darling." Callie grinned, and when Arizona grabbed her thigh under the table and squeezed, she laughed out loud. "Doughnut-gobbling freak, but never cheap."

"Wasn't this supposed to be a 'lift Arizona up' kind of outing?" Arizona complained, mustering the most pitiful pout she could manage. "Seems like you both are kind of missing the point here."

"Aw." Callie dropped a kiss on Arizona's cheek. "I'll make it up to you later. Rainbow sprinkles."

"Rainbow sprinkles?" Emboldened by the half glass of wine she'd consumed so far, Arizona said, "I really hope that's a euphemism for sex."

Callie drew back, inhaling sharply. She took a quick drink, gaze flitting toward the bar, while her face reddened. Arizona's attempt at flirting had clearly made her nervous and that—more than just about anything—broke Arizona's heart. This was another challenge in front of her—building Callie's confidence about treating her like a sexual being again.

"Rainbow sprinkles, huh? I like that one," Teddy said. "I've always called it 'making sandwiches'."

Callie chuckled nervously, sitting up straighter in her chair. "My college roommate called it 'darning her socks'".

Teddy dissolved into giggles. "Did her grandmother teach her that one?"

Arizona smiled and took another sip of wine, watching as Callie and Teddy launched into a lively back-and-forth on sexual euphemisms, which somehow turned into a discussion about favorite movies. It was nice to see two of the most important people in her life getting along so well, and Arizona relaxed within the warm glow of their friendship.

When Teddy got up to go to the bathroom some time later, Arizona was pleasantly buzzed and infinitely more comfortable than she had been when she came through the door.

As soon as Teddy was out of earshot, Callie turned to Arizona with a gentle smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Warm," Arizona murmured, leaning against Callie's side. When Callie pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, Arizona exhaled in pleasure. "Better."

"Coming here was hard, wasn't it?" Callie's voice was full of self-recrimination that was only slightly dulled by her obvious buzz. "I didn't really think about it when I suggested we come, but I could tell this made you nervous. I'm sorry."

Arizona shook her head. "I'm a big girl, Calliope. I've got to push myself sometimes."

"Well, I never want to force you to do anything you're not ready to do."

Arizona wasn't sure if she was imagining the subtext in Callie's statement, but decided to go with it. Drawing back, she shot Callie a meaningful look. "I know you would never force anything on me. And I need you to trust me to decide what I can and can't handle."

Callie nodded quickly. A little too quickly. "I trust you. Of course."

"Even when it comes to rainbow sprinkles. Okay?"

Throat tensing, Callie said, "Okay."

"Because I like rainbow sprinkles. A lot." Arizona moved her hand higher on Callie's thigh, stopping near her hip. "And I don't plan on letting him take that away from me. Please don't let him take it away from you, either."

Lowering her voice, Callie said, "I just don't want to pressure you."

"You're not." If anything, Arizona was pressuring herself. But once she set her mind to something, she pursued it with a singular focus. That was exactly why she had always been so successful in her career—and recently, with Callie. "I want to tackle these challenges, Calliope. I want to find myself again. And I need your help."

"Whatever you need." Callie took Arizona's hand, lacing their fingers on the tabletop. "I'm here."

Arizona could still see the fear in Callie's gaze, but she knew Callie meant what she said. That was a good thing. Because Arizona intended to up the ante soon. She may not be healed yet, but she was damn well going to get there as quickly as she possibly could.

If he got to move on, so did she.

_To be continued…_


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

After weeks of ignoring her own physical needs, Callie Torres stepped under the hot spray of the shower with a single-minded focus on what was, this morning, an uncomfortable truth. She was horny as hell.

It wasn't surprising. Callie had always been the proud owner of a voracious sexual appetite, and it had been about a month since she and Arizona had made love. Even longer since she had gotten herself off. Somehow it hadn't seemed right to do so since Arizona's rape, not that she had even had much opportunity. When she wasn't with Arizona, she was exhausted or depressed or trying to distract herself by talking to friends. And when they were together—well, the last thing Callie wanted to do was let Arizona know how badly she craved physical release. That fell under the category of 'pressuring', as far as Callie was concerned. Which meant it wasn't an option.

But alone in the shower an hour before she had to be at work, Callie finally had a chance to attend to her raging libido. For the first time since the attack, she was able to entertain the thought of self-pleasure without experiencing crushing sadness or guilt, and she knew she had to seize this opportunity while she had the chance. Who knew when it would come again?

Callie set her feet apart, bracing herself against the shower wall as she slipped her hand between her legs. She was already wet, slick and hot against her fingers. Biting her lip, she stifled a moan at how _fucking_ incredible it felt to touch herself. Already she could tell that it wouldn't take much to send her over the edge.

She began to rub in slow, circular rhythm over her clit, then dipped her fingertips lower and toyed gently with her labia. Callie closed her eyes and imagined it was Arizona's hand that stroked her, feeling her ardor rise exponentially at the thought.

No, this wasn't going to take long at all.

A soft knock on the door made Callie gasp in surprise. She jerked her hand away from her pussy and straightened, glancing nervously over her shoulder. Not since she was a teenager had she felt so unnerved about the prospect of getting caught. "Yeah?"

"Mind if I come in?"

Callie stifled a disappointed groan. Of course Arizona couldn't wait to use the bathroom on the morning Callie was finally going to find relief. Not knowing how to refuse, Callie called out, "Of course not."

The door opened and Arizona stepped inside. Still dressed in the tank top and panties she had slept in, she took Callie's breath away. Hair mussed, eyes puffy with sleep, Arizona was the sexiest woman Callie had ever seen. The insistent throbbing between Callie's legs intensified, forcing her to look away in a desperate bid not to lose control right then and there.

"Good morning," Arizona murmured.

"Morning." Callie squirted some shampoo into her palm and quickly lathered her hair, listening as Arizona moved around the bathroom behind her. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a rock. No dreams."

"Good." Callie rinsed the soap out of her hair, turning just in time to see Arizona pause in front of the shower door. Feeling strangely self-conscious about her nudity, Callie gave Arizona an embarrassed grin. "I'll be out in just a minute."

Arizona shook her head. "No, I…" She met Callie's eyes through the glass. "Do you mind if I join you?"

Shocked, at first all Callie could do was stare dumbly at Arizona's face as she tried to decide the motivation behind the request. In the past showering together had often led to sex. Even when it didn't, it meant being in close proximity with Arizona at her most vulnerable. With the way Callie felt at that moment, she had no idea how she would hide her arousal from a wet, soapy Arizona right in front of her.

"Please?" Arizona said quietly.

Not wanting to make her feel awkward about what was obviously a big moment, Callie nodded and moved away from the door. "Yes. I'm sorry. Of course."

Arizona smiled and pulled her tank over her head. Heart pounding, Callie glanced away quickly. Since the rape she hadn't seen Arizona naked beyond a fleeting glimpse of her battered body that night, when she had surprised Arizona in the bathtub. Having seen how self-conscious Arizona had been then, and how frightened, Callie didn't know how to react now that she was being shown so much skin again. Even a quick look at Arizona's pink-nippled breasts left her so excited she ached.

The shower door opened then closed. Arizona's hand landed on her shoulder, a tentative touch, and Callie startled at the surge of desire that shot through her at the contact. Squeezing gently, Arizona chuckled under her breath.

"And here I thought I would be the nervous one." Arizona's tone was light, but Callie heard a trace of uncertainty in it. "Look at me, Calliope. Please. It's okay."

Callie turned, fixing her eyes on Arizona's face. Water pounded against Callie's head and back, and she struggled to keep her focus above Arizona's neck rather than watch the excess spray that shot around her and soaked Arizona's bare skin. More than anything Callie wanted to drop her gaze and take in the beauty of Arizona's breasts, the tempting patch of curls between her thighs, but she was barely hanging on to her control as it was.

"Look at me so I know you still want me," Arizona whispered. Callie's heart sank at the sorrow that crept across Arizona's face, replacing the brave smile that had been there only moments before. "I _want_ you to look at my body. I want this to feel comfortable again."

Callie forced her shoulders to relax. Then she mustered up her trademark smirk, sweeping her gaze up and down Arizona's gorgeous curves. She let herself react—not too much, but hopefully enough to convince Arizona that lack of desire wasn't the problem. When she met Arizona's eyes again, she saw obvious relief.

"That was a start." Arizona took a step forward and Callie stepped back, allowing Arizona to duck her head and soak her hair under the spray. "I trust you, Calliope. I want this closeness back, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I don't want to make _you_ uncomfortable," Callie said. She picked up the bottle of shampoo, offering it to Arizona. "You know I want you. But not until you're ready. Not until it's right."

"I know. I'm not trying to rush anything. This is me taking baby steps. Being naked together without having sex is a baby step. Right?"

Callie didn't know whether she was more relieved or disappointed at Arizona's confirmation that sex was off the table. As terrifying as the idea was, standing this close to Arizona's nudity had done nothing to diminish her desire. No matter how scary the thought of acting on it might be.

"Want me to wash your hair?" Callie surprised herself with the offer, but the moment she saw Arizona's eyes light up, she was glad she'd made it. "That's a baby step, isn't it?"

"Yes. That would be wonderful."

Callie squeezed a dollop of shampoo into her palm then set the bottle down. Arizona moved to turn around, but Callie stopped her with a shake of her head. "I'd like to look into your eyes while I do this."

Arizona gave her a smile so full of love it hit her square in the gut, visceral and wrenching. "I'd like that."

Callie rubbed her hands together then sank her fingers delicately into Arizona's blond locks, massaging her scalp with blunt nails. Arizona exhaled and hooked her hands behind Callie's neck, stepping so close their breasts pressed together. The innocent contact sent a fresh flood of wetness between Callie's legs. She was painfully aware of how swollen her pussy was, of the slickness of her labia and inner thighs, but she forced her attention away from her own body and focused instead on Arizona's reaction to her touch.

She saw comfort. Pleasure. Obvious arousal.

Arizona's pupils dilated under Callie's watchful stare, and she shifted her weight, subtly brushing their bodies together in a way that had Callie's heart pounding so thunderously she knew Arizona surely felt it in her own chest. Giving Callie a happy smile, Arizona brought her head forward and ducked underwater, rinsing her hair while bringing their lips mere inches apart.

Unable to resist, Callie leaned closer slowly, giving Arizona plenty of time to retreat. But Arizona merely closed the distance between them, pressing their mouths together in a soft, wet kiss. Callie dropped her hands from Arizona's head to her shoulders, keeping her close, while Arizona's hands skimmed down Callie's sides then gripped her hips tightly. They kissed for a long time, until they broke away by mutual consent, leaning their foreheads together and panting into the other's open mouth.

"That was nice," Arizona said after a few moments. "Very, very nice."

"_De acuerdo_," Callie murmured, slipping into Spanish unconsciously. That kiss had knocked the English language right out of her. "_Muy bonito._"

Arizona groaned, a wanton sound that raised gooseflesh over Callie's entire body. "If you don't want things to get very heated, very quickly, I suggest you drop the Spanish. Now."

Callie drew back laughing. She needed space, because Arizona had a point. It would be so very easy to rush into something they didn't have time to do right. Not that Callie believed either of them was ready for the next step, even if they didn't have to be at work soon. "Sorry about that."

Arizona bit her lip, smiling. "I'm not."

"Want me to scrub your back?" Callie picked up a bath sponge and body wash. "You can get your front."

"Okay." Arizona turned, presenting Callie with her back without hesitation. This was something that had become natural for them again, with Arizona no longer worrying about having Callie behind her. She continued to be sensitive around others, but not when they were alone. Thank God.

Callie squirted soap onto the sponge then handed the bottle to Arizona, who poured some in her palm. Arizona rubbed her hands together then smoothed them over her breasts, her stomach, between her legs. Callie watched Arizona's arms work as she washed herself, trying and failing to concentrate solely on the motion of her own hand over Arizona's spine. She stopped short of running the sponge lower than the small of Arizona's back, not wanting to risk more intimate touching.

After a couple minutes they had Arizona clean, and Callie turned off the water, grimly aware that she was still very turned on. She hadn't wanted to touch herself at all, even to wash, lest her control slip and she fall over the edge right in front of Arizona. When Arizona stepped out of the shower and onto the bath mat, Callie let her gaze linger on Arizona's shapely bottom, biting the inside of her lip against the pang of pure need the sight provoked.

"Coming?" Arizona glanced over her shoulder, caught Callie looking, and smiled.

Blushing, Callie followed Arizona out of the shower. "I've got a surgery first thing this morning. Laminectomy. Should be interesting." She was babbling. She knew she was babbling. But it was either that or let her libido take over. "Have you ever watched a laminectomy? It's…interesting."

"Maybe I'll sit in for part of yours," Arizona said. The half-smile on her face told Callie that she was doing a poor job of hiding her nerves. "I've got a clubfoot repair at nine o'clock." After a brief hesitation, Arizona tugged Callie close, bringing their naked bodies together again. "Thank you for an awesome morning, Calliope."

Not knowing what to do with her hands, Callie patted Arizona's back awkwardly. "Uh, my pleasure?"

Arizona giggled. Body flush against Callie's, she wasted no time grabbing Callie's arms then sliding her hands down to entangle their fingers. Arizona moved them down over her bare sides, guiding Callie's hands to rest on her hips. When Arizona released her, Callie gripped the soft curves beneath her palms on instinct, keeping Arizona close.

"I'd like to try some more baby steps soon," Arizona murmured. She came up on her toes, kissing Callie's bottom lip. "Maybe next time we manage to carve out a quiet evening at home. When we have a little more time."

Callie swallowed as her throat went dry. "Uh…yeah. Whatever you want." Her fingers crept lower, curling around the swell of Arizona's buttocks. "If you're…I mean, if you're ready for another baby step."

"Oh, I am." Arizona's eyes had darkened, a sure sign that she was turned on. Callie couldn't detect even a hint of fear in her gaze. "Very ready."

But Callie just couldn't imagine how that was true. Four weeks was barely any time at all, especially when the first two had been so full of trauma and sadness. "Just don't push yourself too hard. Okay? I would wait for you forever."

"But I'm tired of waiting." Grinning, Arizona dropped her hand between Callie's thighs, drawing a surprised groan from Callie when her fingers slid wetly over her puffy labia. "And so are you." Arizona gave her a playful smile as she raised her hand to her mouth, licking Callie's juices from her fingers. "Why don't I go make coffee? You go ahead and finish up in here."

Paralyzed, Callie stood silently as Arizona grabbed a towel from the rack and left her with a sultry smile. As soon as the bathroom door closed, leaving Callie alone, she grabbed the edge of the sink, planted her feet apart, and gave her clit three hard strokes with the fingers of her right hand.

That was all it took.

#

As it turned out, their next quiet evening at home came only three days later. Arizona's two surgeries that afternoon were completed by five o'clock, and Callie finished up her third surgery only an hour after that. They met in the locker room and quickly changed into their street clothes, then held hands as they rushed out of the hospital before anyone could stop them from leaving. Since their shared morning shower, Arizona had done nothing but think of the next time they would have the opportunity to spend unbroken hours together. Tonight felt like the night. Both of them had been running themselves ragged at the hospital all week, and Arizona couldn't think of a better way to unwind then going to bed and sharing a pizza after they worked up an appetite.

Arizona had no idea how Callie would react if she suggested they go straight to bed. She was certain Callie was horny—it had been totally obvious in the shower the other morning, if not pretty much every moment since. Though Callie had been doing an admirable job of suppressing her needs, Arizona knew her partner well. She doubted Callie had ever gone so long without, her post-shower climax from her own hand notwithstanding.

Arizona was determined that they both find satisfaction tonight. That she would overcome another challenge in the process was the icing on the cake.

When they got back to Arizona's apartment, Callie peeled off her jacket and hung it on the hook just inside the door. "Want to order a pizza or something?"

"Great minds." Arizona grinned and removed her own light coat. "You hungry now?"

"I could eat." Callie collapsed onto the couch with a tired sigh, glancing over her shoulder at Arizona. "Why? Are you not hungry?"

"Oh, I'm hungry." Letting every bit of her interest seep into her tone, Arizona walked around the couch and sat near Callie. She placed her hand on Callie's wrist, trailing her fingertips over the tender skin on the underside of Callie's arm. "Just figured pizza could be dessert."

Callie's eyes widened and she went still. Arizona wasn't surprised to see momentary panic flash in her eyes, but expecting it didn't dampen her disappointment at its appearance. For the past few days Arizona had really turned on the charm, flirting shamelessly whenever she had the opportunity. She could tell that Callie enjoyed it on some level, though on another it seemed like a particularly painful form of torture. Callie was trying so hard to suppress her desire, to the point she almost seemed distant at times. No matter what she said or how she said it, Arizona couldn't seem to convince Callie that she was ready for this next step.

But Arizona promised herself that this evening would be different. She ached with the need to reconnect, to let Callie erase her body's memories of that night. That man. And more importantly, Arizona yearned to bring Callie pleasure, to show her that no matter what else had changed, Arizona's physical need for Callie remained the same.

"Are you sure?" Callie's voice quavered as worry passed over her face. Despite Callie's obvious fear, Arizona could also see her ardent desire. She no longer doubted that Callie wanted her. Clearly it was only Callie's fear of moving too fast that held her back.

Arizona didn't know how else to convince Callie that she was ready for this except to push forward with confidence. She scooted closer and brought her hand up to caress Callie's cheek. Leaning in, Arizona initiated a soft kiss that quickly turned heated.

Breaking away with a moan, Arizona murmured, "Why don't we take off our clothes and get in bed? We'll see where things go. No pressure."

Callie's nostrils flared. "No pressure. Right."

When Arizona stood and offered her hand, Callie accepted it after only a brief hesitation. Nerves fluttering, Arizona led them to her bedroom, hating that this felt anything but comfortable. Before, sex was fun and easy and their favorite way to express their deep emotion for one another, not to mention let off steam. Now making love was fraught with deep psychological meaning, and the threat of trauma seemed to lurk just under the surface of every single interaction they had. No matter how confident Arizona was that she was ready for this, Callie's hesitation gave her pause.

_Was_ she pushing too hard? Arizona closed the bedroom door behind them, taking a deep breath. For the past week she had been taking on challenge after challenge, with relative success. Why should this be any different? She wanted Callie. And she was going to have her.

Callie stopped near the bed, turning around to search Arizona's face. "I love you."

"I know." Arizona closed the distance between them, drawing strength from Callie's words. "I love you, too."

"Let's just take this slow, okay?" Chewing on her lip, Callie pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it onto the floor. "We don't have to go all the way."

Arizona chuckled. She traced the swell of Callie's left breast where it rose above her bra cup, then the right. "What if I want to go all the way?"

"Then we will." Callie's hands trembled as she cradled Arizona's face in her palms. She stared into Arizona's eyes, quiet and sober. "Talk to me, okay? And I'll talk to you. Tell me what you like and what you don't like. You won't hurt my feelings. I just…need your help to make this safe for you."

Arizona leaned in and kissed Callie again, bringing her hands around to fumble with the catch on the back of her lacy black bra. She loved the way Callie filled out lingerie, ample curves in all the right places, but she was desperate for skin-on-skin contact. Since their shower that was all Arizona could think about—the silky heat of Callie's smooth, caramel skin on hers again.

Callie whimpered into her mouth as Arizona eased the bra off her shoulders then discarded it on the floor. Not breaking away for even an instant, Arizona dropped her hands to the button on Callie's jeans, thumbing it open then tugging the denim down over her hips. She ran her hands greedily over Callie's lacy panties before pulling at them as well.

Gasping, Callie drew back from their kiss to ease her panties and jeans down the length of her long legs. She stepped out of them to stand in front of Arizona, gloriously bare. Arizona loved naked Callie—thick and supple, all woman, so lush it made Arizona's mouth water. Aware that she was staring, Arizona finally dragged her gaze up to Callie's face and grinned sheepishly.

"You look delicious." Arizona placed a hand on Callie's shoulder, pressing her backward until she collapsed onto the bed. "Sit down."

Callie snorted nervous laughter. "Yes, Dr. Robbins."

Arching an eyebrow, Arizona murmured, "Oh, I like that."

"I'll bet you do." Callie leaned back on her elbows and smiled mildly. "For you, I'll do anything. You want control, I'm surrendering it."

"Thank you, Calliope." Arizona stripped off her own shirt and jeans quickly, not even feeling a twinge of self-consciousness this time. It had been harder the other morning in the bathroom, but now her only concern was giving Callie pleasure—and taking some for herself. "Why don't you lie down?"

Callie reclined in the center of the bed, watching as Arizona removed her panties. "You're so beautiful."

Arizona blushed at the blatant adoration in Callie's gaze. "So are you."

Callie opened her arms, clearly hesitant. "Come here, baby. Let me feel you."

Grateful for the invitation, Arizona climbed onto the bed and settled on top of Callie's warm body, both of them sighing at the contact. Arizona's leg slipped between Callie's thighs as Callie's hands landed on her shoulders, stroking lightly. They had shared this intimate embrace dozens of times, and yet somehow Arizona felt simultaneously like she was coming home and discovering something terrifically, breathtakingly new.

"Hi," Arizona whispered, gazing down into Callie's brown eyes. She watched Callie's battle with arousal play out on her face, fascinated by the self-control she could see being exercised. Despite what looked like need so intense it had Callie trembling beneath her, her touch remained light and non-threatening. Almost non-sexual. But Arizona knew better. "I missed you."

Callie's lower lip trembled. "Oh, baby, I've missed you, too."

Arizona dipped her head and ran her tongue along Callie's quivering lip, then slipped into her mouth with a languid moan. Callie kissed her back softly, her entire body vibrating with what Arizona knew was tremendous effort not to escalate things until Arizona took them to the next level. Knowing how difficult that had to be for her hot-blooded lover, Arizona grabbed Callie's arms and wrenched them above her head, holding the backs of her hands flat against the mattress. She laced her fingers with Callie's and kept her in place as their kisses grew more and more passionate.

Arizona tore her mouth away only when she was desperate for air. "May I lick you?"

Callie tipped her head back and moaned as though the question alone was enough to bring her off. "Yes."

"You sure?" Arizona used the tip of her tongue to play with the shallow dent above Callie's upper lip. "I don't have to."

"Positive."

Giggling, Arizona released Callie's hands then started a sensual journey down the length of her body. She planted wet, open-mouthed kisses along her throat, over one breast, then the other, paused for a moment to nibble on Callie's rock-hard nipples, then quickly continued to her destination between Callie's thighs. Any thought she had of teasing Callie, of drawing this out, fled with her awareness that Callie's pussy was shockingly wet, and scorching to the touch. Desperate to satisfy Callie, Arizona hauled one leg over her shoulder and covered Callie's pussy with her whole mouth. She sucked gently while using her tongue to trace over swollen folds, then pressed the tip inside Callie's tight opening with a hum of satisfaction.

Callie cried out in Spanish, throaty words Arizona hadn't heard in weeks. The sound of Callie's pleasure sent a rush of wetness between her own thighs, leaving her slick and throbbing with need. So far nothing about this felt scary. In fact, until that moment Arizona had forgotten there was any reason at all to be cautious.

Circling Callie's clit with her tongue, Arizona was aware that Callie's hands were fisted in the sheets beside her hips, hanging on tightly. Usually Callie would tangle her fingers in Arizona's hair for this, to keep her on task, but Arizona knew she was trying to avoid any possible triggers. She smiled and lapped gently at Callie's labia, so full of love she knew her actions would speak louder than any words ever could.

"_Más_," Callie choked out. "_Más, por favor._"

Arizona pulled back, face wet with Callie's juices. "_Si, mi amor_." She slowed down the movement of her tongue, drawing out the sweet torture until Callie's thighs were quaking beside her head.

"Oh, fuck," Callie groaned wantonly. But just as Arizona expected to feel her release, Callie grasped her shoulder and squeezed. "Come here, Arizona. Come up here and kiss me."

Arizona surged up the length of Callie's body, capturing her mouth in a hard kiss. She loved how Callie enjoyed tasting herself on Arizona's lips, the way she sucked her own juices from Arizona's tongue and chin, greedy for more. Kissing Callie passionately, Arizona rocked against her belly and moaned in pleasure.

Callie's hands landed on her hips, gripping tightly and encouraging her to rock harder. Breaking away from their kiss, Callie whispered, "May I touch you?"

Dimly Arizona was aware that this was the moment of truth, this would be the first time anyone touched her pussy outside her own tentative explorations. But she was so turned on, so impossibly aroused, that being afraid didn't even occur to her. "Please."

Callie's hand left her hip and eased between their bodies. Gentle fingers slid along Arizona's labia and Arizona startled slightly at the intimate caress, dismayed when she had a brief flash of the last time someone touched her there. _This is Calliope_, she reminded herself, keeping her eyes open and staring into Callie's face. Callie's fingers rubbed her clit tentatively, sending a ripple of pleasure through Arizona's abdomen. Just as Arizona began to relax, Callie turned her head to the side and whimpered, tightening her other hand on Arizona's ass.

"Fuck, you're wet," Callie said, and Arizona's throat tightened as a wave of shame and revulsion rolled over her.

_You're wet._ Arizona tensed in anticipation of the agony of penetration, no longer on top of Callie but lying on her stomach in the grass, at the mercy of a man whose only desire was to get off on her pain. She could feel Callie's hand stroking her tenderly but she felt disconnected from her body, from Callie, from the safety of this private moment with the woman she loved. Instead she felt dirty and disgusting. _You're wet. Filthy whore._ Embarrassed and ashamed, Arizona grabbed Callie's wrist.

"Stop." Arizona's voice came out breathy and panicked. "Stop."

Callie pulled away in an instant. Arizona came back to the present swiftly, aware that Callie had stiffened beneath her, still and watchful, hands held out at her sides. Non-threatening. Meaning her no harm. And frightened beyond words.

"Goddamn it," Arizona whispered brokenly, rolling off Callie's body. She curled up on her side and faced away from Callie so she wouldn't have to meet her eyes. After all Callie's concern that they were moving too fast, Arizona had just gone ahead and proven her right. The knowledge that this awkward, terrifying moment was all her fault only compounded Arizona's shame, leaving her unable to look at Callie. Arizona was the one who had pushed them to this place, and in doing so made Callie hurt just as badly as she did.

"What happened?" Callie's voice cracked. "What did I do?"

Arizona shook her head. Tears stung her eyes but she tried to hold them back. "It's not your fault."

"Everything seemed great, and then…" Exhaling shakily, Callie shifted closer, but didn't make contact. "I shouldn't have touched you there. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't that." Squeezing her eyes closed, Arizona cursed the tears that broke free and rolled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Calliope. I didn't know I would react that way."

Callie touched her shoulder and Arizona jerked away on instinct. Immediately Callie pulled back as though burned. "Tell me what happened. Please."

Arizona couldn't turn to face her. This was the one part of her rape she had kept to herself, the only thing she had never admitted aloud. It was the secret she had intended to bury deep inside, too humiliated to share it with anyone. But how else could she explain why Callie's words had triggered such deep, fiery shame? Aware that she had to tell Callie, the only way she could force out the words was by keeping her eyes tightly shut.

"That night before I left work, we kissed in the elevator." Arizona curled in on herself, embarrassed not only by what happened, but also because she had been too afraid to tell Callie before now. "We made out. And it made me…I was wet."

Behind her, Callie inhaled swiftly, but stayed silent.

"When he…when he touched me with his fingers, before he…" It took effort not to let bile rise in her throat at the still-vivid memory she had been trapped inside only moments ago. "He taunted me for being wet. Called me…a name. Like it was for him."

"But you know it wasn't." Callie's tone was hollow.

"I know, but it…" Arizona shivered, wishing she weren't still naked. "That doesn't make me feel any less disgusting."

"You're not disgusting." Callie's voice hardened. "_He's_ disgusting."

Taking a deep breath, Arizona sat and pulled her knees to her chest. She wiped her tears away then glanced at Callie, searching her face. Arizona didn't know how to interpret all the turmoil she saw there—anger, sadness, fear, and unmistakable guilt warred for dominance in Callie's dark eyes.

"I know," Arizona whispered.

"I said you were wet. I touched you and said you were wet. Just like him." Callie's face crumbled. Balling her hands into tight fists, she pressed her knuckles to her forehead. "If I had known, I wouldn't have done that."

"I'm sorry." A fresh flood of tears rolled down Arizona's cheeks at the rising emotion in Callie's voice. "I didn't realize—"

"Yes, you did." Callie dropped her hands and whipped her head around, pinning Arizona with an accusatory stare. "Why didn't you tell me? You're supposed to talk to me. If you can't be honest about your triggers, how the hell can I avoid them?"

Arizona flinched at the sharpness of Callie's tone. Old Arizona would take exception at being talked to so harshly. But new Arizona deserved it. Callie hadn't wanted to rush into sex but Arizona had insisted, without giving her all the information she'd needed to make Arizona feel safe. It didn't really matter that Arizona hadn't anticipated what might happen. For weeks Callie had done everything she could to be the perfect partner, to protect Arizona, and Arizona had practically set her up for failure.

"I'm sorry," Arizona whispered again. "I was too embarrassed to tell you. If I'd known it would cause this, I would have."

Callie crawled off the bed and walked to the dresser. Her movements were stiff and controlled, a clear indication that she was still angry. Rummaging through one of the drawers she had recently taken over, she withdrew a favorite T-shirt and practically threw it at Arizona.

"I don't know what else I can do." Callie's hands shook as she found another T-shirt and tugged it over her head. "I've done everything I know how to do and I still wound up hurting you." She shut the drawer hard, knocking the dresser up on its rear legs before it dropped back into place with a quiet thump. "You should have trusted me, Arizona. We shouldn't even be _thinking_ about having sex if you can't tell me what you need from me."

Arizona pulled Callie's T-shirt over her head, instinctively taking a deep whiff of the well-worn grey fabric. Callie's unique scent clung permanently to the cotton now, and it soothed Arizona even as Callie raged on. "I said I was sorry." Aware that the words sounded pathetic and empty, Arizona gave her a helpless shrug, wanting desperately to explain. "It's not an issue of trust. I wasn't going to tell anyone…about that."

Callie folded her arms over her breasts, still standing by the dresser. "Not even Teddy?"

"What?" The venom in Callie's tone caught Arizona off-guard. "No."

Tightening her jaw, Callie glanced away to stare at a spot on the wall. Arizona could see that she was trying to hold back whatever it was she wanted to say.

"I didn't tell Teddy," Arizona said. "Or Detective Mendoza. Or you." Hot tears continued to stream down Arizona's face, and God, she was tired of crying. "I didn't tell _anyone_ because I didn't think it was anyone's business. As it turns out, I should have. And I'm so goddamn sorry about that, Calliope, but I can't change it now."

Tears spilled from Callie's eyes as her face twisted in anger. "I warned you about pushing too hard." She pinned Arizona with cold eyes devoid of any of the affection Arizona had come to take for granted. "Did you even think about me before you decided to throw caution to the wind? How I would feel if this didn't work?"

"I thought it would be okay," Arizona whispered. "I just wanted you, Calliope. That's all."

"I feel like a fucking rapist." Callie's chin trembled and her voice wavered. "That's how you just made me feel."

Arizona's stomach turned over and for a moment she was sure she would be sick. But she was too empty inside to throw up. A cold void bloomed deep in her chest and spread outward, down her arms to her fingers, through her abdomen and on to the tips of her toes. The last thing she ever wanted was to hurt Callie. Not when Callie had done nothing but try so hard to do everything right.

A powerful wave of self-loathing took Arizona's breath away. She lifted the comforter and crawled beneath so her lap was covered, then brought the edge of the blanket up to hide her face. Never had she felt so emotionally flayed, so full of hatred for herself. She couldn't even look at Callie. She didn't deserve to.

Sobbing uncontrollably, Arizona studied a loose thread on the underside of the comforter. "I wish I could take it back. And I…" Her shoulders shook at the thought of how much she had wounded the person she loved most in the world. "I hope you can forgive me."

"Oh, Arizona," Callie murmured. In a flash she was sitting on the mattress beside Arizona, peeling the blanket away from her face. Her eyes were totally drained of anger. Only horror remained. "No. No, no, no. I'm so sorry, you…" Swallowing, Callie reached out tentatively, and when Arizona didn't react, she placed a gentle hand on Arizona's back. "You didn't deserve that."

"Yes, I did." Arizona swiped at her tears with both hands, determined to suck it up and take responsibility like a grown-up. Crying only made Callie feel even guiltier, which wasn't at all what Arizona wanted to do. "You're right. I should have told you. And obviously I did push too hard. I thought I was ready but you're right, I should have thought of you, about how you'd feel if…" Arizona scowled when the tears kept coming, wiping them away angrily. "If that happened."

"Obviously you didn't know that would happen." Callie blinked, dropping her hand to hold Arizona's. "I know that. And I understand not wanting to…" She paused, clearly trying to choose her words carefully. "Wanting to keep certain things private. I'm not entitled to every detail."

"You are when it affects you." Exhausted now that it seemed she and Callie were mending what had been damaged between them, Arizona slumped against Callie's side. "It was a stupid thing to keep secret. I know it didn't mean anything. What he said, and what my body…was like."

Callie shook her head, pulling her closer. "It's not stupid. I just wish I hadn't brought that memory up for you." She sniffled, and Arizona watched a renewed crop of tears track freely down Callie's cheeks. "I don't want to be associated with something like that. I don't want to make you think of him."

"You don't," Arizona whispered, but her words fell flat. They both knew what had just happened. Arizona wondered how she would ever be able to convince Callie to try making love again. "You're not him."

Callie turned her face away as the tears really began to flow in earnest. "None of this is your fault. Not the rape, not what happened tonight. No matter what I said. Okay?"

A lump rose in Arizona's throat, making it hard to swallow. "Okay."

"Sorry I yelled," Callie murmured. She gathered Arizona in her arms, rocking her gently. "Should I order pizza now?"

Arizona mustered a humorless bleat of laughter. "I'm not very hungry."

"You need to eat." Callie's hand very cautiously touched her side. "You're getting too skinny."

"We can get pizza," Arizona said. After the trouble she'd caused, she wasn't about to argue. She hesitated then eased away to look into Callie's eyes. "You didn't get to…finish. Do you want me to…" Arizona glanced at the space between Callie's thighs, very aware that the scent of her arousal still hung heavily in the air. Touching Callie had been the one bright, shining revelation of the night, and Arizona sensed that bringing Callie pleasure could go a long way toward healing some of the pain that still lingered between them. "I really enjoyed that part."

Callie shook her head, angling her thigh to block access to her pussy. "No, that's…I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Taking both Arizona's hands in her own, Callie ducked her head and stared deeply into Arizona's eyes. "I will wait for you, as long as it takes. Understand?"

It took all Arizona's effort not to start crying again. Not because she didn't believe Callie—that wasn't the problem. It was just that after what had happened, she wasn't sure that Callie would ever trust her to know she was ready again. Tonight had been her chance to prove she could move on and she'd blown it. Big time. And now Arizona sensed they were taking three steps back.

That sucked. Hard.

Determined not to let Callie see her disappointment, Arizona plastered on the bravest smile she could manage. "I understand."

_To be continued…_


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

The next morning, Arizona startled out of deep thought at a knock on the door of the on-call room she had locked herself inside. She grabbed the knob, then hesitated. "Yeah?"

"It's me."

Arizona unlocked the door then pulled it open, moving aside to let Teddy through. "Hey, you."

Teddy put her hand on Arizona's arm, squeezing as she stepped inside. "Is it pathetic if I admit this is the first time I've ever been paged to an on-call room?"

Arizona managed a small smile. Glancing into the hallway, she was relieved to find nobody paying any attention to Teddy's arrival. She could only imagine how the rumor mill might spin this meeting. Closing the door, she said, "Unfortunately, I can't promise much of a good time."

"What's wrong?" Teddy frowned, fidgeting with her ever-present stethoscope. "Did something happen?"

All morning Arizona told herself she would stay strong for this conversation. Damn Teddy for being so freaking sweet. Arizona's chin quivered as she whispered, "I screwed up."

Compassion softened Teddy's features. "Oh, sweetie." She sat on a bunk and patted the spot next to her. "Tell me what's going on."

Arizona locked the door and sat beside Teddy, grateful for her warm presence. Though she and Callie had fallen asleep holding hands the night before—and she had woken up this morning nestled in Callie's arms—things had been noticeably strained since their failed attempt at lovemaking. Callie was scared and frustrated and clearly saddened to have triggered Arizona, while Arizona burned with guilt, shame and sorrow. Though she trusted that they would eventually repair what last night had damaged, Arizona had spent the day thus far feeling devastatingly alone.

That is, until Teddy walked through the door.

"I tried making love with Calliope last night." Arizona searched Teddy for a reaction. Did she also think Arizona had been foolish to push so hard, so quickly? "It…didn't go as well as I'd hoped."

"I doubt it's ever easy the first time." Teddy slipped her arm around Arizona's back. "That doesn't mean you screwed anything up. It's not your fault."

Not her fault. Callie had said the same thing, but Arizona knew that wasn't true. "Yeah, it was. It was definitely my fault."

"How?"

Arizona covered her eyes with her hand as her humiliation flooded back full force. "There was something about the rape I didn't tell Calliope—something I hadn't told anyone—and she triggered that memory for me. Right after she started touching me. And I freaked."

"I'm so sorry, Arizona. I know that must have been scary."

"Yeah," Arizona whispered. "It wasn't good."

"Is Callie okay?" Teddy's voice was gentle. Non-judgmental. But full of genuine concern.

Cringing, Arizona looked at the floor. "She said I made her feel like a rapist."

Teddy went very still. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I don't know." Arizona's jaw chattered as her emotion rose. "I've never felt so horrible in my life. The hurt in her eyes, the pain…she's done nothing but try and be everything I need. Whenever I need it. And I all but doomed her to failure by keeping secrets."

"I'm sure you had your reasons for not telling her."

Arizona shook her head. "I was ashamed. Embarrassed. But I should have realized that it could come back to haunt me. It wasn't fair to ask Calliope to try having sex without telling her how not to frighten me."

"You didn't know." Teddy rubbed her hand over Arizona's back briskly, giving her an affectionate pat. "Now you do. Is Callie still upset with you?"

Shrugging, Arizona murmured, "I don't think she's angry anymore. But she's upset, of course. She was hesitant to have sex in the first place. Thought I was pushing too hard." She bit her lip, glad for the pain. "I guess she was right."

"Hey, pushing yourself isn't always a bad thing. It's gotten you this far."

Where was that? Before last night, Arizona had been confident about the progress she'd made. Now the wind had been taken out of her sails. "She said I should have thought of her. Of how she'd feel if it didn't work. And she's right. I wasn't really thinking about her. I mean, I was thinking about the fact that I knew she was horny and I wanted to give her what she needed. But mostly I was thinking about how badly I wanted things to get back to normal."

"I know it may not feel like it right now, but you haven't lost any ground you can't make up." Teddy projected quiet strength, which was exactly what Arizona needed today. She leaned against Teddy's side and soaked up her positive energy. Slowly but surely, Arizona's despair melted away. "You just need to go back to the basics. Start small, work up to the big stuff."

It was exactly the advice Teddy had given her weeks ago—advice that Arizona had managed to forget in her impatience to heal. "Baby steps."

"Exactly."

Arizona wanted to smack herself. For a while she had been totally focused on moving slowly, and things had improved steadily. Then she'd gotten in the shower with Callie and promptly lost control of her desire to reconnect. Baby steps had gone by the wayside. "You're so right." Arizona exhaled. "Damn it. Why did I push us so hard?"

"Because that's who you are. You push yourself in everything you do. That's why you're a great surgeon."

"Yeah. And a horrible partner." Arizona took a deep breath as a fresh wave of guilt crashed over her. "You should have seen her, Teddy. She was terrified. _I_ did that to her."

"Cut yourself some slack," Teddy said. "This whole situation new for you. You're still learning how to navigate it. And so is Callie. Last night was a reality check, sure, but it doesn't make you horrible."

"It did make me realize that I need to protect Calliope just as much as she's been protecting me." As embarrassing as it was to admit, Arizona hadn't really understood that until Callie's show of anger after her flashback. "That I'm not the only one struggling with what happened."

"So maybe it was good, then. Even if it was a painful way to learn that lesson." Teddy gave her one last squeeze. "Callie loves you so much. I know she forgives you."

"How is it you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better?"

"Because I'm awesome." Teddy gave her a shit-eating grin. "Obviously."

Arizona returned her smile without thinking. "Obviously."

Teddy's grin softened. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course." Arizona prepared herself for the worst, but hoped Teddy wouldn't ask what secret she had kept from Callie. She really didn't want to rehash it. Not even with her best friend.

"Have you touched yourself sexually?" Teddy looked only slightly embarrassed to ask. "Since the attack?"

The question was straightforward and direct, taking Arizona totally by surprise. "Uh. No. I haven't."

"But before…" Teddy asked gently. "Is that something you did?"

"Yes." Nervous laughter bubbled up from Arizona's throat. "Wow, I've never been shy about that before."

"No need to be shy." Teddy gave her a sheepish grin. "I'm something of an expert in the subject."

Teddy's confession dispelled Arizona's discomfort. "Me too. But not since it happened, no. I, uh…I explored a little in the shower the other day. Not with a goal in mind, though. Just…touching.""

"Think about starting there." Teddy nudged her with her shoulder. "Get comfortable making yourself feel good first. Then you can go to Callie with more confidence. Hell, you could even let Callie watch you touch yourself. That would be fun."

Arizona raised an approving eyebrow. "Look at you."

"Yeah, well…" Teddy rolled her eyes. "Like I said, I have plenty of solo experience. That leaves a girl with a lot of time to think."

Laughing felt good. So good, in fact, that Arizona's spirits lifted considerably. She and Callie still had plenty to work out, but Teddy had just shown her a path to get there. "You _are_ awesome."

"Stop." Teddy laughed. "We're having a regular mutual admiration society meeting in here, huh?"

Arizona dried the last of her tears, straightening her shoulders. "You know it."

"Ready to adjourn?"

"Yeah, I've got an appy in an hour." Arizona glanced at her watch. "Make that fifty minutes."

"Keep your head up, Dr. Robbins. Setbacks happen. But you and Callie will work through anything that comes up. That's one thing I know for sure."

Arizona sprung to her feet, energized to address the issue head on. There wasn't any time to talk to Callie now, but it was clear they had a lot to discuss. Not only did Arizona want to apologize again—to reiterate that she understood Callie was working through her own set of challenges, and would be more sensitive to that in the future—but she also wanted to let Callie know what she and Teddy had just talked about. As contrary to her nature as it was, Arizona was determined to let Callie inside on absolutely everything from now on, even at the risk of oversharing. She needed to make this relationship with Callie work. If that meant communicating in a way she never had with previous girlfriends, Arizona was happy to do it.

She never wanted to make that same mistake of omission again.

"We _will_ get through this," Arizona said. In past relationships she never would have trusted something like that. But Callie was different. She was the possibility of forever. "You're right."

"I've never been so sure of two people in my life," Teddy said. "Seriously. This will only make you stronger."

Arizona liked the thought. "I hope so."

"Hey." Teddy gripped her arm as they approached the door, before Arizona could open it. "You're _already_ stronger."

Despite everything, Arizona believed her.

#

Callie flipped through a patient's chart without really looking. She had just finished a shoulder arthoscopy and had a knee replacement in two hours, but between surgeries there was nothing to do but dwell on what had happened with Arizona the night before. All day so far she had been walking around numb, feeling disconnected from her body and wholly unlike herself. Like a stranger in a Callie suit.

She'd never experienced anything like what happened in bed with Arizona, and it haunted her. Nearly all her past lovers had been male, every last one of them fully participatory in bed. Never had Callie felt like she was touching someone when it wasn't wanted. When Arizona had frozen on top of her, when she had gasped for Callie to stop, the fear and disgust in Arizona's eyes triggered a wave of intense shame unlike anything Callie had ever known.

She felt like dirt. Lower than dirt. Though she shouldn't have said it to Arizona, especially in anger, Callie had meant what she'd said in the immediate aftermath—it made her feel like a rapist.

Knowing that her hand and her words had taken Arizona to such a dark place was almost too much to bear. Callie loved Arizona with everything inside her and never wanted to be a source of pain. Every moment of every day since Arizona's rape had been about not scaring her—about helping her heal—and last night had unraveled all her efforts so far. If only Arizona hadn't insisted she was ready for something she didn't even trust Callie enough to talk about.

Sighing, Callie flipped her chart closed just as Arizona emerged from the on-call room down the hall. Arizona had a smile on her face and Callie nearly smiled back, until she noticed Teddy trailing behind. Callie's smile faded.

It wasn't that Callie had a specific problem with Teddy. Honestly, she was glad Arizona had such a close friend, especially one with some idea what she was going through. Someone she could trust. But the thing was, Callie wanted to be that person. She wanted to be the one who made Arizona smile, who got summoned to an on-call room for whatever reason. Instead she was the one who triggered memories of the worst night of Arizona's life. The one Arizona was too embarrassed to talk to. Things with Teddy were all sunshine and rainbows, it seemed—Teddy had none of the hard work in Arizona's recovery, so she got to be the superhero. And Callie was the villain.

Callie hated being jealous. But that didn't mean she wasn't.

"You're not seriously worried about Teddy Altman, are you?" Callie jumped at the sound of Mark's voice next to her ear, then straightened, feigning indifference. "Trust me, she loves penis. A lot."

Callie wrinkled her nose. "I'm really not in the mood, Mark."

"For penis? No, you haven't been in that mood for a while, have you?" Despite his words, Mark wore a sober expression. "What's wrong, Callie? Everything okay?"

Callie shrugged and pushed off the counter, walking down the hall in the direction Arizona had disappeared. "Everything's fine."

Mark grabbed her elbow and pulled her to a stop in front of the on-call room. "Don't make me drag you in there and force you to tell me what's got you so upset."

There was no way she was talking to Mark about this in the hallway. Or anywhere else they might be overheard. Knowing that she was rolling the dice as far as sparking rumors that would undoubtedly hurt Arizona deeply, Callie opened the on-call room door and stomped inside. Mark followed, closing the door behind them.

"I, uh, kinda didn't expect you to do that." Mark folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the door, looking like he wasn't sure what to do next. "Is Robbins going to kick my ass for sneaking off to an on-call room with you?"

Callie paced back and forth, desperate to calm down. She didn't particularly want to share what had happened with Arizona, but she felt like she might burst if she didn't get it out. Calling Addison was probably a better idea. But Mark was here in front of her, and no matter what Addison and Arizona thought, he was actually a damn good friend. He always made her feel better.

Decision made, Callie said, "We tried having sex last night."

Mark's eyes widened, as though he was slightly alarmed she was actually opening up. "Tried?"

"And failed."

"Ah." Mark gave her a sympathetic grimace. "What happened?"

"I triggered her." Horrified, Callie could feel her eyes well with tears. "I did something that made her think of that night, and she asked me to stop, so I did. But it scared me to death. I could see in her eyes that for a moment, at least, it wasn't me in bed with her. It was that man."

"Damn," Mark muttered softly. "I'm sorry, Callie. I really am."

Callie shook her head and kept up her pacing. "The frustrating part is that she could have warned me not to do what I did. I had no idea I was saying something that would upset her, because she didn't tell me that part. If I'd known…" She muttered in Spanish then quickly translated for Mark. "I wouldn't have done that."

"Are you okay?" Uncharacteristically tender, Mark took a step closer but didn't touch her. "That must have sucked. I'm sorry."

"It did suck. So much that I yelled at her about making me feel like a rapist." Stopping abruptly with her back to Mark, Callie cringed at the memory of throwing her favorite T-shirt at Arizona, spiteful and enraged. "She was naked and frightened and I knew she didn't do it on purpose, but I got so mad." Callie lowered her voice to a whisper. "I knew we weren't ready to have sex. That _I_ wasn't ready. Partially because I suspected _she_ wasn't either. But she insisted and all I wanted was for her to have the control. So I went along. But I should have told her it was too soon. Then maybe it wouldn't have happened."

"Geez, Torres. Give yourself a break, okay?" When Callie turned, her throat tightened at the kind crinkle of Mark's eyes. "You let her set the pace. You trusted her to know what she could handle, and she didn't give you fair warning about what was off-limits. There's nothing more you could have done." Mark tugged Callie into a loose embrace. "You've been a trooper during this whole thing. Now it's time to ease up on yourself. I don't blame you for getting angry. You felt like a monster, and you're only human."

A powerful rush of relief nearly took Callie's legs out from beneath her. For whatever reason, his understanding meant everything. Mark's arms tightened around her middle, keeping her on her feet. "I'm just so tired, Mark. I want a break. I _need_ a break. But then I feel like an asshole for even thinking that way, because it's not like Arizona gets to take a break from this. She has to live with what happened every day."

"So do you." Mark squeezed her gently. "And you deserve a break. Why don't you let me take you out for drinks after work? Give you a chance to unwind?"

It was so tempting, but Callie wasn't sure how Arizona would feel about her running off for drinks with Mark Sloan. Especially when things between them were still shaky. "I don't know. Last night was pretty intense and we've barely had time to talk about it—"

"Take a rest from the talking for just a few hours. I'm sure Arizona will understand." Drawing back, Mark met her eyes. "She's been hanging out with Teddy, right? Running and all that?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then…this is no different. You're entitled to your own chance to let off some steam."

There was something amusing about hearing Mark so perfectly echo Addison's advice of a few weeks back—advice that Callie so far hadn't followed. "Maybe you're right."

"I usually am." Mark flashed his trademark mega-watt grin. "Tell blondie I'll escort you home safely by midnight at the latest. We'll do some shots, I'll kick your ass at darts, and we'll get your mind off everything else. I'm willing to bet everything will seem less overwhelming in the morning."

That was an offer Callie couldn't refuse. "Okay. I'll ask Arizona if she minds."

"No. _Tell_ her you need a break. She'll understand."

Callie desperately hoped so—but she had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy.

#

"Tonight? Really?"

Callie kept a smile plastered on her face even as Arizona's mouth turned down at the corners. Clearly Mark's prediction about Arizona's level of understanding had been optimistic. "I haven't hung out with Mark in weeks," Callie said. "And today has been crazy with surgeries. I could really use some bar time—just to relax a little. You know. And get away."

A flicker of hurt passed over Arizona's face but disappeared quickly. "I understand, Calliope. It's just…tonight. After…last night." Glancing around the cafeteria at the doctors and nurses seated at the tables surrounding them, Arizona lowered her voice. "I thought maybe we could talk. About what happened. About where we go from here."

The idea of another emotionally intense evening left Callie completely drained. And suddenly desperate for a drink. Or two. "Can't we do it tomorrow? We're both off early. I can make a nice dinner and we'll talk about anything you want."

Searching Callie's eyes, Arizona said, "Okay. If you need some time away, I understand. I just…" Her gaze flicked over to a pair of nurses who huddled together and pretended not to watch them. "I want to make sure you're not avoiding me because of what happened."

"Of course not." Callie placed her hand on Arizona's, threading their fingers gently. She kept her face neutral, not wanting Arizona to see that there was some truth to her worry. "I love you, darling. I love spending time with you. But I've been totally neglecting my friends. My social life." Trying to keep the jealousy out of her voice, she said, "You've got Teddy, which is great. Really great. Let me have Mark. Just for tonight."

Arizona wrinkled her nose. "With pleasure."

"And tomorrow I'm all yours."

Nodding, Arizona stared at the tabletop. "Of course. That's fine."

Caught between regret and defiance at Arizona's obvious disappointment, Callie said, "If you really don't want me to go, I won't. But I feel like I've earned a night off." Arizona's eyelids fluttered rapidly and Callie realized too late how her words would surely sting. Wincing, she murmured, "I didn't mean it like that."

"No, I get it." Arizona shook her head and looked away, toward the door. "You have earned it. And I'm sorry to be so needy. That's unattractive. I know that."

"You are _never_ unattractive." Callie covered their joined fingers with her other hand, rubbing circles until Arizona returned her attention to Callie's face. "We're just both under a lot of stress. That's all."

"You're right." Arizona took a deep breath and appeared to relax marginally. But it seemed more like she was putting on a brave face than truly at peace with Callie's plans. "We are. And you're also right that you're due to have some fun."

Genuine or not, Callie would take it. "I'll be home by midnight."

"Be careful, okay?"

"Mark has promised to escort me to my door."

Arizona gave her a tight smile. "Like I said, be careful."

Unsure exactly how to take the comment—as an innocent joke or thinly veiled jealousy—Callie just smiled back. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Giving Callie's hands one last squeeze, Arizona pushed back her chair and stood. "I've got some charts to catch up on. Are you still giving me a ride home?"

"Of course." Callie widened her smile, hoping to tease out Arizona's dimples before they parted ways. The tension that lingered between them was killing Callie. "Go be awesome, Dr. Robbins."

Arizona gave her a half-hearted smile. No dimples. "You know it."

Callie exhaled as Arizona walked away. Yeah, a break was definitely in order.

#

Nine-thirty at night and Arizona had nothing better to do than get ready for bed. Normally she would have plenty of ways to entertain herself even when Callie wasn't home, but tonight she couldn't turn her brain off long enough to do anything but stew. And stewing was exhausting. So bed it was.

Except she quickly discovered she couldn't go to sleep in her bed alone. Not with the memory of their aborted lovemaking the night before still haunting the rumpled sheets. So Arizona grabbed a pillow and blanket and headed for the couch. She would surely hear Callie come in when she got home and could follow her into the bedroom then.

This naked, unchecked need for Callie's presence embarrassed Arizona. It made her uncomfortable. No one had ever made her feel incomplete simply by not being near. Callie was the first person to leave Arizona weaker with her absence, and that scared Arizona to death. Not knowing exactly where they stood, and aware that Callie wanted to put some distance between them even just for the night, devastated Arizona. And that was humiliating.

Arizona tossed her pillow onto the couch and stretched out along the cushions, wrapping herself in her blanket. The living room was dark but the light from the foyer spilled in through the entryway, painting a broad stripe across her carpet. Arizona fought the urge to get up and illuminate the place with lamps and overhead lighting. Since the rape she'd been afraid of the dark. Something else that was rather mortifying.

Enough with feeling weak. She was a big girl—she didn't need a night light, and she didn't need Callie either. At least not every minute of every day.

Pulling her blanket to her chin, Arizona closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Callie was doing. Shots, no doubt. Probably throwing darts—she and Mark took competition to ludicrous heights. Dancing? Arizona shifted flat on her back, forcing back the twinge of jealousy the thought provoked. Callie was sex on wheels when she danced. She hated the thought of Mark Sloan grinding against her swaying hips.

Stop it. Arizona squeezed her eyes tightly closed, hating the sharp bite of resentment brought on by the thought of Mark's easy physicality with her partner. Deep in her core Arizona trusted Callie, but she certainly didn't trust Mark. Not with the choices he'd made in the past, and not with the way he still gazed at Callie sometimes. Like she was a delicious meal he couldn't stop craving.

Callie would never cheat on her, she knew that, but they _were_ under a lot of stress right now. And Callie was wound tight with pent up sexual energy. Surely Mark would pick up on that. They would be drinking. What if he decided to make a move? Would Callie even tell her about it later, after she'd hopefully pushed him away?

"Stop," Arizona said aloud. She was being completely ridiculous. And petty. And downright immature.

Mark Sloan could do whatever he wanted. If she trusted Callie—which she did—she had to go all-in on trusting that she would handle the situation appropriately if it arose. Whether or not Arizona was currently fulfilling her needs.

"Shit," Arizona whispered. Biting her lip, she fought against the wave of sadness that threatened to sweep her away. They had been so close last night. So close. And now reestablishing their connection seemed farther away than ever.

She had to focus on Teddy's advice. Once she had a chance to talk with Callie, they would work things out. Arizona would stop holding things back. And maybe they could agree that even if they were backing off for a while, that didn't mean they couldn't start to tackle baby steps.

Like touching herself. Arizona exhaled slowly. Though she suspected she was too wound up to reach orgasm tonight, she slipped her hand into her pajama bottoms and between her parted thighs. She jerked at the rough touch of her fingers on her dry labia, wincing at the sensation. Carefully, she rubbed gentle circles over her folds, trying to generate some wetness that would turn discomfort into pleasure. She thought about Callie, about her naked curves, about the way she had tasted last night, and the memory sent a ripple of pleasure skittering down her legs.

A flash of Callie with Mark, laughing at one of his stupid jokes, grinning in that purely sexual way she had, jolted Arizona back into frustration. She had no reason to question Callie's loyalty or Mark's intentions. It was a product of her own insecurities and it was getting her nowhere fast.

She was pathetic. Damaged and overbearing and goddamn pathetic.

Arizona stopped the motion of her fingers with a disgusted sigh. But she didn't remove her hand, forcing herself to linger in the place that had been the source of so much shame the night before. It didn't escape her notice that after the trauma of having her arousal commented upon, now Arizona couldn't seem to elicit it when she wanted to. No doubt her negative feelings played a large role in keeping her dry, but part of her despaired that maybe she'd managed to screw herself up in a whole new way.

Just one more layer of dysfunction with which to burden Callie. Fantastic.

Arizona wished Teddy wasn't trapped in a marathon emergency surgery right now. She could really use another pep talk. For as positive as she'd felt earlier that day after their chat in the on-call room, Arizona was startlingly low now. And there was little chance of pulling herself out of it before Callie got home.

Sleep, Arizona told herself silently. So she concentrated on breathing—in through her nose, out through her mouth—and before she knew it, began to drift away.

That was when she became aware of a presence in the room with her. Dark and looming, full of menace, it lurked close by, drawing ever nearer. Arizona could feel its approach but for some reason she couldn't open her eyes. Not even when she felt the ghost of a hand touch her arm. She was paralyzed. Her mind fought to move her limbs, to strike out at the shadow man, but her body wouldn't obey. Fear chilled her from the inside out, it froze her marrow and turned her blood to ice. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew what was about to happen. He was going to hurt her again. Right here in her own apartment. He would strip away all the defenses she'd rebuilt, leaving her with nothing except agony and terror and the awful certainty that she would never be whole again.

Arizona surged upward suddenly, sitting up on the couch with a scream caught in her throat. Her heart hammered in her chest as her eyes swept over her dim surroundings. She was alone. She was safe. It was just a nightmare. Sleep paralysis, maybe. A physiological reaction to stress and exhaustion, a manifestation of all her worst fears.

But it wasn't real.

"It wasn't real," Arizona whispered to herself. "Not real." Trembling, she swung her feet off the couch intending to stand and turn on the overhead light when the sound of muffled talking outside the front door stopped her in her tracks.

Callie was home.

#

Callie was drunk. As in, not sober in the most pleasant way. She had honestly planned to stop one shot before she actually did, but Mark had talked her into another just before they left Joe's and caught a cab to Arizona's place. Up until the moment they walked up the stairs and she realized how badly she was weaving down the hallway to Arizona's door, Callie hadn't realized just how intoxicated she was.

If Mark hadn't grabbed her elbow to steady her as she fumbled in her pocket for her keys, Callie would've stumbled right into the door instead of coming to a teetering halt just in front of it. "Easy there, Torres. Take your time."

"Steady as a rock," Callie said. It took every bit of her concentration to aim the key at the lock and slip it inside. "Look at that. These are the hands of a world-class surgeon right here. It'll take more than a little tequila to mess with that mojo."

"Yeah." Mark tightened his grip on her wrist as she swayed slightly. "It'll take a _lot_ of tequila. Which is what you had."

"I want to say something to you about a pot and a kettle, but I need to concentrate on what I'm doing." Callie snickered as she clumsily disengaged the lock. "The point is, I'm not the only drunk one here."

"Guilty as charged."

Callie gave Mark a sidelong glance and grinned like an idiot. Tonight had been fun. A blast, actually. She won all three rounds of darts they played, had humiliated Mark appropriately with her gloating, and managed to keep her mind off everything having to do with Arizona's rape for at least a half hour at one point. That was a major victory. And an undeniable relief.

Even now that they were back at Arizona's apartment and she was faced with the prospect of crawling into bed beside Arizona silly drunk, Callie's spirit was as high as it had been in a while. Having the opportunity to decompress had been vital to restoring her strength and motivation to move forward tomorrow. To forge ahead beyond last night, stronger and wiser for the roadblock they'd encountered. Though she and Mark hadn't spent much time at all talking about the situation, Mark managed to make enough offhand remarks here and there to remind Callie of how her relationship with Arizona was the most important thing in her life and that she needed to do whatever it took to protect it. Being with him, the perpetual bachelor, only convinced Callie how badly she needed her relationship with Arizona to stay strong.

Who said Mark wasn't good for something?

Callie managed to turn the knob with a whoop of triumph. "I did it."

"You unlocked the door. Rock star, indeed."

Pushing open the door, Callie took an unsteady step inside as she turned to toss what she hoped would be a snappy retort over her shoulder. The abrupt movement was too much for her impaired brain to handle, and Callie's feet tangled beneath her and she fell forward in what seemed like slow motion. Mark's hands shot out to catch her. He managed to keep them on their feet even as he drunkenly lost his balance and sent them crashing against the open door.

"Shh," Callie said in an exaggerated whisper. She bit her lip to hold back her laughter, not wanting to wake Arizona. Especially not when she and Mark were in such a precarious position. Her back was to the door and his body pressed flush against hers. In his effort to break their fall, he had braced one hand on the door next to her head, while the other had managed to come to rest just over her breast.

Mark cleared his throat even as he pushed his hips into hers. Callie knew him well enough to suspect that the motion was likely unconscious. "You did that on purpose."

Planting both hands against Mark's chest, Callie shoved him away with a snort of laughter. "Did not." Aware that his groping had been unintentional, Callie was amused rather than annoyed. Honestly, she couldn't help but feel a slight thrill at the contact. Being with Mark was so simple, so easy. There was no fear of frightening him or setting him off. It was what it was. Effortless. "I think _you_ did it on purpose."

"No way." Mark ran a hand through his hair and leered. "But I liked it."

Drunk or not, Callie had enough sense to know it was time to call it a night. "Thanks for hanging out with me, Mark. I had fun."

"So did I." Mark punched her lightly on the arm, once again every inch her platonic buddy. She appreciated his ability to read her signals and respect her limits. "Let's do it again before another month goes by."

"Count on it." Callie stepped backward into the apartment, sending him off with a small wave. "Be safe getting home."

"I'll be fine as long as you're not there to push me down."

"Whatever. Good night." Callie grinned and eased the door shut. Then she startled as the room flooded with light. Whirling around, she smiled instinctively at the sight of Arizona standing behind her. "Hey, _querida_. You're still up." It took a few silent beats for Callie to notice Arizona trembling. At first she thought it was fear. Then as she studied Arizona's face, she realized it was anger. "Everything okay?"

"I can't believe you, Calliope." Arizona folded her arms tightly over her chest. "Should I be worried?"

Confusion wiped the last remnants of Callie's smile from her face. The disdain in Arizona's eyes signaled that Callie should probably know what she was talking about, but for the life of her, she had no idea. All of a sudden Callie wished her head wasn't so fuzzy. "Worried about what?"

"Drunken evenings with Mark Sloan." Dressed in her rainbows-and-unicorns pajamas, Arizona was both adorable and intimidating as she stared Callie down. "My _partner_ getting felt up by her ex-boy toy at my front door."

The heated accusation in Arizona's tone sobered Callie considerably. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, please. He was ready to fuck you up against the door." Arizona glowered, every inch the jealous girlfriend. "And for a minute there I thought you were going to let him."

Alcohol dimmed the pain of Arizona's cutting remark, but only slightly. "Now wait just a goddamn second . We're drunk. I tripped over my feet and took Mark with me. Yeah, his hand touched my breast. So what?"

"So _what_?" Arizona turned her face away as though she couldn't stand to look at Callie. "Really? That's all you've got to say? Mark Sloan dry humped me against your door and so _what_, Arizona?" Swallowing, Arizona croaked, "You make me sick."

Callie's mouth dropped open as she tried to catch up with the conversation she suddenly found herself having. Mark's flirtation may have exceeded Arizona's comfort zone, but Callie couldn't decide why she deserved the vitriol Arizona spat her way. She hadn't done anything wrong. And she was too intoxicated to deal with such juvenile bullshit.

Not sure what else to do, Callie decided to take the bait. "Well, you tell me, Arizona. Should _I_ be worried?"

"I've never given you a reason to worry."

"Oh, really?" Callie stalked closer, ignoring the way Arizona shrunk back as she narrowed the distance between them. "Holing up in on-call rooms with Teddy Altman? Telling her all those things you can't tell me?"

Arizona's stony gaze sent a chill down Callie's spine. "That's not fair."

"You're right," Callie said. "It's not. Neither is accusing me of fucking Mark Sloan."

"I didn't say you _fucked_ him." Arizona's face darkened. "But you sure as hell didn't push him away very fast."

_This_. This was exactly the kind of drama Callie hadn't wanted tonight. This was what she had been trying to escape. But instead of getting away, she had only managed to make it worse. Sighing, Callie pressed a hand to her forehead. "Arizona, I'm drunk. Too drunk to deal with your hysterical bullshit right now. So I'll give you two choices. Either we go to bed and talk about this when I'm sober and you've calmed down, or else I can call a cab and go home. It's your choice. All I know is that I don't have the energy to argue with you tonight. Not again."

Something indefinable passed over Arizona's face. "Go home, huh? Is that what you want? Maybe you can call Mark and have him turn his cab around. You guys can share a ride."

Callie blinked. "Fuck you, Arizona. Okay? Just tell me—should I go back to my apartment or should I stay here?"

Arizona turned her back on Callie and walked to her bedroom door, cutting the light off as she passed. "You might as well stay here. There's a pillow and a blanket on the couch. Knock yourself out."

Too exhausted to keep the argument going, Callie also didn't have the energy to make good on her threat to leave. "Fine. Great. Thanks." She stomped to the couch and sat, kicking off her shoes then tugging off her jeans. Flinching when Arizona slammed the bedroom door shut, Callie maneuvered beneath her shirt and unhooked her bra.

Annoyed that she was stuck sleeping on the couch for no reason other than Arizona's irrational jealousy, Callie flopped back onto the cushions and covered herself with the blanket. Her heart thumped erratically in her chest, reacting to the adrenaline unleashed both by her close encounter with Mark and the anger she felt at Arizona.

Sure, Mark was a flirt. And sometimes Callie flirted back. But she had _never_ given Arizona a reason to doubt her loyalty. Ever. In fact, she was pretty damn sure she deserved some kind of girlfriend of the year award. The last twenty-four hours notwithstanding.

"Whatever," Callie muttered to herself. "It doesn't matter."

But it did. Arizona's suspicion and rage cut Callie deeply, chasing away the last traces of peace she had found tonight. She wasn't sure anyone had ever hurt her as deeply as Arizona just had. Not George when he had cheated with Izzie. Not even Erica when she'd just walked away without saying goodbye. Having Arizona accuse her of being unfaithful even in spirit probably wasn't even in the same league as those things, but her feelings for Arizona went so much deeper than what she had felt for George or Erica. So it didn't take nearly as much for Callie to feel as though her heart had been ripped out and stomped upon.

What made it really unbearable was the knowledge that there had been that moment at the door—alcohol-fuelled though it was—when Callie had yearned for the ease of being with a man like Mark again. When she'd craved the simplicity of being able to touch someone without second-guessing herself or worrying that she might frighten her lover. It didn't mean she didn't love Arizona, or that she wasn't dedicated to working through all their issues together—it was just a moment of weakness when she'd wished that things could be easy again.

Maybe that was a betrayal. Maybe she deserved Arizona's anger.

Callie opened her eyes then gasped quietly when she saw Arizona kneeling beside the couch, already reaching for her. She hadn't even heard the bedroom door open again.

Arizona jerked in surprise. Then she put her hand on Callie's arm. "Please come to bed with me."

Almost afraid to move, Callie blinked as she tried to decide what to say. "I would never cheat on you, Arizona. I don't care what you saw just now."

"I know." Arizona curled her fingers around Callie's bicep, then rested her face on Callie's breast. Closing her eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you."

Tentatively, Callie combed her fingers through Arizona's hair. Encouraged when Arizona didn't stiffen beneath her touch, Callie scratched lightly at her scalp. "Why did you?"

Arizona shrugged. "I had a bad night. Woke up from a nightmare literally moments before you two came through the door…" She shrugged again. "There's no excuse. You're right. You've never given me a reason to doubt you."

"But you still do."

Sitting up, Arizona's eyes glistened in the dimness of the room. "No, I'm doubting myself. My ability to make you happy. To give you what you need."

"Don't." Maybe going out tonight—of all nights—hadn't been such a great idea after all. They had just weathered one of their most trying moments together in bed twenty-four hours ago, and they really hadn't even talked it through yet. Leaving Arizona alone to worry and wonder about where her flashback had left them while she slammed tequila with her ex-lover suddenly seemed just a bit insensitive. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you tonight, darling. I should have been."

Arizona shook her head quickly then stood. She offered Callie a hand, hauling her to her feet. Grabbing the pillow in one fist and the blanket in the other, Arizona walked toward the bedroom. She glanced over her shoulder as though making sure Callie would follow. "I'm a big girl, Calliope. It wasn't a huge deal."

Callie caught Arizona's hand as they walked into the bedroom. "Tonight it was. I'm sorry."

"Stop being so perfect." Arizona smiled, softening her words. "All it does is make me feel even more screwed up in comparison."

Taking the pillow and blanket from Arizona, Callie tossed them on the bed. Then she caught Arizona by the wrist and pulled her into a tight embrace. "You're not screwed up."

Arizona snorted sadly. "That's awfully nice of you to say."

"You're not." Callie kissed the crown of her head, inhaling deeply so she could savor the light scent of Arizona's shampoo. Her hands roamed easily over Arizona's curves, freed from Callie's normal inhibitions by the buzz she still had going on. After last night her natural inclination would be to suppress her attraction to Arizona, but instinctively she knew that was the wrong thing to do. The way Arizona leaned into her touch with a murmured exhalation was all the confirmation Callie needed. "We're going to get through this, Arizona. You'll see."

Nodding, Arizona threw her arms around Callie's neck and held on tight. "I hope so."

There was no doubt in Callie's mind. They _had_ to. "We will."

_To be continued…_


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Arizona's cell phone rang as she unlocked her apartment door. She dug the phone out of her purse and stepped inside, leaving Callie to close the door behind them. All day she had been looking forward to spending this evening alone with Callie—hopefully talking about all that had happened between them over the past two days—and the last thing she wanted was to deal with the outside world. Checking her phone's display, Arizona groaned. _Especially_ that part of the outside world.

"Who is it?" Callie touched Arizona's arm but made no attempt to peer over her shoulder. "Everything okay?"

"It's my father." Frozen with indecision, Arizona stared at the tiny picture of her Dad that flashed on-screen. She hadn't spoken to her parents since the rape. Her only effort at communication had been a quick email a week ago to reassure them that she was still alive after her father left an inquiring message on her voice mail. Usually they spoke at least every couple weeks, depending on Arizona's work schedule. But she hadn't mustered the courage for a phone call yet, uncertain how to sound normal when her entire life was in upheaval.

"Are you going to answer?" Callie said just as the phone stopped ringing.

The concern in Callie's voice made Arizona feel even guiltier about letting the call go to voice mail. Still, the idea of talking to her father made her stomach twist with unease. "I don't know what to say to him."

"You could start with 'hello'." Callie gave her a sympathetic smile. "He's your dad, honey. I'm sure he misses you."

"But tonight is _our_ night," Arizona said plaintively. "We really need to talk about us. I can just call my dad back tomorrow."

"How about I make dinner while you call him now? I don't know about you, but I definitely need to eat before we do any serious talking."

Arizona frowned. She hated to admit it to Callie, but she simply wanted to avoid the inevitable. At some point she would have to talk to her folks again, but why did it have to be tonight? "I don't want to tell them what happened."

"Then don't." Callie cradled Arizona's face in her hands and kissed her tenderly. "It's your business who you tell. But your parents love you, darling, and if you keep avoiding them, they'll worry."

Callie was right, of course. And if her parents got worried enough, they might figure out that there was more to Arizona's sudden isolation than a busy work schedule. Sighing, Arizona said, "Okay. I'll call him back."

"I'm not trying to force you into anything." Callie rubbed her thumbs over Arizona's cheeks then retreated. "I just think you'll feel better once you talk to him."

Doubtful, Arizona thought, but she didn't say it out loud. "You haven't spoken to your father lately, either."

"That's because he and my mother are vacationing on a remote island with limited access to the outside world," Callie said. "Once he comes back to the land of cell phones, you better believe he'll be calling. And I'll be answering."

"Only because he'll show up at the hospital if you don't."

"True." Callie smiled. "But also because he's _mi padre_."

Nodding, Arizona gazed at the phone in her hand with a mixture of trepidation and longing. She missed talking to her father—her mother too, for that matter. But as close as she was with her parents, Arizona had never been the type to share the intimate details of her life with them. Conversation usually stayed at a relatively surface level. Not that she was dishonest with them—she just kept the really personal stuff to herself.

Being raped was as personal as it got.

"Hey, it'll be okay." Callie spoke so softly, so perceptively, that Arizona's eyes immediately filled with tears. "Your father loves you no matter what."

Arizona nodded because she knew it was true. But she also knew that her father had raised her to be a certain kind of person—someone stronger than she felt right now. Would he sense her weakness? What would he think if he knew? "I just don't want to disappoint him."

"This is something that happened _to_ you. It isn't your fault." Callie ducked her head to capture Arizona's gaze. "And I have a feeling he would be proud of how you've handled yourself." At Arizona's self-derisive snort, Callie said, "I know the last couple days have been bumpy, but I'm still prouder of you than I can say. He would be, too."

Wiping away the tears that spilled over at Callie's words, Arizona gestured at her bedroom door. "I need some privacy if I'm going to do this."

"Go ahead." Callie kissed Arizona on the forehead as she passed on her way to the kitchen. "Dinner should be ready in about a half hour."

"Okay." Arizona waited until Callie had nearly reached the kitchen door before calling after her, "Thanks, Calliope."

Callie flashed a smile that turned Arizona's knees to jelly. "I love you."

"I know you do." Arizona waited until Callie disappeared into the kitchen before dialing her father's number. She went in the bedroom and shut the door, keeping her breathing even until she heard him answer. In the moment before he spoke, her chest tightened in anticipation.

"Hey, kiddo." Her father sounded thrilled that she'd called back, making her instantly glad she had. "Long time, no chat."

"Hi, Dad." Aware that she sounded just as nervous as she felt, Arizona willed herself to calm down. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Life, you know. Gets in the way."

"Things busy at work?"

"Always." Arizona sat on the edge of her bed and closed her eyes. Not telling him what happened wasn't the same thing as lying. Not really. But it made her throat hurt anyway. "How are you and Mom?"

"Oh, we're good. Went golfing last weekend and your mother managed to beat me again. She makes sure to mention it at least once a day." The love he felt for Arizona's mother rang through despite his gruff tone. "She's actually not here right now. She ran to the store but should be back soon."

"That's okay," Arizona said quietly. It was easier to only talk to one of them. She wasn't sure she could handle the cheerful, bantering chorus of their voices on the other end of the line. The sound of her father alone evoked a sense of normalcy and safety that threatened to undo Arizona's loose hold on her control. No doubt hearing both of them would shatter her completely. "I promise to call again soon."

Her father hesitated a beat and Arizona closed her eyes, knowing she wasn't doing a good job of acting like herself. It was no surprise at all when he said, "Arizona, is everything okay?"

Arizona's lower lip quivered. Trying to force just a little of her normal perkiness into her voice, she said, "Yeah. Everything's fine."

"Really? Because you don't sound fine." Her father gentled his words in a tone Arizona knew was reserved for her alone. "How are things with Calliope?"

Even the sound of her name falling from her father's lips made Arizona smile. "Things are good. We're good."

"I'm glad to hear that." A pause, then, "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

She must really sound terrible for him to push so hard—it just wasn't their way. But Colonel Daniel Robbins wasn't a man who retreated, so Arizona knew she would have to tell him something. "I know, Dad. I'm just…dealing with something right now. And it's been pretty stressful. But it's getting better."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He sounded so loving, so concerned, that it unleashed a flood of emotion that burned her throat and stung her eyes. "Or your mom?"

"I don't think so." All of a sudden Arizona craved one of his bear hugs, the safety of being captured within his protective embrace, but she would never admit that out loud. She was a grown woman and it was a ridiculous desire. "But thank you."

"May I just ask you one thing?"

Swallowing, Arizona said, "Sure."

"You're not having health problems, are you? I mean…you would tell your mother and me about something like that. Right?" Now he sounded worried, which wasn't at all what Arizona wanted. He loved and cared about her, so leaving him to wonder if she was okay simply wasn't fair. After Danny's death she knew her parents clung to her just a little more tightly.

"No health problems," Arizona said, even as her impending HIV test lingered in her mind. The overwhelming probability was that it would turn out negative, so she felt confident telling him she was physically sound. No, her issues were almost entirely mental and sexual at this point. Deciding to let him know just enough to reassure him she was okay, she said, "Dad…I was assaulted last month. One night after I left work. But I'm fine. I promise. Just…still dealing with the aftermath."

Her father started to speak but his voice cracked. He cleared his throat then said, shakily, "Were you hurt?"

Arizona bit her lip and tried to decide how to answer. She didn't think she could use the word. Not with him. "Yes."

"Did they catch the guy?" Now she could hear the anger beneath his shock and grief. "Is he in jail?"

"No," Arizona murmured. "They couldn't find him. There wasn't much evidence they could work with and I…" Ashamed, she fiddled with her hair and shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't get a good look at him."

"Sweet pea, I don't know what to say." For the first time since Danny's funeral, her father sounded like he might cry. "How are you doing? Really?"

"Better."

"Are you having nightmares?" Something about the way her father asked the question—like he already knew the answer—caught her attention. "Flashbacks? Anxiety? Mood swings?"

"Yes," Arizona said softly. "All of the above."

"Are you talking to a counselor?"

If she weren't so mortified to be having this discussion with her father, Arizona would have chuckled at hearing that question come out of his mouth. Colonel Daniel Robbins, paragon of strength and honor—asking her if she was seeing a shrink. "Not a professional, no. Calliope has been helping me through it. She's been amazing, actually. And my friend Teddy at work, she's really been there when I've needed to talk."

"You aren't too proud to see a counselor, are you?" A hint of gruffness had returned to his voice, relaxing her slightly. Somehow that was easier than hearing him so emotional.

"Not too proud, no." Arizona didn't know how to explain her reluctance to seek professional help. "I'm strong, Dad. I can get through this without that."

"PTSD is serious business, young lady." Stunned that he was diagnosing her over the phone, Arizona sat up straighter and listened. "If you need help, I want you to get it. No arguments."

"Who says I have post-traumatic stress disorder?"

When her father spoke again, his voice was tight. "Maybe you don't. But it sounds to me like you do. And there's no reason to be ashamed about that. It's a natural reaction to having your life and safety threatened. To trauma."

"I know." Arizona gripped the comforter next to her thigh to stop her hand from trembling.

"After I came home from Vietnam I saw a counselor for a while." Sounding as though he could sense her surprise, he said, "I've never told you that before. Back then they called it post Vietnam syndrome. Now it's PTSD. And it happens to the best of us. Okay?"

"Okay," Arizona whispered. The admission shed a whole new light on her stoic father, and instinctively she knew that this conversation was no easier for him than it was for her. He rarely talked about that time in his life, so she knew what it meant that he would share this with her now.

"You have no idea how many young men and women I've seen come home from war totally changed by the experience. Numb. Frightened. Unable to function because of what they'd seen or what they'd done. Soldiers who nearly died, who saw things that continued to haunt them every night when they went to sleep." He paused a moment, then said in a strained voice, "Female soldiers who had been raped."

Arizona bent at the waist but said nothing. He knew.

He hesitated, as though waiting to see if she would confirm his suspicion. When she didn't speak, he said, "What happened to you is just as traumatic as what happened to those soldiers. There's no shame in struggling to overcome it."

Arizona fought to keep her voice steady. "I just thought I'd be stronger than this."

"You _are_ strong, Arizona. You're the person I raised you to be." The pride in his voice allowed Arizona to slowly relax. He knew and he still loved her. More than that, he believed in her. "Never confuse strength with stubbornness. If you need help, get help. Please."

"I will, daddy." Arizona sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I promise."

"That's my girl."

Arizona stared at the bedroom door, yearning for the warmth of Callie's arms. It was the one thing she knew would make her feel better. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, kiddo. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"Me too."

"It wasn't your fault. You know that."

Arizona finally lost her battle with tears. "I know. Calliope keeps telling me the same thing."

"I knew I liked Calliope for a reason."

Laughing, Arizona grabbed a tissue off her nightstand and dabbed at her eyes. "You'll like her for a lot of reasons. She's really special."

"Well, I can't wait to finally meet her."

Sooner rather than later, Arizona hoped. "Me, too."

"Is she the one?"

Warmed once again by her father's steadfast acceptance of her sexuality, Arizona said, "Definitely."

"Good. That makes your old man feel a lot better about not being there to hug you right now. You tell Calliope that I want her to hold you for me after we hang up. Okay?"

"I will." That was nearly as good as one of those bear hugs. "Thanks, Dad."

"Of course." He paused then said, "I'm going to tell your mother about this when she gets home. Is that all right?"

"That's fine." Honestly, Arizona was thrilled by the idea of not having to replay this conversation once again. "But make sure she knows I'm doing better, please. I don't want her to worry."

"She's your mother. Of course she'll worry. But I'll remind her how tough you are." She could hear the smile in his voice. "You get that from me."

"Naturally." Arizona glanced again at the bedroom door. "Dad, I hate to just dump this on you and run, but Callie's making us dinner and I suspect it'll be ready any minute now."

"Not a problem. Thank you for calling me back, kiddo. Next time let's not go so long between calls, okay?"

"Okay." Arizona flopped back onto the mattress, suddenly boneless with relief. It felt like a crushing weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "I'm glad we talked."

"Me too."

Nostrils flaring, Arizona tamped down on a surge of emotion. "Kiss Mom for me. And tell her congratulations on the golf victory."

He snorted. "You have a good night, honey. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye." Arizona clicked off her phone and tossed it to the side. Then she pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, absorbing all that had just happened. For weeks she had been dreading having to talk with either of her parents, and now that it was over, she really did feel better.

Score one for Callie.

There was a light knock on the door. Arizona sat up and called, "Come in."

Callie peeked inside cautiously. "Are you off the phone?"

"Just hung up."

Callie stepped into the room carrying a bottle of water and a plate of her Mexican stuffed tomatoes, a dish that had cemented Arizona's love for all things—and women—Latina. Arizona smiled at the sight, wishing she was hungrier. Though the conversation with her father had made her feel better, her stomach still churned with residual anxiety.

Perhaps it knew that the time had arrived for another serious talk.

"How did it go?" Callie sat on the bed to her right, putting the plate and water on her nightstand before turning her full attention to Arizona. "Better than you thought?"

Nodding, Arizona said, "Dad says to tell you to hold me."

"I can do that." Callie opened her arms and Arizona fell into them, clinging to Callie tightly. "Does that mean you told him what happened?"

"I just said I had been assaulted." Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck and inhaled. "But I think he figured out the rest."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Glad that's over, honestly." Pressing her lips to Callie's throat, Arizona gave her a gentle kiss. "He wants to make sure I'm getting help. He actually suggested I see a therapist. Said that post-traumatic stress disorder is 'serious business'."

Callie stilled the hand that had been combing through Arizona's hair. "Indeed it is." She drew back, looking Arizona in the eyes. "I don't think seeing a therapist is a bad idea. For both of us."

"You want to go to therapy?"

"I've been thinking about it." Clearly wary of upsetting her, Callie searched Arizona's face before choosing her words. "Instead of just winging this whole recovery thing, maybe it would be good to have professional guidance."

Arizona digested that for a moment. A couple weeks ago she had been confident she could tackle the healing process on her own, but a lot had happened since then. And her father's advice did mean a lot to her—especially if he had suffered similar symptoms after surviving combat. In a way it felt ridiculous to compare her five-minute attack to his months-long tour of duty, but she supposed that fearing for one's life and sustaining violent injury was enough to traumatize someone whether it lasted five minutes or five years. At least her brain and body seemed to think so.

Still, the idea of telling her story to yet another person—a stranger—was singularly unnerving. Casting her gaze down at the carpet, Arizona said, "I don't like showing my cracks. Especially to someone I don't know."

"I know you don't." Callie lifted Arizona's face by the chin, forcing her to make eye contact. "But maybe it will help."

If her father could do it, Arizona knew she could too. Without feeling lesser for it. And if that's what it would take to get through this thing with their relationship intact, she was happy to go to therapy. "Okay. I'll make an appointment."

"So will I." Callie smiled in relief. "It'll be good." She picked up the plate of stuffed tomatoes, offering Arizona a fork. "Now eat something."

Arizona put a hand on her stomach. "I'm not—"

"Very hungry." Rolling her eyes, Callie speared a healthy bite and raised it to Arizona's mouth, close enough that the fresh aroma hit her square in the nose. "Eat."

Arizona opened her mouth and allowed Callie to feed her. Callie grinned at her small noise of satisfaction. "Good?"

Good was an understatement. Arizona swallowed. "Delicious." She took the fork from Callie and had another bite. "You take good care of me."

"I try." Callie's grin faded. "I wish I'd taken better care of you last night."

"You're not the only one with regrets about last night," Arizona said quietly. She continued eating mostly to placate Callie, even as the memory of her insane bout with jealousy sapped what little appetite she had. "I was a complete bitch."

"Stop," Callie murmured. "We both made mistakes. Said things we regret." She took another bite but chewing clearly required real effort. "I understand why what happened the other night would make you feel insecure. It was insensitive for me to go out and leave you alone after that. Especially to be with Mark."

"I appreciate that." Arizona put down her fork, hopeful that Callie would be satisfied with what she'd managed to eat. "But it shouldn't matter if you're with Mark. If I trust you—and I do—there's no excuse for making those kinds of accusations."

"Thank you." Callie's expression turned guilty. "But the point is, I never should have gone out at all. Not last night."

"Apology accepted," Arizona said. "I'm sorry for taking out my insecurities on you. Through this whole thing you've been nothing short of amazing. Honestly. You've put up with so much and you're so committed to helping me through this, to being with me. I couldn't ask for anything more."

"I am committed to you." Callie blinked rapidly and looked down at the plate, which she set aside. Her breathing hitched as though she was struggling not to burst into tears. "Even if I get scared sometimes."

Arizona's breath caught at the naked vulnerability in Callie's voice. All at once she felt like the protector, not the protected. She wanted to do whatever it took to heal the hurt and fear that emanated from Callie, who was suddenly so painfully unguarded after weeks of nearly unwavering strength. The desire to care for Callie empowered Arizona—shifting attention away from her own pain gave her new purpose, and the thought that she could be the strong one for once was almost intoxicating.

Taking Callie's hand, Arizona said, "It's okay to be scared. This is scary stuff."

"Yeah, it is." Callie bit her lip and her nostrils flared.

Arizona knew tears were coming soon and tried not to move, afraid she would startle Callie into holding them back once again. Throughout this entire ordeal Callie's stoicism had only ever cracked a handful of times, usually when Arizona's own emotions were running high. She wanted so badly for Callie to feel safe enough to let all these feelings out. If Callie didn't release some of that tension she would surely explode.

"I'm sorry about what happened in bed," Arizona said quietly. The apology unleashed Callie's tears, which dripped onto her T-shirt with a blink of her eyes. "I can only imagine how you must have felt. How frightened you must have been."

"I shouldn't have made it about me." Callie sounded so lost it was all Arizona could do not to grab her face and cover it with kisses. Anything to take away the sorrow that held her in its grip. "This isn't about me."

"Sure it is." Arizona wasn't going to let Callie back away from what she'd said that night. That Callie was every bit as anxious about how to move forward was the most important lesson Arizona had taken from the whole mess. "You're part of this, too. You were right when you said I should have thought about you. I should have. From now on, I will."

"I know you didn't think that would happen." Callie made eye contact briefly before shifting her attention to their joined hands. "And I wanted to have sex, too. Even if I wasn't sure we were ready, I didn't exactly say no."

"It wasn't _all_ bad, right?" Arizona gave Callie a tentative smile. "The licking you part was good."

Callie grinned shyly, meeting Arizona's gaze. "I liked that part. And feeling connected to you. Being intimate." She sobered. "Pretty much all of it except making you relive what he did to you."

"I liked being intimate, too." Scooting closer, Arizona grabbed Callie's other hand and squeezed. "I need that. I don't want to stop trying to find that part of who we are. Even if it means you don't touch me for a while. I can still touch you. And I…" She cursed the heat that traveled up her face. "I could touch myself. With you."

"You think you would be okay with that?" Callie's low, throaty voice sent a whisper of pleasure through Arizona's body. "Touching yourself?"

"I think it's worth a try." Hoping to lighten the mood, Arizona smirked and said, "I'll be honest, Calliope, I could really use an orgasm."

Callie shivered and traced a line down Arizona's jaw. "And I'd love to watch you come." As soon as the words left her mouth she tensed. "Is that okay to say?"

Arizona kissed the corner of Callie's mouth. "Yes."

Relaxing slightly, Callie went to speak but stopped. An internal struggle played out over her face, as though she wanted to say something but wasn't sure she should. Arizona waited for her to work it out, until it seemed like Callie might have decided to say nothing at all.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Calm and measured, Arizona felt ready to tackle any subject. As long as she it meant she could take away Callie's uncertainty. "Whatever it is."

Callie licked her lips nervously. "Is there anything else I should know about what happened?" She curled her fingers around the back of Arizona's neck and touched their foreheads together. "I know you don't like talking about it but if there's even a chance that there's something I could trigger…something I don't know about…I want to avoid it."

In that on-call room yesterday with Teddy, Arizona had decided not to hold anything back. To let Callie inside completely. Callie already knew most of what happened but Arizona wanted to play it safe, so she stared into Callie's face and forced her mind back to that night while staying firmly anchored in the safety of Callie's beautiful brown eyes.

"He tackled me from behind when I went to open the car door." Callie flinched and Arizona inhaled, prepared to tell the whole story, beginning to end, for the first time. "Everything happened in slow motion. He dragged me into the grass and hit me until I stopped trying to get up."

"You don't have to do this right now," Callie whispered. "We don't have to do this."

"I know." Swallowing, Arizona said, "But I think we should."

"Then I'm listening."

Arizona gathered her strength before continuing. "He wanted me to know what he was going to do. I could tell he got off on making me afraid. On hurting me. When I tried to close my eyes he slapped me. When I begged him to let me go he slapped me again. He called me a slut and told me he was going to fuck me. And I panicked. I panicked and tried to get away, because I knew…I just _knew_…that if I could get away from him, if I could run back to the parking lot, he would let me go. But he punched me and turned me over onto my stomach so I couldn't fight back. I tried to scream and he grabbed my hair and pushed my face into the dirt."

Arizona took a deep, shuddering breath and Callie grabbed onto her hands again, hanging on tightly. She said nothing, but her silent support enabled Arizona to keep talking.

"He told me to stay quiet or he'd really make it hurt. And I believed him. So I just surrendered. I lay there and tried to think about you. Tried not to feel him ripping off my panties, or spreading my legs, or reaching under me to grab my breasts. For a moment I thought…I was afraid he was going to penetrate me anally, and when I realized he wasn't, I was _relieved_. And that's when he touched me and felt that I was wet. Called me a filthy whore, and…started raping me."

"_Dios mio_," Callie whispered, hands shaking. "Arizona—"

Now that she had started talking, Arizona just wanted to get through this. To tell Callie once and for all. To leave nothing unspoken. Maybe if Callie knew, it would take away some of the power these memories had over her. It was worth a try, at least.

"He covered my mouth with his hand. He smelled like cigarettes. It hurt _so_ badly, Calliope. Like he was tearing me apart. And it felt like it went on forever. I was so glad when he finally ejaculated. It didn't even matter that he might be transmitting a disease to me, all I could think was that maybe he would get up and leave me alone now that he was done. But he didn't. He kissed my neck and touched my breast and just kept moving against me, told me he hoped he'd gotten me pregnant, and if Meredith and Cristina hadn't shown up then…" Arizona's voice broke. "I think maybe he would have done it again."

That's when Arizona realized that Callie was sobbing. Her shoulders quaked and her thumbs rubbed frantic circles over Arizona's hands, as though she desperately wanted to offer comfort but didn't know how. Arizona pulled her hands away and threw her arms around Callie, squeezing as hard as she dared.

"And that's it." Strangely, Arizona's chest felt lighter for having unburdened herself of the whole story. Start to finish. Now Callie knew everything. Whatever else happened, there were no more secrets between them. "That's what happened. The entire thing."

"I would give anything to take those memories away." Callie's hands came to rest on Arizona's back, holding her close. "I will do _everything_ I can never to bring them up again."

"If it happens, it happens." A sense of peace had settled around Arizona and she kissed Callie's cheek, hoping to soothe her lingering emotion. "It'll be okay. I promise."

Callie sniffled. "I wish I could be so chill about it."

"I know it means something different to you than to me. I appreciate that." Arizona drew back with a tentative smile. "All I can say is thank you for being brave enough to stick with me through this."

Cracking an answering smile, Callie said, "No choice. I'm never letting you go."

"That's a relief." Arizona eased into a full-on grin. "Especially since I just told my father that you're the one."

Callie beamed shyly, drying her eyes with a corner of the comforter. "Sorry for losing it just now."

"Don't be." Arizona captured Callie's sock-covered toes in her hand and squeezed gently. "You were due for a good cry."

"Tell me about it." Callie shook her head and snorted laughter. "God, I'm tired of all the crying."

"So am I." Arizona crawled to the other side of the bed and lay down, opening her arms in silent invitation. Callie immediately nestled against her side and rested her cheek on Arizona's breast. Smiling contentedly, Arizona kissed the crown of her head. "No more crying for the rest of the night, okay? Or arguing. Or anything else stupid like that."

"Just loving each other?"

The hopeful lilt of Callie's voice tugged at Arizona's belly. She placed her fingers on Callie's chin and lifted her face, leaning down to brush her lips over Callie's. After a moment she pulled back. "Just loving each other."

Callie hesitated briefly before bringing their mouths together again. This kiss went deeper, though there was nothing demanding about it. Arizona rolled them slightly so she could move over Callie, letting their chests touch while their lower bodies remained safely side-by-side. Callie cradled Arizona's face as they alternated between quick, light pecks and long, lingering explorations that quickly had them moaning into one another's mouths.

Knowing it would be a mistake to let things escalate much further, Arizona eased onto her back at Callie's side. Callie exhaled loudly and brought a hand to rest over her heart.

"Are you okay?" The quaver in Callie's voice made Arizona smile.

Arizona turned her head to catch Callie's gaze. "Very okay." Amazingly, even despite having just revisited the entirety of her attack, Arizona felt safe. And hopeful. And desperate for that intimacy she and Callie had just talked about. After the past forty-eight hours, Arizona needed that connection more than ever.

From the desire in Callie's eyes, Arizona knew she wasn't the only one.

"We need to be careful," Callie whispered.

"I know." Arizona leaned in, barely making contact with Callie's lips. "I'm tired of these bad memories. That's why I pushed so hard. Because I want so badly to make new ones."

"I get that."

"But we'll take baby steps to get there. For real this time." She captured Callie's lower lip between her teeth, tugging gently.

"Kissing is good." Callie groaned when Arizona nipped at her upper lip next. "Very good."

It was. But Arizona realized she wanted more. Hesitant, she murmured, "What if I told you I wanted to touch myself?"

"You do?" Callie tensed and her breathing picked up. "Right now?"

"Yes."

"Is that a good idea?" Callie backed off, searching her face. "This evening has been pretty…intense."

Arizona forced herself to focus on Callie's obvious fear. "You don't have to stay with me if you're not comfortable." She smiled, hoping Callie would see that despite the turmoil of the evening, Arizona really was okay. "But I really want to try. For me."

"All right." Callie's expression softened. "Do _you_ want me to stay?"

"Yeah." Suddenly shy, Arizona ran the back of her hand over Callie's cheek. "Maybe you could kiss me a little?"

"I can do that."

But when she went to do so, Arizona stopped her with a gentle hand on her chest. "If you get uncomfortable, tell me. We'll stop."

Callie chuckled. "Shouldn't that be my line?"

"Same goes for me. If it turns out to be too much, I'll tell you. The _moment_ it becomes too much." Arizona willed Callie to understand just how seriously she was taking this situation—and how important it was to her not to hurt Callie again. "This won't be like last time. All you have to do is watch."

"And kiss you," Callie said quietly. "Don't forget that part."

Arizona removed her hand from Callie's chest. "I could never forget that part."

Callie's first kiss was almost chaste, just the gentle press of her lips to one corner of Arizona's mouth. Then the other corner. "I love you so much, sweetheart."

"I love you, too." Arizona found the button on her jeans as she returned Callie's gentle kisses. She thumbed it open easily then tugged down her zipper, slipping her hand into her panties with deliberate caution. Every ounce of her concentration was on her body's reaction to the sensation of being touched, and on keeping her mind firmly in the present. "I've missed this."

"So have I." Callie broke away from Arizona's mouth to gaze down the length of their bodies. Her throat worked as she watched Arizona part her legs and find her labia with her fingers.

Arizona whimpered. She was wet.

Callie's eyes found hers in an instant. "Was that a happy noise?"

"Very happy." Shaken by how relieved she was to feel the arousal that had been so elusive last night, Arizona laughed out loud. "This is going to work."

"Yeah?" Callie traced the tip of her tongue along Arizona's lower lip. "Make yourself feel good, baby. Let me hear you feel good."

Arizona stroked lightly along her slick labia, then circled her swollen clit with the pads of her fingers. It was easier to touch herself than it had been to let Callie do so. There was no uncertainty about what might happen next. She could move at her own pace. Completely in control.

She focused on Callie's scent, her lips, and the warmth of her body resting at Arizona's side. She was safe with Callie. They were making a new memory—the old ones had no place here in bed with them. Excited by the pleasure from the rhythmic stroking of her hand, Arizona moaned into Callie's mouth. "You turn me on, Calliope Torres. You know that?"

Callie smiled. "Good."

"Are _you_ turned on?" Arizona breathed.

Callie groaned in a burst of sound, as though she had tried and failed to suppress it. "You have no idea."

"Maybe you should touch yourself, too." Taking the initiative, Arizona swept her tongue into Callie's mouth. "If you want."

"I…" Callie swallowed. Shivered. "Yeah. I want."

Arizona placed her hand on Callie's, guiding it down to her waistband. She lingered there as Callie quickly unbuttoned herself, then retreated when Callie plunged into her panties with a strangled moan.

"You are so fucking hot," Arizona murmured. The movement of Callie's arm and the sound of her hitched breathing ratcheted Arizona's excitement to dizzying heights. Pressure swelled in the pit of her stomach, and every stroke of her fingers over her clit sent shockwaves of pleasure echoing throughout her entire body. "Tell me what you're doing."

Callie's cheeks turned pink. "Rubbing my clit."

"And how does it feel?"

"Incredible," Callie choked out. She crushed her mouth to Arizona's just in time to muffle a cry of pleasure.

Arizona returned Callie's kiss and increased the speed of her fingers over her own clit. For the first time since the rape she felt an orgasm building and knew without a doubt that she would be able to climax. Part of her wanted to make it last, but the bigger part of her yearned to experience that moment of release, that ultimate reminder that her body was still capable of bringing her great joy.

Callie broke their kiss first. "I'm going to come."

Gasping, Arizona said, "Do it. Let me hear it."

Callie threw back her head and lifted her hips off the mattress as she came with a throaty moan. The sight of Callie's face as she rode the waves of pleasure was all it took to send Arizona over the edge right after. Arizona whimpered as her orgasm tore through her, marveling at the violent contractions of her pussy and the copious wetness that poured from her as she came down from her self-induced high.

So much wetness and not an ounce of shame.

As soon as she caught her breath Arizona burst into tears, rolling onto her side and reaching for Callie even as she was being tugged into strong arms. "Hey," Callie murmured quietly, both hands rubbing soothing patterns over Arizona's back. "No more crying tonight, remember? Just loving each other."

Laughing through her tears, Arizona said, "They're happy tears. That's okay, right?"

Callie tightened her embrace. "Yeah. That's okay."

"I came," Arizona whispered. "And there was nothing scary about it."

"It was beautiful. Like you." Trailing kisses over Arizona's forehead, Callie whispered, "I feel so close to you right now. Thank you. This was _exactly_ what I needed."

Humming in agreement, Arizona sank her fingers into Callie's hair and closed her eyes to bask in the warm afterglow of their mutual satisfaction. It was only a baby step, for sure, and they still had plenty of ground to cover, but Arizona felt content in a way she hadn't in weeks.

She was finally home.

_To be continued…_


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Callie stared uncomfortably across the narrow space between her chair and that of Arizona's new therapist Dr. Watson, who met her gaze with a comforting smile. Arizona was late for their first joint therapy session and Callie was trying not to worry. This morning Arizona had taken her six-week HIV test. If it was negative she planned to retest at three and six months, but it would mean that chances were she hadn't contracted the virus as a result of her rape. Callie really wasn't allowing herself to consider an alternative outcome.

But late Arizona was still cause for concern. Not that there weren't a hundred different reasons she might be running behind. Callie hoped she had just gotten hung up in surgery.

Dr. Watson opened her mouth to speak, but Callie's phone beeped, cutting her off.

"Maybe that's her." Callie dug the phone out of her pocket and checked her text messages. _Be there in 10. Start without me._ _Love you._ "Yup. She'll be here in ten minutes."

"That's fine," Dr. Watson said. "We can chat until she arrives."

"Okay." Callie put her phone away. She waited for Dr. Watson to start, unsure what to say.

"Arizona has her HIV test today. Doesn't she?"

Callie sat forward, almost relieved that Dr. Watson had decided to bring it up. All of a sudden her stomach was knotted with anxiety. Arizona's text had been short on meaningful information. It was possible she already knew the results, good or bad. Equally as likely that she was still going through the torture of waiting. "Yes."

"How are you doing with that?"

Callie wasn't sure how to answer—she had far too many emotions to parse into a simple response. The HIV test hadn't weighed on her too heavily over the past few weeks, as she knew transmission wasn't likely and Arizona's emotional wounds had been a more immediate concern. But it had been haunting Arizona. The threat of infection was a dark specter that lurked at the edges of her daily life. She didn't often bring it up but that didn't mean Callie wasn't aware of how it had been wearing Arizona down.

"I'm looking forward to getting past the uncertainty," Callie said. "For Arizona to have some peace of mind."

Dr. Watson held her gaze. "How about you?"

"I'm here no matter what the results are. It wouldn't be a death sentence, necessarily, but it would change her life. Complicate her career." Callie's throat tightened at the thought of Arizona having to endure any more pain. "I guess I want some peace of mind, too."

"That's only natural. I think it's good to focus on the fact that a positive result isn't likely. And to recognize that it also wouldn't be the end of the world."

"Easy for us to say, I suspect." Callie had no idea how Arizona would cope with such a diagnosis. What it would mean for her future as a surgeon. For their future as a couple. "I'm just praying that she doesn't have to deal with what it would mean for her life. He's already caused her enough pain."

"Amen to that." Dr. Watson gave her a gentle smile. "Let's lighten the mood a little. Tell me how you two met."

Like magic, that elicited a genuine grin. This story never failed to put a stupid smile on her face. "Ah, well, I was moping over an ex at the bar after work one night. Arizona followed me into the bathroom and introduced herself. Then she proceeded to tell me that she'd heard our co-workers talking, that she knew things about me, and the talk was good, and when I was over being upset, there would be people lining up for me. I asked her for names and she kissed me. Just like that."

Dr. Watson chuckled. "She's confident."

"Oh, yeah." Callie sobered a little. That easy confidence was something she missed most about Arizona. Though she was slowly regaining it, Callie wondered if she would ever truly be the same again. "She was all confidence. Definitely."

"So did you start dating then?"

"Well, it took a little convincing on my part. I asked her out but when she realized that I'd only been with one woman—briefly—she called me a newborn and said she only dated women with more experience." Callie snickered at the memory. "I managed to convince her I had plenty of _life_ experience, even if I was short on lesbian experience, and luckily she bought it."

"It sounds like you two are very happy."

"We are." Despite everything that happened, all the challenges that had brought them to this place—therapy, together—Callie could say that with total confidence. She and Arizona were happy. "I hope we can stay that way."

There was a knock on the office door. Dr. Watson looked over Callie's shoulder. "Yes?"

The door opened and Arizona poked her head inside. She wore a sheepish grin. "Sorry I'm late."

Callie instinctively scooted over a bit on the couch, making room. She tracked Arizona as she walked into the office, searching her face for some hint of whether she had gotten her results.

"Not a problem," Dr. Watson said. "Callie and I were just talking about how you kissed her in a bar bathroom."

Arizona sat down beside Callie, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't tell her about the newborn thing, did you?"

"I did." Callie snaked an arm around Arizona's middle and pulled her close. "But you were _so_ wrong about me. Weren't you?"

Shooting a self-deprecating grin at Dr. Watson, Arizona said, "I was." Then she met Callie's eyes as though they were the only two people in the room. "So my test was negative."

Callie wrapped her other arm around Arizona, gathering her into a tight hug. "Good." As she drew back, Arizona captured Callie's mouth in a quick kiss. Aware of their audience but too relieved by the news not to crave more than just a split-second brushing of lips, Callie deepened the kiss slightly, cradling Arizona closer again. Then she released her, grinning shyly. "Very good."

"Congratulations," Dr. Watson said. "That must be a relief."

"Statistically there's a chance I could get a different result at three months, but it's not likely." Arizona turned toward Dr. Watson but placed her hand on Callie's thigh, maintaining their connection. "So even knowing I've got two more tests ahead, I feel like a weight's been lifted."

"Now you can shift your focus to other matters." Dr. Watson leaned back in her chair and smiled. "On that note, what did you want to talk about with Callie today, Arizona?"

Arizona nodded, clearly prepared for whatever she was about to say. Callie gave her what she hoped was an encouraging smile. Inside she was nervous—she sensed they were about to start getting into their most intimate issues. This was her first time in couple's therapy and she had no idea how she would feel about working through relationship stuff in front of a stranger.

"Nothing we haven't talked about before." Arizona squeezed Callie's thigh, showing off her dimples. "Just how to continue moving forward with intimacy in a way that doesn't scare either of us."

Callie darted her gaze over to Dr. Watson. No doubt Arizona had already filled her in on their rocky reintroduction to lovemaking. And their subsequent mutually satisfying self-pleasure sessions. "I think slowing down has been a good thing."

"Me too." The calm strength of Arizona's voice drew Callie's attention back to her face. "But I really want to keep moving, even if it's at a slow pace."

"I know you do," Callie said quietly.

"How about you, Callie?" Dr. Watson's tone was friendly and held not a trace of judgment. "What do you want?"

Callie took Arizona's free hand, unable to maintain eye contact. "I want the same thing."

"But?" Dr. Watson said.

Lifting Arizona's fingers, Callie kissed her knuckles. "But I'm worried we'll get carried away. And go too fast."

Arizona gave her a cautious smile. "You don't trust me to control myself?"

Shrugging, Callie said, "It's not that."

"I feel like we've made some progress since that first time," Arizona said. "Like we're a little wiser now. Don't you?"

"Absolutely, yes." That they had been making progress since that disastrous evening almost two weeks ago was undeniable. But Callie had been reluctant to let things escalate beyond masturbating together, making out, and various other activities that didn't involve touching Arizona with her hands. Or getting near Arizona's pussy at all. "There has been definite progress."

"What are you afraid will happen if you two get carried away?" Dr. Watson asked kindly.

"I don't want to trigger a flashback." Callie tightened her hand on Arizona's. "It killed me the last time. It's easy to get swept away in all that desire, and I'm scared I will and it'll happen again."

Arizona looked down, blinking rapidly. "I can't promise I won't have moments of fear. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to promise that."

"I know." Callie wasn't sure what would have to happen before she decided that moving forward was safe. All she knew was that it still felt too soon. "I'm not asking for promises."

"But it feels like you are," Arizona said. "When you say you don't want to be intimate because you don't want to trigger me, it puts this huge weight on my shoulders. Like the future of our sex life is resting on my ability not to let my rape affect me in bed. And that's an impossible task." As though realizing just how much she'd said, Arizona swallowed and offered Callie a tremulous smile. "At least it seems impossible right now."

Callie looked to Dr. Watson for help. "I'm not trying to hold our sex life hostage. I just don't want to feel like the bad guy."

Placing her hand on Callie's cheek, Arizona turned her face until their eyes met. "You're not the bad guy. Ever."

"Callie, you're dealing with very valid concerns. You love Arizona. You want to protect her. You want the things you do with her to bring her pleasure, not pain." Dr. Watson shifted her focus to Arizona. "But Arizona is right. She can't make any guarantees."

"I understand that," Callie said. "I didn't realize that my fear was making her feel that way."

"Part of the trick here is to not allow yourself to anticipate every bad thing that could happen," Dr. Watson said. "Yes, Arizona might get frightened. But if you go into an intimate moment waiting for that to happen, then you're not fully available to her. Try to stay in the present—focus on what's happening between you, not what _might_ happen."

"I just don't want to do anything to set us back." Callie allowed Arizona to tug her closer, smiling sadly when Arizona kissed the crown of her head. She should be the one comforting Arizona, not the other way around. "It's been such a hard road to get to this point. And I can wait for sex. I really can. It's not worth risking everything Arizona has achieved already."

"Recovery means nothing if it doesn't bring me back to who I was," Arizona murmured. "And what I love most. Being with you—experiencing that trust and intimacy with you—is everything to me. It's so important, in so many ways. For you too, I think."

"Do you two have a safe word?" Dr. Watson asked.

"Kind of." Arizona giggled, and when Callie remembered the word they'd chosen during a brief foray into bondage/submission play, she joined in the laughter.

"Unicorn." Callie gestured at Arizona with her thumb. "I'll give you one guess who picked that out."

"So that's one tool at your disposal, if either of you feels like maybe things have gone a little too far." Dr. Watson smiled at Callie. "Maybe there are things you could do that wouldn't feel so threatening, at least at first. Work your way up to making love."

Callie exhaled. "I like baby steps."

"Right. So what feels like too much for you right now? What aren't you ready to do?" Dr. Watson said.

Giving Arizona a sidelong glance, Callie hesitated. She didn't want to hurt Arizona's feelings but wasn't sure how to avoid it.

Arizona nodded in encouragement. "It's okay. Tell me."

"I'm afraid to…use my hand. To touch you." Knowing that Arizona's rapist had fondled her made it difficult for Callie to use her fingers, whether to rub or penetrate. It was something she needed to get over—something they both needed to overcome—but for now Callie just desperately wanted to avoid doing _anything_ that might make Arizona think of him. "It's not that I don't want to. I just…know it wasn't easy for you last time."

"It was strange at first," Arizona said quietly. "But that's not what triggered me. And honestly, when we tried before I hadn't even touched _myself_ yet. Now I have. I'm more comfortable with that kind of contact."

"Well, let's just agree that touching Arizona with your hand is off-limits for now." Dr. Watson tilted her head, studying Callie's face. "Why don't we come up with some ideas for things you two could try that would feel less threatening? But would still represent a step forward?"

"That sounds good to me." Arizona touched Callie's face, forcing her to make eye contact. "I know this isn't about not wanting to touch me, Calliope. I know that. And I really do understand where you're coming from."

A lump rose in Callie's throat. She could see and hear Arizona's need so plainly, but yet she believed that Arizona truly did understand her limits. And wouldn't push them. "I don't want to punish you for reactions you can't control. You've been nothing but honest with me—told me everything—and the least I can do is be as brave as you're being."

Arizona gave her a look that told Callie she had managed to say exactly the right thing. "Okay, then."

"Okay." Callie waggled her eyebrows, hoping to inject a little levity into the moment. "What should we try?"

"Well." Arizona glanced at Dr. Watson, and Callie got the feeling that they had rehearsed this beforehand. Having only met with Dr. Watson twice, Arizona had clearly established some trust with her new therapist. "I really enjoyed going down on you last time. Maybe we could do that again."

Blushing, Callie flicked her gaze to Dr. Watson, whose expression was professionally neutral. She looked back to Arizona. "You want to try oral sex?"

"I definitely want to go down on you again. Soon." Arizona flashed a sympathetic grin when the words made Callie flush harder. "And maybe that's a good place for you to start with touching me again. You don't have to use your hands. Because nothing like that happened…with him…I don't anticipate having a particularly hard time letting you use your mouth on me."

Callie missed Arizona's taste fiercely. The idea of licking her made Callie weak in the knees, and she nodded despite her instinctive hesitation. "I'd like that. Soon."

Dr. Watson cleared her throat, pulling their attention back to her. "In the meantime, I have some homework for you two."

Callie wrinkled her nose. Homework. Great.

Arizona clapped excitedly. "I love homework."

"Teacher's pet," Callie mumbled under her breath, fondly.

Dr. Watson laughed. "This assignment is about getting comfortable touching one another again. Sharing your bodies. It_will_ involve using your hands. But it isn't meant to end in sex."

Nervous about what Dr. Watson had in mind, Callie tightened her fingers on Arizona's. Arizona wrapped an arm around Callie, holding her close.

"Okay," Arizona said.

Callie swallowed. "All right."

"The next time you have an evening together, set aside an hour or so to trade massages. Take off your clothes, put on some music if that makes you feel more comfortable, and just spend some time touching each other in a way that isn't overtly sexual." Dr. Watson checked Callie's reaction. "No genital contact. Just creating a safe space where you can be intimate again."

"I'd like that." Arizona searched Callie's face. "I'm happy to start there. How about you?"

It sounded less intimidating than oral sex. Callie nodded eagerly. "Starting there is good."

"Now just because it's not sexual doesn't mean it won't be intense," Dr. Watson said. "Use your safe word, if necessary. Talk to each other. Communicate. And try not to be afraid of those inevitable moments of uncertainty." She directed this at both of them, but Callie knew it was mostly said for her benefit. "It's perfectly natural to struggle to settle back into things that used to be easy, after something like this. If it happens, just be there for each other. The important part is that you're a loving, committed couple who are both determined to work through this together. Right?"

"Right," Callie said. That part was never in doubt.

"You would never hurt one another on purpose. You trust Callie's intentions, don't you, Arizona?"

"Absolutely."

Callie could hear the undercurrent of meaning behind Arizona's softly spoken words. Arizona trusted her—in and out of the bedroom. "And I trust yours," Callie told Arizona. "This will be good. Our homework."

"I think so, too." Arizona wiggled with enthusiasm. "Yay!"

Even despite her lingering case of nerves, Callie had to smile. There was nothing quite like seeing Arizona happy. "Yay."

"Excellent," Dr. Watson said. "You can tell me how it went next time we meet."

"We'll do that." The way Arizona gazed at Callie made her feel positively adored. And suddenly just a little excited about their homework as well.

#

Three nights later they managed to get home at nine o'clock at night, and from the look Arizona gave her as they walked through the door, Callie guessed that homework was on her mind. Last night Arizona had been completely exhausted after a ten-hour emergency surgery, but even then Callie had sensed her wistful desire in the way she struggled to keep her eyes open long enough to talk about their day for ten minutes before finally crashing.

Tonight Arizona looked awake. And carefree in a way she hadn't in a long time. There was an achingly joyful bounce in her step, no doubt helped along by the life-saving surgery she had just performed on a ten-month-old infant. And the lifting of the possible life sentence she had been fearing for the past month and a half.

This glimpse of Arizona's natural perkiness stirred a gnawing hunger in Callie's belly. Homework was probably a good idea. She wanted to be close to Arizona tonight, to prove she was ready to move forward. One step at a time.

Callie pointed toward the kitchen. "How about I pour us some wine?"

"That sounds lovely." Arizona's eyes sparkled in that way that always made Callie's stomach flutter. "Meet you on the couch?"

"I'll be there."

Pulling a bottle of white wine from the fridge, Callie uncorked it and poured them each just enough to feel loose, but not to impair their judgment. She took a sip of hers then topped it off again. Since their therapy session Callie had been reminding herself that the most important thing was to help Arizona heal. That meant Callie needed to be her partner in every way, emotionally and sexually. If Arizona was brave enough to start rebuilding their intimacy, there was no excuse for Callie not to exercise a little of her own courage. They _were_ wiser now, and even if Arizona did get uncomfortable, at least there were no secrets between them anymore.

When Callie came back into the living room, Arizona greeted her with a happy wave. "I've been waiting for this part all day. The relaxing with Calliope part."

"Me too." Callie sat and passed Arizona her glass of wine. "Congratulations on your surgery. Teddy said you were amazing."

Arizona rolled her eyes, but Callie could see the pride behind her modesty. "It was a good surgery. We had a few moments there in the middle that almost made me sweat, but I was really on point today. Today has been super." She took a sip of her wine, smiling. "Yeah."

"For me, too. Got to start building some cartilage today. For a patient. It's going to be an incredible surgery." Callie couldn't wait. Being challenged professionally was just as satisfying as good sex. Her two favorite things.

Bouncing excitedly, Arizona said, "When will you do it? Can I watch?"

Callie grinned. There was nothing like being with someone who understood what this work could make you feel. "Monday. And I'd love to see your smiling face in the gallery."

"It's a date," Arizona said. "Barring any emergencies, of course."

"Of course." Callie sipped her wine then set down her glass and grabbed Arizona's bare feet, pulling them into her lap. She stroked the top of one foot, thrilled when Arizona tipped back her head and groaned.

"I really do love you." Arizona lifted her head just enough to catch Callie's gaze, giving her a lazy smile. "That feels so amazing."

"That's because I'm not only a kick-ass orthopedic surgeon, but unusually skilled with my hands."

"Very true." Arizona's hips lifted slightly, signaling her arousal. "I have to agree with that assessment one hundred percent."

It was painful to know that this easy flirting could only lead them into complicated territory. Not for the first time, Callie missed the spontaneity and ease of their old sex life. But on the other hand, she knew Arizona on a much deeper level than she did before the rape. There were no barriers between them except the fears they continued to conquer. If there was any silver lining to all this it was that—their communication had never been better, and the love Callie felt now was more intense than she could have ever imagined possible.

"Should we move this to the bedroom?" Callie asked quietly. Before her invitation could be misinterpreted, she clarified, "Take a study break?"

Arizona lit up. "And here I thought I was going to have to talk you into that."

Callie let the full force of her attraction show on her face. "Not a chance."

Swallowing, Arizona said, "Well, I'd love to tackle our homework. I'm so glad you want to do it, too."

"Being close to you is never a bad thing, darling."

Arizona rose from the couch, reaching to Callie with her free hand. "Let's go, then."

Callie let Arizona lead her into the bedroom. They each set their wine glass on their respective nightstands, then turned to gaze at one another across the space of the bed.

"So. Trading massages," Arizona said softly, failing to suppress a shy smile. "Naked massages."

Callie nodded bravely. "But it's not meant to end in sex."

Arizona's gaze softened into a look of warm sympathy. "No sex. Just touching."

"Okay." Tugging her shirt over her head, Callie grinned at how Arizona's eyes tracked her every movement. "I love the way you stare at me."

"I'm not staring," Arizona protested weakly. She tore her attention away from Callie's breasts to ease her own shirt over her head, tossing it onto the ground. "And it's not like I can help it. You're pure sex."

Callie couldn't help flaunting her movements as she lowered her panties over her hips. Solid when so many other girls were slender, Callie had always had a complicated relationship with her body. But Arizona made her feel perfect. The way she drank in the sight of Callie's bare skin, silent and reverential, every time Callie undressed warmed her from the inside out.

The sight of Arizona's body always left Callie wondering how she could have been clueless about her attraction to women for so long. Arizona's smooth pale skin, her supple curves, the pink of her nipples and the luscious sway of her hips, took Callie's breath away every time. And, frankly, made the thought of no sex next to impossible.

"You're gorgeous," Callie murmured. "Every time I see you is like the first time. There's this moment of shock that I'm with someone who looks like that."

Arizona blushed, but Callie could see that her words were very welcome. "What a coincidence. I was just thinking something very similar."

Callie gestured at the bed. "Who wants the first massage?" She wanted Arizona to set the rules of engagement and hoped she understood.

"How about you go first?" Naked, Arizona knelt on the foot of the mattress. "Lie down."

Crawling to the middle of the bed, Callie rested on her stomach. She folded her arms under her head, turning her face to the side so she could glance back at Arizona. Callie watched stormy emotion pass over Arizona's face as she gazed over the length of Callie's prone body.

"Everything all right?" From the way Arizona startled at the sound of her voice, Callie knew her mind had gone somewhere else.

"It just occurred to me that it might be difficult for me to get into that position again."

For a moment Callie wasn't sure what she meant. Then it hit her. "You mean on your stomach?"

Arizona nodded, biting her lip.

"Well, you don't have to," Callie said, rolling onto her side so she could reach down and grab Arizona's foot. She was glad Arizona had shared this realization. By bringing it up at least Callie was aware that it was a potential trigger. "There are plenty of ways to massage you."

"Do _you_ mind being on your stomach?"

Shaking her head, Callie rolled back into position. She rested her face on her arms again with a relaxed sigh. She didn't want to make a big deal of this issue. The best thing she could do was stay calm and follow Arizona's lead. "I'm fine. There's lotion in my nightstand."

Arizona leaned over her, bare breasts brushing against Callie's back, and dug around in the drawer briefly before retreating. Callie exhaled shakily as her warmth disappeared, missing her, only to suck in a startled breath when Arizona's hands began rubbing lotion into the tense muscles of her shoulders.

"Damn, baby." Digging in, Arizona stroked her firmly and Callie melted into her touch. "I think you needed this."

"Definitely needed this," Callie mumbled into her pillow. Her eyelids drooped in pleasure at the soothing rhythm of Arizona's hands. Then Arizona straddled her hips, pressing her warm center against Callie's ass, and Callie's eyes shot open in surprise.

"Is this okay?" Arizona said, rocking her hips gently against Callie's bottom. "It's easier to get at these knots you have from this position."

Callie was suddenly so turned on it took all her willpower not to dry hump the mattress. "That's perfect."

Arizona worked in silence for some time, methodically stroking from the top of Callie's back down her spine, then lower until her thumbs kneaded the top of her buttocks. Scooting down so she sat on Callie's calves, Arizona lingered at the base of Callie's spine for a long time.

Realizing that Arizona might be awaiting permission, Callie said, "Touch me wherever you want. It all feels good."

With that Arizona eased lower, kneading and caressing a cheek with each hand. Callie concentrated on her breathing, and on holding back the wanton groan that threatened to tear loose from her throat. She could hear Arizona struggling just as hard to keep her reactions in check.

Making her way down Callie's legs, Arizona finished with a foot massage that left Callie unable to suppress a moan of pure delight. When her hands left Callie's body, Callie frowned, unbearably cold in their absence.

"Turn over." Arizona's throaty voice sent a shiver through Callie's body. "Now your front."

Callie obeyed. Immediately Arizona dragged her gaze up the length of Callie's body, making her nipples tighten painfully in response.

Arizona's tongue poked out and wetted her lips. "I like your front."

"Part of the whole wanting a girl with big boobs thing, right?"

"Exactly." Moving her freshly-lotioned hands to rest on Callie's shoulders, Arizona touched her lightly, slowly making her way down to trace the slope of Callie's breasts with her fingertips. "May I touch them?"

"Yes." Callie arched her back as Arizona's hands slid lower, filling her palms with the tender mounds of flesh. It felt so good to be touched that way. Her skin was so highly sensitized, nipples aching beneath Arizona's palms.

"No sex," Arizona whispered, as though reminding herself.

Callie nodded in agreement, at a loss for words. Arizona's touch was so incredible she yearned to close her eyes and block out everything except the sensation of her gentle worship, but that would mean not staring into Arizona's face. The love and trust in Arizona's eyes were the best part of the whole experience and Callie didn't want to miss that for anything.

Finally Arizona moved lower, brushing her hands across the curve of Callie's belly. Her mouth quirked into a smile as she traced the shape of Callie's navel with her fingertip. "I should probably stop here. Or else I might get into trouble."

Exhaling, Callie knew that was probably a wise decision. "Your turn, then?"

"My turn." Arizona moved to Callie's side, allowing her to sit up.

Callie could see Arizona's indecision as she tried to decide what to do next. "Do you want to start on your front?"

Arizona blushed. "No, that's okay."

"You can just sit up and I'll sit behind you." Callie put a hand on Arizona's shoulder, nudging gently. "Go ahead and turn around."

"No." Taking a deep breath, Arizona set her face in a familiar expression of stubborn determination. "No, I want you to rub my back. And I want to lie down for it." She took another breath, shakier this time. "Can you just lie next to me for a minute? Let me see how I feel before we start?"

"Of course." Callie lay on her side, planting an elbow to prop up her head. "Take your time."

Cautiously, Arizona lowered herself onto the mattress. She rolled onto her stomach, folding her arms beneath her pillow and resting her cheek against it. Facing Callie, she swallowed convulsively, panic flashing in her eyes.

"Don't let yourself go back there," Callie said softly. She didn't touch Arizona, just moved in until their faces were inches apart. "You're safe now. You're with me. And nobody is going to do anything you don't want. I promise."

Blinking, Arizona whispered, "I know."

"Tell me when you're ready for me to touch you. If you want to try something else, tell me that too. This is supposed to make you feel good. That's all I want to do—make you feel so good."

Arizona closed her eyes briefly then opened them. "Use your hand to touch my back. Just a little at first."

Without shifting position, Callie squirted a dab of lotion into her palm then carefully placed it on the center of Arizona's back. She rubbed slow circles, watching Arizona's face for any sign of discomfort. All she saw was contented pleasure. "Do you like that?" Callie murmured, for the sake of communication.

"Oh yeah." Arizona squirmed a little under her touch. "Try both hands now."

Callie sat cross-legged beside Arizona, twisting her upper body so she could cover the expanse of Arizona's slender back with both her hands. Splaying out her fingers, she kept the contact feather-soft and scanned Arizona's face and body for a reaction. Arizona exhaled, gaze locked on Callie's face.

"This feels wonderful." Arizona's shoulders relaxed visibly. "I can't remember the last time you touched me like this."

Neither could Callie. She increased the pressure of her hands, digging her thumbs gently into Arizona's back and eliciting a sound of pleasure that made Callie shiver. "I've missed it."

"So have I." Arizona's hips wiggled ever so slightly as she settled into the bed. "You can go lower. I'm okay."

Callie allowed her hands to drift lower without changing position. She didn't think it was a good idea to straddle Arizona and make her feel pinned down in any way. She hoped Arizona agreed and wouldn't ask to push that particular limit. "The female form really puts the male one to shame," Callie said as she traced the curve of Arizona's hips with her fingertips. "Not sure I ever realized just how badly until the first time I saw you naked."

"You make me happy, Calliope." And indeed, Callie could hear the smile in her voice.

"Good. I like doing that." Reluctant to head farther south yet, Callie smoothed her hands up Arizona's sides, barely caressing the swell of her breasts. Arizona went still and Callie immediately pulled away. "I'm sorry," Callie said hastily. "I wasn't thinking."

When Arizona had shared her story the other night, Callie had listened both as her partner and as a woman who couldn't imagine suffering through that kind of violation. The thought of being trapped face-down while having her breasts pawed had particularly horrified Callie, the image so degrading that she couldn't believe she hadn't remembered her visceral reaction to it before touching Arizona that way. Knowing she had just done the wrong thing at the wrong time, Callie waited for the fallout.

Arizona's nostrils flared as she exhaled slowly. "I'm fine now. Promise."

"You want me to keep going?" Callie took a deep breath. Freaking out about that small lapse would only make things worse. If Arizona didn't want her to stop, she wouldn't. "Tell me what to do."

Nodding, Arizona murmured, "Just move somewhere different. Lower."

Callie squirted more lotion into her hands, rubbing them together to warm her skin before placing her palms just above Arizona's firm ass. Hesitant, she very cautiously slid down until she had a buttock cupped in each hand. This was definitely one of the boldest caresses she had given Arizona since the rape. The feeling of Arizona's soft flesh both inflamed her lust and stirred nervous anxiety deep in Callie's stomach.

Arizona groaned. "That's good."

So Callie kept going, rubbing and squeezing the tense muscles, tracing Arizona's feminine shape with her fingertips. As Arizona relaxed her thighs eased apart. Callie struggled to ignore the occasional glimpse of slick pink labia, then the heady scent of Arizona's obvious arousal. But inside she was thrilled by the knowledge that Arizona was turned on. Though it meant Callie had to work harder not to connect this massage with sex, it was also a clear indication that Arizona was no longer uncomfortable with her prostrate position.

After spending a few minutes pulling contented whimpers from Arizona's throat, Callie moved down to her calves. She made sure to hit every muscle group, wrapping up with a more thorough foot massage than she'd been able to deliver on the couch. Once finished, she sat back and glanced at Arizona's face for some sign that she wanted to keep going.

"Do you mind doing my front now?"

Callie's heart pounded with nervous exhilaration. "That would be great."

As Arizona turned over, revealing rock-hard nipples and her trimmed thatch of pubic hair, Callie gave herself a silent pep talk. So far, even with a couple potential triggering moments, this had been going well. Arizona seemed just as cautious as Callie about not pushing too hard. But the purpose of this exercise was to regain comfort with each other's bodies. Callie wondered if Arizona would want her to touch her breasts. She hadn't since the rape.

"Where should I start?" Callie rubbed another dollop of lotion between her palms.

Arizona grabbed her wrists and positioned Callie's hands on her shoulders. Callie stroked her thumbs over Arizona's muscles, smiling down into the blue eyes she loved so much. Matching her smile, Arizona suddenly dragged Callie's hands down until they covered her breasts. Callie froze, searching Arizona's face for even a hint of anxiety.

"Touch them," Arizona said. She removed her hands, leaving Callie on her own. Turgid nipples poked into the center of Callie's palms, no doubt achingly sensitive, and Callie very carefully ran her fingertips up then down the slopes of Arizona's breasts.

"Like this?" Callie slid both thumbs around the bottom curve of Arizona's breasts, letting them touch in the center of her chest. "You'll remember to say unicorn if you want me to stop, right?"

Arizona laughed, easing Callie's concern. "I'll remember. I've missed having your hands on me, Calliope. You have no idea how much."

Callie smoothed her hands over Arizona's breasts, keeping her touch as non-sexual as possible. But at the same time not shying away from the desire she felt for her partner. "We'll have to do this more often, then."

Grinning brightly, Arizona said, "Yes, please."

Not wanting to linger too long on an obviously erogenous zone, Callie soon brought her hands lower to trace the slight curve of Arizona's stomach. Her eyes strayed between Arizona's legs, admiring an unrestricted view of her pussy.

"Maybe next time you can kiss me there," Arizona murmured throatily. She ran a hand between her legs, giggling when Callie's jaw tensed in response.

Callie flicked her gaze up to meet Arizona's. "Maybe." She sat back on her heels, agreeing with Arizona's earlier assessment of a safe stopping point. "That's probably good for now."

Arizona flashed her a dimpled grin. "Smart woman."

"So I've been told." Callie eased onto her side next to Arizona, wholly comfortable with the idea of staying naked for a while. Maybe even all night, if Arizona was up for it. "What do you want to bet we're going to get an A on that homework?"

"A-plus," Arizona said. "This was a good way to spend an evening."

"Agreed." Callie sighed contentedly.

"It's better that sex was off the table, I think." Arizona traced her thumb over Callie's bottom lip. "Made it easier to relax and just let things happen."

"I think so, too."

"And it was good…getting myself in that position again, and feeling so in control of what was going on. To know nothing bad was going to happen if I gave myself over to you." Eyes shining, Arizona narrowed the distance between them and kissed the spot where her thumb had just been. "It was empowering to make myself vulnerable, to enjoy your hands, and not be afraid of what was coming next."

"You'll always be safe with me, darling. It's my job to protect you." Callie kissed Arizona again, sweeping her tongue into Arizona's mouth—enough to make her desire known, but not to initiate anything more. "And I'm happy to massage you anytime. Just ask."

"I'll remember that." Biting her lip, Arizona hesitated a moment then rolled onto her side so she was facing away from Callie. Scooting backward, Arizona pressed her bottom into Callie's crotch. Then she reached back and captured Callie's wrist, tugging her arm around Arizona's middle and encouraging Callie to spoon her tightly.

This was the first time they had tried this position since the night of Arizona's rape. It was hard to believe it had been that long, but Callie knew it was true if only because holding Arizona this way felt so foreign now. After that first bad reaction Arizona hadn't seemed to want to try again, perhaps simply not wanting to do something she knew might cause discomfort as they worked to rebuild trust. Whatever the reason, Callie held her breath and waited to see how Arizona would react to the familiar embrace now.

Arizona sniffled, and then her shoulders began to quake. Before Callie could draw away, Arizona gripped her arm tightly as though preventing her from doing anything rash. "These are happy tears," Arizona whispered. "Don't you dare move."

Trusting the muted joy she heard in Arizona's voice, Callie splayed her fingers over Arizona's bare tummy and cradled her close. "I'm not going anywhere."

_To be continued…_


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

Arizona leaned forward in her seat, gazing down on the operating room where Callie was finishing up a groundbreaking cartilage replacement surgery using some of her engineered tissue. Callie's gaze burned with excitement as she worked. Clearly riding the high of completing an experimental procedure that had every indication of success, her hands moved with confidence and precision. The crinkles at the corners of her eyes hinted at the gorgeous grin she wore beneath her mask.

Lowering her voice so nobody in the crowded gallery would overhear, Arizona whispered in Teddy's ear, "She is _so_ hot like this."

Teddy snorted quietly. "Down, girl."

"Seriously." Arizona squeezed her thighs together and tried not to shift in her seat. "Tell me she's not the sexiest orthopedic surgeon you've ever seen."

"She may be."

Arizona gave Teddy a sidelong glance. "She totally is and you know it."

Chuckling, Teddy murmured, "You always get like this when you watch her work?"

"Not always. On occasion." Hiding a smile behind her hand, Arizona refocused on Callie. She was sewing up now, glowing with an obvious sense of accomplishment. "God, I want her."

Teddy leaned closer. "Is it weird if I say I like seeing you like this?"

Arizona laughed. "No." Her smile faded slightly. "Sometimes I would drag her into an on-call room after she scrubbed out. There's something about watching her be awesome that really does it for me."

"So what's the on-call room verdict for today? She _was_ just awesome for more than five consecutive hours."

Arizona was all too aware of how things just weren't that simple anymore. Her sexual relationship with Callie wasn't yet back to the point it had been before the attack, and every interaction they had was still carefully negotiated, almost scripted. Spontaneous encounters just didn't happen. For weeks now Arizona imagined they might never happen again. But this afternoon, on the tail end of Callie's incredible surgery, Arizona wanted nothing more than to give in to the moment and satisfy her need to reconnect with her partner.

Today was a day when memories of the attack were relegated to the periphery of her consciousness, brought up only when her happiness triggered brief thoughts of how much better she was feeling, and how it was a relief to have good days now. That seemed worth celebrating.

"Maybe," Arizona murmured quietly. "It'd be refreshing to use an on-call room for something other than melting down."

At that moment Callie glanced up at the gallery, met Arizona's gaze, and pinned her with a smoldering stare that made Arizona's legs weak with anticipation. Teddy cleared her throat, doing a sorry job of covering a giggle. "She definitely looks like she'd be up for it."

Arizona raised an eyebrow and gave Callie the most teasing smile she could manage. "You think so?" she asked Teddy.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Maybe I will, then," Arizona said, tracking Callie as her partner stepped away from the table. "God knows we both need it."

Teddy gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "Tell Callie congratulations when you see her, okay? If she doesn't get nominated for the Harper Avery this year, I'll be shocked."

"I'll pass that along." As Callie exited the operating room, Arizona sprang to her feet. It was possible she was about to make a bad decision. Their sex life had been so fragile lately that bringing it into the workplace seemed even more inappropriate than usual. But what was more normal than fooling around in an on-call room? On a day when she felt so strong, even positive, Arizona craved normalcy. Maybe Callie did, too. "Talk to you later?"

"Have fun," Teddy said.

Taking a deep breath, Arizona said, "Oh, I will."

#

Aware that Callie always showered after surgeries lasting over four hours, Arizona went straight to the locker room, hoping to catch her alone. Her stomach fluttered with nervous excitement at the prospect of propositioning Callie, even as she braced herself for the possibility of rejection. Rocking a surgery always made Callie horny, but they hadn't hooked up at the hospital since resuming their physical relationship. Inviting Callie to an on-call room could very well be yet another case of Arizona pushing them too far, too fast.

The only way to find out was ask. Arizona promised herself she wouldn't take it personally if Callie turned her down. In theory, at least.

Arizona walked into the locker room, pleased to find it deserted. The sound of running water and Callie's gorgeous singing drew Arizona toward the showers. When she reached the only occupied stall, Arizona bent and glanced beneath the curtain. Painted blue toenails would have given Callie away even if her voice hadn't.

"Calliope." Arizona's hand flew to her mouth when Callie gasped loudly in obvious surprise. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to scare you."

Callie laughed shakily. "No, I'm glad you're here. I was just thinking about you."

Arizona leaned against the stall and folded her arms over her chest. Staring into the blue curtain, wishing she could see Callie's naked curves, she said, "Really? You just did something totally amazing and career-defining in the OR, and you were thinking about _me_?" She shook her head even though Callie couldn't see. "I'm not sure I can believe that."

The shower curtain drew back and Callie peeked out, catching Arizona's gaze and grinning widely. "Believe it. I saw the look you gave me when I was sewing up. How could I not be preoccupied by that?"

Encouraged by her playful flirtatiousness, Arizona brought her face close to Callie's, so their lips nearly touched. "Busted."

"Yes, you are." Callie captured Arizona's mouth in a slow, deep kiss then pulled away, eyes sparkling. Then she disappeared behind the shower curtain, leaving Arizona aching with want. "I liked it."

"Good." Arizona lowered her voice in case anyone else came into the locker room. "Because I was actually hoping to steal you for a few minutes when you're done in there. For a…consult."

"Oh, really." Callie's voice dropped an octave. Though she couldn't see Callie's face, Arizona knew exactly how that tone looked. "What kind of consult?"

If Arizona wasn't aroused before, she definitely was now. Callie's interest rang through loud and clear. "The thorough kind, I hope." Arizona paused. "Within reason, of course."

Callie exhaled loudly enough to be heard over the pounding of the water. "Certainly, Dr. Robbins. Would you kindly grab me a fresh pair of scrubs?"

Grinning, Arizona straightened and did a private little dance of joy. Maybe spontaneity wasn't out of their reach. "Sure thing, Dr. Torres."

Arizona dashed to Callie's locker, grabbing a pair of dark blue scrubs then hurrying back to the shower stall just as Callie turned off the water. Tanned fingers curled around the edge of the shower curtain and Arizona bit her lip, tantalized by the thought that only a thin layer of plastic separated her from naked Calliope Torres. Stupid plastic.

"Are we alone in here?" Callie whispered.

"Yes."

Callie threw open the shower curtain, revealing smooth brown curves slick with rapidly cooling water. Her nipples looked almost painfully erect, sending a jolt of sympathetic pain to Arizona's clit. Arizona's heart rate skyrocketed as Callie reached for her, then leveled out when Callie simply grabbed the scrubs from her shaking hands.

"You okay?" Callie pinned her with a knowing smile.

"Trying to control myself at work. Let's just say you don't make it easy to behave."

"Who said you have to behave?" Callie's eyes darkened as she swept her gaze over Arizona's body. She tugged on her scrubs, clearly exaggerating her movements for Arizona's benefit. "Behaving at work never mattered before. There's no reason that has to change now."

The surgery had obviously gotten Callie worked up. This was as relaxed and confident as Arizona had seen her in a while. But it was more than just post-surgical adrenaline. Arizona sensed that their intimacy homework was really starting to pay off. Callie no longer seemed frightened when it came to expressing her desire. That made Arizona doubly committed to focusing on baby steps.

"We've made so much progress, but we're still just finding our way back," Arizona said quietly. "I don't want to push too hard, I really don't. But after watching you kick ass in there, I can't stop myself from wanting to push just a little bit."

Callie stepped out of the shower and gathered Arizona in her arms, holding her tightly. Pressing a gentle kiss to Arizona's neck, she whispered, "I agree. I don't think we should make love at the hospital. Not at first. But if what you're proposing is some heavy petting in an on-call room, I'm in."

The phrase _heavy petting_ had never sounded so sexy. "Yes. That."

"Good. Because if I don't kiss you soon, I'll explode." Callie threw on her shoes in record time then took Arizona's hand, leading her out of the locker room and down a series of semi-crowded hallways.

A few of their colleagues studied their joined hands as they passed, but at that moment Arizona could care less what they thought. She just wanted to get Callie alone. When they got to the surgical floor's on-call room, Arizona said, "Check it," then held her breath as Callie turned the knob and poked her head inside.

"Empty." Callie pulled Arizona into the room and shut the door behind them.

Arizona grabbed the front of Callie's scrub top in both hands and swung them around, pushing Callie against the door. She turned the lock with one hand even as the other curled behind Callie's neck to draw her in for a deep kiss.

Callie moaned loudly enough that anyone passing in the hall would have no doubt about what they were doing. Arizona laughed into Callie's mouth, breaking their kiss as she fought against a sudden case of the giggles. Next to authority issues, her occasional lapse into uncontrolled, randomly triggered laughter was the personality trait Arizona most wished she could change. It always seemed to happen at the most inopportune moments. But for whatever reason, Callie's sound of pleasure sent her into temporary hysterics.

Having ruined a pretty hot moment, Arizona expected to see frustration in Callie's eyes. But the pure love on Callie's face both calmed her giggles and warmed her insides in the most incredible way. "I really do love you," Callie said tenderly, bringing their mouths together for a slower, softer kiss. She pulled away. "You giant dork."

Arizona nearly melted at the vaguely insulting term of endearment. She hadn't heard anything so gruffly affectionate in weeks. It meant they were back. This was a moment they might have had dozens of times before the rape. Comfortable and not nearly as fraught with tension as their last few encounters, they finally seemed fully relaxed in each other's presence. Which made Arizona want nothing more than to push Callie onto the bottom bunk and take her right then and there.

But that wasn't what they had agreed upon.

Drawing inspiration from her therapy sessions, Arizona inhaled, gathering her thoughts, then exhaled, ready to speak them aloud. "Dr. Watson suggested setting boundaries that we'll both respect at the beginning of a sexual encounter. She said that's a way to build trust. To feel comfortable that nothing will happen that you can't handle."

Callie shot her an appreciative smile. "Do you have some boundaries in mind?"

"I do." Arizona agreed that an on-call room wasn't the place to go all the way, but if she couldn't touch Callie's bare skin she might burst. More than ready to get to second base, she said, "Scrub tops off. Pants stay on. Bottom bunk, me on top."

Callie's mouth dropped open. "That might be the hottest thing I've ever heard."

"Glad you think so." Arizona walked Callie backward until they were next to the bunk bed. "Does that mean you agree to those terms?"

Rather than answer, Callie tugged her scrub top over her head and threw it across the room. At the sight of Callie's gloriously bare breasts, Arizona let out a quiet groan. Already she anticipated that respecting boundaries wouldn't be easy.

Callie's hands drifted to the hem of Arizona's scrub shirt. "May I?"

"You'd better." Arizona lifted her arms and allowed Callie to pull her top over her head, leaving her in a silky white bra. Disappointment flashed across Callie's face, but it faded when Arizona reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, tossing it to the floor.

Stepping closer, Callie pulled Arizona into her arms and held her tightly against her chest. Arizona closed her eyes at the delicious sensation of Callie's bare breasts against her own. She trailed her fingernails down the length of Callie's back, delighting at the shiver that ran through her body at the teasing touch.

"I was really proud of you in there," Arizona murmured. She laced her hands at the base of Callie's spine, pressing their hips together. "You were awesome."

Callie cradled the back of Arizona's neck, pulling her in for a passionate kiss that had both of them groaning the moment their mouths touched. Whether it was a result of their joint therapy sessions, setting boundaries, or simply the adrenaline rush of a successful surgery, Callie was more assertive than she had been in weeks. It felt incredible.

Tearing away from Callie's mouth with a gasp, Arizona said, "Bed. Now."

Callie launched herself into the bottom bunk, rolling onto her back and opening her arms in invitation. "Come here. I miss you."

Arizona climbed in and straddled Callie's hips. Immediately she lowered her mouth to the curve of Callie's breast, licking a trail to the tip. Arizona took the erect nipple between her teeth and bit down lightly. Hissing, Callie clutched at Arizona's hips, keeping her in place as Callie arched her back in pleasure.

Releasing Callie's nipple with a gentle lick, Arizona whispered, "You still okay?"

"Fantastic."

Arizona kissed over to Callie's other breast, laving the pebbled nipple with the flat of her tongue. Callie's breathing quickened and she turned her head to the side with a strangled groan. This was torture, pure and simple. Arizona could see that from the pleasure-pain etched in Callie's face. Fleetingly, Arizona wondered whether asking Callie to touch herself would be skirting too close to the edge of their boundary. She almost hoped Callie would just do it without being asked.

"Fuck." Callie gasped and shook, sliding her hands over Arizona's bare back. "You feel incredible."

Arizona smiled around Callie's nipple. Then she sat up, bending slightly so she wouldn't bang her head on the top bunk. She grinned down at Callie, thrilled by the easy familiarity between them. "So do you."

Callie's hands smoothed over Arizona's bare stomach. Arizona could see the question in Callie's eyes, and the desire. "May I touch your breasts?"

Arizona bit her lower lip. "I'd really like that."

"You are so beautiful," Callie murmured, sliding her hands up to cover Arizona's breasts. She rubbed her palms over the sensitive nipples, grinning when Arizona sucked in a sharp breath. "Does that feel good?"

Nodding, Arizona leaned down and traced the tip of her tongue over Callie's lower lip. Callie lifted her head and initiated another kiss, squeezing Arizona gently. The caress sent a shockwave of pleasure between Arizona's legs, so strong she rocked her hips against Callie in an instinctive effort to keep it going. Callie shifted so she could stroke her thumbs over Arizona's nipples, ratcheting Arizona's arousal startlingly higher.

Arizona broke their kiss and brought her lips to Callie's ear. "You make me so hot, Calliope." She rocked her hips again, moaning at the delicious friction she created with the subtle movement.

Callie raised her thigh and eased it between Arizona's legs, then dropped her hands to Arizona's hips. She tightened her grip, encouraging Arizona to keep moving against her. "You _are_ hot."

Planting her hands on either side of Callie's head, Arizona stared down into dark, fiery eyes as she rode Callie's thigh. She should stop, but it felt too good. Suddenly their boundaries seemed silly and arbitrary, and so damned inconvenient.

Gritting her teeth, Arizona stilled her body. She took deep, steadying breaths and tried to ground herself. Callie was counting on her to keep her word. Things were still tentative enough that Arizona feared setting them back by going too far.

Callie frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm pretty sure I'll come if I keep doing that."

Face softening, Callie flexed her fingers on Arizona's hips. "Why would that be a bad thing?"

"I thought it would be in violation of our previously agreed upon boundaries." Arizona smiled brightly, careful not to let Callie see just how difficult stopping really was. "Seeing as I was the one who came up with the terms..."

Callie shook her head, touching Arizona's cheek. Then she played with a lock of Arizona's hair tenderly, as though testing her reaction. "If you think you can come, I want you to. I want to feel it."

Warmed by the love in Callie's eyes, Arizona lowered herself onto her forearms, framing Callie's face with her hands. "Really?"

Callie returned to Arizona's hips, pulling her hard against her upraised thigh. "Just like this." Lifting her head, she captured Arizona's mouth in a heated kiss. She broke away to whisper, "Don't stop."

Given permission, Arizona's ardor surged. She fisted the sheets beside Callie's head, desperate to find purchase as she resumed her rocking motion. Getting off this way made her feel like a horny teenager. She wasn't sure she had ever climaxed simply by grinding against a woman before—there was something so decadent, so delicious about the idea of using Callie's body like that. The thought alone nearly pushed her over the edge.

Callie broke their kiss, nibbling down Arizona's jaw line. Her hands drifted lower to settle lightly on Arizona's bottom. "I love you so much."

"I love you," Arizona whimpered. She wanted to close her eyes but didn't, determined not to break their shared gaze. Staring into Callie's face, Arizona moaned as fierce, unexpected need curled deep within her belly. With a start, she realized just how badly she craved Callie's fingers inside her. It was the first time since the rape that she had really yearned for penetration, and the strength of her desire to take Callie inside shocked her to the core. She had no idea how she would react when they took that step, but just the fact that she wanted it at all made her chest swell with emotion.

Callie shook her head. "Don't cry."

"Happy tears." Arizona kissed Callie again, quickening her pace. She could feel Callie's turgid nipples pressing into her own sensitive breasts, and that little bit of stimulation was all it took to send Arizona into a shivering, vocal orgasm. Threading her fingers through Callie's dark hair, Arizona held on tight and jerked her hips against Callie's thigh, drawing out every last bit of pleasure possible.

When she came down from her high, Arizona collapsed onto Callie, gasping for air. Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona and held her tightly, murmuring quiet Spanish into her ear. Arizona didn't understand a word of it. She didn't need to.

"Are you okay?" Callie whispered.

"I am _awesome_." That was an understatement. Arizona felt boneless and content. Which was not to say that she wasn't game for more. Lifting her head, she met Callie's gaze with a seductive smile. "How are you?"

"Excited." Callie laughed. "And then some."

Arizona opened her mouth to respond when the dreaded noise of a beeping pager cut through the quiet. "No," Arizona said firmly. "No way."

"Tell me about it." Callie gave Arizona a gentle pat on the behind. "See whose it is."

Grumbling, Arizona rolled off Callie and searched the pile of clothing on the floor before coming up with her noisy pager. It was a 911. In the pit. Naturally. "Damn it."

"Got to go?"

Smiling apologetically, Arizona said, "Yeah. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I get it." Callie folded her arms under her head and watched as Arizona pulled her scrub top back on. "Don't worry, I may not have come, but I am completely satisfied."

"Yeah?" Arizona leaned over Callie, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Me too. _Completely._"

"To be continued?"

"Absolutely."

"Good." Callie sat and withdrew her bra from the pocket of her scrub pants, tugging it on. "Come see me when you're done. Maybe we can grab a drink if the stars align and our schedules allow."

Finding opportunities to connect at work was always a challenge, but Arizona was determined to take Callie up on that. They were both taking on extra long shifts tonight and wouldn't be able to go home for another ten hours at least. "I will."

"I'll see you later?"

"Later." Shoes on, Arizona jogged to the door and waved. "Bye."

#

Callie wandered down to the pit after Arizona, grinning when she saw Mark making notes in a chart at the nurse's station. She sidled up to him and glanced over his shoulder, not so much because she wanted to see what he was writing as because she knew he hated that. Messing with Mark was always fun when she was in a good mood.

"Torres," Mark said drolly. He flipped the chart closed then looked at her, eyes widening. "You totally just got lucky."

Surprised that he could read her that well, especially given that she was still coiled tight with pent-up sexual energy, Callie snorted and shook her head. "Shut up."

Cristina walked to the counter, depositing a chart on Callie's other side. "Whatever. He's right." She met Callie's gaze, cracking a smile that lasted just long enough for Callie to spot it before it was wiped away. "Normally I'd say something dismissive or insulting, but today I'll just say kudos."

Callie shifted uncomfortably. Nice Cristina always made Callie feel slightly uneasy. "Okay."

Mark bumped Callie's shoulder. "I second that."

Not wanting to confirm or deny, Callie said, "Whatever."

"I thought Robbins had a little swagger in her step just now." Mark gave her a toothy grin. "Good for you."

Callie glanced around, hoping to catch a glimpse of that swagger.

"She just took a kid into surgery. Car accident." Cristina grimaced. "Bad one."

Not exactly the best way to spend her afterglow, but Arizona was a professional. Callie cleared her throat, determined to get her mind back on work as well. "Got anything I can look at?"

As though summoned by her words, the ambulance bay doors burst open and Owen Hunt came jogging inside pushing a gurney whose occupant roared in agony. He searched the area until his eyes landed on Callie. "Torres. I've got two badly broken legs here."

Callie took off running and met Owen halfway, matching his pace as they wheeled the gurney into an exam room. The patient was a man who looked to be in his mid-thirties, wearing torn, bloody jeans and no shirt. 'Badly broken legs' was an understatement. Splintered white bone jutted through a tear in the denim covering the man's left leg, at the knee. The right leg was bent at an unnatural angle, pants soaked with blood higher on the thigh. The man tipped his head back in a horrible grimace, teeth clamped together from the pain. Sweat dripped down his pale face onto the sheet below.

Everything else slipped away as Callie went into surgeon mode. She cut away the rest of his jeans, eager to examine the severity of the break. X-rays would be needed to confirm, but Callie's gut instinct was that he would require extensive surgery to repair and set his legs. The breaks were severe to say the least. Callie looked up at Owen and noticed the uniformed police offers that hovered in the background, watching them work.

"What happened?" Callie asked one of the cops.

The officer stepped forward, a dark young man with serious eyes. "Driver's license says his name is Colin Thomas. Looks like he broke into a girl's apartment then jumped out the fourth-story window when her brother came home early and caught the guy raping her in her own bed. Colin here decided to try his luck with the pavement rather than face the understandably angry brother."

Callie's hands stopped moving as she reacted to the cop's words. Who this man was, what he had done, couldn't matter to her. Not as his doctor. She had taken an oath and that meant she had a duty to preserve human life whenever possible. That he was a rapist—that he had taken from some poor girl what someone had taken from Arizona—shouldn't stop her from treating him. It _couldn't_.

But that was easier said than done.

"Torres." Hunt didn't meet her eyes. "You scrubbing in?"

Taking a deep breath, Callie centered herself and focused on the task at hand. Two broken legs. Bleeding. And who knew what else.

Callie nodded. "Yes."

#

Two hours later, Callie walked out of the operating room completely drained. The surgery she had just performed wasn't too technically complex, but emotionally it had been one of the most difficult things she had ever done. After her thorough repair job, she had no doubt her patient would be fine. He would walk again. Probably even rape again, given the opportunity.

No matter how hard she tried, that was all Callie could see when she was working on him. A rapist. Physically imposing, capable of hurting women in the most devastating way. Now that Callie knew first-hand how much pain a man like him could cause, it made her sick to look at him. He was a reasonably handsome guy, a little scruffy but with an unassuming, almost boyish face that certainly didn't hint at the evil lurking inside him.

He made her sick.

Owen gave her a tentative pat on the back when they walked out of the scrub room. "Good work in there, Torres."

Callie grunted. "Never been less satisfied with fixing someone in my life."

"I know." Owen tipped his head. "But you did it anyway. You're a good doctor."

Shrugging, Callie rolled her neck. "I think I'm going to head to the cafeteria for a drink. I need a break."

"Take care of yourself. I'll see you later?"

Callie opened her mouth to respond then stopped when she saw a familiar face talking to the uniformed cop who had given her the rundown on her patient earlier. Detective Mendoza. It made sense—Mendoza worked in sex crimes, so it followed that she would be naturally be a part of the investigation into this case. But when Mendoza glanced Callie's direction and went stock still, clearly startled, Callie got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. Rather than go to the cafeteria, she made her way over to Mendoza, who held up a hand to silence the officer as Callie approached.

"Dr. Torres," she said. Mendoza gave the officer a polite smile. "Officer Washington, I'll catch up with you in a bit."

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded at Callie. "Doctor."

Once he walked away, Callie said, "You're here for the guy with the broken legs?"

Mendoza searched Callie's face. "I was told you had to perform surgery."

"He had multiple severe breaks. He has a long recovery ahead of him." Swallowing against the disgust that rose in her throat when she thought of what had been caught doing, Callie said, "Not as long as the woman he hurt tonight, though."

Mendoza's jaw tightened. No doubt about it, she was incredibly tense. Like there was something she needed to say, but was uncertain how Callie might react. "Dr. Torres—"

"What?" Callie's stomach twisted into a knot. All at once she knew exactly what was coming. Bile rose in her throat. If Detective Mendoza said what Callie thought she might, Callie didn't know how she wouldn't be sick.

"I think it would be best if someone else handled Mr. Thomas's care for the rest of his stay at Seattle Grace Mercy West."

"Why?" Her voice came out a raspy croak.

Detective Mendoza reached for Callie's hand. Surprising herself, Callie let her hold it. Suddenly that compassionate touch felt like the only thing keeping her from flying apart. "We have reason to believe that Colin Thomas may be the same man who attacked Dr. Robbins. Of course we can't be sure until we run his DNA sample, but…I think there's a good chance that he's the guy we're looking for."

Callie closed her eyes when the room began to spin. There were too many thoughts and emotions coursing through her to even begin to classify them all. She wanted to vomit. To scream. To rush into Colin Thomas's post-surgical recovery room and wrap her hands around his neck until he stopped breathing. Not wanting to cause a scene, Callie forced herself calm. Then she opened her eyes and met Detective Mendoza's gaze.

"May I ask why you think that? Because we know this guy is a rapist? Or is there something else?"

Mendoza shifted her weight, looking uncomfortable. "I really can't share the details at this point in the investigation," she said quietly. "All I can tell you is that I just finished interviewing the woman he attacked tonight and there are…certain similarities in the things he said to this girl, to what Dr. Robbins reported being said during her attack. Since he also fits her general physical description…"

In the operating room Callie had tried to avoid looking at Colin Thomas's face as much as possible. It had only made her feel angry to gaze upon his slackened, unconscious features, peaceful in sleep even if he would be suffering when he finally awoke. But now she recalled details that all of a sudden seemed significant—his thick, full head of hair, the facial scruff in desperate need of a shave. Callie thought back to the sight of his hands when Owen wheeled him into the emergency room, tightly balled into fists as he fought against the pain of his injuries.

Those could be the hands that punched Arizona in the face. That blackened her eyes. The hands that forced her legs apart, that touched her most private, intimate places, the hand that clamped over her mouth to muffle her screams. If he was the one who hurt Arizona, that meant Callie had just helped save the life of the man who had forever changed Arizona's—and her own.

Callie's eyes flew open. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Detective Mendoza released Callie's hand and stepped to the side. "We'll know more soon. Just, for now, it would be best for you to keep your distance from Mr. Thomas. Okay?"

Nodding frantically, Callie pushed past Mendoza and sprinted to the bathroom. She stumbled through the doorway, launched herself into the first stall, and dropped to her knees. Planting her hands on her thighs, Callie rocked back and forth, fighting not to get sick.

If that was Arizona's rapist, everything was about to change. There would be a trial. Arizona might have to testify, to relive her assault in front of a courtroom full of strangers. Who knew how she would react to that? Hell, who knew how she would react to the knowledge that the man who raped her was in the same building she was, that Callie had meticulously repaired and set his broken legs.

Just how badly would this upset all the progress they had made?

Gut lurching, Callie surged forward and emptied her stomach into the toilet. She heaved until her throat ached and cold sweat poured down her face. Then she flushed and stood slowly, making her way to the sink on rubbery legs.

Amazing how a good day could turn bad so quickly.

Callie exhaled. She needed to pull herself together. She had no idea whether Arizona was still in surgery or not, but Callie needed to be there and be strong whenever she got out. Already she knew she couldn't keep this a secret from Arizona—she wouldn't—no matter how frightened she was for Arizona to know the truth.

They had already gone through so much. Arizona would get through this, too. Maybe she would even get justice. That was worth something. Callie dipped her head and splashed cold water on her face. Then she stared into the mirror, steeling herself for whatever would come next.

This was just more challenge for them to face—together.

_To be continued…_


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

After Arizona scrubbed out of a heartbreaking surgery—a five-year-old girl involved in a head-on collision, whose heart had been damaged beyond repair—she found Callie waiting outside in the hallway. Her mood lifted slightly at the sight of Callie's face, but immediately she sensed that something was wrong. Callie's jaw was tense, her eyes stormy, her entire bearing somehow off-kilter. She looked anguished, turning Arizona's stomach over in instant worry.

"I'm sorry," Callie said. "I heard your patient didn't make it."

"No, she didn't." Arizona pushed aside her sadness for the little girl and turned her attention to Callie. Her dark mood had nothing to do with Arizona's loss. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you about something. Alone."

"Okay." Arizona glanced up and down the hallway, desperate for some clue about the source of Callie's discontent. Everything looked normal. Before Arizona rushed into surgery, it had been a good day. She wondered what could have changed in just a few short hours. "Do you want to go to an on-call room again?"

"Yes." Callie grabbed Arizona's hand, tugging her along as she led them toward the same room where they'd spent time together earlier. The scene had an entirely different feel to it now. Instead of being rushed to a passionate encounter, Arizona felt like she was being led to slaughter.

As before, Callie poked her head into the on-call room then urged Arizona inside. Arizona watched Callie lock the door, certain that whatever Callie wanted to talk about wouldn't be nearly as fun as what brought them here earlier.

"Let's sit down," Callie said gently.

Arizona's throat went dry, her breathing quickened. "Calliope, you're scaring me." Before the rape she had never had a panic attack, but now anything could trigger distress. Callie's strange behavior threatened to sweep Arizona's legs out from under her. "Please tell me what's going on."

Callie took Arizona's arm, helping her sit on the mattress. "Everything is okay. You're safe." She sat next to Arizona, pulling suddenly cold hands into her warm lap. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to frighten you."

Arizona took a deep breath then exhaled through her mouth. She needed to calm down. She was being ridiculous. "I'm sorry. You just seem upset, and so serious—"

Callie nodded slowly. "I've got something to tell you and I'm not sure how. I'm afraid of how you'll react."

A tendril of fear curled inside Arizona's gut. "Just tell me. Please."

"They brought a man into the pit a few hours ago, both legs severely broken. The cops were with him. He jumped out the window of a fourth-story apartment he had broken into, after…after raping the girl who lived there." Callie met Arizona's gaze, squeezing her hands. "Her brother came home and caught him in the act, so he jumped."

Arizona's tongue felt heavy, incapable of forming words. The thought of that poor girl, and what she was going through at this very moment, turned her stomach. "Did he need surgery for his legs?"

"Yes."

"Did you have to do it?"

Callie swallowed and turned her head, as though struggling not to throw up. "Yes."

"I'm sorry." It made sense that Callie would be upset knowing that a rapist was in the hospital, especially if she had been the one to fix his broken legs, but the revulsion on Callie's face told her that this was about more than that. Much more. "What else?"

"When I came out of surgery Detective Mendoza was in the pit talking to one of the cops who brought the guy in. She…told me I should have someone else take over this man's care."

"No." Arizona shook her head. All at once her entire body felt numb. Empty. And she didn't want to hear any more. "Don't say it."

"Arizona, Detective Mendoza thinks this might be the same man who hurt you. They're going to test his DNA against the sample collected in your case. Then they'll know for sure." Callie's voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "But she seems pretty certain it's him. Based on her interview with the woman he hurt tonight."

Pulling her hands away from Callie's, Arizona folded her arms over her stomach and bent at the waist. Callie's words had punched her in the gut, stealing her breath. Her throat spasmed and for a moment she was certain she would vomit.

"Sweetheart." Callie touched her shoulder tentatively.

Arizona jerked away without thinking. Right now it felt like the walls were closing in on her. She needed space.

"Darling." Callie's voice shook. "We don't know yet if it's him. I just wanted you to be aware there was a chance. I didn't want to keep it from you."

Arizona covered her face with her hands, rocking back and forth as she focused on her breathing. "Thank you for telling me."

Callie exhaled. "What are you thinking?"

Shrugging, Arizona whispered, "I don't know what to think. Or how to feel."

"I can only imagine."

"I honestly thought they'd never find him. That I'd never know who he was."

"Well, if this _is_ the guy, he was in a world of hurt when he came in. That's got to make you just a little happy."

Arizona's mouth twitched. That was the plus side, the thought that her rapist hadn't actually gotten to walk away from his crimes without any kind of consequence. On the other hand, he had hurt another woman tonight. And Callie had to deal with the knowledge that she had tended to his injuries. Meeting Callie's eyes, Arizona said, "What are _you_thinking? You saw him. You _touched_ him."

"I fixed him." Callie looked away. "And I'm disgusted. Pissed off. I want to re-break his legs."

Arizona touched Callie's knee. "I'm sorry."

Callie shook her head, seemingly unable to meet Arizona's eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure." Shrugging, Arizona let out a helpless bark of laughter. "No."

"Do you want me to take you home?"

Arizona blinked back the emotion that rose at the tender concern in Callie's voice. "I have patients."

"Someone can cover the rest of your shift if you don't want to stay." Finally Callie made eye contact. "Everyone would understand if you didn't."

Arizona flinched. "Who else knows about this?"

"Nobody except Detective Mendoza, as far as I know. I have no idea if she'll tell anyone else. She may tell Derek."

Stomach churning, Arizona crawled behind Callie and stretched out on the mattress. She faced the wall, covering her stomach with a shaking hand. All at once the reality of the situation hit her full force, flooding her with a litany of increasingly panicked thoughts. Her rapist was quite possibly in the hospital at that very moment. In _her_ hospital. He was in police custody. There was at least one other victim—a woman who wouldn't have been hurt if only the guy had been caught after Arizona's rape. If only she had been able to provide better information. But now he was caught, and there would be a trial. She would probably have to testify.

"May I hold you?" Callie murmured.

Arizona realized just how violently she was trembling. "Yes."

"Do you want to turn over?"

"No." Glancing over her shoulder, Arizona mustered a brave smile. "I know what I'm asking for. I need it right now."

Callie slid in behind her, wrapping her arm around Arizona's middle and pulling her backward into the cradle of her hips. Splaying her fingers over the gentle curve of Arizona's belly, Callie enveloped her in a deep sense of safety and kept Arizona in the moment, calming her with ease.

"This day has been a rollercoaster," Arizona said quietly, once she could speak. "I'm exhausted."

"Me too."

Arizona reached back and touched Callie's hip. "You did what you had to do, fixing him. You're a surgeon. A great one. I know you're freaking out right now, but don't. You couldn't have done anything differently. You _shouldn't_ have done anything differently."

Callie pressed her mouth against Arizona's shoulder. "It makes me sick to think about it."

There was nothing Arizona could say to change that. This was something Callie would live with for the rest of her life, the terrible coincidence of healing the man who had broken Arizona so callously, whose faceless presence had haunted Arizona for months. She swallowed. "What does he look like?"

"Just a guy." Callie's voice came out hard, without inflection. "Just a normal guy."

"What's his name?"

Callie hesitated. "Colin Thomas."

Arizona considered that a moment. There was something incomprehensible about putting a human name and face to what happened to her. This was a possibility she had nearly pushed out of her mind entirely, that he would be caught. That he would be punished. She wondered who Colin Thomas was. Did he have a girlfriend? A wife? God forbid, kids?

Arizona's pager went off. Closing her eyes, she brought the back of her hand to her face to swipe away the tears of exhaustion that escaped. Maybe she did want to go home. She pulled her pager from her pocket and checked the display. Another 911.

"This night just keeps getting better and better," Arizona said.

"What do you want to do?" Callie continued to hold her close.

"My job." Arizona pocketed her pager then sat up when Callie released her from the embrace. "We've got five more hours and then we can go home. And sleep."

"Okay." Callie took Arizona's hand, helping her stand. "You'll be all right?"

Arizona nodded, though she wasn't exactly sure what _all right_ meant anymore. "I'm fine."

"If you need me, page me."

"I will." Grabbing Callie by the lapels of her white coat, Arizona pulled her in for a slow, lingering kiss. When she broke away, she whispered, "Thank you for being here."

"Always."

#

After leaving Arizona the second time that night, Callie didn't know where to go. Her mind was reeling from all that had happened, to the point that going back to work seemed impossible. But taking a break didn't appeal to her either. That left her with nothing to do but think. To remember the care she had taken to fix Colin Thomas's legs, telling herself that as a doctor she had to treat a rapist with the same dignity as an innocent child. Now that she knew this particular rapist was likely the same man who had stolen Arizona's light, her adherence to the Hippocratic Oath seemed ridiculous and unfair.

This had the potential to drive her crazy if she let it. She already felt crazy, like all she wanted to do was cause Colin Thomas even a fraction of the pain he had put Arizona through.

Without thinking consciously about where was going, Callie made her way to the nurse's station computer and pulled up Colin Thomas's record. He had been moved from the recovery room to a private room on the second floor. Callie closed his file and walked purposefully toward the stairs. She should just leave this alone. There was nothing she could do to Colin Thomas, nor _should_ she do anything. Arizona needed her—safe at home, not in jail. But Callie couldn't make her feet cooperate with the command to go to the cafeteria and cool off. Her body had a mind of its own, and it was taking her to that rapist's room.

Callie stepped out of the elevator on the second floor. The normally chaotic atmosphere of the hospital was cranked up to eleven, people bustling this way and that. Callie spotted Colin Thomas's room instantly. A uniformed cop stood outside, but he was paying more attention to chatting up an attractive nurse than to watching the flow of traffic. He probably figured, quite correctly, that Colin Thomas wasn't going anywhere with two fractured legs. Callie had no idea whether the cop had been informed that she was supposed to stay away from this particular patient, but she sensed she might have an opportunity to slip inside the room unnoticed.

Not knowing what she intended to accomplish with this visit, Callie beat a path to the door. The cop barely glanced at her as she opened it and went inside, no doubt judging from the coat and scrubs that she had every right to be there. Just as Callie hoped, Colin Thomas was awake. If the grimace on his face was any indication, he was also in excruciating pain.

"Doc," he said as she walked into the room, closing the door behind her. "I need painkillers, goddamn it."

"No, you don't." Callie picked up his chart, not reading a word. She had no idea what to do now that she was here. There was no plan. She was just so angry.

"Yes I do, you fucking bitch." He tipped his head back on his pillow, fisting his hands at his side. Taking a deep breath, he visibly forced himself to calm down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, all right? It just hurts so fucking bad. If I could just get _something_—"

"Let's be honest, Colin, you probably deserve a little pain." Callie put down his chart, stepping closer to the bed. "So you think I'm a fucking bitch? Is that how you see women? As fucking bitches?"

Colin groaned and looked away. "Christ, I said I was sorry. I'm dying here."

"Does that make it easier to treat women like garbage?" Callie watched his eyes, looking for a reaction to her words. Guilt. Shame. Something. "Does it make it easier to rape them? When they're just fucking bitches, anyway?"

But there was nothing in those dark eyes except rage. "Fuck you."

"No, fuck _you_." Callie tightened her fists at her sides, forcing herself not to approach the bed. She would say her piece and get out. But she wouldn't touch him. That wouldn't accomplish anything. "You don't just get to _do_ that. Do you understand? You can't just do that and walk away."

"Whatever." He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. "Either get me some drugs or get the fuck out of my room."

"Hey," Callie said sharply, pleased when he startled and opened his eyes, finally meeting her gaze. "Someone very important to me was raped a little over two months ago. Here at this hospital, in the parking lot. Do you know anything about that?"

Snorting, Colin said, "What, the police tell you I'm a rapist and suddenly you think every chick in the city who gets a little rough loving is my fault?"

The self-satisfied smirk on his face told Callie everything she needed to know. This was the guy. Callie felt it in her bones. The man who raped Arizona was right in front of her, totally vulnerable with two broken legs. She wanted so badly to hurt him, but doubted that Arizona would want her to do that. If she couldn't make him scream, Callie at least wanted him to admit what he had done. She wouldn't leave the room until he did. "It was more than 'a little rough loving', asshole. And you know it. Don't you?"

Colin rolled his eyes, then slammed his hand against the mattress. Callie knew he was riding a fresh wave of agony when his face turned red and his dark eyes flashed with anger. He pinned Callie with a spiteful glare. "If you're talking about that cunt surgeon with the tight, wet pussy, then give me a break. She was asking for it."

The thin hold Callie had on her control snapped and she launched herself toward the bed before she had a chance to think. She saw Colin's fingers slamming the call button, clearly anticipating what was coming, but she didn't care. Callie grabbed one of his legs, not yet in a hard cast, and dug her thumbs into the area where she remembered the skin had been punctured. Colin threw his head back and roared in pain.

The door to the room burst open, but Callie didn't move. She kept her eyes on the red, contorted face in front of her, heart pounding as she twisted her thumbs, digging further into the damaged muscle.

"Get this fucking cunt off me! I told her I didn't hurt her friend!"

A strong pair of hands grabbed Callie around the shoulders, while another pried her fingers away from Colin Thomas's injured leg. Callie struggled as she was forcibly dragged away from the bed, disappointed when Colin's face slackened in relief. She wanted to hurt him again. To make him scream. To cause him even a hint of the torment he had put Arizona through.

"Dr. Torres!"

Callie turned her head, suddenly aware that one of the men who restrained her was Derek Shepherd. The reality that her Chief had just witnessed her completely losing her shit sobered Callie slightly, and she stopped fighting against his grip. Derek gave her a sharp nod, though his gaze was purely sympathetic. The officer who had pulled her away from Colin's leg stood panting at his bedside, looking between Callie and the cursing man with wide eyes.

Colin seemed to gather himself, giving her a sick smile. "Don't be jealous, Dr. Torres. I like big girls, too."

Derek's grip loosened, as though he had decided to allow her to take another shot. But when Callie lurched forward to attack him again, Derek pulled her back toward the door.

"Dr. Torres," Derek said in a tone that brooked no argument. "In my office. Now."

"I'll sue you, bitch." Colin Thomas sneered at her from his bed. "For assault."

"Well, I didn't see any assault." Derek pushed Callie out of the room, holding an arm across the doorway to prevent her from going back inside. He spoke to the officer next to Colin Thomas's bed, raising an eyebrow. "How about you? You're the one in charge of watching him."

"Just some shouting," the officer said, shooting Colin a look of disgust. "That's all. No harm done."

Nodding, Derek gripped Callie's arm and forcibly walked her down the hallway. Under his breath, he murmured, "I hope like hell you didn't cause any permanent damage. For your sake."

Callie glowered. "I didn't leave a mark."

"Good."

"Calliope!"

Callie stopped short. So did Derek. Turning slowly, Callie's heart constricted at the sight of Arizona jogging to meet them. Callie glanced behind her, toward Colin Thomas's room, relieved to see that his door had been closed.

"Arizona," Callie said quietly. All of a sudden she felt stupid. She hadn't meant to lose control like that. She had no idea how Arizona would feel, knowing what she had just done.

"What happened?" Arizona skidded to a stop in front of them, glancing from Callie to Derek and back again. "I heard screaming."

"Dr. Torres confronted a patient she was told to stay away from," Derek said, lowering his voice so no one would overhear. "And now we're going to my office. Would you like to join us?"

Arizona went pale. She extended a trembling hand and Callie took it, giving her an apologetic squeeze. "I'm sorry," Callie whispered. "I just…I couldn't help it."

Arizona looked at Derek. "Yes. Let's go."

Derek released Callie, apparently satisfied that Arizona's presence would keep her from turning around and dashing back to Colin Thomas's room. And indeed, having Arizona close did calm Callie down. It also made her more convinced than ever that she had done the right thing. Maybe it was petty, maybe it was stupid, but Callie was damn glad she had gotten to make that man suffer, even for just a few moments.

When they got to Derek's office, he opened the door and invited Callie and Arizona to enter. Callie dropped into one of the chairs in front of his desk, utterly spent. She had no idea what to expect. Would he reprimand her? Suspend her? Ask her what the hell she had been thinking? Callie shot a sidelong glance at Arizona as she took the seat beside her, relaxing at the lack of anger in Arizona's eyes. As long as Arizona wasn't upset about what she'd done, Callie couldn't care less what Derek said.

Opening his desk drawer, Derek withdrew two glasses and a bottle of tequila. He picked up a glass and raised his eyebrow at Arizona, but Arizona shook her head and waved him off. Derek poured a generous amount into the glass and handed it across the desk to Callie. Apparently he realized he didn't need to ask if she wanted it.

Callie grabbed the drink and took a large sip, loving the burn as the liquid slid down her throat. "I'm sorry, Chief."

Derek shook his head, eyes shining with compassion. "I've requested that Mr. Thomas be transferred out of Seattle Grace Mercy West as soon as possible. Detective Mendoza filled me in on the…" He shot Arizona a cautious look. "Potential conflict of interest. I think it would be best for everyone, including Mr. Thomas, if he didn't stay any longer than absolutely necessary."

Arizona nodded, staring down at her lap. "I appreciate that."

Callie took another sip then set her glass on Derek's desk. "What I did was completely inappropriate. Unprofessional. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Dr. Torres," Derek said softly. "You'd better believe if that asshole hurt Meredith, I would have done the exact same thing."

Callie's heart constricted at the sight of Arizona lowering her head, clearly upset. Derek cleared his throat then walked to the door. "I've got a patient I need to check on. When you've finished your drink, Dr. Torres, I want Dr. Robbins to take you home. It's been a long night already and you both need a break."

Arizona opened her mouth, clearly about to protest. Callie spoke before she could. "But—"

"No buts. You've had a little to drink, Torres, so you're not working for the rest of the night. And Dr. Robbins, I don't care whether you're capable of staying or not, I don't want you in the building with that man. My decision. Not yours."

Arizona's bottom lip trembled, probably in reaction to the authoritative tone of Derek's voice. "Yes, sir."

"This isn't a punishment. It's a reprieve." Derek opened the door then paused before he walked out. "Go take care of each other. I'll see you no sooner than eighteen hours from now."

"Okay," Callie said softly. She had no idea how Arizona would feel about the forced time off. Or even if she would be angry about what Callie had done. "Thank you."

Derek nodded sharply then left the office, easing the door closed behind him. Callie gazed longingly at the glass of tequila on Derek's desk. She craved another swallow. Instead she looked at Arizona, who stared at the floor. "Sweetheart…"

Arizona lifted her face, revealing tears tracking down her cheeks. "What happened?"

"After you went to answer your 911, I didn't know what to do. So I found out what room he was in. I don't know what I was thinking. I just…I had to see him."

"What did he say?"

Callie's face heated at the memory of her exchange with Colin Thomas. "He wanted painkillers. I told him no. He called me some names. I told someone very important to me was attacked here at the hospital and asked him if he knew anything about that. When he pretty much admitted he did, I just snapped. Knew exactly where to press to really make him scream."

What looked like satisfaction passed over Arizona's face, quickly wiped away in favor of a neutral expression. "He admitted it?"

Callie cringed as Colin's crude words played back in her head. "Not directly, and he denied it as soon as the cop came into the room, but yeah. He knew who you were."

"What did he say?"

There was no way Callie would repeat what he said. "It doesn't matter."

"I want to know."

"No," Callie said, staring into Arizona's eyes. "You don't."

Arizona's throat moved convulsively. Sensing that the trickle of tears was about to become a flood, Callie moved off her chair and knelt on the carpet at Arizona's feet, taking both her hands in her own. Arizona met Callie's eyes, sniffling. "I don't want you to go anywhere near him again. Okay? I hate the idea of you being alone with him."

"I don't think they'll let me be near him again, anyway." Callie forced a small smile, hoping to nudge Arizona into returning it with one of her own.

Arizona bent and pressed her forehead against Callie's. "You shouldn't have done that. But thank you." She withdrew her hands from Callie's, wrapping her in a tight hug. "I've never actually had a protector before."

The quiet words sent a pang to Callie's heart. She wished she had been able to do more for Arizona than confront her rapist after the fact. But at least Arizona wasn't angry with her for this evening's lapse. "You do now."

Arizona drew back, wiping her eyes. "I guess we'd better get going."

"Sorry about that," Callie said quietly. "I didn't mean to get you sent home."

Shaking her head, Arizona touched Callie's shoulder. "No, it's good. I think I need to get out of here, honestly."

"Me too." Callie stood and helped Arizona to her feet. Then she tugged Arizona into a gentle embrace. "He's going to prison, Arizona. He won't get away with what he did."

Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck. "I hope so," she said, then exhaled shakily. "I'm going to have to testify, aren't I?"

"I don't know." Callie pressed her hand flat against the center of Arizona's back, grounding herself in their connection. Arizona seemed to melt against her body. "If you do, I'll be there the whole time."

Straightening, Arizona stepped out of Callie's arms and forced a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Let's go home."

#

When Callie woke early the next morning, the sky was just light enough to reveal Arizona's absence from their bed. Callie touched Arizona's side of the mattress, finding the sheets cold. Lost to a dark, dreamless sleep, Callie hadn't even felt her leave. The muted sound of the television filtered in from the living room, compelling Callie out of the warm cocoon of the comforter to check on Arizona.

The familiar sights and sounds of multiplayer Halo greeted Callie as she walked into the living room, putting an instant smile on her face. Arizona sat cross-legged on the middle couch cushion, clutching an Xbox controller and staring intently at the television. Callie watched the action onscreen as she rounded the corner of the couch. "Hey, darling."

Startling, Arizona glanced at Callie then swore as her character was cut down in a burst of gunfire. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry." Callie sat next to Arizona, careful to give her space. Halo this early in the morning meant that Arizona was working something out. "I didn't hear you get up."

Arizona's character—outfitted in pink armor—ran up behind an enemy player and killed him with a blow to the back of the head. Wincing, Callie ran her gaze up and down Arizona's body in a subtle sidelong assessment. There was something _so_ hot about ruthless gamer Arizona.

"I had a nightmare," Arizona said without taking her eyes off the screen. She eased into a grin when she killed another opponent with a shotgun blast to the chest. "Couldn't get back to sleep. I thought a little senseless digital violence might help."

"Has it?"

Arizona tossed a grenade that threw two bodies high into the air, then pumped her fist victoriously. "First place again. I _rock_."

"I'll take that as a yes." Callie turned to the side and faced Arizona, resting her head against the back of the couch. "Why didn't you wake me? I could have tried to help."

Game over, Arizona put down her controller and mirrored Callie's pose. "You were exhausted, Calliope. You needed your sleep."

Knowing better than to press the issue, Callie murmured, "Are you okay?"

"I am now." Arizona managed a brave smile, but Callie sensed the dream had shaken her up. "It was a new one. I didn't like it."

"Do you want to tell me?"

Arizona's throat moved and her eyes welled with emotion. "He was hurting you. We were in our bed and you were lying right next to me, but I couldn't see, and I couldn't move. All I could do was…listen."

Stunned, Callie grabbed Arizona's hands and held them tight. Guilt twisted her stomach at the thought that her decision to confront Colin Thomas had made Arizona fear for Callie's safety. "I'm okay, _querida_. So are you. And Colin Thomas is spending a long and painful night in the hospital before being taken to jail."

"I know." Arizona exhaled. "I'm so angry right now, I don't even know what to do. It feels like everything was really starting to get back on track, and now Colin Thomas had to go and hurt another woman. He had to show up in _my_hospital, have _my_ partner do his surgery, and basically ruin everything just when I was starting to be happy again."

Callie stroked her thumb over Arizona's knuckles. "He hasn't ruined everything."

"They're going to put him on trial. Even if there's DNA evidence, they'll probably want me to testify. I _have_ to testify. But that means reliving it _again_, and I'm so tired, Calliope. I'm so tired of having to remember. All I want is to forget it ever happened, but I can't. Not with the police interviews, and the nightmares, and the random flashbacks, and the fucked-up, horrible way he's managed to invade my mind when I'm in bed with the woman I love."

Callie didn't know what to say to calm Arizona's anxiety. She was right—a trial would be difficult, especially having to retell the story of her assault once again. This time it would be in front of a crowd of people, probably including Colin Thomas himself. The idea that Arizona would almost certainly come face-to-face with her attacker in the courtroom terrified Callie. She had no idea how Arizona would react.

"Everything will be okay." Sheepish about repeating a mantra that was simplistic at best, Callie had to believe it nonetheless. "It really will. A trial will suck, definitely, but it'll mean making sure that man is punished for what he did to you and that other girl. And who knows how many more women?"

Arizona shivered. "I know." Scooting closer, she leaned into Callie's body, snuggling up when Callie drew her into a gentle embrace. "I'm just nervous and embarrassed and angry. I just…" She sighed. "I just want to go on vacation."

Smiling, Callie kissed the crown of Arizona's head. Her blond hair still smelled faintly of shampoo, and Callie inhaled deeply, enjoying her scent. "Where should we go?"

"Spain," Arizona murmured. "For two weeks, minimum. I want to lie on the beach and drink sangria and admire your gorgeous body in a scandalously sexy bikini. I want to spend every night making love. And I do _not_want to think about Colin Thomas, or what he did, even once." Lifting her gaze to Callie's, Arizona smiled weakly. "Is that too much to ask?"

Callie shook her head. "Let's start making plans."

Arizona brightened a little. "Yeah?"

"Definitely. That sounds perfect."

Wrapping her arms around Callie's middle, Arizona held her tightly. "Maybe we can go after the trial. Kind of like a reward for getting through it."

Callie pressed her lips to Arizona's temple, hating the worry that radiated from her every pore. She would give anything to take it away, would _do_ anything to spare Arizona from the trauma of going through the justice system. But all she could really do was provide emotional support. It was the best thing for Arizona, even if it felt at times like being helpless.

"I like that idea," Callie said quietly. "I think we'll need time away, once we get through this next part."

Arizona's fingers played with the low-cut chest of Callie's brown camisole. "We should move in together."

Caught off-guard by the non-sequitur, Callie was surprised only that it had taken them so long to have this conversation. They had been staying at Arizona's place for over two months now, and though Callie still paid rent on her apartment with Cristina, she was rarely there. It was only a matter of time before they both acknowledged what had happened naturally on its own. Smiling easily, Callie said, "Haven't we already?"

"Well, yes." Tracing the tip of her finger over the top of one breast, then the other, Arizona set Callie's heart racing. The caress was light and painfully sensual. "But let's make it official. And stop paying rent on two places when we'll only ever need one."

"Official is good," Callie said. "So is saving money."

"Good." Arizona's smile seemed to come easier now. She kissed Callie lightly, sliding the tip of her tongue across Callie's lower lip. "So that's settled."

Callie could tell that Arizona was trying to turn her on. It was working. "I'll talk to Cristina. Sounds like Owen wanted to move in with her, anyway."

"Perfect." Arizona snaked a path with her finger to the center of Callie's breast, circling her erect nipple. "Now let's talk about what I want to do _before_ our vacation."

Fighting to keep her voice steady, Callie murmured, "What are you doing?" Surprised by the blatantly sexual contact in the aftermath of Arizona's nightmare—hell, after the night they'd both had—Callie was torn between stopping it and simply savoring the fact that Arizona still wanted to be close. Before a few moments ago she wouldn't have thought she could get turned on with everything that had happened over the past twelve hours, but all it took was one teasing caress to narrow her focus to just the two of them.

"I'm touching you," Arizona said quietly. "I don't have to wait for Spain to admire your gorgeous body, do I?"

"No." Callie searched Arizona's face, trying to decide whether it was dangerous to allow their desire to escalate. She wanted to trust Arizona to know her limits, but knew the trauma of having her rapist suddenly appear might lead her into rash behavior. "Of course not."

"I'm not doing anything we would have shied away from before that man landed in the ER. And he doesn't get to take this away from us. Not again." Smiling, Arizona took Callie's nipple between her fingers and gave it a gentle squeeze. There was no hesitation on her face, only calm determination. "Besides, I owe you one after last night."

It was difficult to think of a reason why Arizona should stop. If Arizona didn't want to let Colin Thomas hold her back, why should Callie let him? Callie closed her eyes as pleasure arced from her breast straight to her clit. "Fair enough."

"I love the way your ass looks in these." Callie's eyes shot open as Arizona trailed her hand down the back of Callie's thigh to finger the edge of her boyshorts. Shooting Callie a playful smile, Arizona smoothed her touch along the curve of her bottom, coming dangerously close to her brushing over her center. "You can't possibly expect me to resist _this_, regardless of what's happened."

Callie swallowed. "I knew I liked wearing these for a reason."

Arizona scraped her fingernail over the crotch of the boyshorts, smirking at Callie's quick inhalation. "They make me want to put my fingers inside you." Locking eyes with Callie, Arizona slowly rubbed up and down her length, soaking the fabric in Callie's arousal. "You're wet."

Horny Arizona was the last person Callie had expected to see this morning. Her frank words set Callie on fire. "Yes, I am."

Arizona held Callie's gaze as she pulled the sodden material to the side and dragged her fingers through the slick folds beneath. "And hot."

Callie clenched her fists at her sides and gave her body over to Arizona. Letting her thighs fall open slightly, she watched Arizona stroke her labia before slowly easing two fingers inside. The sight of Arizona's slim, pale digits sliding into her opening wrenched a groan from Callie's throat and sent a shiver of pleasure rolling through her body. After months without, Callie was keenly aware of just how much she had missed penetration.

"Take off your top." Arizona thrust deeper, angling her fingers to rub hard against the spot on the front wall that always drove Callie wild. "Please."

Callie tore her camisole over her head, throwing it onto the floor, then allowed Arizona to ease her backwards until she lie prone on the couch. Arizona settled on top of her without stopping the motion of her fingers, sucking Callie's nipple into her mouth and nibbling gently. Needing more connection, Callie placed a hand between Arizona's shoulder blades, keeping her close.

Arizona smiled against her breast. "You feel so good around my fingers, Calliope."

"Please don't stop." Callie braced a foot on the couch, anchoring herself against the increasing strength of Arizona's thrusts. Callie loved it hard and fast, and Arizona wasn't holding back. Closing her eyes, Callie clutched at Arizona's shoulders and fought against the climax she wasn't ready to welcome. Having Arizona _this_ close—as close as humanly possible—was too precious to surrender so soon.

"Let go, darling," Arizona mumbled around Callie's nipple. She swept her tongue into the valley between Callie's breasts before seizing the other turgid peak in her teeth. Her thumb sought out Callie's clit and rubbed fast circles in time with her deep strokes. "Give it to me."

Whimpering, Callie curled her toes and tried to stave off the delicious build of pressure between her thighs. But Arizona knew exactly where to touch—precisely how to fuck her—to tear down her defenses. Callie lost her battle with a throaty cry, arching her back as a shattering orgasm quaked through her. Arizona held her close, continuing the motion of her hand until Callie reached down and stopped her with a quiet whimper. When Arizona moved to withdraw her fingers, Callie tightened her grip in a silent plea for Arizona to stay right where she was.

Arizona kissed her way up Callie's chest to her neck, slow and reverent. "Thank you."

Callie snorted, wrapping her arms around Arizona and holding her tightly. She sighed at the sensation of soft lips planting kisses just behind her ear. "Uh, thank _you_."

"You're welcome." Arizona popped up and kissed Callie on the lips, suddenly perky. A little _too_ perky. "Can we have pancakes for breakfast? Those blueberry ones you make?"

Callie blinked at the whiplash-fast change in mood. One minute she's basking in the afterglow, the next she's a short-order cook. "Don't tell me that was all a ploy to get me to make you breakfast."

"Of course not, silly. But I did work up an appetite. And you _do_ have every reason in the world right now to want to pamper me."

That was true, of course. But it had nothing to do with orgasms. "I'm happy to pamper you." Callie allowed Arizona to withdraw her fingers then sat up, depositing Arizona on the cushion at her side. "Shameless."

"Making you feel good is its own reward." Arizona's eyes sparkled. "Pancakes are just a delicious bonus."

Truth was, Callie was glad that Arizona had asked for breakfast instead of reciprocation. No matter how well that had gone, the idea of touching Arizona this morning scared Callie to death. But pancakes, she could do.

Straightening her clothes, Callie kissed Arizona's cheek. "I love you."

Arizona sobered slightly, capturing Callie's lips in a tender kiss. "I love you, too."

"Cool." Callie handed Arizona the Xbox controller and stood. "Play another game. I'll bring them out when they're ready."

"Partner of the year," Arizona chirped.

Even as Callie smiled at familiar, cheerful Arizona, she couldn't help but worry that this was the calm before the storm.

_To be continued…_


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

When Arizona's cell phone rang a mile into her daily run with Teddy, her already racing heart thundered into overdrive. She skidded to a stop in the center of the park and fished the phone out of her pocket, losing what little breath she had at the sight of Detective Mendoza's number on the display. She had been waiting for this call for days—both dreading the DNA test results and desperately wanting an end to the suspense.

After this phone call, she would know if Colin Thomas was the man who raped her. If he was, that meant her life was about to change—again. There would be a trial, no doubt covered by the local media. Her slow but steady return to normalcy would be put on hold while she dealt with the stress and anxiety of reliving her rape in front of a room full of complete strangers—including the man who hurt her. But a trial also meant he would likely be punished for his crimes, and maybe it would even offer Arizona the possibility of some type of closure.

If the DNA didn't belong to Colin Thomas, that would be difficult in a whole other way. No matter how scary the idea of dealing with the legal system might be, Arizona wanted justice—not only for the girl who Colin Thomas raped five days ago, but also for herself.

Staring at the ringing phone, Arizona braced herself for whatever news Detective Mendoza would deliver. Either way, she had to keep moving forward.

Teddy jogged in place beside her. "Answer it."

Kick-started by Teddy's command, Arizona picked up. "This is Arizona Robbins." Her voice came out breathless and shaky—not how she wanted to carry herself at this moment. Straightening her shoulders, Arizona tried to project more confidence than she felt. "Hello, Detective."

Mendoza hesitated. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No." Arizona met Teddy's eyes, nodding when Teddy encouraged her to keep walking along the path. "Just struggling through my morning run."

"Ah." Mendoza chuckled. "I tried running once. That was all it took."

Arizona managed a smile, but her heart wasn't in it. In the days since Colin Thomas's appearance in the ER, she had tried to imagine how she might react to either of the possible outcomes of the DNA test. Now that the moment of truth was here, she felt poised on the edge of a dark abyss, frightened that no matter what Mendoza told her, she would fall inside.

"So do we know yet?" Arizona didn't see any reason to beat around the bush. They both knew why Mendoza was calling. "Was it him?"

"The DNA test conclusively determined that Colin Thomas is the man who raped you. Yes." Mendoza paused, as though giving her time to digest the news. "We were also able to connect him to an unsolved case from eight months ago. He's going to be charged with three rapes."

"Oh." Arizona's knees wobbled and Teddy immediately grabbed her arm, leading her to a park bench just off the path. She gave Teddy a grateful smile as they sat down then turned her attention back to what Mendoza had just revealed. That Colin Thomas had put two other women through the same trauma he had inflicted on her made Arizona want to burst into tears. She knew exactly how those women felt, and wouldn't wish what happened to them on her worst enemy. "Oh," Arizona murmured again.

"I also want to let you know that we also tested Mr. Thomas for HIV. The results were negative."

Stunned by the wave of relief that swept over her at the revelation, Arizona put a hand on her forehead. The flood of thoughts and emotions triggered by Detective Mendoza's words overwhelmed Arizona, leaving her almost numb. "Thanks for letting me know."

"Are you willing to testify against Mr. Thomas?" Mendoza gentled her voice, obviously aware that this was a delicate subject. "The DNA evidence is critical to our case, but victim testimony is really important to bring a human element into the proceedings. DNA needs context in any situation, and it's better if the prosecution doesn't rely solely on science. Besides, a lab report doesn't carry the same impact as hearing exactly what Colin Thomas did to you, and how your life has been affected because of it."

As much as Arizona dreaded the idea, deep down she knew she had no choice. In her heart she knew that if Colin Thomas weren't locked up, he would continue raping women. She hadn't been able to do anything after her attack to prevent him from hurting his most recent victim, but she could damn well do something now. "Of course I'll testify."

"Thank you." Mendoza sounded relieved. "I know it's difficult. That's a very courageous decision."

"Doesn't feel like much of a choice." Arizona hesitated, unsure how much she should ask about the other victims. But she had to know. "The other two women…they're testifying, right?"

"I'm hoping to convince the girl he attacked last week that she needs to come forward and speak at the trial. Her brother is an eyewitness—he's made it clear he's willing to do whatever it takes to put this guy away. But she's hesitant. This is still so fresh for her. She hasn't even healed yet and already she has to think about telling a jury what happened to her."

Arizona tried to imagine dealing with the idea of trials and courtrooms less than a week after her own attack. She wouldn't have had the strength. Her heart ached for the girl, and she wanted so badly to assure her that things would get better. Not quickly, not easily, but gradually and with no small amount of struggle—life went on.

As easy as it was to sympathize with the girl, Arizona hated the idea that she might be the only one willing to speak out in court. Trying to hide the quaver in her voice, Arizona said, "How about the first victim?"

"Yes, she's agreed to testify. Which is a great thing." Mendoza cleared her throat, lowering her voice. "But quite frankly, I'm very glad that you're willing to tell your story. The jury will be more sympathetic to you. You've got a very strong character that the defense won't be able to throw into question."

A niggle of worry stirred Arizona's gut. She wasn't completely ignorant about how sexual assault victims are often the ones put on trial, but hearing Mendoza verbalize it was jarring. "Why is that? Because I'm a professional or because the defense can't suggest that I have a history of promiscuity with men?"

"Honestly? Both." The quiet disgust in Mendoza's voice made it clear she found the topic just as distasteful as Arizona. "At any rate, you'll be hearing from the prosecutor's office soon. You'll work with them to prepare your testimony for the trial—the date of which should be set in a few weeks. If you have any questions in the meantime, feel free to call me."

She did have one question. "Would it be all right if I asked you to offer my contact information to the other two women involved? Especially the girl who was attacked last week. I don't know if I can really say or do anything to make it better, or possibly convince her to testify, but…I don't know. I feel like I should try to do _something_."

"I'll offer it."

"Thank you." She had no idea what she hoped to accomplish by talking to the other members of Colin Thomas's sad little club. But they had a bond—a terrible one—and Arizona couldn't help wondering about them. Who were they? Had their attacks been as brutal? Even worse? She was especially curious about his first victim. Eight months later, how was she doing? Arizona leaned against Teddy, grateful for her warm presence at her side. "I appreciate your call."

"No, thank you, Dr. Robbins. Truly."

Despite not feeling that she'd done anything worthy of Mendoza's gratitude, Arizona accepted the words in the spirit they were intended. "Of course. I'll talk to you later?"

"Definitely. Bye for now."

Arizona hung up the phone and slipped it into the pocket of her sweats. Her hand was shaking.

Lacing their fingers, Teddy pulled Arizona's hand onto her lap. "You okay?"

"Not sure." Smiling weakly, Arizona said, "Seems like that's been the case a lot lately."

"They caught the man who hurt you." Teddy gave her a light squeeze, ducking her head to catch Arizona's gaze. "That's very good news."

Arizona nodded. She couldn't deny that. The downside was the whole laundry list of new challenges to overcome. "Sounds like I'm going to be the star victim of unimpeachable character. Detective Mendoza seemed _very_ relieved to hear that I'll testify."

"I'm proud of you, Arizona. I can only imagine how this must feel. I never reported Jay and Steve—I didn't want to deal with what that would mean. At the time it felt like the right decision for me, but I have to admit, as an adult I look back and think about what not seeking justice meant." Teddy looked down, half-smiling but radiating regret. "One or both of them may have gone on to rape another woman. I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes I wish I could have another chance like you have now. You can help put him away."

"But what if he isn't found guilty?" The idea of reliving her experience in front of everyone—including the man who hurt her—intimidated the hell out of Arizona, but she would do it if it meant he would be punished. There was always a chance he wouldn't. Arizona didn't know how she would live with that. "What if I go through a trial and for some reason they let him go?"

"They won't. There's DNA evidence. He was caught in the last girl's apartment, for God's sake." Teddy shook her head. "No, it'll be about what kind of sentence he's given, not whether he'll be sentenced at all."

"I hope so." Arizona leaned back against the bench and exhaled. "Detective Mendoza isn't sure the girl he attacked last week will testify."

"I heard. This must be a difficult time for her to think about something like that."

"I know," Arizona said. "It's not easy for me to think about it even months later."

"You're going to be fine." Teddy stroked her thumb over the side of Arizona's hand, offering comfort while keeping a respectful distance. It was almost like she knew Arizona needed space. "Callie will be with you. And once it's over, you can move on. Seeing him punished will hopefully give you a sense of closure."

"Hopefully." Even if Colin Thomas went to prison, his actions could never be undone. True closure was probably impossible—he had stolen something Arizona would never get back. He had changed her forever. Which made seeking whatever justice she could even more important. Even if it did scare her to death. Exhaling, Arizona said, "You're right. I can do this—and I'll be fine. I know that. I just…don't like it."

"I don't blame you. I wouldn't like it, either." Teddy patted her carefully on the knee. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You already have." Dropping Teddy's hand, Arizona gave her a quick hug. "Thank you."

"Do you want to call Callie?"

Arizona waved off the suggestion. She needed time to gather her emotions before sharing the news with Callie. "I'll talk to her when I get to the hospital. There's no need to interrupt her when she's working."

"Somehow I don't think she'd mind." Teddy searched Arizona's face, doing a poor job of not looking concerned. "Don't pull away from her now. Not after everything you've been through together."

Pulling away was the last thing Arizona wanted to do. But not calling wasn't the same as pulling away. She didn't want to let the arrest and the anticipation of a trial drag her back to an emotional state that she had fought so hard to get past. Though she would continue being open with Callie about how she was feeling, Arizona refused to make special phone calls to do so. It wasn't that big a deal.

"Trust me, we'll talk about this. And talk. Then probably talk some more. We do all kinds of talking these days." Arizona managed a smile. "This isn't an 'I-need-to-talk-to-you-right-this-second' kind of a thing. It'll keep until I see her at work. I promise."

"Okay." Teddy didn't sound convinced, but she was kind enough not to say anything else about it. "You want to skip the rest of our run and go straight to the doughnut shop?"

Arizona's chin trembled but she quickly pushed back her emotion. No way was she going to get all weak and weepy over doughnuts. But they did sound good, and she loved Teddy for offering. "Desperately, yes."

Teddy stood and pulled Arizona to her feet. "I'm buying."

#

Two hours later, Arizona found Callie in the lounge poring over the file of a shared patient, a 12-year-old boy Arizona had recently diagnosed with bone cancer. As much as she hated recommending amputation for a patient so young—especially one who had gone to the Little League World Series only two months ago—unfortunately, that seemed to be the obvious course of treatment for Paul Ott. She had asked Callie to look over his chart as a last-ditch effort to save his leg, and also to get her opinion about state-of-the-art prosthetics.

From the look on Callie's face, Arizona knew the prognosis wasn't good. That made an already difficult day even worse. Paul was a sweet kid who deserved better than the disease—and the angry father—life had given him.

"I don't want bad news." Arizona walked to the round table in the corner of the room and sat across from Callie, plastering on a smile that she fervently wished would actually make her feel better. "Don't give me bad news about Paul Ott's leg, because I absolutely can't do bad news right now. 'I need more time to make a proper assessment', I can handle. 'There's no way to save his leg', I can't."

Callie reached across the table, placing her hand over Arizona's. "I don't need more time. Do you want to know now or do you want to wait?"

Arizona sighed. "We can't save the leg."

"No, we can't. He is an excellent candidate for a highly-functional prosthetic, though. You said he's an athlete—I don't think he'll need to give up baseball." Frowning, Callie searched Arizona's eyes. Instantly the mood shifted from professional to personal. "What's going on?"

It was obvious Callie could see right past Arizona's smile. Sometimes Callie's increasingly perceptive nature delighted Arizona—the thought that someone in the world cared enough to really _see_ her was undeniably intoxicating—but right now, Arizona wished Callie would just let her façade stand. Especially when they were at work.

"Detective Mendoza called during my run." Lying never crossed Arizona's mind. Callie would know she was hiding something, and she didn't let those things pass anymore. Besides, Arizona didn't want to keep Callie in the dark—she just hoped Callie wouldn't make Mendoza's phone call into more than it had to be. "The DNA was a match. Colin Thomas is being charged with three rapes, including my own."

Callie's fingers tightened almost imperceptibly on Arizona's hand. A shadow passed over her face. "Three?"

"The first happened about eight months ago. Unsolved until they matched Colin Thomas's DNA to the evidence collected in that case."

Callie held her gaze. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." Shrugging, Arizona looked away. Eye contact was too much to handle, especially with Callie. Those deep brown eyes seemed to peer directly into her soul. "We knew this already, right? That he was the guy."

"Not for sure."

"Well, now we know for sure." Arizona hesitated, gauging Callie's mood. She wasn't trying to hide her stormy emotion, and Arizona wasn't certain she should say any more while they were at the hospital. Only the knowledge that holding back rarely led anywhere good compelled Arizona to keep talking. "Detective Mendoza asked if I would be willing to testify and I said yes. Apparently the first victim has also agreed to appear in court, but Mendoza thinks the jury will be more sympathetic to me. I have no idea what that means. And the girl whose window he jumped out—she's having a hard time. At the moment she won't consider testifying."

"This is a lot, darling." Callie lowered her voice even though they were alone in the lounge. Her eyes scanned Arizona's face, as though waiting for her to dissolve. "It's okay to be frightened. Going through a trial is a scary thing."

Arizona didn't want to feel the instinctive rush of anger Callie's words provoked, but it swept over her before she could steel herself against it. She had just started feeling like less of a basket case, and having Callie expect her to fall apart wasn't exactly the vote of confidence Arizona wanted. Allowing the prospect of a trial to send her back to her darkest days of fear and shame wasn't an option. It didn't matter _what_ Callie thought.

Besides, Callie was the one who seemed scared. Terrified, really.

Desperate to reassure both of them, Arizona said, "I'm not frightened, Calliope. I'm anxious. I just want to get it over with, so we can put it behind us. I want to see Colin Thomas in prison." She flashed Callie a quick grin then put on her all-business face. "And I want to not talk about it anymore right now. When we're at work I want to focus on work things, like Paul's leg."

"Okay." Clearly unconvinced, Callie continued to search Arizona's face. The bald scrutiny only sharpened Arizona's irritation. "I wasn't trying to upset you."

"You didn't." This time Arizona's forced smile felt more like a grimace. "I told you, I'm fine."

"Good." Callie closed Paul's file, tapping the edge on the table as she stood. "We should go talk to the father. The sooner that leg comes off, the better."

Arizona nodded. Given how angrily Paul's father had reacted to his son's diagnosis and treatment thus far, she sensed this would be a difficult conversation. In fact, talking to Steve Ott was the last thing in the world she wanted to do when she was already on edge. But the only way to prove she was okay was to _be_ okay. Arizona had always been good at handling difficult parents. Today was just like any other day—she could do this.

"Just some advance warning," Arizona said lightly as they emerged from the lounge, "Paul's dad is an emotional guy. He's struggling with his son's diagnosis, and has been _very_ concerned about Paul's ability to continue playing baseball. He won't be happy."

"The surgery will save his son's life." Callie raised a dark eyebrow. "Surely that's the most important thing."

"We'll see."

Callie gave her a sidelong glance, which Arizona ignored. The lingering disquiet she could feel emanating from Callie made her skin crawl. It didn't matter that all Callie's concern came from a place of pure love and devotion. Arizona desperately wanted to make it through the rest of her shift without feeling like she was under a microscope, and Callie pointed a giant lens at her with that subtle look.

Determined to stay strong, Arizona marched determinedly to Paul Ott's room and waved to Steve, who sat watching an iPod as his son slept. Steve hurried out of the room to join them in the hallway, darting his gaze from Arizona to Callie and back again. "You don't look like you're about to tell me what I want to hear."

Arizona gave him a sympathetic shake of the head. "Mr. Ott, Dr. Torres has reviewed your son's chart and, unfortunately, we've agreed that the only course of action at this point is to amputate Paul's leg just below the hip. The cancer has spread from the bone to the surrounding blood vessels, so there's just no way to save the limb." She paused, allowing her words to sink in. Paul's face remained uncharacteristically calm, almost as though he wasn't registering what she said. "I'm so sorry. I wish we had more options, but the cancer is just too aggressive."

"No." Steve shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. "I want another opinion."

"I assure you, Dr. Torres is one of the top orthopedic surgeons in the country. Not only that, she _is_ your second opinion. If there was a way to save Paul's leg, she would be the one to do it. I'm sorry, but the prognosis won't change no matter how many surgeons you consult."

"You think I'm going to let you just cut off my kid's leg? When he's made the All-Star Little League team? With the future he has in baseball?" Red-faced, Steve practically yelled the last part at Arizona. "If you think I'm just going to agree to this, you're fucking crazy."

Callie cleared her throat. "Sir, if we don't amputate, your son won't _have_ a future—in anything. The cancer is pervasive and it's progressing fast. You're free to get a second, third, fourth opinion, but meanwhile, your son is in tremendous pain. His life is in danger. Believe me, if there was any way to save the leg, I'd do it in a heartbeat. At this point, we want to save your son's life."

Steve blinked and glanced away, back into the room where his son still slept. Rather than relax at the sight of his dozing boy, he tensed up, obviously close to losing it altogether.

Not wanting to cause a scene where Paul could overhear, Arizona kept her voice low and calm. "This doesn't have to be the end of baseball for Paul. The prosthetics they make today, the technology used, will blow you away. With enough physical therapy, Paul will be running and jumping and fielding grounders just like any other kid."

Steve's face reddened. "But he won't be like the other kids. He'll be a goddamn cripple."

Arizona pushed back her frustration, gentling her tone. "Amputation surgery isn't particularly risky, but it _is_ very difficult psychologically. Paul will need your support—and your optimism—to get him through this. He needs to be reassured that his future will still be bright."

Steve came at Arizona suddenly, clamping a hand around her wrist and pushing her into the wall with such violence that it forced a surprised whimper from her throat. The moment he touched her Arizona slipped into brutal, chaotic memory—the shocking pain of being punched in the face, her utter helplessness in the face of a man's superior strength, the humiliation of being stripped and penetrated against her will. Dimly Arizona heard Steve Ott's growled rage—telling her that _she_ didn't know what his son needed, that if she were a better doctor _she_ wouldn't need to turn kids into cripples—but the words barely registered. Her entire consciousness focused on the terror of what he might do next.

Then Callie wrenched Steve away, demonstrating more brute strength than Arizona would have imagined possible. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Clearly not content with having simply stopped the assault, Callie shoved hard against Steve's shoulders, causing him to lose his balance and fall backward onto his ass. "You _never_, _ever_ touch a woman like that. Do you understand me? _Never._"

Sucking in a lungful of air, Arizona straightened and peered over Callie's shoulder into Paul's room. The tow-headed boy sat up in bed, tears streaming from his wide, scared eyes. Arizona had no idea what he had seen—let alone what he'd heard—but the panic on the boy's face snapped her fully into the present. She stepped away from the wall just as a security guard rushed over to help Steve Ott to his feet.

"Sir, let's go take a walk." The guard stared guiltily at Arizona. "You all right, Dr. Robbins?"

Arizona avoided the guard's gaze, mortified by the thought that he had witnessed her flashback. "I'm fine."

"I'm not taking a fucking walk!" Steve yanked his arm out of the guard's grasp, only to have a second guard grab him from behind. "That's my son in there. I'm not leaving you alone with him! You want to cut off his fucking leg."

Arizona winced and looked back into the room. For a moment Paul looked shocked, then he burst into tears. Turning to the guards, Arizona said, "Get him out of here. Now. He can come back when he's calmed down."

Callie touched her shoulder as the guards escorted a still-shouting Steve Ott down the hallway. "Arizona—"

"Not now." Shrugging away from Callie's hand, Arizona said, "I've got a very upset child to comfort."

"But are you—"

"I said I'm _fine_," Arizona snapped. "Now let me do my damn job."

Callie flinched. Then she took a step backward, putting physical distance between them. "I apologize, Dr. Robbins. I was just doing _my_ job."

"And then some." The sound of Paul Ott's choking sobs forced Arizona's concern away from Callie, away from the hurt in her eyes and the alarm that flashed across her beautiful face. Arizona couldn't care about anything right now beyond the little boy who had just heard some horrific news in the worst way possible. Right after watching his father get dumped onto his ass. "Go. You've done enough."

Callie's jaw tightened. "Bye."

Arizona turned around and didn't look back.

#

Glass of wine in hand, Callie sat on Arizona's couch and prepared for her return home. Earlier, Arizona had texted that she would catch a ride with Teddy. Her shift had ended twenty minutes ago, so Callie expected her at any moment. They hadn't spoken since the altercation in the hallway with Steve Ott almost seven hours ago, and Callie had no idea how things would be when Arizona walked through the front door.

Arizona had been angry with her, that much Callie knew. Why, she wasn't entirely sure. As horrible as it was for a kid to find out his leg needed to be amputated during a screaming match between his father and his doctors, Steve Ott was responsible for causing that scene. All Callie had done was respond to the sight of someone putting his hands on Arizona. Even if she hadn't recognized the flash of terror in Arizona's eyes for what it was, Callie would have reacted the same way. The knowledge that Steve Ott's actions forced Arizona to relive emotions and sensations from her rape merely sharpened Callie's protective instincts—it didn't create them.

Callie sighed. What a terrible coincidence that something so triggering had happened today, when Arizona was already struggling to proceed as normal after the bombshell of an arrest and the prospect of a trial had been dropped in her lap. No matter how much she tried to hide it, Callie could see Arizona's fear.

The sound of Arizona's keys in the front door prompted Callie to sit up straighter and affect a casual air. She wouldn't spoil for a fight, but they did need to talk. It had been a rough day—for both of them—and Callie yearned to know where Arizona was at mentally. More than that, she wanted Arizona's reassurance that _they_ were okay.

Arizona opened the door, saw her on the couch, and gave a tired nod as she strode across the room. "I'm exhausted, Cal. If you don't mind, I think I'll take a quick bath then just go to bed."

Callie picked up the second glass of wine and stood. "I poured you a glass."

"Oh." Arizona stopped walking and regarded Callie cautiously. "Thanks."

Callie closed the distance between them, holding Arizona's gaze. She made sure to graze Arizona's fingers with her own as she passed over the glass. "Are we going to talk about what happened earlier?"

Arizona broke eye contact and took a sip of the wine. "I was hoping to avoid it, actually." The tight smile she wore made it clear she was only half kidding. "Listen, it was a bad situation. You overreacted and responded out of proportion with the situation, but I know your heart was in the right place. Let's just agree that in the future, I can take care of myself."

"I overreacted?" Callie kept her voice calm, not wanting Arizona to know just how swiftly the mild rebuke raised her defensive hackles. "That man put his hands on you, Arizona. I was trying to protect you."

"You've been doing that a lot lately, Calliope, and I do appreciate it. But you can't always protect me."

"You think I don't realize that?" Tears stung her eyes and she took a quick drink, hoping Arizona wouldn't see how badly the words made her heart ache. "No, I can't always protect you. But I could today, so I did."

"I didn't need protecting."

Callie's throat tightened. "I don't care what you say now, Arizona. He scared you. You…went away for a moment."

"Maybe, but I can cope with moments like that. That's what therapy has done for me. That's why I've been going, right? To learn how to handle life again?" Arizona's body tensed as she clearly struggled not to get upset. "He wasn't the first angry parent I've ever faced. The way you jumped in there—you embarrassed me. Acting like I couldn't handle the situation. Like I'm some weak little thing who needs defending."

Stung, Callie said, "A patient's father physically attacked a doctor right in front of me. It wouldn't have mattered if that doctor had been Cristina, or Bailey, or even Alex Karev. I would have done exactly the same thing for any of them."

"Including yelling at the father about never touching a woman like that?" Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose. It was obvious that she hadn't exaggerated her exhaustion. "Face it, sweetheart. That had everything to do with what happened to me, and it needs to stop. _Especially_ when we're at work."

Callie set her jaw. "I don't think I can make any promises as far as that goes. Someone attacks you, someone even_scares_ you, and I'll put him down. You can be mad about it all you want. That's who I am. I love you. I _will_ defend you."

Blinking, Arizona pressed her knuckles to one eye then the other. "We can continue this conversation while I'm in the tub, if you'd like, but I'm ready for that bath now. I need it."

The vulnerability in Arizona's voice softened Callie immediately. She couldn't lose sight of the fact that Arizona had just endured one hell of a day. As much as she resented being taken to task for standing up for the woman she loved, hanging on to her frustration wasn't good for either of them. The best thing to do was take care of Arizona, in whatever way Arizona would allow.

"Okay," Callie said. "I'll run the water for you. Bubbles?"

Arizona gave her a wan smile. "Please."

Callie led them into the bathroom, setting her wine glass on the edge of the tub as she turned on the water. Adjusting the temperature to somewhere near scalding, just how Arizona liked it best, Callie considered Arizona's words. So maybe Callie was a little overprotective. Was that really so terrible?

Quietly, Callie said, "You know, I didn't pull Steve Ott away from you—or shove him onto the floor—because I thought you couldn't handle yourself. It really had nothing to do with thinking you were helpless." She rose to her feet and turned, immediately averting her eyes from the sight of a gloriously nude Arizona kicking her panties across the floor. "You're just…my girl. And I'm pretty sure you'd do the same for me."

Callie moved away as Arizona crossed to the tub and dipped her hand into the water to check the temperature. Even now, Callie couldn't keep her gaze from roaming the creamy expanse of Arizona's bare skin. As Arizona lowered her body into the steaming water with a contented sighed, Callie picked up her wine and took a large swallow to finish it off.

"You're right." Arizona sipped her own wine, not meeting Callie's eyes. "You're right, I would do the same for you."

Exhaling, Callie perched on the edge of the tub. She sensed a softening in Arizona's tone and decided to take advantage. "I just want to know how you're feeling. Really. Whether you want to admit it or not, a trial is a big deal, and I know you're anxious. So will you please talk to me?"

Arizona's throat convulsed. "You keep asking, and I keep telling you I'm fine." Her eyes brimmed with tears but didn't spill over. "If you're waiting for me to crumble into a million pieces, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I've been there and done that, and an arrest and a trial won't send me back to that place no matter how much everyone expects it to."

"I don't expect this to wipe away all the healing you've done," Callie said carefully. "But I know you well enough to see when you're hurting. You're nervous about testifying—there's no shame in that. I just want to keep being honest with one another. I'm not asking for tears and hysterics. Only communication."

"Well, how do _you_ feel?" Arizona searched Callie's face. "You're the one who treated the guy. Who talked to him. How does all this make _you_ feel?"

Throughout the aftermath of Arizona's rape, Callie had always hesitated to be completely honest about her own emotions. She'd told herself she didn't want to burden Arizona. Didn't want to shift the focus from Arizona onto herself, because it never felt right. But that was no longer an option—not if she insisted that Arizona open up about thoughts and feelings she'd rather keep hidden. The least Arizona deserved was a little quid pro quo.

Clearing her throat, Callie said, "I feel helpless. Like I'm watching the person I love more than anything cope with unimaginable trauma, all on her own, and there's nothing I can do to make things better. I can't undo what happened. I can't take away any of the pain he's caused you. And now I can't even save you from having to tell that story again to a jury, or from having to answer a defense attorney's bullshit questions." She swirled her fingertips across the surface of the hot water, trying not to stare at the shapely curve of Arizona's hip far beneath her hand. "If there was any way I could spare you from having to testify, I would. I'd do anything for you to be able to just put this behind you and never have to think about it again."

"But you can't," Arizona said softly. "Nobody could."

The words, spoken without resentment, stiffened Callie's spine. "I hate that."

"That doesn't mean you haven't made things better." Arizona captured Callie's hand, pulling it beneath the surface of the water and holding it tightly. "And you're wrong—I haven't had to do anything on my own. You've been with me the whole time."

"You know what I mean." Callie lifted her free hand to Arizona's hair, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. "I can't fix this. I like to fix things."

Arizona nodded. "Yeah, I get it." She released Callie's hand and scooted to the front of the bathtub. "Do you want to join me?"

Callie couldn't think of anything she wanted more. "As long as you don't mind."

"Not at all." Arizona drained the rest of the wine from her glass as Callie stood to pull off her clothes. "Sounds like you need this, too."

"I do." Naked, Callie slid into the tub behind Arizona. She spread her legs so Arizona could sit between them, then leaned back against the cool porcelain and exhaled. Arizona relaxed against Callie's chest, and after a brief hesitation, Callie wrapped her in a loose hug.

Humming, Arizona murmured, "This feels nice."

"Wonderful." Callie buried her nose in Arizona's hair and inhaled. The combination of the hot water and Arizona's light floral scent loosened her muscles, instantly draining her body of the tension she had been carrying around for the past few days. All her stress melted away at the joy of holding Arizona in such an intimate embrace. "You're a lot stronger now than you were a few months ago. I know that, and more importantly, you know that. I'm concerned about how you're doing because I love you—not because I think you can't handle whatever comes next. You can handle anything, Arizona. You've proven that already."

Arizona turned her head and pressed her cheek against the slope of Callie's breast. "Maybe I'm afraid I can't handle this. I don't want to go back to being scared every day, barely able to function. I worry that if I focus too much about Colin Thomas being arrested, if I talk about how the idea of a trial makes me _feel_…well, that all I've accomplished will go out the window. Because I'm scared out of my mind, Calliope. I really am."

Callie tightened her embrace. "I know."

"I don't want to testify."

"I know."

"But I have to. If there's any chance that doing so will keep him from hurting another woman, I need to do my part."

Kissing the side of Arizona's throat, Callie whispered, "I know."

"I'm afraid to see him. Even in a courtroom, with guards and people and everything else. He hurt me so badly. He_humiliated_ me. I don't want to look at his face—I don't want him to see mine."

Callie didn't know what to say. She imagined she might feel the same way, if the roles were reversed. Having seen the man's face already, Callie hated the idea of sharing the same air with him again. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to, either."

"And…" Arizona's voice wavered and she paused, sniffling. "And I'm afraid you're going to pull away from me. We've come so far, physically, but we're not there yet. I can't stand the idea that this could set us back."

"I don't want to lose what we have, either." Taking a chance, Callie drew her finger up the length of Arizona's bare arm. She kept the touch light but sensual, and Arizona shivered in response. "I'll fight to protect this, too. I promise."

Arizona turned onto her side, melting into Callie's embrace. She buried her face in Callie's neck and inhaled deeply. "Thank you."

"My motives are not purely unselfish, I assure you."

Callie could feel Arizona's smile against her throat. "Good," Arizona murmured. She traced her fingers over the curve of Callie's hip. "Can I ask you a favor?"

Now it was Callie's turn to shiver. "Anything."

"If I promise not to hide how I'm feeling—you know, when it gets bad—could you just help me keep my mind off the whole thing? A trial won't happen overnight. I won't pretend like this is no big deal, but I can't obsess over it either. I can't talk about it constantly. Not if I want to keep healing." Arizona raised her head and gave Callie a cautious, pleading expression that guaranteed Callie's unthinking agreement. "Okay?"

"Deal." Callie leaned down and kissed the tip of Arizona's nose. "I can't resist that face."

"Excellent." Grinning tiredly, Arizona said, "Let's keep it that way."

"I don't think that'll be a problem. The dimples, those blue, blue eyes…" Callie returned her smile. "They get me every time."

Arizona lifted her head and kissed Callie on the mouth—sweet, simple, with so much love that Callie's whole body trembled. "Can we go to bed now? I'm seriously ready to pass out."

"Sure." Callie released Arizona and helped her stand. She made sure not to look away from Arizona's nakedness this time. Things were different now than they were even a month ago—despite this latest aftershock, Callie still felt comfortable expressing desire, and she wanted Arizona to see it. "Wanna sleep naked?"

The satisfaction in Arizona's eyes at the question made Callie grateful to have asked. "Best idea I've heard all day."

_To be continued…_


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Arizona sat at a corner table in a coffee shop she had never visited before, bobbling her leg anxiously as she eyed the entrance. She was waiting for a brunette named Lauren Chase, but that was all she knew about the woman who had called her cell phone that morning. Her name, and that she was Colin Thomas's first victim.

After a brief, awkward introduction over the phone, they had agreed to meet in person so they could talk. The idea of sitting down with a stranger to chat about something as personal as being raped made Arizona's stomach churn, but at the same time, she looked forward to meeting Lauren. As much as she hated that they had Colin Thomas in common, it was reassuring to know that someone else understood exactly what she was going through with his arrest and the upcoming trial.

When an attractive woman with chestnut hair pulled into a loose ponytail entered the coffee shop and glanced around nervously, Arizona knew immediately that she was the one. Standing, Arizona caught the woman's gaze, and recognition seemed to flare in Lauren's eyes as well. She walked to Arizona's table, giving her an apologetic smile. "Arizona?"

Despite her lingering butterflies, Arizona had no trouble returning her smile. Though she looked tired, and older than her years, Lauren Chase's engaging nature instantly put Arizona at ease. "Yes. Hello, Lauren."

"Hi. Sorry, the bus was running a few minutes late." Lauren gestured at the counter with her thumb. "I'll grab a latte and then join you?"

"Sounds good." Arizona sat down and wrapped her hands around her coffee cup, grateful for the warmth. She watched Lauren walk to the counter and order, once again rehearsing what she might say. How does one start a conversation about being raped? About having to testify at your rapist's trial?

Lauren came back with her coffee a couple of minutes later. "So this is a weird way to meet someone new, right? No offense."

Arizona chuckled. "Yeah, I wish it were under different circumstances."

"Me too." Settling into the chair across from Arizona's, Lauren took a tentative sip of her coffee and winced. "Okay, that's lava-hot." She pushed the cup away and met Arizona's gaze. "So…how are you doing?"

Arizona's eyes welled with tears before she could stop herself. Horrified by her sudden and swift show of emotion, she stared down at the lid of her coffee cup, willing her voice to come out steady. "I'm…okay."

"I'm sorry." Lauren reached under the table and found Arizona's hand, holding it tight. "I know that's a silly question."

Shaking her head, Arizona pushed back the tears. Lauren appeared to be struggling to control her own emotions as well, and the last thing Arizona wanted was for this to turn into a public sob-fest. "No," Arizona said quietly. "I'm doing a lot better, actually. The whole trial thing is throwing me, but until the arrest, I'd come a long way in just a few months."

"Good." Lauren squeezed Arizona's hand then released it. "It takes a while to start feeling even close to normal again, doesn't it? I'm not sure I'll ever get all the way there."

"Me either." Arizona ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her cup. "At this point I'm just hoping for a new normal that's as close to the old one as possible. But really I'd settle for being able to go even one day without thinking about it."

Lauren nodded and tested her drink again. "Well, I'm not there yet. But I do go hours without thinking about it now."

"Me too." The best times for Arizona were during difficult, emergency surgeries, when she focused on nothing beyond the care of her patient. "Work helps. So does running."

"Detective Mendoza said you work at the hospital. Are you a doctor?"

"Yes. A pediatric surgeon."

Lauren straightened, looking simultaneously impressed and intimidated. "Oh. Wow."

Usually Arizona felt a sense of pride when she told people what she did, but Lauren's obvious unease sent a wave of sympathy through her. Detective Mendoza had said that Arizona would make a "better" witness for the jury, and Arizona sensed that Lauren might be comparing their credentials at that very moment. She hated for Lauren to feel lesser in any way. It didn't matter who either of them were, or what they did—Colin Thomas had hurt them both equally, and they each deserved justice.

"He attacked me in the parking lot outside the hospital. I was walking to my car after work." Embarrassed, Arizona stared down at the table. "There was a broken light near my car, so it was dark, and I called security to report it but went to my car alone anyway. When it happened, I very much felt like it was my fault."

Shaking her head vehemently, Lauren said, "No. He got me after work, too. I was walking to the bus stop, alone, at almost two in the morning. In a short skirt, low-cut top. Drunk." Her expression hardened. "No matter what the cops implied after it happened, no matter what that man said to me while he raped me, it was _not_ my fault. I didn't ask for it."

"No, it wasn't." Arizona fought the urge to take Lauren's hand again. Though she obviously believed what she said, her eyes swam with pain. "You're absolutely right." Arizona hesitated then said, "Where do you work?"

"At the time I was working at a club downtown, as an exotic dancer. I'm not doing that anymore, though."

Detective Mendoza's assessment of Lauren's suitability as a witness began to make more sense, unfair as it was. The idea that a defense attorney might try to present Lauren as a less than credible accuser sickened Arizona, but she had no doubt that sort of thing happened all the time.

What bullshit.

Careful to keep her voice neutral, Arizona asked, "Did you quit because of what happened?"

"Yes. But it was a long time coming. The fact that I couldn't imagine letting crowds of men see and grope my naked body after what I'd gone through—once I'd healed enough for that to even be possible, that is—just forced me to make a decision I'd been putting off way too long." Lauren sipped her coffee, shaking her head. "I was getting too old for dancing, anyway. And the free drinks men bought me every night—it was sucking the life out of me. All of it. So after it happened, I quit my job and joined AA. Haven't looked back since."

"Good for you," Arizona said. "Joining AA."

"Thanks." Lauren gave her a pleased shrug. "It's helped. And it was something I needed to do. Right after the attack, all I wanted to do was drink. It numbed the pain. But I remembered the way the police looked at me that night, what they thought of me—just some drunk whore, raped in an alley—and that motivated me to quit. I know the rape didn't happen because I was drinking, but I also know that drinking had become a problem for me. I've got enough problems without that one. Especially now."

Arizona nodded. "I've been going to therapy. It took me a while to work up the courage to make an appointment, but finally I realized that if I wanted to get better, I needed to do whatever it took. Even if I didn't want to."

"Detective Mendoza gave me the number of a counselor. I couldn't bring myself to call. I have talked to my sponsor about it a little, though. Which has been nice."

"Therapy hasn't been bad. Better than I thought." Arizona twirled her cup in her hands. "It does help to talk."

Lauren met her gaze curiously. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"I have a partner." Arizona raised an eyebrow. "A woman."

"Oh." Surprise flashed across Lauren's face, then dissolved into casual acceptance. "Cool."

"I think so." Arizona smiled. "You?"

"No. I was seeing a guy when it happened, but nothing serious. I don't think either of us felt like it was worth keeping it going." Sadness shone in Lauren's eyes. "Honestly, I can't even imagine being with a man right now. Sexually, I mean. Which is good, because I really shouldn't start a relationship at this stage in my recovery anyway, according to the program. So…yeah. It's better this way."

"If I didn't already have Calliope, I wouldn't be dating right now, either. No way." Arizona couldn't fathom being romantic with someone she barely knew while dealing with the immediate aftermath of the violence Colin Thomas had inflicted in her life. Working through her ability to trust and take pleasure in loving contact had been difficult enough with the women with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life, let alone a near-stranger. Yet having Callie by her side had been the single most healing thing in the weeks following the attack. "She's been so great. Incredible, actually. But it hasn't been easy. Trying to get back to where we were before. Being intimate again."

"Do you think it's easier, being with a woman?" Looking slightly embarrassed, Lauren said, "I mean, she can't remind you of him too much, right?"

Blushing, Arizona said, "I can't say if it's easier than being with a man, but even with a woman, it's been challenging. We're getting there, though. And beyond the sex stuff, our relationship is stronger than ever. This has really brought us closer, in some crazy way."

"Well, that's something, at least. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little jealous."

Lauren hesitated, searching her face. She clearly wanted to ask something, but Arizona could see her mentally weighing whether she should. "If this is too personal, please tell me. Honestly. You won't hurt my feelings."

Arizona braced herself. "Okay."

"Had you been with a man before?"

As though Lauren had flipped a switch, Arizona's eyes stung with painful emotion. Though she couldn't explain why, this was one of the hardest things to accept about what Colin Thomas had done. Arizona had taken a sort of ridiculous pride in her gold-star status, silly as that was, and though she doubted anyone would strip her of that title now, she felt sullied. Damaged. Debased.

It was stupid. But it still hurt.

"No," Arizona whispered. "No, I hadn't."

Lauren reached across the table and took her hand again. Grateful for the contact, Arizona held on tight. "I'm sorry he took that from you," Lauren said. "That must have been difficult."

"Yes," Arizona said simply. Wanting to change the subject, she said, "Detective Mendoza said you're going to testify?"

"Damn straight." Lauren's jaw tightened. "I want that bastard to rot in prison. I'll do everything I can to put him there."

"Me too." Squeezing Lauren's hand, she said, "I'm relieved I won't be the only one. Detective Mendoza told me the last girl he attacked doesn't want to get on the stand."

"Hopefully she'll come around. But even if she doesn't, at least there's the two of us."

The camaraderie Arizona felt with a woman she'd only just met shocked her. Knowing that Lauren was committed to facing the same traumatic experience she'd signed up for made Arizona feel less alone. If Lauren could face Colin Thomas in front of a judge and jury, so could she. Especially when Lauren would almost certainly have her testimony challenged for the most trivial and degrading reasons. "Yes," Arizona murmured. "At least there's us."

Lauren bit her lip, looking almost guilty.

"What?" Arizona asked gently.

"Well, this sounds terrible, I know that, but I guess I just wanted to say…" Lauren exhaled in a rush. "If he had to have another victim, I'm kind of…glad…it's someone like you. Someone respectable, I mean. Someone they'll believe."

Arizona wasn't sure what to say to that. Except, "I understand what you're saying. But I think it's bullshit that it even matters."

"Me too."

"Did he hurt you badly?" Arizona lowered her voice. "Other than the obvious, I mean."

"He broke my nose," Lauren said. "And one of my fingers."

Wincing, Arizona realized that as bad as her own injuries had been, it could have been worse. "Well, that goes beyond a little rough sex, so I can't imagine his attorney will try to claim it was consensual."

"I guess we'll find out." Lauren tried to put on a brave smile. "It doesn't matter what they ask me, or what they say about what I was wearing that night, or how much I'd had to drink. I'm going to go in there and tell my story, and trust that with all the other evidence and testimony, it'll help."

"I'm sure it will." Arizona caught Lauren's gaze. "You have no idea how much I appreciate the fact that you're going to testify. Thank you."

Lauren waved her off. "How could I not?"

"Are you as scared about it as I am?"

"I'm nervous about seeing him in court." Lauren glanced away, obviously embarrassed by the admission. "Not that he'll be able to hurt me again. I'm just scared of how I'll react to the sight of his face. I don't know what would be worse—tears or screaming rage."

"I'm afraid of that part, too." Arizona paused. "My partner Calliope saw him already. I don't know how much Detective Mendoza told you about when they arrested him, but apparently he jumped out of this last girl's fourth-story window and broke his legs. They brought him to our hospital—Callie's an orthopedic surgeon."

Lauren gave her a blank look. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds impressive."

Chuckling, Arizona said, "Bones. She deals with bones."

"Shit," Lauren said, understanding dawning on her face. "Was she the one who had to fix his legs?"

"Unfortunately, yeah."

Lauren grimaced. "I bet she was pissed off, huh?"

"She may have hurt him a little when she found out who he was." Despite her warning to Callie not to be overprotective, Arizona couldn't deny that her temporary lapse in Colin Thomas's recovery room brought her a certain amount of satisfaction. From the grin that tugged at Lauren's mouth, Arizona could see she felt the same. "Just a little. Not enough to get into any trouble."

"Good," Lauren said. "I like Calliope. She sounds like a bad-ass."

"She is. In the sexiest way possible." Arizona joined Lauren in quiet laughter, then sobered. "I honestly don't know what I'd do without her."

"I'm glad you have her." Lauren's good humor faded. "Arizona?"

"Yeah?"

Lauren blinked rapidly, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand. "I, uh…I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I know it's probably stupid, but…when I reported the rape to the police, I wasn't able to give them a very good description of the man. Of Colin Thomas." She said his name with a sneer, as though it tasted bad on her tongue. "Partly because I was drunk, partly because it was dark, but also because I was so scared. They didn't have much to go on, and really, they probably assumed he was some equally drunk customer of mine or something, I don't know. But anyway…" Lauren cleared her throat. "I can't help thinking that if I'd remembered more, if I could have given them something to work with, then maybe…maybe this wouldn't have happened to you."

Arizona's heart constricted. She'd felt the same guilt, especially after learning about Thomas's third victim. Still, it had never occurred to her that Lauren might blame herself for Arizona's rape. "It isn't your fault."

"That's nice of you to say, but—"

"No. I didn't get a good look at him either. I told the police he was an unshaven white guy with a full head of hair, who smelled like cigarettes." Arizona watched Lauren shiver at her words, probably remembering the scratch of facial hair on her face, or the stink of nicotine on his skin. "I've blamed myself for not doing better than that, especially when he raped another girl after me, but the truth is, yes, it was dark and I was scared to death and he had me on my stomach with my face in the grass almost the entire time. It would have been nice if I'd been able to tell the police more, but I did the only thing I could do." Exhaling, she said, "I survived. So did you."

Lauren's chin trembled. She opened her mouth to speak, but a beeping sound from within her purse cut her off. "Damn it," she mumbled, digging through her bag to withdraw her cell phone and silence its alarm. "They called me in for an early shift this afternoon. I'm working the checkout at a grocery store...money isn't as good as dancing, but it pays the bills." She gave Arizona an apologetic smile. "My bus will be leaving in ten minutes. I'd actually love to stay and talk some more, but—"

Arizona shook her head. "No need to explain. I completely understand. I'm always getting called in to work."

"Except your job is important," Lauren said with a self-derisive chuckle. "Can't really compare the two, can we?"

"Hey, I love grocery stores. Go to them all the time." Arizona showed Lauren her dimples, hoping to put her at ease. "So I think they're totally important."

Lauren laughed. "You're incredibly sweet, Dr. Arizona Robbins. I like you."

"Likewise." Arizona stood as Lauren rose with her empty cup in hand. They walked to the trashcan in silence, then Lauren turned to face her with a tentative smile.

"I hate the reason we had to meet, but I'm glad we did." Hesitantly, Lauren opened her arms in invitation. "I'm feeling much less alone after talking to you. So thank you for that."

Arizona stepped into Lauren's embrace without hesitation, pulling her close. Surprised by the strength with which Lauren clung to her, Arizona ran her hands up and down her back in soothing rhythm. "Thank you, too. This was good, definitely."

Without letting her go, Lauren murmured, "This is the closest I've gotten to anyone, physically, since that night." She released Arizona with a gentle squeeze. "Forgot how nice a hug can be."

Arizona couldn't imagine going so long without something as simple as a hug. How many times had Callie or even Teddy comforted her with simple human connection? She was lucky. Without them, she could have just as easily withdrawn from the world.

Overcome with emotion, Arizona said, "Why don't you let me give you a ride?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that." Lauren laughed shakily. "I'm sure you're a busy person with better things to do than play taxi for me…"

"No," Arizona said. "I've got the day off and I'd love to spend a few more minutes talking. If you don't mind, of course."

The happiness on Lauren's face answered the question for her. "I'd love that. Thanks."

"Well, all right," Arizona chirped, linking her arm with Lauren's. Pleased when Lauren accepted the contact with a warm smile, she said, "Let's go."

#

Callie was in the middle of a fascinating article about experimental orthopedic procedures when a shadow fell across the page of text she was reading. Unsurprised by the interruption in the bustling hospital cafeteria, she raised an eyebrow without looking away from her magazine. "Unless someone's dying or you've brought me a pastry, I'm really enjoying my alone time."

"Geez, Torres." Mark's deep voice rang with amusement. "She's not a pastry, but I figured you'd want to say hello anyway."

Callie glanced up and broke into a grin at the sight of Addison Montgomery standing next to her best friend. "Addie!"

Addison smirked. "As good as a bear claw?"

"Better." Callie stood and pulled Addison into a tight hug. "God, it's good to see you."

Addison's hands landed on her back, stroking over her spine. They hadn't spoken much since that first phone call after Arizona's rape, but Callie could feel Addison's deep concern in her touch. Kissing her cheek, Addison said, "Happy to see you, too."

"You can't imagine the inappropriate thoughts running through my mind right now," Mark said from behind Callie. "Filthy, actually."

"Sure I can," Addison said in her typically throaty voice. "Pervert."

Callie released Addison and turned to Mark. "_Predictable_ pervert."

Mark grinned. "Two of the hottest women I've ever slept with, hugging and touching each other right in front of me? No one could fault me for taking a little mental vacation. No one."

"Arizona might. I'm guessing the less you think about her woman in compromising positions with other people, the better," Addie said, then shoved against Mark's shoulder lightly. "Now why don't you run along and let us have a little girl time?"

Mark's smile grew wider. "Not helping."

Callie pushed on his other shoulder. "Go."

"All right," Mark grumbled good-naturedly. "I'll see you later, Addison?"

Addison arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Sure." She watched him walk away, then turned and caught Callie's curious gaze. "Oh, not like _that_."

"Uh-huh," Callie said, ducking out of the way as Addison tried to give her an admonishing swat. Laughing, Callie pulled out the chair next to hers. "You want to sit down?"

"Thanks." Addison collapsed with a weary sigh. "I took the red-eye this morning to get here for an emergency surgery. That lasted five very touch-and-go hours, and now I'm exhausted and ravenous." She eyed the cup of yogurt Callie hadn't opened yet. "On that note, I'm about to steal your food."

Callie sat and handed over her spoon. "Knock yourself out."

"Thanks." Addison peeled open the yogurt and took a bite, moaning in a way that would most certainly have made Mark Sloan's head explode. "That's heaven."

"Well, you're easy to please."

Addison gave her a smoky, playful look, then said, "So how are you? How's Arizona?"

"We're okay." Before the arrest, she would have said they were good. Now they were downgraded to just okay—but with better on the horizon. "I don't know if Mark told you, but they arrested the guy. They actually brought him here after he jumped out of a fourth-story window after this girl's brother came home and interrupted him raping her in her own bed."

"He did tell me. He also told me you did the surgery on the scumbag's legs." Addison paused in her devouring of the yogurt. "I'm sorry, Callie. That has to be difficult."

It was, but Callie had been more concerned about Arizona than herself, as usual. "It is what it is, you know? I can't change it now."

"That's a very Zen attitude, but I have a feeling you're struggling with it more than you're letting on." Giving her a pointed look, Addison said, "This _is_ about you too, remember?"

Callie exhaled. "You're right, I am struggling with it. Not just that I did the surgery, but also with how I felt when I found out. I wanted to kill him, Addison. I don't think I've ever wanted to murder someone before, really, in my entire life. But if it wouldn't take me away from Arizona…well, I don't know. I honestly don't know what I would do if I got him alone." Just admitting her thirst for revenge made Callie feel better. She could never burden Arizona with the depth of her hatred for Colin Thomas, or the self-loathing she felt when she thought of how she had healed him, but getting it off her chest provided immediate relief. "It's hard to feel that way. Feels like it could eat me up inside, if I let it."

Addison pinned her with a sober, serious expression. "Then don't let it. He'll get what's coming to him. Your job is to take care of Arizona."

"I know," Callie said. "That's what I'm doing—just concentrating on helping her through the whole thing. She's going to testify against him, which is causing her a lot of stress, obviously."

"Good for her," Addison said, polishing off the last of Callie's yogurt. "You must be very proud of her."

"You have no idea." Just thinking about Arizona warmed her from the inside. "Terrible as this has been, everything that's happened has really made me appreciate just how amazing she is. And how special our relationship is." Callie met Addison's gaze, suddenly shy about how sappy she probably sounded. "We're working through it, together. And if we can make it past all this, I know we can make it through anything. I actually _know_, for the first time, that I've found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving."

Addison beamed. "Wow. Sounds like despite the arrest and trial, things are really looking up since our last big talk."

"Absolutely. Not without some bumps along the road, but…yes. We're getting there."

Leaning close, Addison lowered her voice. "You were pretty worried about being physical again."

Callie surprised herself by blushing. She and Addison had talked about sex so many times she'd lost count, but that was before. That was when sex was something lighthearted, without all the emotional baggage. "Like I said, we're getting there. Arizona's seeing a therapist, and we're having joint sessions every other week, and it's all helping. I can't say that we've gone 'all the way' yet—or at least, I haven't gone 'all the way' with her—but we are being intimate again. It's good." Face burning even hotter, Callie said, "It's really good, actually."

Addison patted her arm. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"You didn't." Callie exhaled, sitting up straighter. "I want to thank you for all the advice you gave me, Addie, that first time we spoke on the phone, after it happened. It really helped." She paused, then winced. "Well, except for the hanging-out-with-Mark part. But you would never have advised I go about that one the way I did."

"Do I want to ask?"

"No." Sheepish, Callie said, "Arizona forgave me. That's the important part."

Addison studied her face, clearly amused. "Fascinating how fraternizing with Mark Sloan always leads to trouble, isn't it?"

"And how." Closing her magazine and setting it aside, Callie said, "Anyway, how long are you in town?"

"Two days."

"Maybe we can grab a few drinks. I'll ask Arizona if she wants to come for a girls' night out. She can invite Teddy Altman." Callie tried to imagine how Mark would react to the sight of three women he'd slept with drinking together. "No Mark Sloan, though."

"Sounds perfect. I'm busy tonight, but maybe tomorrow after work?"

"It's a date."

As though on cue, Addison's pager went off. She glanced at the display and stood quickly. "I've got to get this. Thanks for the yogurt. I'll see you later." Before Callie could respond, Addison took off in a dead run.

Short as it was, Addison's visit had lifted Callie's spirits. She hoped Arizona would be up for a night out.

#

When Arizona came home that night after her therapy appointment, she found Callie stretched out on the couch clutching a romance novel. Callie barely tore her gaze away from the page at Arizona's entrance, which meant that she had to be engrossed in a particularly steamy passage. Chuckling, Arizona dropped her keys onto the table beside the front door. "Honey, I'm home."

Callie lowered her book and gave her a playful smile. "Hello, darling. I'm right in the middle of a good part."

Arizona crossed the room and sat on the arm of the couch, gazing down on Callie as she continued to read. Her erect nipples strained against the thin cotton of her camisole, signaling her arousal. "I can see that."

Callie glanced at her chest, then at Arizona. "Dirty."

"Yeah," Arizona chirped. She curled her fingers around Callie's ankle, then slid her hand up to her bare calf. "You shouldn't look this hot, if you don't want me to get dirty with you."

Callie set her book aside and sat up, patting the spot beside her. "Come here."

"With pleasure." Arizona dropped onto the couch and scooted next to Callie. She wrapped her arms around Callie and sighed happily. "I missed you today."

"I missed you, too." Callie pressed her face into Arizona's hair and inhaled. "How was your day?"

"Good." Between coffee with Lauren and her appointment with Dr. Watson, Arizona was thoroughly talked out—and feeling better than she had in days. "I had coffee with his first victim this afternoon. Lauren. She was really sweet."

"Oh, yeah?" Callie drew back and searched Arizona's face. "How did that go?"

"It was nice to meet her. We had a good talk." As Arizona had told Dr. Watson during their appointment, hearing about Lauren's experience had not only left Arizona feeling less alone, but contrasting Lauren's attack and recovery with her own made her realize just how lucky she was. "We're supposed to get together again, closer to the trial. Kind of a mini support group, I guess. We're both nervous about testifying."

"That's great, honey. I mean, not that you're nervous, obviously. But that you've got someone to talk to, who really knows how you feel." Callie stroked the back of her hand over Arizona's face. "I'm so glad she called you."

"Me too." Arizona shivered at the gentle sensation of Callie's blunt fingernails trailing over her neck. The hardness of Callie's nipples pressing into her own drew Arizona's thoughts back to the book she had interrupted. "I'd rather talk about something else, though."

Callie's eyes darkened, as though she knew exactly where Arizona's mind had gone. "What's that?"

"Tell me about the good part." She glanced at the cover of the book Callie had been reading, pleased to see two women in a clinch. Arizona had introduced Callie to the pleasures of lesbian romance novels, and Callie seemed to really enjoy them. It saved Arizona from having to see naked male torsos on Callie's reading material, at least. "In your book."

Grinning shyly, Callie said, "The main character is going down on a woman for the first time. It's pretty hot."

Arizona hummed in the back of her throat, tracing her finger over Callie's mouth. She could barely remember the last time Callie had gone down on her. The thought ignited a hot curl of desire deep in Arizona's belly, and she gasped at the sudden, fierce urgency of her need. Knowing her low, breathy voice gave away her interest, Arizona murmured, "Does she like it? Licking another woman?"

"She loves it." Without breaking eye contact, Callie bent to draw Arizona's finger between her lips, flicking the tip gently with her tongue. "And it sounds like she's a natural."

Arizona giggled, leaning in to replace her finger with her mouth. She kissed Callie lightly, whispering, "Yes, she is."

Callie kissed her again, sweeping her tongue into Arizona's mouth with a languid groan. She smoothed her hands over Arizona's back and hips, every bit of her love and yearning coming through in the tender caress. Arizona broke their kiss and leaned her forehead against Callie's, breathing heavily.

She wanted to make love with Callie. More than that, she wanted Callie to make love to her.

She was ready.

Arizona ignored Callie's whimper of protest as she backed off the couch and stood. Staring into Callie's brown eyes, she worked open the button on her jeans, then the zipper. Callie's throat convulsed slightly when Arizona lowered her pants and stepped out of them. The naked lust in Callie's gaze set her on fire.

"You're in a good mood tonight." Callie's voice cracked slightly, betraying both her desire and her anxiety.

Arizona straddled Callie's thighs, lacing her fingers behind Callie's neck as she settled onto her lap. She was startlingly wet already, no doubt soaking through both her panties and Callie's thin cotton pajama pants. She wondered if Callie could feel it, too.

Pressing a gentle kiss just below Callie's earlobe, Arizona whispered, "_Te deseo_."

Callie trembled beneath her, gripping Arizona's hips with both hands. "Are you sure?"

Arizona leaned back and met Callie's eyes. "_Quiero que me toques_." The quiet noise Callie emitted, part pleasure and part surprise, made Arizona glad she'd Googled some key Spanish phrases—'I want you' was one she had heard Callie say before, but 'I want you to touch me' was a brand new addition to her limited Spanish vocabulary. From the intensity of the kisses Callie began to trail down her throat, it was a good one.

Callie kissed her way to Arizona's nipple, biting it gently through her shirt. She dragged the flat of her tongue across the sensitive tip, then released her. "May I lick you?"

Grabbing one of Callie's hands, Arizona guided her between her thighs, until Callie touched her with trembling fingers. Callie seemed reluctant to go any further, so Arizona rocked her hips slightly in an unsubtle search for friction. After a beat, Callie slowly moved against her, rubbing her labia through her panties.

Arizona moaned at the decadent bliss of Callie's tentative touch. "You want to lick me there?" Feeling playful, Arizona pulled her T-shirt over her head, leaving her in the pink bra that matched her panties. Arizona smiled as she cupped her own breasts with her hands, offering them to Callie, whose mouth hovered only inches away. "Or here?"

"Everywhere." Apparently emboldened, Callie pushed her fingers between Arizona's folds, soaking the material that separated her from bare skin. "_Estoy hambriento por ti_."

Arizona loved the sound of Callie's sensual voice saying words she didn't understand. "What does that mean?"

Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's ear and nibbled the sensitive edge. "I'm hungry for you."

Wholly in the moment, Arizona's focus narrowed solely to her desperate need to let Callie bring her pleasure. She ached for Callie's touch, had been away from it too long. She honestly didn't know how she would make it through the night without feeling Callie inside her. "Take me to bed, Calliope."

Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's and kissed her deeply. Then she placed her hands on Arizona's hips and gave her a gentle push. "I'm going to make you feel so good, baby."

Taking the hint, Arizona stood on shaking legs. Her anxiety about how this might go hadn't disappeared completely, but she was tired of wanting and not having—she was tired of ignoring her body in favor of her mind. She trusted Callie and they had been working toward reclaiming intimacy for so long now. It was time.

Callie rose and took Arizona's hand. "Come on."

Arizona followed Callie to the bedroom, staring down at their feet as they walked. Callie's toenails were painted light purple today, which made Arizona smile. She loved that color. "Are you nervous?" Arizona asked quietly.

"A little," Callie said, stopping in front of the bed. She waited until Arizona looked up, then held her face between tender hands. "I'm afraid I may be slightly out of practice. Make sure to boss me around down there, okay? Tell me what to do."

Arizona knew Callie was really asking her to be sure and communicate, but in a way that wouldn't darken the mood. Nodding, Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's thick hair, bringing their mouths together for a bare whisper of a kiss. "Don't worry, I'm not afraid to give orders."

"I've heard that about you." Callie ghosted her mouth across Arizona's jaw, to her ear. "Now why don't you lie down and let me taste you?"

Shivering, Arizona scrambled onto the bed. She sat against the headboard, rapt at the sight of Callie removing her camisole, then her pajama bottoms and panties. Callie's soft caramel curves triggered a flesh flood of arousal, and an almost maddening desire for skin on skin contact.

Callie crawled onto the foot of the bed and carefully touched Arizona's calves. "You're a little overdressed," she said, clearly waiting for permission. At Arizona's silent nod, Callie curled her fingers under the waist of her panties and slowly tugged them off.

The depth of Arizona's sudden self-consciousness stunned her. They had been naked together many times during the past month, but Callie hadn't really gotten up close and personal with her pussy since the rape. As Callie eased her thighs apart, Arizona's breathing came out in quiet, nervous bursts. She watched Callie's face, almost afraid of what she might see there.

Callie stopped what she was doing. "Talk to me, darling."

Arizona's hand drifted between her legs, an unconscious gesture of modesty. "Am I…do I look…"

"What, _querida_?" Callie moved her hands to Arizona's face, forcing eye contact. "Ask me."

Embarrassed, Arizona whispered, "Do I look…okay…down there?" As a medical doctor, she felt ridiculous for asking the question. Her injuries hadn't been severe, so there was no reason to think her body had been permanently damaged by the attack. But as a woman, she needed to be reassured. That Callie still found her attractive, that he hadn't ruined her forever. "Am I okay?"

Callie opened her mouth slightly, but rather than speak, she drew back and gazed between Arizona's legs. Gathering her courage, Arizona removed her hand and spread her thighs, opening to Callie. She watched Callie take her in, felt the tightening of Callie's throat and the flaring of her nostrils as a wave of visceral pleasure. Arizona had her answer before Callie could say a word.

And when Callie whispered, "You're beautiful. Perfect," it took everything Arizona had not to dissolve into tears.

"Yeah?" Arizona said brokenly.

Callie stared into her eyes, taking Arizona's hand and squeezing tight. "Arizona, yes. I've never wanted anyone like I want you. I promise."

Swiping her damp eyes with the back of her free hand, Arizona settled against the headboard without releasing Callie. "Then kiss me."

Callie laced their fingers together, moving to rest on her stomach between Arizona's legs. She captured Arizona's gaze, smiling, then brought her mouth to Arizona's slick labia and planted a delicate kiss just below her clit. "Right there?"

Arizona's stomach muscles jumped in response to the light touch. Callie was so close to where she needed her to be, but not quite. Yet this was too exquisite to rush. Biting her lip, Arizona murmured, "That's a start."

Kissing her again, Callie ran the tip of her tongue along her sensitive folds, then up to circle her clit. Arizona gasped, arching her back as white-hot pleasure curled her toes. Any thought of shyness dissolved at the wet, sucking heat of Callie's mouth, at the obvious enthusiasm with which she was being devoured. Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's hair and held her close, swept away by the safety and passion of their joining.

Callie broke away for only a moment, long enough to ask, "How is that?"

"Don't stop." Arizona pulled Callie forward, groaning when she dragged the flat of her tongue up her length. Callie might have been a late bloomer, but she knew what she was doing. Wanting to feel as much of her as possible, Arizona murmured, "Lower." Callie hesitated, so Arizona nudged her gently. "Please."

Callie trailed open-mouthed kisses down her labia, then carefully pressed between her folds and traced Arizona's opening with the tip of her tongue. Though she had expected the contact, Arizona stiffened slightly at the sensation of being caressed somewhere she'd almost forgotten could be a source of pleasure. She gripped Callie's hand, felt the answering squeeze, and surrendered to the decadent bliss of being explored so thoroughly. Callie stroked her thumb over the side of Arizona's wrist, keeping up the soothing contact as she very carefully pressed just inside.

Arizona's thighs quivered and she slammed her eyes closed, suddenly certain she was going to cry. It felt incredible. Callie was making her feel _incredible_. Just like before. Nothing had changed between them, except that now the sex was almost better, because they were closer than ever. Arizona tightened her hand in Callie's hair as her tears began to fall, hoping like hell that Callie wouldn't see them and stop.

Callie stroked her free hand over the curve of Arizona's hip. Sensing that she was asking for some feedback, Arizona whispered, "I love you, Calliope. Don't you dare stop. So fucking good."

Callie smiled against her, then moved up to lightly suck at her labia. She hummed enthusiastically, sending pleasant vibrations deep into Arizona's belly, where the building pressure was quickly turning into a near-painful ache.

Desperate to come, Arizona thrust her hips into Callie. "Suck me, baby. Suck on my clit."

Callie obeyed immediately, closing her lips around Arizona's aroused, distended clit and applying gentle suction that made her entire body quake. Slightly embarrassed by her loss of control, Arizona tossed her head and rocked against Callie's mouth. Orgasm building, Arizona glanced down just in time to see adoring brown eyes gazing back at her.

That was all it took.

Throwing back her head, Arizona cried out her release. She tried to close her thighs on Callie's head, overwhelmed by the waves of ecstasy that coursed through her body, and the intense joy that lifted her soul. As though she knew Arizona was on the verge of collapse, Callie retreated, surging up her body to give her a kiss that literally took her breath away.

Arizona threw her arms around Callie, holding on tight, and kissed back. Cradling Arizona's face tenderly, Callie used her thumbs to wipe away her tears. Grateful that Callie didn't feel the need to check if she was okay, Arizona savored the taste of her juices on Callie's mouth. Callie's breasts smashed against hers, carrying the thrumming echo of her pounding heart.

Ending their kiss, Callie leaned her forehead against Arizona's. "That was incredible."

Arizona just nodded.

"I love you." Callie dropped her hands to Arizona's shoulders. "You have no idea how much I've missed doing that."

"Me too," Arizona whispered. As much as she wanted to return the favor, she needed one more thing from Callie. Courage bolstered, she took Callie's hand and slid it between her legs. "Will you go inside me?"

Callie stilled. She lifted her head, staring deep into Arizona's eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I want it to be you. The last one inside me." Swallowing, Arizona willed her tears to stop, but that only made them flow harder. "Please."

"Whatever you want." Callie swirled her fingertips in the copious wetness between Arizona's legs, sending an aftershock of pleasure rolling through her abdomen. "Tell me to stop if you don't like it. I'm going to take it really slow."

Not trusting herself to speak, Arizona nodded again. She stared directly into Callie's eyes as a single, cautious fingertip played over her labia, then moved lower. Arizona felt a nervous fluttering of anticipation in her belly, more excitement than fear. As Callie stroked around her opening, Arizona exhaled deeply. Stay in the moment, she thought, before giving Callie an encouraging smile.

"I want to feel you." Arizona dragged her blunt fingernails up Callie's bare back. "Now. I'm sure."

Callie bent and kissed the corner of her mouth as she eased a single finger inside. Arizona's eyes flew open at the delicious sensation of fullness Callie created with only one digit, all pleasure and no pain. Opening her thighs wider, Arizona angled her hips to draw Callie deeper into her body. Instead of discomfort or unease, all Arizona felt was bone-deep satisfaction. Once again, they were as close as two people could get.

There was no stopping Arizona's tears now.

Callie withdrew almost completely, then paused. "More?"

Arizona nodded rapidly. "More." As Callie pushed back inside with excruciating care, Arizona latched onto her neck and sucked firmly. Drawing away moments later, she soothed the mark she'd made with her tongue. "Make me come again."

Callie knew exactly what to do. She pressed the pad of her thumb against Arizona's throbbing clit and rubbed tiny circles, never stopping the deliberate motion of her finger within Arizona's pussy. Still thrumming from her first orgasm, it took less than a minute for Callie to send her tumbling over once again. Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck and whimpered as she peaked, thrilled by the rhythmic tightening of her internal muscles around Callie's finger.

Slipping her free arm beneath Arizona's shoulders, Callie held her tight. She slowed her hand, then stopped it, but didn't withdraw. Arizona's chest heaved as a wave of relief hit her full force, and she broke down in quiet sobs.

"It's okay, darling." Callie eased out of Arizona, rolling to the side and gathering her in a warm embrace. "Let it out."

Pleased that Callie was giving her space to be emotional without assuming the worst, Arizona cuddled into her and allowed herself to feel the full scope of what had just happened. She had just overcome a major fear without any real difficulty, and on top of that, Calliope Torres had just made love to her in a way nobody ever had. Never had Arizona felt so cherished and adored, so protected. She didn't want to cry, but it was the only way to deal with everything Callie stirred inside.

"I love you so much," Arizona choked out. "I don't know how I got so lucky, I don't know if I deserve you, but…" She sniffled, drawing back to stare at Callie. "I'm so lucky, Calliope. So lucky."

Callie's eyes spilled over then. "I'm pretty sure nobody's ever felt that way about me before." The pain in her voice hit Arizona squarely in the chest. "I love you, too."

The sight of Callie's tears brought Arizona's to a stop. Instantly her focus turned outward, to showing Callie just how much she meant what she said. Settling over Callie, Arizona kissed away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Happily ever after, okay?"

Chuckling, Callie threw her arms around Arizona and squeezed. "That's the plan."

Arizona wiggled out of Callie's embrace, licking down her neck to take the tip of one full breast into her mouth. She laved Callie with her tongue, a wet, ardent kiss, and grinned as her nipple hardened into a tight point. Callie spread her legs and lifted her hips, rubbing against Arizona's abdomen with a pained groan.

"Do you want to come?"

Callie fisted her hands in the sheets. "Please."

Too eager to take it slow, Arizona moved her mouth down over Callie's belly, positioning herself between her thighs. She opened Callie with her fingers, exposing aroused pink flesh to the cool air. Leaning close, Arizona blew gently on Callie's pussy, loving the way it made her entire body jerk in anticipation. So wet she was literally dripping, Callie was a feast Arizona couldn't resist. She lowered her mouth and swirled her tongue around Callie's clit, moaning hungrily at her sweet flavor.

Callie very tentatively placed a hand on Arizona's head, but didn't tug on her hair. Not that Arizona would have minded—right now her entire world was Callie, and nothing but her pleasure mattered.

"This isn't going to take—" Callie arched her back and cried out, bumping Arizona's chin when her lower body jerked erratically.

Normally Arizona would back off and draw this out, but not tonight. She wasn't interested in teasing. Right now all she wanted was to feel Callie come in her mouth.

Callie drew in a shuddering breath and tried again. "Oh God, baby, I'm almost—" This time Callie's words cut off for a throaty moan. Her entire body tensed, and she tightened her fingers ever so slightly in Arizona's hair. Grinning, Arizona lapped and sucked at Callie's clit as she trembled beneath her. Enjoying the fresh torrent of wetness that soaked her cheeks and chin, Arizona was in heaven.

After some time, Callie's body relaxed. She tugged weakly on Arizona's shoulder and, taking the hint, Arizona kissed her way back up Callie's body until she reached her mouth. Callie dove in, sweeping her tongue across Arizona's lips then pressing into her mouth with a contented sigh.

Arizona broke their kiss only to breathe. "That was amazing."

"I'm pretty sure there's not even a word for what that was."

Laughing, Arizona curled up at Callie's side. She was sated in a way she hadn't been in months, and had to agree—there were no words to describe what they'd just shared.

"This has been a good day," Arizona said quietly. "A really good day."

"It sure as hell ended well." Callie propped herself up on her elbow, gazing down upon Arizona with a good-natured smirk. "Thank you for that."

"My pleasure."

Callie rested her hand on Arizona's stomach and rubbed softly. "We should do this again sometime."

Arizona giggled. "Try to stop me."

"Why would I do that?" Callie pinched Arizona's hip, then bent to kiss her chin. "Not to change the subject, but Addison Montgomery is in town. We're going to get drinks at Joe's tomorrow night—wanna be my date?"

Despite her slight unease upon her last trip to Joe's, Arizona didn't hesitate. After tonight, she could do anything. "Always."

"Cool. Invite Teddy too, if you want."

"Super." Arizona yawned, giving Callie a sheepish shrug. "Sorry. That took a lot out of me."

Callie shook her head. "No need to apologize. Me, too."

"Do you think we can snuggle for just a little while?" Arizona pulled the comforter over them, then threw her arm over Callie's middle and laid her head on her shoulder.

Callie kissed the crown of her head, gathering her closer. "Of course."

"Thanks," Arizona mumbled sleepily. If she could just close her eyes for a minute, she would recover enough to wash up, at least. Maybe even take a hot bath with Callie.

That last, pleasant thought ushered her into some very sweet dreams.

_To be continued…_


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Callie walked into Joe's holding Arizona's hand, happier than she had been in a long time. And she wasn't the only one—Arizona was positively glowing. Perky in the way only she could pull off without setting Callie's teeth on edge, a grinning Arizona bounced as they made their way across the crowded, noisy room to an empty table.

As much as Callie hated to admit it, her giddy energy was infectious.

Knowing she must look like a smiling idiot, Callie pulled out a chair for her girl. "You're in a good mood."

Arizona's eyes sparkled as she brought her mouth to Callie's ear. "I got laid last night." She sat down and scanned Callie's body in a sultry, deliberate appraisal. "And I have a feeling I might get lucky again this evening."

Callie snorted, but dragged her chair next to Arizona's, as close as she could get. The memory of their lovemaking reignited her passion so quickly and completely, she would have followed Arizona into the dirty bar bathroom for a quickie if asked. But she couldn't resist responding with a teasing, "We'll see."

"Playing hard to get?" Arizona narrowed her eyes. "Really, Calliope?"

Callie very carefully moved Arizona's hair aside and kissed her earlobe. "No, not really. Just don't want you to think I'm easy."

Shivering, Arizona turned her head and brushed her lips against Callie's, drawing away with a flick of her tongue. "I already know you're easy, darling. And I love that about you."

Callie moved to deepen their kiss, but stopped at the sound of a throat clearing nearby. Pulling back and refocusing her attention on their surroundings, she greeted a clearly amused Addison with an embarrassed wave. "Hi."

"Am I interrupting?" Addison arched an eyebrow. "I can go hang out with Joe for a while, if you two want to be alone."

Arizona's face reddened, but she didn't lose her easy smile. "We'll behave. It's good to see you again, Addison."

"You, too." Addison smirked at Callie, signaling her intention to give her a little bit of a hard time. "All the many hours Callie has spent telling me how 'awesome' you are, and we've barely had a chance to hang out. It'll be nice to see for myself just what kind of woman is capable of completely enchanting our Dr. Torres."

Callie stood and pulled Addison into a bear hug, poking her lightly in the side. "Shut up."

"What?" Addison turned to Arizona, clearly enjoying the opportunity to tease Callie. "You know what you've done to her, right? The way she goes all gooey every time we talk about you? Totally uncharacteristic, but _very_ adorable."

Surprised by the heat suffusing her cheeks at Addison's very true words, Callie peeked at Arizona for a reaction. Before she had glowed. Now her happiness lit up the room.

"Makes sense." Showing off her dimples, Arizona shrugged. "I _am_ pretty cool."

"And modest," Callie said.

"That too." Arizona reached for Callie's hand and gave her a quick squeeze.

Callie knew what that meant—_I love you._ She squeezed back. Then she gestured to the chair on her other side. "Anyway, sit down."

"With pleasure." Addison collapsed into the chair next to Callie and exhaled. "It's been a brutal day, but nothing a cocktail won't cure."

Arizona straightened, gesturing at someone behind Addison. Teddy strode over to their table, fire in her eyes. She dropped her purse in the empty chair and said flatly, "Men suck."

"I'll drink to that." Addison turned and extended her hand. "Addison Montgomery. You're speaking my language."

"Teddy Altman." Giving her a brief shake, Teddy managed a warm smile. "I'm buying the first round. What does everyone want?"

"I'll stick to water," Callie said. She wanted to keep a clear head for Arizona tonight.

"Margarita for me." Addison released Teddy's hand. "And it's a pleasure to meet you."

Arizona pushed back her chair and hopped to her feet. "I'll go with you, Teddy. For moral support."

Callie watched Arizona walk away, already missing the faint warmth of her body at her side. Never had she felt such a visceral connection to another human being, the constant desire to be close. Aware that her longing had to be written all over her face, Callie wasn't surprised when Addison confirmed it with a low chuckle.

"Callie Torres, you really are stupid, head over heels in love. Aren't you?"

Impressed by the way Arizona had Teddy relaxed and giggling by the time they reached the bar, apparently free from her dark mood, Callie shrugged helplessly. There was no denying it. Not that she wanted to. "Yes."

"She looks great." Addison gave Callie a cautious once-over. "You both do, actually. Way better than just the 'okay' I heard about yesterday."

"Thanks." Flicking her gaze back to Arizona, Callie paused as Teddy reacted to something whispered in her ear with a genuine grin and an excited hug. Callie suspected that Arizona had just shared the news of their breakthrough the night before, and decided it was safe for her to do the same. "We've had a good day. And an _excellent_ last night."

Addison shot her an approving look. "Does that mean you finally went all the way?"

Callie met Addison's gaze, wanting desperately to play it cool but fully aware that it wasn't an option. She was too happy to be cool. "Oh, yeah."

"And to think, twenty-four hours ago you were still just working toward it."

"Amazing, the difference a day makes." Callie returned her attention to the bar, where Arizona now sat on a stool alone. Slightly alarmed, Callie scanned the room until she spotted Teddy heading into the bathroom. "Arizona had coffee with his first victim yesterday morning. It really seemed to help her somehow."

"I'm sure it's a comfort not to feel like she's going into this trial alone. Knowing that someone else is facing the same experience she is…"

"Yeah." Callie frowned as a tall, dark-haired man sidled up to the bar next to Arizona as she waited for Joe to mix their drinks. She studied Arizona's body language when the man bent and said something close to her ear. His intentions were easy enough to read—charm cranked to the max, he flirted with predatory determination. Arizona stiffened slightly and leaned away from him, but responded to his come-on with good-natured ease. Frustrated, Callie muttered, "Why would Teddy leave her alone like that?"

Addison glanced over her shoulder. "Because Arizona is a grown woman?"

"Yeah, a grown, beautiful woman who doesn't need every creep in this place hitting on her." Seemingly undeterred, the man laughed and tried another line. Callie tensed, worried how Arizona would react to the man's persistent interest. If he didn't back off in approximately two seconds, Callie feared she would lose her battle not to intervene. "He's making her uncomfortable."

"Cal, honestly, it looks like she's handling herself just fine."

Callie took a deep breath and forced herself to relax. Every instinct in her body told her to jump up and go to Arizona, to get between her and that man, to give him a piece of her mind, but she knew exactly what would happen if she did. Arizona would accuse her of being overprotective again. And she would be right.

Exhaling slowly, Callie uncurled the hands she had balled into fists. Overreacting would be a huge mistake. She knew that. "Of course she is."

As though proving her point, Arizona gave the man a friendly wave and sent him on his way. Judging from the smile on his face as he stumbled back to his table, Arizona had delivered a rejection full of her typical warmth and humor. Not for the first time, Callie's chest swelled with fierce pride for her partner.

"See?" Addison gentled her tone. "She's all right."

Callie shook her head and laced her fingers on the tabletop, wishing she had that glass of water. She had just come _this_close to fucking up, and it was probably only Addison's presence that had stopped her from ruining their very good day. "_Mierda_," Callie muttered. "Thank you for being a voice of reason."

"Hey." Addison reached across the table, touching Callie's arm. "Don't beat yourself up. You're just looking out for her."

"Apparently too much." At Addison's questioning expression, Callie said, "I'm having a hard time not leaping to her defense every time someone even looks at her funny."

"And that's causing problems."

"A little bit." Callie shook her head at Addison's knowing smile. "I can be overprotective. Impulsive." She relaxed at the sight of Teddy strolling out of the bathroom. "I'm trying to rein it in. Arizona is still the strong, capable woman she's always been. And I need to remember that. I owe it to her to remember."

Addison's face softened. "You're a good partner, Callie. And if the way she looks at you is any indication, she thinks the same. I wouldn't worry too much."

Callie looked back to the bar and caught Arizona's gaze over Addison's shoulder, relieved to see her just as sunny and cheerful as she had been when they arrived. Slowly Callie relaxed, and by the time Arizona and Teddy returned with their drinks, she decided she was doing a pretty good impression of carefree. Arizona placed a glass of water on the table in front of Callie, leaning in for a quick kiss before she sat down.

"You okay?" Arizona whispered.

Clearly her version of carefree still needed some polish. Callie pushed aside the last of her lingering unease and snaked an arm around Arizona's middle. Determined not to darken their evening, Callie nuzzled Arizona's neck, inhaling deeply. "I'm wonderful."

Arizona shivered. "Me too."

Teddy sat down and immediately knocked back a healthy swallow of beer. "So I'm honestly starting to think that there may be something to the whole lesbian thing." She regarded Callie and Arizona with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. "You two make it look so easy."

"I think that's because they're made for each other," Addison said, taking a dainty sip of her cocktail. "The lesbian thing is just incidental."

"Well, either way." Teddy planted her elbow on the table and propped her head on her hand, looking wistful. "Men suck, and you guys make me insanely jealous."

Arizona turned an absolutely darling shade of pink, but managed a cheeky grin. "Trust me, I've been with a lot of women. This is a Calliope thing, not a girl thing."

"A _lot_ of women?" Tickled by Arizona's obvious pride in that statement, Callie said, "Exactly how many are we talking about?"

"Just enough to know how lucky I am to have snagged you."

"Good answer." Eager for a change in subject, Callie looked at Teddy. "So why do men suck this time?"

Teddy shook her head, still staring at Arizona. "Wait a minute, I'm stuck back at that 'been with a lot of women' thing. Are we talking like a female Mark Sloan here, or—"

"Mark?" Arizona wrinkled her nose. "_He_ should aspire to be the male Arizona Robbins. Anything Mark Sloan can do, I can do better."

"Don't tell him I said this, but that's true," Callie interjected. "No contest."

Laughter erupted from Mark's former bedmates, and Arizona sipped at her wine with a cocky air of assurance. "Obviously."

A cheer arose from a group of men at the bar, drawing Callie's attention to the television mounted in the corner of the room. A college football game played silently on screen, and a fourth quarter touchdown had energized the small cluster of sports fans that were paying attention. As Callie watched, the picture flipped from a shot of a celebrating player to the local news anchor, who wore a serious expression as she reported something Callie couldn't hear.

But the large white letters at the bottom of the screen instantly caught her attention. SUSPECT CHARGED IN SERIAL RAPE CASE. Callie's throat seized as the image on-screen changed to a shot of Seattle Grace Mercy West, taken from the same parking lot where Arizona had been attacked.

Callie tore her eyes away, praying that Arizona hadn't followed her gaze. Her heart crashed into the pit of her stomach at the sight of Arizona, no longer smiling, face gone pale, staring at the screen with an expression of absolute dread. When genuine fear then anger flashed in her eyes, Callie instinctively looked back at the television. Her stomach twisted at the sight of Colin Thomas flanked by men in suits and ties on the courthouse steps, being pushed past the camera in a wheelchair.

This was the first time Arizona had seen his face, Callie realized, and reached for her just as Arizona pushed back from the table. "I'm sorry, I need to go to the restroom."

Having fallen silent, Teddy and Addison both nodded soberly. Callie just froze, uncertain what she should say or do. As Arizona rushed away from the table, head down, Callie glanced around the room, stricken to see a couple of vaguely familiar hospital employees staring after her. She hoped Arizona didn't notice—it would only make things worse. Just as Callie had that thought, Arizona lifted her head and looked around the bar. Then she picked up speed and disappeared into the ladies room.

"If you're wondering whether it's overprotective to go after her, I vote no." Addison touched Callie's hand, wrenching her out of her momentary paralysis. "You should make sure she's okay."

"Yes." Teddy blinked rapidly, obviously holding back her emotion. "Go."

Callie stood on numb legs. "I can't believe that just happened. Today, of all days."

"Go make her smile," Addison said quietly.

"Please." Teddy gave Callie an encouraging nod. "We all know you can do it."

Callie wished she had as much faith in her abilities. She hurried to the bathroom even though she wasn't sure what she would say when she got there. All she knew was that Arizona was hurting, and she needed to do whatever she could to take away her pain.

When Callie entered the restroom, Arizona was standing at the sink, splashing water onto her face. She looked up and met Callie's gaze in the mirror, then tore off a square of paper towel to dry her eyes. "Hey."

Struck by the juxtaposition of their first meeting in this very place, Callie offered a genuine smile. "Does the line form here?"

Arizona laughed, a tired sound. She turned around and leaned against the sink, folding her arms over her chest. "You are the line."

Callie took a cautious step forward. "Are you okay?"

Arizona nodded, then shrugged. Then she stared down at the floor with shining eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin girls' night."

"You're not. Everyone understands."

Biting her lip, Arizona murmured, "He looks like a nice enough guy, doesn't he?" She lifted her face, focusing on a spot just over Callie's shoulder. "After what he did to me, I thought I would _recognize_ him somehow. But I don't."

"It was dark," Callie said softly. This was a conversation they'd had before.

"I know." Arizona met Callie's eyes. Then she opened her arms. "Come here and hug me."

Relieved, Callie crossed the room in three strides, gathering Arizona in a warm embrace. Arizona buried her face in Callie's shoulder and exhaled deeply.

"I'm really trying to hold on to my good day." Arizona drew her fingernails down the back of Callie's neck, unleashing a shiver that raised the flesh on Callie's arms.

Callie gave Arizona a gentle squeeze. "Tell me how I can help."

"You're already helping." Arizona managed a smile that only hinted at her dimples. "Remember our first kiss? Well, sorta kiss?"

"Right on this very spot." Callie let her arousal at the memory come to the front. "Only the second woman to ever kiss me, and she was gorgeous, with these breathtaking blue eyes and this magic smile. I won't lie, I went straight home and spent a little quality time with my hand and my imagination."

Arizona laughed. "You never told me that before."

"Are you surprised?"

"Actually, no." Arizona traced her finger along the curve of Callie's jaw. "But I _am_ intrigued."

"I can recreate the event for you sometime. If you want."

That elicited a genuine smile. "How about I help you recreate the first part right now?" Arizona murmured, then grabbed the labels of Callie's leather jacket and brought their mouths together in a firm kiss.

Callie allowed Arizona to set the pace, but unlike that first time, she kissed back. Encouraged by the way Arizona pulled her closer, Callie dipped her tongue into Arizona's mouth, picking up the faint taste of white wine. Cradling her face tenderly, Callie put every ounce of the love she felt into their joining. That first kiss had been about attraction—this one was a promise, an affirmation.

The bathroom door opened behind them, and for the second time that evening, the sound of a throat clearing broke them apart. Callie glanced at the mirror over Arizona's shoulder, chuckling at the sight of Lexie Grey all bright-red and sheepish.

"I must have some kind of sonar when it comes to interrupting you two." Lexie looked like she wouldn't have minded getting sucked into the floor. "Sorry."

Arizona wiggled her way out of Callie's arms. "Our fault. This one's a public bathroom, after all."

Lexie smiled and hurried into the closest stall, effectively ending the conversation. Blushing, Arizona gestured for Callie to follow her to the door, but Callie stopped her with a hand on her wrist. Bringing her mouth to Arizona's ear, she whispered, "Do you want to go home?"

Arizona squeezed Callie's bicep. "No." She also kept her voice low, so Lexie wouldn't overhear. "I want to have fun. I want to get back to girls' night. And when we do go home after we're done having fun, I want you to make love to me again. Because that's exactly how a good day should end."

Callie couldn't argue with that. "Then let's go have fun."

#

Two hours later, Arizona dragged Callie into her apartment and slammed her up against the wall, devouring her in a hungry kiss. Despite the fact that Arizona's hands had roamed her body during the entire drive home, wrecking her concentration, Callie startled at the sudden explosion of passion. Arizona hadn't exactly kept her desire to make love tonight a secret, but Callie never expected such wild, urgent need at the end of their slightly bumpy evening.

As soon as they had left the bathroom at Joe's, Arizona jumped back into her good mood with a vengeance. She chattered with Teddy and Addison as though she didn't have a care in the world, laughing easily and often, to the point where Callie honestly believed she had managed to overcome the shock of seeing that newscast, and her rapist's face. But Callie had sensed Arizona's thoughts drifting during a couple of quiet moments, and knew the trial was never far from her mind.

Callie had no idea where Arizona's thoughts were now, as her hands cradled Callie's breasts and her mouth sucked eagerly on the tender skin where Callie's neck met her shoulder. As good as it felt, Callie couldn't shake her anxiety about totally abandoning herself to their foreplay.

One wrong move tonight could throw Arizona into a tailspin. Their good day meant everything to her right now, Callie knew that, and more than anything she wanted to protect them both from any more trauma. So she returned the passionate kisses but held back, refusing to match the physical intensity of Arizona's seduction. Wanting Arizona to feel in control and powerful, Callie decided to be wholly submissive.

Easing out of a particularly rough kiss, Callie gripped Arizona's upper arms and turned them around so Arizona's back pressed against the wall. Then she sank to her knees, meeting Arizona's heated stare with a playful smile. She brought her hands to the button on Arizona's pants, working it open with exaggerated care, then unzipped and lowered them slowly to the ground.

Arizona wore lavender panties and smelled delicious. Resting her head on the wall, she grinned broadly and twisted a hand in Callie's hair. "What are you doing?"

Knowing how much Arizona loved dirty talk, Callie murmured, "Getting ready to suck you off."

A quiet, indrawn breath, then Arizona groaned and lowered a hand to caress Callie's cheek. "Then get to it."

Callie hooked her thumbs in the waist of Arizona's panties and tugged them down to her ankles, then helped her step out. A trill of anticipation crawled up her spine at Arizona's visible arousal so close to her mouth. Looking up, she made eye contact as she carefully lifted Arizona's leg and hooked it over her shoulder. Then she brought her face close to Arizona's pussy and inhaled.

Arizona tilted her hips and tightened her fingers in Callie's hair. "Let me feel your tongue, Calliope."

Callie covered Arizona with her mouth, laving her tongue over impossibly hot, swollen folds. She tasted sweet and light, a flavor distinctly Arizona. There was no better taste in the world.

Arizona brought her other hand to caress Callie's jaw, holding her close. "Oh, God. That's it. Good girl."

Delighted by the quaver in Arizona's voice, Callie dipped her tongue lower and lapped gently at Arizona's opening, then kissed her way up to her erect clit. Sucking lightly, she tightened her grip on Arizona when her legs shook and threatened to give out.

Callie drew back. "Should we move this to the bedroom, let you lie down?"

Arizona shook her head. "No. I like having you on your knees."

"Okay." Pressing forward, Callie held Arizona firmly against the wall and licked up her length. Then once more, until the shaking returned. Callie closed her eyes, concentrating on the way Arizona's body twitched and trembled at every purposeful stroke. As subservient as she might be in this position, Callie would be lying if she said she didn't feel damn powerful, too.

Arizona tugged gently on Callie's hair. "Stop."

Immediately Callie pulled away, looking up at Arizona in concern. "Everything okay?"

"Oh. Yes." Yet another appearance of Arizona's dimples, this time sending a jolt of need deep into Callie's belly. "Take off your shirt. Please."

"Really?"

Arizona released Callie's head and lowered her leg so both feet were planted firmly on the ground. "Really. Show me your breasts."

Callie shivered at the unselfconscious request. "Okay." She shrugged off her jacket, then yanked her T-shirt over her head. Hesitating only an instant, she reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. The desire on Arizona's face warmed Callie, injecting her with renewed confidence. "Is this what you wanted?" Callie tossed her bra on the ground and threw back her shoulders.

"Touch them." Arizona's low, throaty voice made Callie's heart beat faster. "Play with your nipples."

Back when she first met Arizona, Callie could never have imagined those words coming out of her mouth. That the sweet, enthusiastic blonde with the Heelys and the fairy dust would be so sexually confident never occurred to Callie—and when she first discovered how fucking _sexy_ Arizona actually was, it was like winning the lottery. The impossibly hot pediatric surgeon jackpot.

For months now Callie had wondered whether Arizona would be able to keep that part of herself intact. To see her familiar self-confidence emerge now, to bear witness to Arizona's reclamation of her kinky side, almost brought Callie to tears. Aware that crying would ruin a very exciting moment, she reined in her emotion and did exactly as Arizona commanded.

Bringing her hands up to cup her breasts, Callie tried and failed to suppress a snicker at the sight of Arizona's glassy-eyed stupor. "So predictable."

"So what?" Arizona bit her lip, rapt as Callie rolled and tugged her tight nipples between her fingertips. "Are you complaining?"

"Not at all." Callie let her mouth fall open as she pinched her nipples sharply, exhaling with a quiet whimper. "Is this doing it for you?"

Arizona reached for the back of Callie's head, tugging her forward until her mouth brushed against slick, trimmed hairs. "Get back to work, Calliope."

She stopped touching herself just long enough to reposition Arizona's leg over her shoulder, and to brace her against the wall, and then she gave Arizona a deep kiss that she hoped conveyed everything she was feeling. Surrounded by Arizona—her taste, her scent, the little noises she made when just the right suction was applied to her clit—Callie turned off her brain and enjoyed the simple act of giving Arizona pleasure.

"You're going to make me come." Arizona moaned and tangled her fingers in Callie's hair. "I'm going to come in your mouth, baby. You want that?"

Callie nodded vigorously. Hearing Arizona say the words was nearly as good as feeling her climax. Nearly. Increasing the speed of her tongue over Arizona's clit, then sucking hard, it took all of Callie's willpower not to fist pump in victory when Arizona angled her hips and cried out. She pulsed and contracted beneath Callie's tongue, pressing hard into her mouth, and rode the wave of her release until she sagged against the wall.

"Oh my God," Arizona gasped, pushing weakly against Callie's forehead. "Stop. I need to breathe."

Satisfied, Callie released Arizona and sat back on her haunches, grinning. "And that's why I'm the best."

Arizona snorted and shook her head. "No, it's not."

Only slightly affronted, Callie said, "Gee, thanks."

"Shut up." Arizona sank to the floor and crawled into Callie's waiting arms. "You're the best for much more substantial reasons. The oral mastery is just an awesome bonus."

Snickering, Callie pressed her nose into Arizona's hair and inhaled. "Should we go to bed now?"

"Yes." Arizona snuggled closer.

"Okay." Splaying her hand between Arizona's shoulder blades, Callie held her for a moment more before forcing herself to her feet.

The walk to the bedroom was quiet but comfortable. They had been together long enough that Callie no longer needed to chase away silence with words, and could instead simply appreciate _being_ with Arizona, sharing her space. Breathing the same air.

Inside the bedroom, Callie walked to her side of the bed as Arizona moved to put away her watch in her nightstand drawer. Then Arizona looked across the mattress that separated them, making eye contact before starting to unbutton her shirt. Callie held her gaze and stripped off her pants. Her own shirt was lying on the foyer floor, with Arizona's pants.

Callie heated at the memory of Arizona telling her to undress. "That was some _really_ hot sex."

"Agreed." Arizona shrugged out of her bra, tossing it to the floor. A sure sign she was tired—Arizona was usually a stickler when it came to putting dirty clothes in the hamper. "I've been wanting to do that all night."

"Me too." Callie peeled off her panties, all too aware of her own gnawing, aching need. Watching a very beautiful, very naked Arizona crawl beneath the comforter did nothing to ease her desire. "You're so sexy. I almost passed out, listening to you talk like that."

Arizona propped up her head, elbow planted on her pillow. "Get in bed and I'll do more than talk to you." Callie whimpered as her pussy clenched at Arizona's seductive pose. With a knowing smile, Arizona lifted the comforter in invitation. "Don't make me wait."

"Never." Callie slipped into bed and immediately Arizona moved so their upper bodies touched, breasts pressed together, and kissed her so lovingly that Callie struggled not to get swept away and shed her restraint. Gently, she stroked her fingertips up and down Arizona's bare back, trying to convey her longing without losing control.

Arizona drew back, eyes cloudy with desire. "Spread your legs."

Callie got wetter at the whispered command, and let her legs fall open on the mattress. She stayed perfectly still as Arizona skimmed a hand between her thighs, bowstring taut with anticipation. Elegant fingers found and parted her labia in an instant, dipping low then expertly dragging slick juices up to coat her painfully swollen clit. Callie closed her eyes and swallowed, biting her lip at the wave of burning pleasure that Arizona unleashed with a single touch.

"Open your eyes." Soft lips brushed against Callie's cheek, startling her into instant obedience. "Watch me while I make you feel good."

Callie tightened her jaw, forcing away the climax that threatened to crash over her at Arizona's quiet confidence. There was no bigger turn-on. "Okay."

Arizona swirled her fingertips around Callie's clit, then moved down to play at her opening. Callie lifted her hips, but Arizona wouldn't allow herself to be drawn inside. Her touch kept Callie poised at the razor edge of satisfaction, ratcheting up the tension to an almost unbearable level. Everything she did felt incredible, but none of it was enough to get Callie off.

"I just want to play for a while," Arizona murmured. She used her free hand to brush a lock of hair away from Callie's eyes. "I promise I'll make you come."

Exhaling shakily, Callie said, "I know you will." Before Arizona, Callie hadn't been a particularly big fan of hand jobs. Mostly because she hadn't met many men who had enough finesse to pull them off. But Arizona was masterful with her hands, and Callie loved nothing more than putting herself at their mercy. "You always do."

Arizona smiled and lowered her head to Callie's breast, licking a slow circle around her nipple. Callie swore under her breath, legs quivering, as she nearly came right then and there. Sharp teeth closed down on her sensitive flesh, drawing Callie's attention to Arizona's admonishing look. It took all of Callie's strength not to climax as Arizona's hand continued its caresses—only the need to do as Arizona said kept her from losing her tight hold on her control.

Callie touched Arizona's hair and held her gaze. She gritted her teeth at the overwhelming sensitivity of her aroused clit, then groaned loudly when Arizona stopped touching it. She opened her mouth to protest, but cut off her words when Arizona entered her in one smooth, firm thrust. Her thumb landed on Callie's clit again and she whispered, "Let go, Calliope. Now," just as Callie lost any choice in the matter.

Arching her back, Callie cried out and slammed her eyes shut as her orgasm ripped through her body. She reached between her legs and gripped Arizona's wrist to make sure she wouldn't withdraw before Callie was ready. She yearned to experience every bit of the pleasure Arizona was giving her—she never wanted it to end.

Until she did. Dangerously short of breath, Callie finally conceded defeat. Murmuring for Arizona to stop, Callie pulled her fingers out of her pussy and guided her hand to rest on her stomach. Arizona muttered her quiet disappointment, but rested her head on Callie's shoulder and allowed her a minute to recover before speaking.

"You're so beautiful when you come." Arizona smoothed her hand over Callie's bare hip, pulling her closer. "I love watching your face. You are quite literally the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, so to see your face alive with pleasure…that _I've_ given you…well…" She trailed off, as though realizing she was rambling. "Anyway, thank you for that."

Callie gave her a careful squeeze. "Good day, huh?"

"_Epic_ day," Arizona echoed. She sounded exhausted all of a sudden. "And I'm wiped out."

"Excellent." Sleep still didn't come easily for Arizona—at least not peaceful, undisturbed rest, the quality kind—and Callie hoped this meant Arizona would have a dreamless night. Since Colin Thomas's arrest, her nightmares were more frequent, as bad as they had been in two months. No matter how well Arizona coped during the day, Callie knew not having an escape at night would wear her down eventually.

And she desperately didn't want that to happen.

Callie kissed Arizona's cheek, amazed at the way her breathing deepened and evened out so quickly. By the time Callie turned off the lamp on her nightstand and gathered Arizona into her arms, she was asleep.

It had been a good day. Callie promised herself that tomorrow would be even better.

#

Sometime in the middle of the night, Arizona's hand caught Callie across the face as she thrashed around on the mattress. The blow brought Callie into awareness with a gasp, though it took her a moment to get her bearings. Once she realized that Arizona had struck her, and that she was still twisting and turning in silent torment, Callie prepared to wake her.

"No," Arizona whimpered before Callie could touch her. "Stop, please stop. No." She choked out a sob, then jerked awake screaming. Sitting up, she focused on Callie, saw her outstretched hand, and flinched away. "No, don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me."

Startled, Callie drew away. The knowledge that the nightmare still had Arizona in its grip, that she remained a prisoner of her memory of that night and was mentally working her way back to the present, eased the instinctive hurt Callie felt at the harsh words. "I won't touch you," Callie said quietly. "Nobody is going to touch you. You're safe."

Arizona inhaled, then released a shuddering breath and covered her face with her hands. Recognizing embarrassment, Callie rushed to reassure her.

"That sounded like a bad one." Though Callie yearned to reach for her, she kept her distance. She wouldn't move until Arizona gave her permission. "I'm sorry."

Shoulders shaking, Arizona uncovered her tear-stained face and collapsed into Callie's arms. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I didn't want to do this tonight."

"It's not like you can control it." Callie held her tight, saddened by the wild thrum of Arizona's heartbeat against her chest. Like a terrified animal. "Don't ever apologize for this."

"I'm so tired." And indeed, Arizona sounded worn out. "I just want to sleep. Like a normal person. I want to sleep through the night and feel refreshed in the morning."

Callie eased them back onto the mattress. Sensing that physical contact would be welcome now, Callie tugged Arizona on top of her and wrapped her in an intimate, full-body hug. Skin damp with sweat, Arizona shivered and cuddled closer. Callie stroked her hands over Arizona's back, tentatively, until she felt Arizona begin to relax.

"You are a normal person." Callie stopped the motion of her hands, holding Arizona close as she whispered in her ear. "One with a lot on her mind. There's no shame in that."

Arizona sniffed, sending a tear trickling down Callie's shoulder. "I hate him."

"So do I."

"When I saw him on TV tonight, at first I was scared. Then I just wanted to kill him. Violently. With my own hands." Arizona paused to clear her throat, but she was hoarse when she spoke again. "I don't want to feel this anymore. Any of it. I want to be me again."

Not knowing what to say, Callie kissed Arizona's temple, then caressed her bare back again. The pain in Arizona's voice broke her heart. She wished she had some magic words that would reassure Arizona that her darkness was temporary, that it would go away once the trial was over, but she didn't know that. And Arizona wouldn't believe it, anyway.

"I really was happy today," Arizona whispered brokenly. "I don't know why I had a bad dream."

Callie's vision blurred as tears stung her eyes. She was glad Arizona couldn't see her face, because lack of sleep made staying strong impossible. Though she would never admit it out loud, seeing Arizona struggle like this was the most difficult thing in the world. Which made Callie want to kill Colin Thomas, too, but saying that wouldn't lighten Arizona's mood. And that was her job in these moments—to make Arizona feel better.

Grasping for something that might raise Arizona's spirits, Callie said, "So where do you want to go first, in Spain?"

She could feel Arizona's struggle to shove aside her sadness and latch on to the optimism of planning their vacation. After the span of a few measured breaths, Arizona said, "Barcelona."

"I can't wait."

Arizona inhaled shakily, raising up on elbows planted beside Callie's head. "Then Alicante."

"Sounds like you've been thinking about this a little."

Arizona managed a small smile. "A little, yes."

Callie brought her hands up to tickle circles over Arizona's shoulder blades. "I haven't taken a real vacation...well, since my father stopped paying for my ticket."

"Well, I promise this will be a very grown-up trip. A little drinking, lots of ogling you on the beach." As Callie hoped, talking about their trip seemed to be helping. The shadow over Arizona's face vanished, replaced by rising excitement. "And I want to explore every city we visit. Get lost in them. Have adventures."

Callie wasn't strictly an adventure girl, but somehow the thought of having one with Arizona was enormously appealing. Warmed by Arizona's excitement, she stroked the back of her fingers over her face. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Sobering slightly, Arizona said, "I see what you did there, you know."

"Oh?"

Arizona rubbed her thumb along Callie's eyebrow. "Thank you. I know I haven't been much fun to be with lately, but you're a trooper."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Shut up, dummy."

That elicited a pleased laugh. "Nice."

"I love being with you. Period. End of discussion."

"Okay." Arizona tugged a lock of Callie's hair fondly. "But thank you, anyway."

Callie nodded. "Hang in there, okay? You're gonna come out the other side of this thing better than ever. I know it."

"I hope so." Arizona pressed a chaste kiss to Callie's lips, then rolled off to the side, settling on her back. "Sorry I woke you up. I know you have surgery in the morning."

Callie glanced at the clock. Three in the morning. They could still catch a few more hours of much-needed rest. "Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

Hesitating so briefly Callie almost missed it, Arizona gave her a lackluster smile. Partial dimples. "Sure, of course. Good night."

On the other hand, sleep wasn't nearly as important as making sure Arizona felt safe and secure. Callie glanced over at Arizona, who stared at the ceiling with quiet intensity. Then Callie wrinkled her nose and sniffed.

"We smell like sex." Callie shifted closer and brushed her lips against Arizona's neck, inhaling. "Especially you."

Arizona gave her a playful slap. "Be quiet."

"Seriously." Callie ran her hand down Arizona's arm, then entangled their fingers. "And you're a little sweaty."

Snorting, Arizona said, "Sweet talker."

"I'm just saying."

"Well…" Arizona's voice carried tentative hope. "Do you want to take a bath? It doesn't have to be a long one. We could just sit in some hot water for a few minutes."

"Sold."

That earned her a full-on grin. Nothing had ever looked so beautiful. "Thanks, Calliope."

Yeah, Callie decided, sleep could wait.

_To be continued…_


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

Arizona spent the next few days channeling every bit of her energy into being with Callie and nailing each and every surgery she performed. That meant pushing herself from the moment she woke up in the morning until her head hit the pillow at night—to be fully present in her interactions with Callie, to soak up the love and support she offered, to dedicate herself totally to her patients when she was at the hospital. She figured the more she focused on what was most important to her—Callie and her kids—the less opportunity there was for her mind to wander.

It felt intrinsically unfair to have a trial looming over her head just as she was finally settling into a routine again. Professionally she was back at the top of her game, and progress in her personal life had finally started to keep pace. The return of her sex life was a welcome and exceptionally healing development. So much so that memories of the attack only rarely filtered into random moments of her days anymore.

But nights were different. At night, Arizona fell apart.

Asleep, she had no defenses. She dreamt. Sometimes that meant reliving every excruciating moment of the rape. More often lately, her dreams found her on the witness stand. The nightmares about testifying were no less terrifying than the ones about the attack. She had her first one after seeing Colin Thomas on the television at Joe's, and it was a doozy—in the middle of her testimony, Arizona watched in horror as the judge, jury members, and audience vanished, leaving her alone with a seething Colin Thomas. She woke up as he crossed the room to punish her for talking about what he'd done.

Even that one hadn't scared her as much as the latest, in which Colin Thomas, having decided to represent himself in court, cross-examined Arizona about each explicit detail of the rape with a smile on his face. He even forced her to admit that she had been wet when he penetrated her, and implied that it was proof of consent. The disgust on the faces of the imaginary jury members still lingered with her, days later.

The worst thing about the dreams was her inability to hide them from Callie. As hard as Arizona tried not to disturb her, Callie was always right there after each nightmare to hold her and comfort her back to sleep. Letting Callie see her weakness embarrassed her, but Callie's soothing presence was probably the only thing keeping her sane—that, and being able to confide in Dr. Watson, who reassured her that what she was feeling was normal, and it wouldn't last forever.

With that in mind, Arizona was trying to take things one day at a time. She focused on what was right in front of her and tried to ignore what might happen in the future. She told herself that there was no use tormenting herself with thoughts of the trial until it was upon her—that although there was no escaping the need to testify, she didn't have to let her anxiety about doing so ruin her life in the meantime.

Of course, that was easier said than done, especially as Arizona sat in her office after a successful tumor removal surgery and listened to the first of two voicemail messages on her cell phone. The unfamiliar male voice immediately set her on edge, but it was what he said that launched her into panic.

"_Hello, this is Kent Johnson calling from the Special Assault Unit at the King County prosecutor's office. Detective Janis Mendoza gave me your number and indicated that you're willing to testify in the state's case against Colin Thomas for multiple counts of rape. I understand that the DNA sample collected in your case is a match for the defendant, which definitely makes your testimony extremely relevant to the prosecution. There's a certain amount of pressure to see this particular case go to trial quickly, so I'd very much appreciate it if we could meet at your earliest convenience. Our office will work with you on preparing your testimony and answering any questions you have about the process. If you could please give me a call back as soon as possible, I'd be grateful._"

By the time Kent Johnson rattled off his number, Arizona had stopped listening. She saved his message so she could get his contact information later, too freaked out to find a pen to jot it down now.

This was really happening. She was really going to have to face her attacker in court. To tell everyone what he'd done.

Arizona was fighting back the urge to vomit when her next voicemail began to play. Another male voice, just as unfamiliar, but this one sounded as anxious as she felt.

"_Hi. I'm calling for, uh, Arizona Robbins. My name is Dan Romero and I got your number from Detective Mendoza. Well, actually, she gave your number to my sister, Sofia. The detective said that you were interested in talking to, uh…other victims. Sofia's struggling pretty badly right now, but she finally agreed to let me call you. I think it might really help if you talked to her. Or maybe not, I don't know. But I don't…I don't know what else to do for her. If you could give me a call, I'd appreciate it."_

Arizona scrambled for a pen and wrote down Dan Romero's number as he gave it. It was a no-brainer that she would return this call first. She knew she needed to get in touch with the prosecutor's office, but desperately wanted to put it off. And if Sofia Romero was in pain and willing to talk with her, Arizona wanted to be there.

Glancing at the clock, Arizona decided that she had enough time to make the call before she met with Alex Karev to discuss treatment options for a newly diagnosed cancer patient. She picked up her phone and dialed the number she'd just scribbled, battling a twinge of anxiety that she wouldn't know what to say when Dan picked up. She didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Hello?" The deep, masculine voice on the other end of the line sounded tentative, as though he also wasn't sure about how their conversation should go.

"Hi." She hesitated a moment, then forged ahead—for his sister's sake. "This is Arizona Robbins. I just got your voicemail…about Sofia. So I'm calling you back."

"Oh. Wonderful." Dan's voice caught, hinting at deep emotion close to the surface. "Thank you, I appreciate that."

"It's not a problem. I'm glad you called." Arizona waited for him to say more, but when he didn't, she added, "I'm sorry to hear that she's having such a hard time."

"Yeah." Clearing his throat, Dan sounded as though he was trying to speak quietly. "This has been incredibly difficult for her. Well, obviously. I'm sure you…I'm sure you understand." He paused. "I wish you didn't."

"Me too." Wanting to lighten the mood, Arizona forced a brightness she didn't feel. "But I'm doing better every day. Sofia will get there, too. It just takes time."

"I hope so. Right now it feels like he's broken her forever. Nothing I say or do makes it any better."

Arizona heard the depth of his own pain, the agony of a concerned older brother who couldn't fix this problem. "How are_you_ doing?"

"I'm all right."

"I know it can't be easy, watching her deal with this." Arizona picked up the pen on her desk so she would have something to distract her hands. "My partner really has a hard time with that, too—not being able to take away my pain. And on top of everything, to walk in when it was happening, to see what you must have seen. That must have been awful."

"Yes. But it's nothing compared to what Sofia is going through."

Arizona's heart broke for both of them, and her hatred for Colin Thomas grew impossibly deeper. "Detective Mendoza told me you're going to testify at the trial. Thank you."

"I don't feel like I have a choice, really. What else can I do?" Dan lowered his voice further, nearly whispering. "Honestly, I wish Sofia would testify, but I don't see it happening. Not with where she's at right now."

"You said she agreed to let you call me, but does she _want_ to talk to me?"

"I don't think she _wants_ to talk to anyone about what happened, but something's got to give." Dan sounded like he was choosing his words carefully. "She barely sleeps, and when she does, she has bad nightmares—she won't tell me anything about them, but I can hear her through the wall. She's hardly eating. She still goes to class, but I would be shocked if her grades don't suffer because of this. All that, and she refuses to go to therapy. So I don't know how to fix this. I begged her to let me call you so she could talk to someone, anyone, who has some idea what she's going through, and she finally told me I could."

"Well, I won't be able to fix her, either," Arizona said gently. "But if she wants to talk, I'm here for her."

"Would you be willing to come over to our place when you've got a free evening? Sofia gets home from class by five o'clock every day." He gave a weak laugh. "Her schedule is wide open."

It struck Arizona that she was making plans to go to a strange man's apartment, based on his word alone. Even if he was who he said he was, Arizona didn't want to show up unless she was absolutely certain that she wouldn't ambush Sofia. "That would be fine, but do you mind if I speak to Sofia for a minute? Not that I don't trust you, but—"

"No, I understand. You want to be sure she's expecting you."

"Yes." She also wanted to make sure that she wasn't going to wind up alone with a stranger in his apartment.

"Can you hold on for just a minute?"

"Sure," Arizona said. His end of the line went quiet, and then a minute later she heard muffled voices. She strained to hear what Sofia was saying to her brother, but their words were quiet and indistinct. Then there was only silence.

Just as Arizona began to wonder whether Sofia would refuse to speak to her, a quiet, slightly raspy female voice said, "Hello?"

Arizona swallowed, suddenly nervous. "Hi, is this Sofia?"

"Yeah."

"Hey. This is Arizona…Robbins?"

"I know who you are." Sofia's voice quavered as though she was trying and failing to keep tears at bay. "Dan said you wanted to make sure I was really okay with you coming over."

"I don't want to do anything to upset you." Arizona closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the pain she heard in every word Sofia said. It transported her right back to those first few weeks after her own rape, when every emotion had been so sharp and agonizing. "It took me a while before I wanted to talk about it, too. I do understand."

More silence. Then, "Does talking really help?"

"It helped me."

Sofia sniffled. "I don't know if I can," she said hoarsely. "You can come over, but I can't promise that I'll be able to talk to you about this."

"And that's okay." Arizona looked up at the sound of a knock on her office door, managing a small smile when Callie poked her head inside. "You don't have to talk. I can do the talking. Or we could not talk. Whatever you want."

Callie shot her a quizzical look, and Arizona waved her in. Tiptoeing across the room, Callie sat down across from Arizona and placed a pink frosted cupcake in the center of her desk. Then she settled back with a self-satisfied grin.

Sofia exhaled shakily, bringing Arizona's attention back to their conversation. "All right. Thank you."

"Sure. And hey, Sofia?"

"Yeah?"

"I do have some idea how you're feeling right now, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. But it does get better, I promise." Frowning, Callie reached across the desk and Arizona took her hand with a grateful smile. "Does tomorrow evening work for you? Around seven, maybe?"

Sofia gave a hollow laugh. "Yeah, I'll be here."

"Okay, good. I've got a pen if you want to give me your address." Arizona jotted down the address Sofia recited, then said, "I'll see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep tonight."

"I'll try."

"I know that's easier said than done. Talk to you soon."

"Bye." Sofia hung up, leaving Arizona's heart aching.

Arizona set her cell phone on her desk, took a steadying breath, then met Callie's tender brown eyes and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Thanks for the cupcake."

"Who said it's for you?"

She relaxed at Callie's affectionate teasing, happy to fall into familiar banter. "You're not cruel enough to taunt me with something like that and not give it to me."

A wicked look flickered across Callie's face, quickly replaced by a more neutral smirk. "I spotted them in the surgical nurses' lounge." Despite her obvious curiosity about Arizona's phone call, Callie seemed willing to allow them to linger on a lighter topic for the moment. "It's pink. And sweet. Reminded me of you."

Warming at Callie's flirtatious tone, Arizona smiled far more easily than she would have expected. "Want to share it with me?"

"If you insist."

Arizona chuckled and unwrapped the cupcake, breaking it approximately in half. She let Callie choose, smiling when Callie took the slightly smaller portion with a happy moan.

"I haven't eaten for hours. They haven't let me sit down yet today." Callie took a bite and leaned back, then casually asked, "How's your day?"

Aware that Callie wanted to know about the call she had interrupted, Arizona said, "The brother of the last girl Colin Thomas attacked left me a voice mail asking me to please come talk to her. She's not doing well, doesn't want to go to therapy, and he sounds pretty desperate that she talk to _someone_. I wanted to make sure she was really okay with it before I just showed up, so we talked for a minute just now."

"Sounded like she agreed."

"She's not sure she can talk about it. But I can come over anyway." Arizona blinked and stared down at the cupcake in her hand. She took a small bite, hoping it would help soothe her rising emotion. "Her brother's name is Dan."

Callie touched Arizona's arm, exuding silent understanding. "He sounds like a good guy."

Arizona nodded, blinking rapidly to force back tears as a wave of fresh grief hit her in the chest, brought on by the thought of her own brother. Since he died it happened less and less, but every once in a while a stray thought or memory would trigger the overwhelming pain of loss all over again. "Talking to him reminds me how much I miss my Danny."

"I'm so sorry, baby." Stroking her thumb over Arizona's wrist, Callie put down the last of her cupcake and shifted closer. "May I go with you tomorrow?"

"Oh, you don't have to."

"I know, but I want to. I understand she won't want me there when you talk to her—I can wait in the car or something. But this is pretty intense, and I want to be there for you."

Arizona could see that Callie had made up her mind, and honestly, she didn't want to refuse. She would prefer to have Callie with her, and not only because she was still nervous about going out alone at night. Talking to Sofia Romero—being that close to so much raw pain—was definitely going to be intense. In her heart, Arizona knew she would need Callie tomorrow.

"All right. Thanks, Calliope." Mustering a brave smile, Arizona took another bite of her cupcake. Then she remembered her first voice mail message and lost all hope of enjoying her treat.

Callie must have seen something in her eyes, because her brows furrowed and she said, "What else, darling?"

Arizona swallowed with effort. "I had another voice mail from the prosecutor's office. They want me to call so we can start preparing my testimony."

"Popular girl today," Callie said. "Sounds like I brought the cupcake just in time."

Though the cupcake hadn't exactly made everything better, Arizona nodded. "I think it was more like you brought yourself just in time, but yeah. You did."

Callie gave her a shy smile. "Just keep telling yourself that getting in touch with the prosecutor's office means taking one step closer to Barcelona. And that you're going to be great. Okay?"

Arizona tried to internalize the sentiment, even if she wasn't totally feeling it. "Okay. But I'm not calling back this afternoon. It'll keep until tomorrow."

"Yes," Callie said gently. "It will."

"On that note, I'm supposed to meet with Alex, oh, five minutes ago."

Callie nodded, devouring the last bite of her cupcake as she stood. "I'll see you later?"

Arizona walked around the desk and pulled Callie into a tight hug, amazed by how her tension drained away within the shelter of her loving arms. "I adore you," she told Callie softly, kissing just below her earlobe to punctuate the sentiment. "And not just for your cupcake deliveries."

Tightening her embrace, Callie said, "The cupcake _is_ part of it, though."

In that moment, Arizona loved Calliope Torres more than she had ever expected to love anyone. So she said, truthfully, "But only a small part."

#

Knocking on the door of Sofia Romero's apartment the next evening was even scarier than Arizona had anticipated, and as she did it, she thanked the universe that Callie had insisted on coming with her. Her legs literally shook as she waited for someone to answer the door. It had occurred to her as she lie awake last night that this would be her first time talking to another survivor whose experience was fresher than her own. She hadn't exactly held it together with Lauren, and desperately wanted to be stronger for Sofia.

Unfortunately, at the moment her nerves were completely shot. She'd been worried all day, and the fact that she hadn't yet returned the call to the prosecutor's office only made it worse. She'd had plenty of opportunity, but hadn't been able to work up the courage.

As though sensing her anxiety, Callie rested her hand on Arizona's lower back. "You'll be great."

The lock disengaged before Arizona could respond, and when the door opened, she grinned on instinct at the man with the dark hair and eyes who greeted them wearing a tight smile. "Dan?"

"Hey," Dan said, glancing from Arizona to Callie then back again. "You're Arizona?"

"I am. It's nice to meet you." Arizona pointed to Callie, who offered her hand. "This is my partner, Calliope Torres."

"Oh." Dan faltered a moment before shaking Callie's hand. "It's great to meet both of you. I'm really glad you came." He stepped backward into his apartment, gesturing for them to enter. "Sofia's in her room. I was just about to put something on TV, Calliope, if you wanted to stay here with me while they talk."

"Sure. And you can call me Callie. Arizona is the only one who doesn't."

Chuckling, Dan said, "Okay, Callie. You want a beer or something? I was going to grab one for myself after I show Arizona to Sofia's room." Dan stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Or a soda?"

"Water would be nice." Callie squeezed Arizona's wrist, then stepped away. "I'll just wait here."

"Thanks," Arizona said, then mustered her courage and met Dan's gaze. "How is she today?"

His face fell. "Not good. She's nervous about your visit. She's barely said two words to me."

"I promise I'm not intimidating." Arizona forced a little of her normal cheer into her voice, hoping to reassure him. "She'll see pretty quickly that there's no reason to be nervous about me."

Nodding, Dan said, "I feel kind of responsible. I'm the one who wanted her to talk to you. Maybe she's really not ready."

"Trust me when I say that she is. Keeping it inside is toxic. It's never too soon to start healing." Arizona glanced down the hallway in front of them. "Is her room down there?"

"Yeah." Dan walked past her. "I'll let her know you're here."

Arizona watched him walk to the door at the end of the hallway and knock softly. A moment later he opened it a crack and poked his head inside, speaking under his breath. Then he stepped back and waved Arizona closer.

Approaching the door with a pounding heart, Arizona peeked inside and met the scared gaze of a dark-haired girl who couldn't possibly be old enough to buy herself a drink at Joe's. Stunned by both her youth and the stark exhaustion written all over her face, at first Arizona could only give her a weak wave. "Hey, Sofia."

"Hey." Sitting cross-legged at the foot of her bed, Sofia picked at her comforter and avoided Arizona's eyes.

Arizona fought back the anger and sadness that rolled over her at the sound of Sofia's small, frightened voice, then gave Dan a resolute nod. "We'll be fine."

"Okay." Dan looked back to Sofia. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"I know," Sofia mumbled. "I'm okay."

"Great." Looking as though he wasn't sure he wanted to walk away, Dan said, "So I'll go keep Callie company."

"She'll appreciate that." Arizona hoped that maybe they would talk. She was certain they had a few very important things in common. "I'll see you in a bit."

After Dan was out of earshot, Sofia said, "You can come in."

"Thanks." Arizona stepped inside her bedroom, trying not to look around. This was where Sofia had been attacked. Arizona couldn't fathom trying to carry on her life in a place where the memories could be triggered by absolutely everything around her. She hadn't even parked on the east side of the employee lot since her rape, completely unable to cope with revisiting the place where it happened. To live there every day was beyond imagining.

"Would you shut the door behind you?"

"Sure." Pushing back thoughts of what Colin Thomas had done, Arizona closed the door, then stood awkwardly as she tried to decide where to sit. The only furniture in the small room was the bed, a nightstand, and a dresser, and Arizona wasn't sure how Sofia would react if she invaded her space.

Sofia scooted toward her headboard, making room for Arizona. "You can sit down if you want."

"Thank you." Arizona walked to the foot of the bed and perched on the edge, then angled her body toward Sofia. Sensing that Sofia wasn't going to initiate any kind of real conversation, Arizona decided it was up to her. And she didn't have a clue what to do next.

Sofia surprised her by breaking the ice. "You're really pretty."

Caught off-guard, Arizona blushed at the compliment. It was one she had heard before, had even believed, but receiving it now made her realize that she hadn't felt pretty for months. Not really. Yet Sofia was clearly sincere. There was a mild admiration in her shy gaze that made Arizona feel even more unbalanced. Like she had something to live up to.

"And you're very kind." Arizona tried not to be obvious as she gave Sofia a quick once-over. Dark circles hollowed out her eyes and her tanned skin looked sallow. Though Arizona guessed she was no older than twenty, exhaustion and malnourishment were clearly taking a toll. "I had a long day at work, so I'm not feeling it at the moment."

Sofia rocked back and forth slightly, as though summoning the courage to speak. "You work at Seattle Grace Mercy West?"

"Yes."

Avoiding eye contact, Sofia said, "They said on the news that he'd attacked a hospital employee. I wondered if it was you."

"It's me. I'm the lucky girl who walked out to the parking lot alone that night." No matter how fragile Arizona suddenly felt, she knew that the best way to encourage Sofia to talk was to take the lead and dive right in with honesty. "The attack lasted maybe ten minutes total, probably less, and it completely changed my life."

Sofia's throat moved. "Did he just let you go?"

Arizona tried to decide how much to say. She wanted to be straightforward, but not at the cost of upsetting Sofia. "No. He'd…finished and I was hoping he would leave, but he stayed on top of me. A couple of other surgeons were walking to their cars and interrupted him just as I was beginning to realize that he was going to start again."

Sofia crumbled, dissolving into tears with a swiftness that alarmed Arizona. Looking deeply embarrassed, she scrubbed at her face as though trying to chase away her emotion. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Arizona murmured, placing her hand on the comforter between them. She wished she could reassure Sofia somehow, but she wasn't entirely sure what had set her off. Or how to calm her down. "We don't need to talk about this, if it's too much."

Sofia shook her head, wiping her eyes with shaking hands. "I've been psyching myself up for this all day. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I thought about what you said on the phone, about how it gets better and how talking helped you. And you do look better than me. I'm a mess. I can't keep going like this, and I figure nobody will be easier to talk to than you."

Arizona tried and failed to catch her gaze. "So you do want to talk."

"Yes," Sofia said, then covered her mouth when a sob escaped. She gathered herself before she spoke again. "I don't know how much I can say out loud, but I need to try."

"You don't have to tell me what he did to you. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about."

Sofia tipped her head and closed her eyes as though deep in thought. After a quiet minute, she said, "He raped me for almost three hours before Dan came home. I thought he was going to kill me when he was done, and I almost wished…" Exhaling, Sofia dropped her voice to a bare whisper. "At a certain point I just wanted him to do it. To kill me, so it would stop."

Three hours. The reality of what Sofia had experienced hit Arizona deep in the gut, taking her breath away. Nausea flooded through her as she tried to comprehend her own ten minutes of pain and terror stretched out over such a long period of time. The thought nearly triggered her into a flashback, but recognizing the signs, she called up Dr. Watson's breathing and thought exercises and kept herself in the moment. Barely.

"Danny saved me, so I'll never know if he would have killed me or not. But I can't stop wondering." Sofia finally opened her eyes. "I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm alive, right? That's what matters."

"I played the 'what if' game in my head all the time at first. What if Meredith and Cristina hadn't walked to their cars when they did? I wondered if he would have killed me, too." Arizona shuddered. "He didn't kill the first woman he raped. Just left her in an alley, beat up but alive."

Sofia flinched slightly. "Have you spoken to her, too?"

"Yes. Her attack was more like mine. She was walking to the bus stop after leaving work." Drawing strength from the memory of her conversation with Lauren, Arizona straightened. "She's a really nice woman. Very strong. You'd like her."

For the first time since she came in the room, Sofia met her eyes. "You said 'a couple of other surgeons'. Are you a surgeon?"

"I am." Unlike her conversation with Lauren, this time the admission filled her with pride. She could see the approval in Sofia's gaze, and better than that, the trust.

"I'm pre-med." Sofia's cheeks turned rosy. "I mean, I'm only a sophomore at the University of Washington. But I planned to go to medical school."

"Good for you. What type of medicine?"

"I wanted to be a pediatrician."

Arizona couldn't help but grin at that. "Rock on. I'm a pediatric surgeon."

Eyes widening, Sofia said, "That's really cool."

"I think so." Replaying Sofia's words in her head, Arizona frowned. "Why are you talking about medical school in the past tense?"

Sofia bit her bottom lip, nostrils flaring. Her refusal to succumb to tears again was written all over her face. Sofia's agony at keeping all that emotion inside washed over Arizona, twisting her gut in sympathy.

"Sofia," Arizona murmured. "If you need to cry, then cry. You wouldn't believe how much I've cried over the past four months. There's no shame in getting all those negative feelings out."

A tear escaped and tracked its way down Sofia's left cheek, and then her chin began to tremble. "Past tense because right now I can't even handle going to class. I show up, but I'm not really there. And it doesn't even seem to matter, because I don't _want_ anything anymore. I think about my future and feel hopeless. Like there's nothing left for me now. Like he stole my passion from me, my drive. My motivation. That's on top of stealing my mind, my sanity. I'm scared all the time. The stupidest things send me into a total panic. I can't concentrate."

"Oh, honey…" Swallowing hard, Arizona battled her own tears. She heard what Sofia was saying, understood the emotions, but she knew that wasn't the end of the story. It couldn't be. "Give yourself time to heal. Trust me, in the beginning I felt like I'd lost myself entirely. I wondered if I would ever do surgery again. Whether I'd get through a day without having a panic attack. Would I ever want sex again? It all seemed impossible. But it's not. I promise, it's really not."

Sofia looked skeptical. "I went to my biochemistry lecture yesterday and a guy sat next to me. Bigger guy. I sat there the entire hour, paralyzed. Afraid to move, replaying what that man did to me, over and over again. I couldn't take notes. Didn't hear a word the professor said." Tears poured from Sofia's eyes now, but she didn't bother to wipe them away. Arizona wasn't sure she even knew she was crying anymore. "Have your panic attacks stopped?"

"Mostly," Arizona said, though she continued to hover on the edge of one now. Sofia's pain was so raw, it touched off a myriad of emotions and left Arizona feeling deeply guilty. She remembered the day Detective Mendoza told her that her rape kit analysis hadn't yielded any suspects, her moment of conflicted relief in the shower. At the time, the idea of not having to testify had tempered her worry that her rapist might hurt another woman. Now that selfish instinct sickened her.

"How?"

Arizona forced away her guilt—she could dwell on that later. Right now she had to focus on this broken girl. "Honestly, therapy really helped. I have a wonderful therapist who taught me a lot of skills when it comes to avoiding flashbacks and dealing with being triggered."

Sofia's jaw tightened. "I don't want to go to therapy."

"Neither did I."

"A therapist would make me talk about what happened. Wouldn't she?"

"Dr. Watson has never forced me to talk about anything. The funny thing about therapy, though, is that I actually want to tell her all the things I can't say to anyone else. I didn't think that would happen." Arizona paused, then said, "I was very resistant to the idea of therapy. It took a while for me to decide to go."

"Why did you?"

Thinking about the week leading up to that decision—and the phone call with her father—nearly undid Arizona again. "My father talked me into it. And my partner Callie wanted me to go. Like you, I knew something needed to change. I was having trouble. The people who cared about me were asking me to get help, and I wanted help—as much as I hated the idea of talking with a professional, I figured it couldn't hurt. I was trying to deal with it all on my own, and failing spectacularly."

"Your partner?" Sofia blushed, gazing at her shyly. "Like, a girlfriend?"

"Her name is Calliope." Arizona could feel her expression soften at the mere thought of Callie—as it always did—and was pleased to see Sofia's mouth twitch into a momentary answering smile. "Callie. She's watching TV with your brother right now. She knew I was nervous about tonight, so she insisted on coming with me."

"Oh." Sofia glanced at the closed bedroom door, then back at Arizona. An expression of sad longing captured her face, making her look even more lost than she had before. "She sounds like a good partner."

"She is." Arizona hesitated, then said, "Do you have someone?"

Nostrils flaring, Sofia whispered, "No, I don't think so. I mean, no."

"You don't sound very sure about that."

That triggered a fresh round of tears. "Well, I have a boyfriend. Sort of. We've been together since the summer after we graduated high school. It was pretty serious, but…" Sofia bit her lip so hard Arizona expected to see blood. "I don't know how to be with him anymore. Danny called him that night and he came to the hospital, but when he got close to me…" Disgust passed over Sofia's face. "They're about the same height. Same hair color. I know Ben would never hurt me, but right now I just can't be close to him. Or anyone, but _especially_ him."

"That's hard." If Callie had been a man, especially one who looked at all like her rapist, Arizona didn't know how she would have negotiated reestablishing intimacy. "Even with Callie, with a woman who didn't remind me of him at all, it took time before I felt comfortable letting her in my space. That's normal, I promise."

"Ben told me he would wait for me, that he's in this for the long haul, but it doesn't seem fair to stay with him." The sorrow in Sofia's voice told Arizona that she truly loved her boyfriend. She probably even thought she was doing what was best for both of them. "I'm not sure I'm ever going to want to have sex with him again. I can't even imagine it, to tell you the truth. Not after what that man did to me."

"Don't write yourself off like that," Arizona said. "Maybe you'll end up surprising yourself. It may take a while, but at certain point I think you'll decide that you want to reclaim your body, and that's part of it. Even though it feels impossible now, having love and intimacy with someone you trust doesn't have to be gone forever."

Sofia gave her a teary smile. "I think it must be easier to let down your guard with another woman."

"Probably," Arizona admitted. "But still, it took us time to be intimate again, and we had a pretty big failure along the way. Therapy was what helped the most, for sure."

Sofia set her jaw, and Arizona could see her working up the courage to say something difficult. It took her only the span of a few breaths. "Three hours is a long time. He made me do everything, and the thought of doing any one of those things again willingly, even with my boyfriend…" She held her stomach as though she might be sick. "I can't. I don't want to."

Sofia Romero needed to go to therapy. That much was clear. Arizona couldn't imagine how she would heal any other way. "Let me give you Dr. Watson's number. She's my therapist, and she's—"

Sofia jerked her head up. "I can't."

"Yes, you can," Arizona said, but held up her hand in a calming gesture. "I'll just give you her information. You don't have to call until you're ready. But please do, okay? I can see you're dealing with so, so much, and I promise that talking to her helps. She's very nice, and not scary at all."

Wrapping her arms around her knees, Sofia looked like a small child who desperately wanted to protect herself. "Did you have nightmares, too?"

"I still do."

"I was asleep when he got on top of me. He woke me up. Now I'm afraid to lie down, because every time I fall asleep, I dream he's here again." The shaking of Sofia's hands intensified, halting her speech. She laced her fingers together in a clear struggle to stop her body's instinctive reaction to the fear her words elicited.

"Don't let yourself go back to that night," Arizona said softly, echoing advice she had internalized by this point. "That's over. Right now you're safe in here with me. And I understand a lot of what you're feeling, I really do. It's okay."

One of Sofia's hands shot out and clasped Arizona's where it still lay on the comforter between them. Startled by the sudden touch, Arizona took a deep breath to calm down, then curled her fingers around Sofia's to increase their connection. All this time she had wanted to comfort Sofia, and now that she had been given permission, her touch seemed to help Sofia relax. When Sofia's hand stopped shaking, Arizona grabbed the other and held them both tight.

"He was so mean to me." Sofia spoke under her breath, like she couldn't bear to hear her own words. "He called me names the whole time. When I finally stopped crying at one point, he slapped me across the face and pulled my hair until I started again. I could tell my fear really excited him."

"I thought the same thing. He punched me in the face, slapped me, pulled my hair. It was very violent." Arizona watched Sofia's face as she spoke, not wanting to upset her again. "I absolutely felt like he was getting off on my pain."

"Who _does_ that?" Sofia stared at her with such sadness that Arizona's heart constricted.

"I really don't know." Overwhelmed by Sofia's grief, Arizona scanned their surroundings for the first time. There was nothing in the room to tell her about who Sofia was. No pictures on the walls, no knickknacks to hint at her interests.

"This used to be Danny's room." Affection crept into Sofia's voice. "He insisted on trading with me. We can't afford to break the lease and I just couldn't stay in the place where he…where he did that to me."

"Danny seems like a great brother."

"He's awesome." Sofia's smile faded. "He's been so supportive."

"I'm glad you have someone. That makes all the difference." Arizona watched Sofia's face darken, unsure what had shifted the mood. "If I didn't have Callie and my best friend Teddy, I don't know what I would have done."

Sofia choked back a sob. "Honestly, it's hard to be in the same room with Danny right now. I'm just so embarrassed about what he saw, about what happened."

"You have no reason to be embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong." Arizona squeezed Sofia's hands. "_He_ did. Okay?

Sofia turned her face away and closed her eyes. "I feel like everyone who looks at me can see what he did. I'm disgusting."

Arizona's stomach churned at the self-hatred in Sofia's voice, which felt all too familiar. She knew it didn't matter what she said—she couldn't simply talk Sofia out of feeling that way. All she could do was empathize.

Taking a deep breath, Arizona gave herself permission to revisit her own awful night, just for a moment. "The women who stopped my attack, I work with them nearly every day. One of them is Callie's good friend. They had to walk me back inside the hospital, our workplace, so that they could examine me and collect evidence. Another colleague, a man, went to find Callie—who also works at the hospital with me—and basically, within twenty minutes of being attacked, most of my friends not only knew what happened, but also saw me before I could even get cleaned up. It seemed like the entire hospital knew I had been raped. I had to go to work and see the pity and curiosity in everyone's eyes, day after day. So I understand being embarrassed, I really do. But Danny loves you—he doesn't think less of you. And no matter how it may feel, nobody knows what happened by looking at you. I promise. It doesn't work that way."

Without opening her eyes, Sofia whispered, "He made me come. With his mouth. When he started licking me, I thought there was no way, no way he could make my body betray me. He'd already raped me once, and made me use my mouth on him, so I was scared and in pain and I just wanted it to stop. But he was so gentle, so patient—it was obvious he wasn't going to give up until I came. And once I did, he hit me and called me a…he called me…"

"He called me names, too." Arizona tightened her grip on Sofia's hands, wanting to stop her before she said any more. She honestly wasn't sure she could handle hearing Colin Thomas's choice insults coming out of Sofia's mouth. "The human body reacts to stimulation. We both know you didn't want what he did to you."

Sofia opened her red-rimmed eyes, appearing utterly defeated. "I'm exhausted, Arizona, and I don't know how to keep going. I don't even know if I want to."

Horrified by the hopelessness she heard in the stark words, Arizona released Sofia's hands and opened her arms. Sofia collapsed into her embrace, clinging to Arizona with surprising strength. Her body heaved as she dissolved into broken sobs. Instinct took over as Arizona rocked Sofia back and forth, hushing her and holding her close.

"You're going to get through this," Arizona murmured into her ear. "He does _not_ get to win, okay? He's going to be punished for what he did, and you and me and Lauren…we'll be okay, all of us. I promise."

Sofia managed a barely perceptible nod, tucked securely within Arizona's arms. "I'm sorry I'm being such a baby."

Kissing the crown of Sofia's head, Arizona whispered, "You're not."

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?" Arizona slowed down her rocking, then stopped.

"Will you just hold me like this a little longer?" The vulnerability in Sofia's voice made her sound even younger than her years. "It helps."

Arizona rested her cheek against Sofia's dark hair and started them rocking again, steady and unhurried. "As long as you need."

**CHAPTER 19 (cont.)**

After twenty minutes of watching Dan surreptitiously glance down the hallway toward Sofia's bedroom, Callie decided to stop pretending she didn't notice. Making sure her voice was gentle, she said, "I'm sure they're fine."

Startling, Dan returned his attention to the television for a moment, then looked over at Callie with a sheepish grimace. "Yeah, I'm sure you're right."

"Arizona is very easy to talk to. She's a pediatric surgeon, so she spends her days dealing with sick kids and their parents. That includes talking about incredibly difficult life-and-death stuff. She's the kind of person who can draw out even the shyest, most frightened child, and she inspires confidence like nobody I've ever known. Her patients adore her." Callie smiled at the handful of memories that flitted through her mind, times she had witnessed Arizona working her special brand of magic. "Sofia's in good hands, trust me."

Dan tightened his jaw slightly. "She fixes kids?"

"Yes. She's one of the best."

"Damn, she sounds like a pretty incredible person." Eyes shining, Dan radiated both anger and sadness. "How do you deal with knowing what that bastard did to her?"

The question elicited another memory—Arizona describing her attack in excruciating detail as Callie listened in horror. Callie shivered, pushing away the barrage of images her mind had conjured up over the past few months, but especially since that night. She couldn't bear to dwell on what exactly Colin Thomas had put Arizona through.

Callie gave Dan a pained smile. "The short answer is that I try not to think about it."

Dan shook his head, tears welling. "And the long answer?"

"I focus on being strong for Arizona. I listen when she wants to talk, and I'm there when she needs me. When I feel like unloading about how much I want that asshole dead, I talk to a friend. I try not to burden Arizona with my anger." Callie turned toward Dan, abandoning any notion of paying attention to the television. She and Dan were no doubt struggling with a lot of the same feelings, so if he wanted to talk, she was more than willing to share the benefit of her experience. Whatever that was worth. "Sometimes I let myself indulge in a revenge fantasy, but I also remind myself that the justice system will deal with him."

"One of my biggest regrets about that night is that he jumped out the window before I could fuck him up." Tightening his fists in his lap, Dan exuded barely suppressed rage. "I heard something strange so I went into Sofia's room, and he's got her face down on the bed, and she's crying, and what he was doing to her was so incredibly brutal. I hit him as he got off her, but everything happened so fast…" He gritted his teeth. "I probably would have thrown him out that window if he hadn't jumped. I wish I had. I wish I'd killed him."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, he shattered his legs when he hit the ground. If he were dead, he wouldn't have gotten to feel that pain. And it's _very_ painful, trust me."

Dan's mouth quirked. "Yeah?"

"Definitely. He has a long and uncomfortable recovery ahead of him." Callie considered glossing over how she knew so much about his condition, but decided against it. Her strange relationship with Colin Thomas had fed a lot of her own anger, so it seemed relevant to share the truth with Dan. "They brought him to our hospital that night. I performed surgery on his legs before I found out who he was."

Paling visibly, Dan said, "You're kidding me."

"Unfortunately, no. So I completely understand wanting to kill him." Callie paused, reining in her rising emotion. This was something else she tried not to think about. "It took everything I had not to."

"When did you find out he was the one?"

"I knew the guy had been arrested for rape while I was performing the surgery, which made being his doctor incredibly difficult. Afterwards, I ran into Detective Mendoza and she told me someone else would need to take over his care because she thought he might be the man who hurt Arizona. So then I had to go tell Arizona that her own personal boogeyman was in the hospital, that I'd just fixed his legs…" Thinking about it now made Callie's stomach ache. "Seeing how upset Arizona was, knowing that I'd just helped the man who raped her...honestly, I lost my temper that night. I confronted him when he woke up from surgery. He was in a lot of pain. Even more after I left his room."

Dan grinned just a little. "No way."

"I promise. It wasn't my most professional moment, but luckily my boss was supportive after he pulled us apart."

"Wow," Dan breathed. "Did you say anything to him? Did that bastard say anything to you?"

"I told him that someone I care about had been raped at the hospital and asked if he knew anything about it. At first he denied it." Heat flooded Callie's face when she remembered their conversation, his ugly words. "Then he basically admitted that he raped Arizona, in the crudest way possible. So I gave one of his legs a good squeeze, and the conversation was over."

Dan seemed pleased by the thought. "Good for you."

Callie shrugged. "It made me feel better for a minute, at least."

"Arizona is lucky to have someone who loves her so much."

"We're both lucky." Callie glanced toward Sofia's bedroom, wondering how Arizona was doing. She'd been so nervous earlier, and Callie wanted nothing more than to see her and make sure she was all right.

Dan followed her gaze. "I think Sofia broke up with her boyfriend. He keeps calling me to check up on her because she won't talk to him. He's actually a really good guy, and he's worried sick."

"Have they been together a while?"

"A couple of years. They love each other." Dan's face softened as he looked back at her. "I wish Sofia could lean on Ben right now, but I'm sure it can't be easy for her, being close to a guy."

"It wasn't easy for Arizona, either. Even being with a woman. It took time, and therapy."

Dan gave her a feeble shrug. "Sofia doesn't want to go to therapy."

"I'm crossing my fingers that Arizona convinces her to give it a try."

"That would be nice." Dan hesitated a moment, then said, "Do you think she'll talk to Sofia about testifying at the trial?"

"I really don't know." With as anxious as Arizona felt about testifying, Callie couldn't imagine her trying to sell the idea to Sofia. "Honestly, Arizona is scared to death of this trial. I'm pretty sure she spent today avoiding returning a call from the prosecutor's office—they want to start preparing her testimony and she's really nervous about it."

Dan sat up a little straighter, clearly alarmed. "Do you think she may not testify?"

"No, she will. I'm just not sure she's going to try and convince Sofia to do the same, knowing how terrifying it is think about doing it herself, months later and with all the healing she's already done."

Looking relieved, Dan said, "I get it. It'll be a much different experience for me, than it would for them. But I can't wait. Even if I can't speak for Sofia, I can tell the judge and jury what I saw. Jumping out a fourth story window isn't the action of an innocent man. He left my sister naked and sobbing, too terrified to go back into her own bedroom." He paused, a nauseated expression flitting across his face. "With the DNA evidence on top of all our testimony, I just can't see how they won't convict him."

"I agree. He's going to pay for what he's done," Callie said, sensing that Dan needed the reassurance. Hell, so did she. "No doubt."

"I sure as hell hope so."

Callie's phone emitted a noise that Arizona had once tipsily described as 'the _whoosh_ of a galloping unicorn', which was hilarious, and exactly the reason why Callie had set it as her notification sound to signal an incoming text from Arizona. Confused why Arizona would be texting her when she was just down the hallway, Callie dug in her pocket and withdrew her phone with a murmur of apology. She opened up her new message from Arizona, read it, and melted a little inside.

"Text from Arizona." Callie met Dan's curious gaze. "Sofia fell asleep in her lap. But she'd like to stay in there for a bit, because she says Sofia needs the rest."

Dan coughed, caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Yeah, she does. Tell Arizona that's great…and thank you." As Callie began to type, he snorted softly. "I guess you were right. Sofia must have felt like she was in _very_ good hands, to let down her guard like that."

"I'm telling you, Arizona is made of magic."

"Obviously." Dan chuckled, relaxing against the couch. "God, that's a relief. Knowing Sofia is actually getting some sleep."

Callie sent a reply to Arizona and put her phone away. "Then I'd say this visit was a success."

"For sure." Scrubbing his hand over his head, Dan exhaled. Then he picked up his empty bottle of beer and gestured at her glass. "You want a refill? Sounds like we've got some time to kill."

"That'd be perfect."

"Great." Dan picked up the remote and handed it to her, then stood. "Go ahead and pick out a movie. Something light. I'll be back."

"Absolutely," Callie said, and settled in for the duration.

#

Sofia slept for over two hours before she stirred and blinked dazedly at Arizona, who stopped her absent stroking of the dark hair beneath her fingers and smiled. "Hey," Arizona murmured. "You fell asleep."

Face reddening, Sofia quickly sat up. "I am _so_ sorry."

"Don't be. Did you have a good nap?"

"Yes." Sofia craned her neck to look at the clock. "How long was I out?"

"A couple of hours." When Sofia went wide-eyed with panic, Arizona patted her hand. "No big deal. I was happy to be your pillow."

"I'm so embarrassed." Sofia fidgeted and seemed to have trouble making eye contact, but she didn't leave Arizona's space. There was a new comfort between them now that hadn't been there before. "Isn't your girlfriend out there waiting for you?"

"I texted her to let them know that you were resting. They totally understood." Arizona stood, grateful for the chance to stretch her legs. As glad as she was that Sofia had gotten some much-needed sleep, Arizona was more than ready to go. The quiet time alone had given her too much time to think. About what Sofia had survived, what she herself had overcome, and everything that still lie ahead for her with the trial. Her frightening, chaotic thoughts made her claustrophobic and left her yearning for fresh air.

Sofia also got to her feet, running a hand through her hair. She gazed around the room as though she barely recognized her surroundings. "I do feel better." She turned to Arizona and managed a small but genuine smile. "And I didn't dream."

"Good. Try to do that again after I leave, okay?"

Smile fading, Sofia said, "I'll try."

Arizona stepped closer and carefully placed her hands on Sofia's shoulders, staring into her eyes. She knew she would have trouble keeping her own nightmares at bay tonight, but that didn't mean she couldn't encourage Sofia. "You're going to get through this. You hear me?"

Sofia nodded.

"He put you through hell, Sofia. I can't even imagine enduring what you did." When Sofia shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, Arizona quieted her. "But he doesn't get to win. That's how you start to heal—you decide that he doesn't get to win. You _can_ and you _will_ heal. It won't be easy, and it won't happen all at once, but it does get better. I promise."

Sofia fell into Arizona's embrace, hugging her hard. "I'll try," she said again, voice quavering. "Thank you."

Arizona rubbed her back lightly. "Call Dr. Watson?"

"Maybe."

Arizona's heart constricted at the doubt in Sofia's voice. Though she sensed that Sofia wanted to make her proud, she worried that Sofia had already made a decision about taking the next step in her recovery—or rather, not. "It will help. It really will."

Sofia stepped back, wiping away her tears. "I'll think about it."

That was as good as Sofia could give her tonight. Arizona knew that. Still, she couldn't resist making one more suggestion. "And also think about calling Ben, okay? It sounds like he really cares about you—try to let him support you." Sofia looked away but Arizona moved with her, maintaining eye contact. "I know it's not easy, and sometimes when people love you, they want you to talk even when you don't think you can. But I'm telling you right now, Callie's love has done more to heal me than anything else. Maybe Ben's love can do the same for you."

Nodding rapidly, Sofia said, "Speaking of Callie, I should let you get back to her."

Arizona smiled, understanding that Sofia was done for the night. Which was good, because so was she. "I'll go. Let you get some rest."

"Thanks." Sofia opened the bedroom door and turned to face Arizona with a shy shrug. "Will you tell Callie I'm sorry I couldn't say hello this time? I just don't feel…social."

"She gets it."

"Cool." Sofia pulled her in for another quick hug, then moved aside so Arizona could walk into the hallway. "Maybe I'll talk to you again?"

"Count on it. I'll call and check up on you soon."

Sofia smiled, then shut the door with a soft _click_. Relief flooded through Arizona as she considered that all that stood between her and a hot bath was the car ride home. She turned and strode toward the living room, prepared to bid Dan a quick goodbye.

Callie's attention shifted to Arizona the instant she entered the room. Her easy smile faded when their eyes met, confirming for Arizona that she was doing a lousy job of hiding her tumultuous emotional state. With a look of deep concern, Callie stood and walked around the couch to greet her.

"You okay?" Callie murmured.

Arizona gave her the bravest nod she could muster, then smiled at Dan. Eyes full of fear, he looked at her as though afraid of what she might say.

"Sofia and I had a really good talk. She even managed to get a couple hours of sleep."

"Is she going to be okay?" Dan asked.

"As long as she works at it, yeah. I gave her my therapist's number. Please encourage her to use it." Feeling Callie's warmth at her back, Arizona relaxed against her, needing the support. Callie wrapped her arm loosely around Arizona's waist, close but not overbearing. "I also suggested she give her boyfriend a chance to help her through this. I'm not sure she'll take any of my advice, but—"

"No, that's great." Dan exhaled, looking happy. "I wasn't expecting you to perform any miracles tonight. But you helped her get a little sleep, and it sounds like she actually opened up a little, so…" After a brief hesitation, Dan tentatively opened his arms. "Thank you, Arizona. Really."

Not wanting to refuse the friendly gesture, Arizona left the safety of Callie's embrace and allowed Dan to give her a quick hug. His body was lean and hard and he smelled unmistakably male, so even though he did nothing overtly threatening, Arizona held her breath, heart pounding, until he released her.

"Maybe I'll talk to you again?" Dan said, seemingly oblivious to her discomfort.

Arizona nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak until she could regroup. As soon as she could force out the words, she said, "I told Sofia I'd call later this week to check up on her."

"Perfect." Dan nodded eagerly.

"On that note," Callie said, pressing her hand against the small of Arizona's back, "I've got an early surgery tomorrow and need to get home. Are you ready, babe?"

Aware that Callie's surgery wasn't _that_ early, Arizona plastered on a fake smile, powered by her very real gratitude to Callie for recognizing her need to make a quick exit. "Yes, of course."

"Of course." Dan jogged over to the door and opened it for them. "Thank you again for coming, both of you. I think it really helped. For her to feel comfortable enough to sleep with you…" Blushing, he darted his gaze to Callie, then back at Arizona. "You know what I mean."

"I do." Arizona walked into the hallway. "Have a good night, Dan."

"You too." Dan opened his arms to Callie as she passed, and she obliged him with a casual hug. "Thanks for letting me vent, Callie. It was nice."

"Not a problem." Callie walked to Arizona's side, sliding an arm around her waist. "See you later."

"Bye."

Dan shut the door and they walked toward the stairwell in silence. When they reached the top of the stairs, finally out of earshot of Dan and Sofia's apartment, Callie murmured, "Seriously, are you okay?"

Aware that she was teetering on the edge of a legitimate breakdown, even if she didn't entirely understand its origin, Arizona managed a furious shake of her head. "Let's just get to the car."

"All right," Callie said, and pulled her closer.

Arizona managed to get in the passenger seat of Callie's car and fasten her safety belt without losing her composure. She knew the meltdown was coming, that it was inevitable, but she desperately didn't want to succumb to the maelstrom of her emotions. She was too tired. The evening had already exhausted her, and while releasing all her negative energy would no doubt provide catharsis, it would also leave her numb and hollowed out.

She just didn't have the strength for it tonight.

But when Callie got in the car and, rather than fit the keys in the ignition, stroked the backs of her fingers over Arizona's cheek and said, "Tell me what I can do", Arizona's resolve began to crumble.

Hands trembling, Arizona pulled her purse into her lap and began to fumble around inside. At first she didn't know what she was searching for, but as her irritation mounted, it hit her. Acting purely on instinct, her body was seeking out the familiar stimulation of nicotine. At the realization that she didn't have any, Arizona threw her purse on the floor with a growl of frustration. "I wish I had a goddamn cigarette."

Callie stayed quiet for a few beats, then said, "Do you want me to take you to buy some?"

The softly spoken question instantly snapped Arizona's thin hold on her control. Not because Callie hated that she smoked yet still offered to indulge her habit on the off chance it would make her feel better, nor because Arizona suddenly remembered that smoking was no longer an option, now that the stink of cigarettes could trigger her into a flashback. Instead, it was because Callie's sincere words—and her solid presence by Arizona's side—brought home a horrifying, humbling truth that Arizona had been struggling with all night.

She was the lucky one.

As horrible as the rape was, it could have been so much worse. It could've lasted for hours. It could've happened to her at a time in her life when she had no support system, nobody to guide and protect her as she navigated her recovery. The police could have treated her with disrespect, not believed her, or insinuated it was somehow her fault. But none of that had happened. It had been terrible, yes, but it could have been worse. She was _lucky_.

Arizona burst into tears. Immediately Callie reached across the center console and pulled her into a warm hug. Arizona went willingly, too drained not to accept Callie's unthinking support. Now that the torrent had started, Arizona couldn't hold back. All too quickly, her sobs intensified to the point where it became hard to breath. Seeming to sense her rising panic, Callie rubbed a hand briskly over Arizona's back and shushed her.

"Breathe, _querida_. Just breathe."

Shaking her head, Arizona tried to gather the strength to tell Callie that she _couldn't_ breathe, that she was afraid she might pass out, but she couldn't form the words. Instead she clung to Callie in desperation, terrified to let go.

"I've got you," Callie said, slowing down the motion of her hand against Arizona's back. She gathered Arizona as closely as she could, until their chests pressed together and Arizona could feel Callie's heartbeat, nearly as thunderous as her own. "Arizona, stay right here with me. You're okay. You're safe."

Arizona closed her eyes and channeled every bit of her energy into pulling herself out of her downward spiral. Callie was right—she was safe. Within the circle of Callie's arms, nothing would hurt her. Gradually, Arizona's breathing evened out and her tears slowed to a trickle. Her chest continued to ache, but she was through the worst of it.

"What happened in there?" Callie didn't move a muscle, and Arizona sensed that was because Callie thought she might frighten her away if she did.

Arizona opened her eyes, but didn't take her head off Callie's shoulder. "He raped her for three hours. She said he made her do everything."

"I'm so sorry." Callie tightened her embrace. "I can't even imagine what she's going through."

"Honestly, I can't either." Not allowing her thoughts to stray too far down that road, Arizona shivered. "Three hours, Calliope. He hurt me for ten minutes, but she had to suffer through _three hours_ with that guy. Three hours of forced sex, of torture, of humiliation. He even made sure to reciprocate, so he could shame her when her body reacted to him."

"No wonder she's having such a hard time." Anger crept into Callie's voice, even as Arizona could hear her trying to suppress it. "That poor girl."

"She's so broken, Callie. She's in so much pain. I told her it gets better, because it did for me, but the truth is, I have no idea how she's feeling right now. It's taken me months to recover from ten minutes of hell, and I still can't sleep through the night. _Three hours_, Cal." Arizona's chest heaved as a wave of helpless anger crashed over her. "She went through so much more than I did, and even I can't get rid of the fucking nightmares. Who am I to tell her it'll get better?"

"It _will_ get better." Callie's voice was gentle, but full of authority. "For both of you."

Shaking her head, Arizona fought a sharp pang of guilt that bloomed deep in her belly. "I didn't call the prosecutor's office today."

"I know." Callie drew back and gazed at Arizona with a kind sympathy that threatened to undo her once again. "But you'll call tomorrow, right?"

"I have to." Holding Sofia Romero tonight reminded her exactly why it was so important. She had the strength, the resolve, and the support to do what needed to be done, and being scared didn't change that. Testifying was _her_responsibility. "If not for me, then for Sofia." Arizona's chin trembled. "She's just a kid. She shouldn't have to deal with this, and she definitely shouldn't feel like she has no more future. He needs to be punished for all of us, but especially her."

Callie cupped Arizona's face in her hands as her own eyes brimmed with tears. "I love you, Arizona, and I've never been prouder of you. I know how difficult tonight has been. I know how much of yourself you gave to Sofia in there. And I just think…I think you're awesome. And so, so beautiful. And if there's anything I can do to make you smile right now,_anything_, I want to do it. Because you shouldn't have to feel like this, either."

Swept away by the pure, powerful emotion that poured from Callie, Arizona leaned in to brush their mouths together. Callie held very still and made no effort to deepen the kiss, but rubbed her thumbs over Arizona's cheeks with excruciating tenderness. Closing her eyes tightly, Arizona whispered, "Just please don't ever let me go."

Callie shook her head, tightening her hands on Arizona's face, keeping her close. "I couldn't. I won't."

Arizona smiled.

_To be continued…_


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

Under the conference room table in the King County prosecutor's office, Callie traced soothing patterns over Arizona's palm as they waited for Kent Johnson to come talk to them. She hoped the contact would calm Arizona down, because right now she was so on edge it made Callie's stomach hurt. The fact that she hadn't been there for Arizona during the long hours leading up to this appointment had been hard enough, but now that she could see how close Arizona was to outright panic, she cursed the long shift that had kept her away.

This was the first time they'd been alone for almost thirty-two hours, the result of conflicting schedules and a hellishly busy atmosphere at the hospital. Being apart was never easy, but knowing how anxious Arizona had been for the past few days made it even worse. For the past thirty hours, all Callie had wanted was to wrap Arizona in her arms.

As though reading her mind, Arizona said, "I wish we were at home, curled up in bed."

"Me too." Callie covered Arizona's hand with her own, squeezing gently. After this meeting, Arizona would head back to the hospital while Callie went home for some much-needed sleep. Which meant that they were still a good fourteen hours away from having some quality time together. "Tomorrow morning, you and me. It's a date."

Arizona avoided her gaze, radiating sadness. "That sucks."

"I know."

"You must be exhausted."

Shaking her head, Callie said, "Just a little." It was mostly true—as exhausted as she was, the anxiety she felt about Arizona having to go through something she'd been dreading had Callie keyed up. There was no way she could rest right now, even if she were at home.

"Liar." A smile tugged at Arizona's mouth, and she finally met Callie's eyes. "Thanks for being here with me."

"I will always be with you," Callie said. She wouldn't have missed this appointment for anything. Not when Arizona had been losing sleep over it. "Are you okay?"

Arizona grimaced. "My stomach hurts."

"I'm sorry." Callie rubbed her thumb over Arizona's palm. "This part will be over soon."

Lowering her voice to a whisper, Arizona said, "I hope I don't cry."

The conference room door opened before Callie could answer. Arizona straightened and quickly wiped a hand over her face, composing herself. She greeted the man and woman who entered with a polite smile.

"Dr. Robbins?" the man said, extending his hand across the table in greeting. "I'm Kent Johnson." He shook Arizona's hand, then Callie's, then gestured at the attractive redhead beside him, who carried a stack of legal pads and manila folders. "This is Sandy Barnes, one of our victims advocates. She'll be working with us to help prepare you to testify in the state's case against Colin Thomas."

"It's nice to meet you." Outwardly, Arizona's voice was pleasant, even chipper. But Callie could hear the terror beneath the surface. "This is my partner, Calliope. She'll be providing me with moral support."

Sandy set down her files and shook Arizona's hand. "Excellent."

"Can I get either of you something to drink?" Kent asked. "Coffee, tea? A glass of water?"

Arizona placed her hand back in Callie's. "No, thanks."

When Kent looked at her, Callie said, "I'm fine."

"Great." Kent sat down, grabbed a legal pad, and uncapped a pen. Then folded his hands on the table, meeting Arizona's eyes. "We appreciate you coming in today, Dr. Robbins—"

"Arizona."

He nodded, acknowledging Arizona's correction. "I realize that testifying can be a traumatic experience for victims, and I want you to know that Sandy and I will do everything we can to answer your questions and help you feel prepared. The purpose of today's meeting is to give you an idea about what to expect from the trial, to talk about your testimony, and to otherwise get you ready for what comes next."

Arizona swallowed. "I understand."

"Before we get started, it's important to talk about what this trial is, and what it isn't. The state is prosecuting Colin Thomas for three counts of rape, among other charges." Kent hesitated, glanced at Callie for a moment, then back to Arizona. "I need to make it clear that I'm not your attorney. I'm the state's attorney, prosecuting the state's case against Colin Thomas. That means that I'm not acting in your interests, technically, and that your role in the trial is as a witness for the prosecution, rather than as the plaintiff."

Arizona nodded, tightening her grip on Callie's hand. Her palm was sweaty. Callie stroked a thumb over Arizona's knuckle, offering silent support.

Kent gestured to Sandy, who picked up where he left off. "Pretrial preparation is so important specifically _because_ it's traumatic to be asked to mentally relive your attack in front of the defendant and a courtroom of strangers. The good news is that a stranger rape is the easiest type to prosecute, and the state has a strong case against Mr. Thomas."

"I'm glad," Arizona said quietly. "I _am_ nervous, but I'm happy to do whatever I can to make sure he's punished."

"As scary as it may be, testifying can also be empowering, and hopefully the experience will provide some closure for you." Sandy opened a file and glanced at the paper inside. "The defendant has pled not guilty, but luckily consent is not a realistic defense in your case. Between the injuries you sustained, the location he chose, and your sexual history, no jury in the world will see this as anything other than an unprovoked attack. I suspect that the defense will focus on the accuracy of the DNA results and the lack of a suspect description in the police report. Really, it's their only option."

"What about his third victim?" Arizona asked. "Her brother caught him in the act. He jumped out her bedroom window. That has to be pretty iron-clad evidence of guilt, right?"

Kent tipped his head. "I agree. I think this will be a relatively easy case to prosecute, as far as sexual assaults go. They'll probably use the consent defense on the third rape, because mistaken identity and inaccurate DNA analysis isn't really on the table. Frankly, I'm surprised they want to take this one to trial."

"Consent," Arizona said softly, with disgust. Callie felt her entire body go bowstring taut. "That couldn't possibly work, could it?"

"Arizona, I'm very confident about this one." To Callie's relief, Kent looked like he believed what he was saying. "I'll be the first one to tell you that prosecuting a rape can be a nightmare, but we have a pretty ideal set of circumstances here—forgive me, not _ideal_, but as far as these cases go…"

"I get it." Clearly mustering the last bit of her perky energy, Arizona sat up straighter, lightening her tone. "I understand how an obvious stranger rape would be easier to prosecute."

"We've got other things going for us as well, especially as far as your testimony. You fought back, clearly. You had visible injuries. You reported the rape immediately. And, crass as it may sound, you have the right socioeconomic background for a successful prosecution, and there are very few negatives the defense can latch onto as far as your decision-making abilities or reactions. Frankly, juries tend to respond best to victims who look like you." Kent didn't elaborate, but Callie read between the lines—Arizona was an attractive, well-respected professional, relatively affluent, sober, not promiscuous. White.

When Arizona visibly blanched, Sandy said, "I know it isn't right, but it is the reality."

"That said, I'd like to give you some tips and insight into how we can get the best out of your testimony." Kent gentled his tone, no doubt picking up Arizona's distress. "A lot of this is common sense, but it'll be helpful to review it. Are you ready?"

"Sure."

To everyone else in the room, Arizona probably sounded like she was holding herself together admirably. But Callie could see right through her. Cradling Arizona's clammy hand between her own, Callie did the only thing she could—be there.

"Great." All business, Kent launched into what was obviously a familiar speech. "So the most important rule for you to follow in the courtroom is to be truthful. That means being honest about _all_ the details of the attack, even if they're embarrassing or seem insignificant. The account you gave to the police seems very straightforward, but I tell all sexual assault victims never to underestimate the impact of 'little lies'. If you're not completely honest about every detail, or if you try to cover up or exaggerate any details, the defense will uncover it during cross-examination. And then in closing, they'll use those 'little lies' as evidence that your testimony is not credible. We'll rehearse the questions I'm going to ask you in court, but above all else, just remember to be totally honest. Even if it's difficult."

"Okay." Arizona's cheeks had turned rosy, and she stared down at the wooden surface of the table. Callie squeezed her hand gently, but Arizona wouldn't meet her eyes.

"On a similar note, it's important that you be extremely accurate in your testimony. Make sure that the language you use is precise. For example, if he removed your panties roughly, say exactly that. A victim may describe that action as having her panties 'ripped off', but if he didn't actually tear your panties, the defense will latch on to that imprecision and question your credibility."

Arizona's expression tightened. "Sounds like I'm the one who'll be on trial."

Radiating sympathy, Sandy said, "Sad, but somewhat true."

"I read the statement you gave to the police." If Kent noticed the way Arizona flinched at his words, he didn't let on. "The good news is that I didn't spot any inconsistencies that we need to address. It's a solid account of the event, and really, the only weakness in your testimony will be the lack of a physical description of your attacker. The good news is that what description you were able to give, fits Mr. Thomas."

"Testifying about what happened to me…" Arizona trailed off, playing with Callie's fingers nervously. She paused, took a breath, then said, "What good will it do, since I _didn't_ see him? The only reason Colin Thomas is being charged with my rape is because the DNA analysis says he did it. I can't say for certain it was him. Nothing I can tell the judge and jury about what happened to me will convince them that he's the one."

"Listen, juries are impressed by DNA evidence, but all DNA proves is that Colin Thomas ejaculated inside you. It doesn't tell a jury whether it was consensual, what the circumstances were, how violent it was…" Kent leaned forward, trying to catch Arizona's gaze as she actively avoided eye contact. "Your testimony provides context. Someone raped you, violently. DNA evidence says it was Colin Thomas. The jury needs to hear what he did, in your words, so that they understand the human impact of his actions, and the depraved and violent nature of the crime."

Color rose on Arizona's face. "I understand."

"My job is to bring charges against the accused, and to prove those charges beyond a reasonable doubt. To that end, you are a very important witness in the prosecution's case, and we will do _everything_ we can to make the experience comfortable for you." Arizona's mouth quirked, and Kent hastened to add, "As comfortable as possible, at least. I promise to lead you through your testimony. We'll start off with easy questions—what's your name, what do you do for a living—and once we've established a back-and-forth, I'll begin asking you about the details of the crime. I'll take you through your account of the experience in a logical, calm way. All you have to do is listen to my questions, take your time, and answer clearly."

"I'll do my best." Giving Kent a tense smile, Arizona managed to meet his eyes briefly. "I'm nervous about seeing him."

"That's totally understandable," Sandy said, drawing Arizona's attention to her. "But he can't hurt you again. I promise. There will be bailiffs with guns, and plenty of people around. You'll be safe."

"I know," Arizona murmured, sounding embarrassed. "It's not that I think he'll hurt me. I just…" She shrugged. "I don't know how it'll be."

"I can only imagine." Kent's eyes shone with genuine sympathy. "On that note, when you testify—and I tell this to every victim—it's going to be important to stay calm. By that I mean, don't get angry. If you're angry, you can't think clearly." Gently, he said, "You don't seem like the angry type, but the trial will be an emotional time. Anger is understandable. But the defense can seize on that, too—I don't think it's a concern with your testimony, but in cases where consent is being argued, the defense can use anger and hostility from the victim to suggest that she should've been able to fight him off."

A look of distaste passed over Arizona's face, but she said nothing. She just nodded, prompting Kent to clear his throat and continue.

"That said, if you get emotional—sad, upset—during testimony, don't worry about it. Juries expect a rape victim to be emotional. Not being at least a little emotional could be seen as counterintuitive, something juries don't always process well." It was clear from the compassionate tone of Kent's voice that he was trying to be reassuring. The tense set of Arizona's body told Callie that it wasn't working. "So don't be ashamed about your emotions. Don't hide them."

Kent waited for Arizona to respond, and when she didn't, he said, "If you're embarrassed by a question, it's okay to preface your answer by saying that it's embarrassing. If you're not sure about something, say that. Above all else, always be honest. Don't make up details. It's better to admit you aren't certain about something than to be caught in an inconsistency."

Callie's head began to swim with the information overload Kent and Sandy were delivering. She couldn't even imagine how Arizona felt. Before this meeting, Arizona's fears about the trial seemed to center on being in the same room with the man who raped her, and having to say what he did out loud, in front of him and a room full of strangers. Now she was being given a set of rules and warnings about what to say, and how to say it. That couldn't be boosting her confidence.

Not for the first time, Callie wished she could save Arizona from having to testify. Unfortunately, they both knew how important it was.

"Cross-examination will be the hardest part, and that's when you'll really need to focus. We'll practice answering some questions they're likely to ask, but the important thing to remember is to give short, yes-or-no answers whenever possible. If they ask you to explain something, try to give an answer that focuses on what Mr. Thomas did to you." Flicking his attention to Callie, Kent explained, "A victim that restates the defendant's crime in response to defense questions will discourage them from getting out of line. Again, if you get confused, say so. The defense will likely try to confuse you, they'll look for contradictions, but as long as you stay calm, correct yourself if needed, and don't get angry, you'll be fine. I promise."

"This is a lot—" Arizona's voice broke, and she looked away, toward the wall.

"If you need to pause while you're answering questions, do it." Sandy hesitated, as though she wasn't sure whether Arizona was still mentally present. Apparently deciding that she was, she added, "Taking a moment will help you feel in control, and it's better to have a chance to breathe than to get upset. And if you get really overwhelmed and feel like you need a ten-minute break, go ahead and ask the judge to give you one. It's not an unusual request, so don't be afraid to ask for it if you need it."

Nodding, Arizona kept her gaze focused on the wall. Callie was tempted to ask for a break on Arizona's behalf, but stayed quiet. She sensed that doing so would cross the line into overprotection, again. She had to trust that Arizona would do what she needed to do to take care of herself. Kent watched Arizona as though he was trying to decide whether to press on.

After a beat, Kent said, "If you're ready, I'd like to ask you some questions about the night of your attack. We'll rehearse your testimony, address any potential issues with it."

Swallowing, Arizona finally turned her face so Callie could see her profile. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears. "May I have a ten-minute break now?"

Callie's throat caught when Arizona squeezed her hand tightly, desperately. Taking that as permission to speak, Callie said, "I think that's a good idea."

"Of course." Kent pushed back slightly from the table. "Sandy and I could leave you—"

Arizona shook her head. "No, I'd like to use the restroom."

"Turn right out the door, then take a left at the end of the hallway. You can't miss it," Sandy said.

"Thanks." Callie stood and helped Arizona to her feet. "We'll be back shortly."

"Take your time," Kent said, giving Callie a meaningful nod. She nodded back, understanding what he left unspoken—the next part was going to be the most difficult, so Arizona needed to use this time to regroup.

As soon as they left the room, Arizona took the lead, tugging Callie down the hallway by their joined hands. Callie had to practically jog to keep pace, but she did so silently, knowing that Arizona was craving privacy. She prayed that the restroom would be empty, that she would have the chance to wrap Arizona in her arms and promise that everything would be okay.

Arizona pushed open the ladies room door and walked inside. Without letting go of Callie's hand, she dragged them into the largest stall. Callie shut and locked the door behind them, then ducked her head, hoping to encourage Arizona to finally meet her eyes.

Afraid to touch her, Callie murmured, "Arizona."

Collapsing against Callie's chest, Arizona choked out a frightened, pained sob. "Just hold me."

Callie closed her eyes and gathered Arizona in a tight embrace. The thrum of Arizona's racing heart made her ache, almost as much as the knowledge that she couldn't spare Arizona from what would happen when they returned to the conference room. Aware that Arizona wouldn't understand, knowing it didn't matter, Callie spoke quiet Spanish into her ear. "_Eres el amor de mi vida. Eres mi vida. Mi cielo. Eres fuerte, y todo va a estar bien._"

She continued to whisper words of love, devotion, and reassurance until Arizona's body began to relax and her panic seemed to ebb. Then Callie fell silent, waiting for Arizona to gather the strength to speak.

After a full minute, Arizona whispered, "Tell me I can do this."

"You can do this," Callie said without hesitation. She believed it.

"Tell me I'm awesome."

Smiling at the hint of the old Arizona she could hear behind the words, Callie said, "You. Are. Awesome."

Arizona clung to her even more tightly. "I'm scared, Calliope."

"I know."

"I'm worried enough about having to talk about what he did to me, and now I have to worry about remembering what not to say or do so the defense can't discredit me?"

Placing her hands on Arizona's shoulders, Callie pulled back and looked her in the eyes. Face tight with tension, Arizona stared at her with a mixture of hope and trepidation. Callie wished she had something to profound to say, but she didn't. So she simply whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Arizona. Whatever happens. I have no doubt that you're going to kick ass at that trial, like you do with everything. Because you're a total bad-ass. And very, incredibly, _super_ awesome."

Arizona's mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. "Stroking a surgeon's ego. Cheap trick."

"Did it work?"

"Maybe." Arizona trailed her fingertips down Callie's jaw line, then brushed their lips together. "I really do love you."

"_Te amo tambien_." Resisting the urge to deepen the kiss, Callie drew back and tucked a lock of Arizona's hair behind her ear. "Are you ready to go back?"

Arizona shook her head. "Not yet." Burrowing into Callie's embrace once more, she closed her eyes and exhaled. "Just talk to me for another minute."

Understanding exactly what Arizona needed, Callie pulled her closer and murmured, "_Quiero estar contigo para siempre_."

Callie grinned when Arizona's breathing hitched at the heartfelt words. Clearly she didn't need to know the language to understand what Callie meant: _I want to be with you forever._

#

Driving home after a twelve-hour shift, Arizona had to struggle to stay awake. She'd gone to the hospital straight from her appointment at the prosecutor's office, leaving Callie with a brief kiss and a tight hug, and then powered her way through three emergency surgeries in the aftermath of what had been one of the most emotionally trying experiences of her life.

Practicing her testimony had been terrifying, humiliating, and painful—almost as though she was being violated all over again. She'd felt the same way about being questioned by Detective Mendoza the night of the attack, but hadn't experienced anything so intensely invasive since. None of her flashbacks or nightmares had managed to unnerve her as badly as having to answer Kent Johnson's questions. Having to recall how Colin Thomas had tackled her against her car, how many times he punched her, where he touched her, and how, what he'd said—it had taken all of Arizona's willpower to get through her excruciating, deliberate account of how it felt to be raped.

Having to say the words out loud to a man had been more difficult than she'd anticipated. Kent Johnson was a nice guy, he was on her side, but it didn't make talking about what happened any easier. The worst part was that Arizona knew the actual trial would be exponentially harder. Not only would there be an entire room full of people—men and women—listening to her, but one of them would be her rapist. She had no idea how she would make it through that day.

At the sight of a pink Post-It note stuck to her dashboard, Arizona eased into a reluctant smile. That wasn't true. She knew exactly how she'd make it—with Callie.

On their way out of the prosecutor's office, Callie had asked the receptionist if she could borrow a pen and a Post-It. Still shaking from the experience of reliving her attack in front of two strangers, Arizona hadn't paid much attention to whatever Callie jotted down on the note. All she wanted was to get to the privacy of her car, where she could finally break down. After their lingering embrace and gentle kiss in the parking lot next to Arizona's car, Callie had surprised her by opening the driver's side door and affixing the note to the right of her steering wheel. Through her tears, Arizona had managed a smile when she read what Callie had written: _You are Awesome_!

A simple message, but one that Arizona desperately needed to believe.

Parking in her reserved spot outside their apartment, Arizona felt re-energized by her sudden need to see Callie, to sink into the safety of her embrace. She smiled at the pink slip of paper, tracing the letters with her fingertip, then turned the key to kill her car's engine. She reached for the door handle on instinct, then stopped, heart leaping into her throat.

It was still dark outside.

At five in the morning, the sky hadn't yet begun to lighten. Owen had walked her to her car at the hospital, and Arizona hadn't even thought about what she would do once she got home, or how she would feel.

This was the first time she'd been out alone, in the dark, since the rape. Until this moment, she'd always had someone accompany her home at night—mostly Callie, but also Teddy, occasionally Mark. Somehow the fact that she would have to get out of her car and walk through the darkness into her apartment building alone had completely escaped her notice. Until now.

Arizona released the door handle, glancing around nervously. The parking lot was empty, quiet. Just as the employee lot had seemed that night. Last time, Arizona hadn't realized anyone was lying in wait until the moment he grabbed her. Not seeing any threat didn't mean there wasn't one.

She was being ridiculous. She knew that. The probability that she would be attacked again was low, and frankly, she needed to conquer her fear at some point. She was a grown woman, an accomplished surgeon, and she couldn't rely on other people to make her feel safe for the rest of her life.

Digging through her purse, Arizona pulled out the canister of pepper spray she'd started carrying after the attack. She hadn't had one on the night of the rape. Things were different now. She was more cautious, better prepared. It wouldn't happen again. It couldn't.

Arizona's hand shook as she reached for the door handle. She grasped it tightly, willing herself to calm down. She could do this. It was a short walk to the door, where she would key in to the building and be safe. Nobody was around. If she needed to sprint for the building, she could. Nobody would judge her.

Except she couldn't seem to force her body to move. Arizona was frozen in place, heart racing, palms sweating. No matter what her brain told her—that she wouldn't be attacked again, that she had pepper spray this time—her body refused to break out of its paralysis and obey her mind's command to _go_.

It _could_ happen again. It was possible—maybe not probable, but _possible_. And she couldn't go through that again. She just couldn't.

Humiliated, Arizona pulled her cell phone out of her purse and called Callie's number. She hated herself for her weakness, particularly because she knew that Callie was most likely still asleep, nestled warmly in their bed. But she also knew that Callie wouldn't make her feel bad about this, that Callie would _want_ her to ask for help when she needed it. And God, did she need it right now.

"Arizona?"

The low timbre of Callie's voice, scratchy with sleep, triggered hot tears of relief. Sniffling, Arizona said, "Hey."

"Hey." Callie sounded more awake now, and her smile was evident in her voice. "I miss you. Are you coming home?"

Arizona bit her lip, suddenly tempted to lie and tell Callie she was just leaving the hospital, and that she'd be home soon. To hang up and gather her courage, so she wouldn't have to admit just how frightened she felt about something that used to be so easy.

But she couldn't. Reminding herself that Callie wouldn't make her feel silly, Arizona said, "I'm parked out front."

"Is everything okay?" There was a rustling noise on Callie's end of the line, probably her climbing out of bed.

Arizona closed her eyes. "I'm too scared to get out of the car."

Callie's response was immediate. "I'll be right there."

"Thank you," Arizona whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever be sorry," Callie said. Arizona could hear her moving now, and her chest tightened with guilt over disturbing her rest. "Stay on the phone with me. I just need to put something on, okay?"

Relaxing slightly, Arizona mustered up a flirtatious tone. "Does that mean you're naked?"

"_Was_ naked." Chuckling lightly, Callie dropped her voice an octave, as she always did when she teased Arizona. "You like that?"

"I love it when you're naked," Arizona answered honestly.

"It's even better when you're naked with me."

"Agreed." Arizona opened her eyes and took another survey of the parking lot. Still quiet. Her gaze dropped to the pink Post-It note, and Callie's neatly printed message. She didn't exactly feel awesome at the moment. "When I left the hospital, I wasn't thinking about having to walk inside alone. It just didn't occur to me. And I did try, but—"

"Sweetheart, stop." The emotion in Callie's voice stole whatever words Arizona may have had. "It's okay. Thank you for calling me. For letting me help."

Arizona nodded. Callie couldn't see her, of course, but she wasn't sure what to say. "I feel stupid."

"You're not stupid. I'd rather come get you than have you go through that alone, trust me."

A quiet sound on Callie's end of the line drew Arizona's attention to the front door. Her heart rate increased as Callie stepped out into the night dressed in a pair of silky red pajamas and slippers. Broken out of her temporary paralysis, Arizona suddenly couldn't scramble out of the car fast enough.

"Callie—" Arizona said into the phone, just as Callie noticed her across the parking lot and broke into a sexy, welcoming grin.

Callie disconnected their call and opened her arms. Feeling ridiculous, Arizona rushed into her embrace, clutching her tightly. She concentrated on her breathing, aware that she was teetering on the edge of losing her control.

"Hey," Callie whispered, holding her close. "You're okay."

Anxious to get them both inside, Arizona drew away and tugged Callie along by her hand. "Please. Let's go."

Callie wrapped her arm around Arizona's waist, forcing her to take slow, measured steps. "We're going. We aren't going to run, though. We're going to walk."

"Callie—"

Shaking her head, Callie pulled her tighter against her side. "You're safe. I promise."

Arizona took a deep breath, leaning into Callie for support. "Okay."

They took the elevator upstairs. Once inside, Callie kissed the top of her head and loosened her grip. "I'm really happy to see you."

Arizona's eyes stung as fought to hold back her tears. No more crying, she told herself, but that didn't stop burning pressure from building in her chest. For the past twelve hours she'd wanted nothing more than to get to this moment, being with Callie, and now that she was here, she felt too silly and weak and angry to enjoy it. "All I wanted was to come home and see you," Arizona whispered, hating the tremor in her voice.

"And now you're here." The elevator doors slid open and Callie guided her into the hallway. She squeezed Arizona's hand as they approached the apartment door, and safety. "I vote we go to bed and cuddle. You've got to be dead on your feet."

She appreciated how Callie was trying to ease her past this, she really did, but Arizona wasn't going to be dragged out of her dark mood so easily. All she wanted in the world was to crawl in bed with Callie and relax, but any exhaustion she'd felt earlier was long gone. The fear of being alone in the dark had left her wired. She would never be able to fall asleep now.

"How about I meet you there." Arizona followed Callie into their apartment, then locked the door behind them with trembling hands. "I think I'm going to take a quick shower first."

"Whatever you need," Callie said, sliding her arms around Arizona's waist from behind. "Do you want company?"

Pleased that Callie's presence at her back hadn't startled her, Arizona leaned against her chest and exhaled. A warm feeling of security enveloped her, but it wasn't enough to quell her need for some breathing room. When her emotions were this intense, her instinct was still to retreat. "No, that's okay. I'll only be a couple of minutes."

"I'll be waiting." Callie released her with a tender squeeze, kissing her neck before drawing away. "I've been missing you all night."

Arizona turned to face her, managing a tremulous smile. "Me, too."

Wordlessly, Callie offered her hand and Arizona accepted it. She allowed Callie to lead her to the bedroom, then murmured her thanks when Callie opened the bathroom door and stepped to the side. Arizona closed the door behind her, feeling Callie's absence instantly, but relieved for the temporary reprieve. She wanted to get her emotions under control before she returned to Callie. Between the meeting with Kent Johnson and now her freak-out in the parking lot, Arizona had shown Callie nothing but fear and weakness over the past day.

She hated it. This wasn't her, the woman she wanted to be. The one she used to be.

Arizona turned on the shower, adjusted the water to somewhere just shy of scalding, and stripped off her clothes. Climbing in, she hissed in pleasure as the spray hit her chest, thoroughly enjoying the way the heat instantly loosened her tense muscles. Almost as soon as her anxiety began to ease, Arizona realized that she wished she'd taken Callie up on her offer of company. Now that her heart rate had slowed to normal and her mind began to clear, she yearned for Callie's presence. Nothing made her feel stronger than being wrapped up in their intimacy.

After a quick wash, Arizona cut off the water, then stepped onto the bath mat and grabbed a towel from the rack. She dried off as fast as she could, no longer wanting to be alone. Not when the woman who always made her feel better was waiting in the next room.

This was still new for her, accepting that another person could give her strength. Growing up, Arizona had learned to be self-reliant to a fault. She had to be. Being a military brat, the great lesson of her childhood was that there were no constants in life, and the only person she could count on was herself. As soon as she made a friend, her father could come home with new orders, and not once did a childhood friendship survive the inevitable distance that entailed. So it was easier never to invest too much, or become too attached.

That had always been true, until Callie. Now Arizona was in uncharted territory. She had someone, finally, who was sticking with her through the hardest months of her life. Someone who made her believe she could survive anything. Leaning on Callie went against her instincts, but it also felt so much better than going it alone. So she was going to damn well do it, without second-guessing.

Arizona walked out of the bathroom naked, determined to regain her confidence. She was sick and tired of being scared. Here, with Callie, she had nothing to fear.

Callie came up on her elbows to watch Arizona approach the bed. The comforter slipped off her bare shoulders just as Arizona noticed Callie's pajamas pooled on the floor. Callie's eyes burned with love and desire, drinking her nudity in.

A twinge of self-consciousness slowed Arizona to a stop. Moments ago, all she'd wanted was to project strength. But after the day she'd had, even her best effort faltered under Callie's blatant appraisal. Just the thought of Callie lying naked beneath that blanket ignited Arizona's need, yet instead of slipping into bed beside her, she hesitated.

"I don't mean to embarrass you," Callie murmured, finally meeting Arizona's gaze. "You're just so beautiful."

Knowing Callie meant it, Arizona raised an eyebrow. "So are you."

Callie drew back the comforter and gestured for Arizona to climb in next to her. Obeying the silent request, Arizona admired Callie's bare breasts, and the gentle curve of her belly. By the time Callie drew up the covers, enclosing them in the warmth her body had generated, Arizona's remaining disquiet had given way to insistent arousal.

So when Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona and pulled her in to a full body embrace, she kissed Callie's neck and whispered, "I want to make love."

Callie's breathing picked up and a little noise rumbled in the back of her throat. But she made no attempt to initiate further contact. "Baby, you must be exhausted. Why don't we wait until you wake up, in a few hours?"

Arizona found Callie's hips with her hands, gripping them firmly. She knew Callie was wide-awake, rested, and just as interested in being close as she was. It was obvious in the tense set of her muscles, and her slightly uneven breathing pattern. Clearly Callie wasn't convinced that Arizona was up for it, which made Arizona even more determined to push ahead.

"No." Nipping at Callie's throat, Arizona slipped her leg between Callie's, instantly finding her wetness. She dragged her thigh along Callie's pussy, coating her skin in hot, slick juices. "I want you now."

Callie rolled onto her back, dragging Arizona on top of her. "I want you, too."

Powerful emotion surged through Arizona—relief and longing and equal parts determination, frustration, and love—and she captured Callie's mouth in a deep, possessive kiss. Callie dragged her blunt fingernails down the length of Arizona's back, raising goosebumps, then cupped Arizona's buttocks in both hands, drawing her closer. Arizona broke their kiss and leaned her forehead against Callie's, moaning softly.

"Tell me what you want," Callie husked into her ear. She bent her knee, then used her hands to encourage Arizona to grind against the firm length of her thigh. "Tell me what to do."

Happy to take control, but wanting to touch Callie just as badly as she needed to be touched, Arizona licked the edge of Callie's ear and whispered, "Do what I do."

Then she sat up, straddling Callie's hips. The comforter fell around her waist, and she shoved it behind her and off their bodies, wanting to see Callie's naked curves. Callie stared up at her from beneath heavy-lidded eyes, arms lying passively at her sides, seemingly waiting to see what would happen next.

Callie had the most gorgeous breasts that Arizona had ever seen. Literally. They were full and caramel-colored and topped with beautifully puckered nipples that tasted uniquely Callie-flavored, and fit perfectly in Arizona's mouth. Rocking against Callie unthinkingly, Arizona reached down and covered Callie's breasts with reverent hands. Callie sucked in a breath but didn't otherwise move. After a beat, Arizona squeezed Callie's breasts tenderly. "Do what I do," she repeated, then smiled when Callie quickly raised her hands to cup Arizona's breasts.

"Like this?" Callie caressed her gently.

Arizona nodded, rubbing her thumbs along the undersides of Callie's breasts, then up over her hard nipples. A moment later, Callie mimicked her action. Whimpering, Arizona rubbed circles around Callie's areola, delighting in the way her own nipples tightened under Callie's identical ministrations. "Perfect," Arizona said.

As her ardor rose, so did the need for more stimulation. Arizona captured the erect tips of Callie's breasts between her thumbs and forefingers, pinching lightly. Her pussy clenched as Callie followed suit, and when she twisted Callie's flesh sharply, Callie rewarded her by matching her motion without hesitation.

"Oh, fuck," Arizona ground out, releasing Callie's nipples—and her own. "Like masturbation, only _so_ much better."

Callie laughed. "And with so many more possibilities."

"I'll say." Arizona traced the shape of Callie's breasts with her fingertips, closing her eyes as Callie did the same to her. The connection between them was palpable, and electric.

Groaning, Callie murmured, "Are you as wet as I am?"

"Let's find out," Arizona said, and turned her body around, shoving the comforter off the bed altogether. She planted her knees beside Callie's head and used her hands to coax Callie's thighs apart. This position could so easily make her feel exposed and insecure, but the sight of Callie's wet, swollen folds distracted her from dwelling on how vulnerable she really was.

Callie held her hips, stroking her thumbs over the curve of her buttocks, just brushing the edge of her labia. "The answer is yes, by the way," Callie said, tugging Arizona closer, hot breath washing over her wetness. "Please tell me you're going to let me taste this."

Smiling at the need in Callie's hoarse voice, Arizona lowered her face and planted a soft, lingering kiss on her clit. She tightened her jaw, whimpering, when Callie returned her kiss. Testing, Arizona swiped her tongue up Callie's length, then arched her back as Callie mirrored the caress.

Done talking, Arizona spread Callie open with her hand and dove in—licking, sucking, kissing Callie exactly as she wanted to be touched. She only had to wait a moment to feel her own actions repeated, and each one was, with precision. The resulting sensation was that of total control over their lovemaking, which only turned her on more. Soon she craved more than the insistent suction of Callie's lips wrapped around her clit, and she moved her hand down, circling Callie's opening with her fingertip.

After the slightest hesitation, Arizona felt Callie tease her entrance with a feather-soft touch. Arizona hadn't asked for a lot of penetration since they'd resumed their sex life, and she knew this act was the source of most of their remaining anxiety in the bedroom. Truthfully, it was mostly Callie who was nervous, so her willingness to follow Arizona's lead now meant everything. Arizona wanted Callie inside her desperately, to deepen the powerful connection they'd already created.

Laving Callie's clit with her tongue, Arizona slid a single finger inside her pussy. She tensed slightly in anticipation of Callie's entry, then groaned at the exquisite pleasure of being filled with deliberate care. Callie tightened her free hand on Arizona's buttocks, keeping her pressed to the mouth that continued to work her clit in the rhythm Arizona dictated.

Arizona set a steady pace, fucking Callie exactly how she wanted to be fucked—just one finger, deep, excruciatingly slow. It didn't take long before Callie's thighs began to tremble beneath her forearms, quaking in the way they always did right before Callie came. Aware that she was also close to release, Arizona used her free hand to pull back the hood of Callie's clit, then covered the engorged flesh with her whole mouth, sucking firmly.

Callie stiffened and cried out against Arizona's pussy, then frantically worked Arizona with her tongue and fingers, until Arizona peaked with her. Tempted to keep pleasuring Callie as she rode out her orgasm, Arizona instead took pity on her and relented when she Callie's body jerked convulsively beneath her, a sure sign that she'd had enough.

Lifting her face, Arizona was pleased when Callie kept going, fingering her as she drew out Arizona's climax. Wanton and unashamed, Arizona raised her upper body and rocked back against Callie's face, using her leverage to coax out a second, weaker orgasm, which rolled through her body as a welcome aftershock. Callie withdrew from her pussy and moved her mouth up to work at her opening, lapping up the copious fluid produced by her roaring climax.

No longer self-conscious in the slightest, Arizona lingered in their intimate embrace. She lifted off Callie slightly but didn't pull away, enjoying the warm tongue that continued to lick her clean. Lowering her face again, Arizona covered Callie's inner thighs in worshipful kisses, grinning when Callie did the same.

Needing to look into Callie's eyes, Arizona sat up, turning around then melting into the outstretched arms that were waiting for her. Callie hugged her tight, raising her head to give Arizona a kiss that mingled their flavors. Arizona murmured happily into Callie's mouth and returned her passionate hug.

Callie broke their kiss, panting. "That was incredible."

"Yes, it was." Arizona nipped at Callie's nose playfully. "My little sex puppet."

This made Callie shake with laughter. "_Really_?"

"Well, weren't you?" Rolling off to the side, Arizona wasted no time settling into Callie's warm embrace. "I definitely felt like I was pulling some strings just now. Incredibly sexy strings."

A very unladylike snort escaped from Callie, making Arizona giggle. "I guess you were. And quite well, might I add."

"Thanks." Beaming, Arizona allowed her eyes to slip closed. Tranquil for the first time in days, her lack of sleep suddenly hit her full force. "Whoa," she mumbled. "Tired."

"I know." Callie gathered her closer, kissing the top of her head. "It's time for you to get some rest."

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Definitely." Callie ran her hand over Arizona's flank, a nearly imperceptible tremor in her voice. "Nowhere I'd rather be."

The best part was that Arizona believed her. "Calliope?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you." Despite her exhaustion, Arizona's throat tightened at the confession. "All the time."

Even six months ago, she wouldn't have been able to confess the depth of her need to Callie. But things were different now.

"That's good," Callie whispered. "Because I need you, too."

"Good." Rolling into her side, Arizona sighed contentedly when Callie spooned her from behind. "As long as we've got that settled."

Callie chuckled. "That, and the fact that _you_ _are_ _awesome_."

Arizona drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.

_To be continued…_


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

Arizona sat on her favorite bench in the park, gazing down at the city while her lunch lay uneaten at her side. It was midday and Seattle's streets bustled with activity, but she couldn't overcome the anxiety that twisted inside her belly, stealing her appetite. The occasional jogger or young mother with a stroller passed by on the path behind her, reassuring her that she wasn't alone. Even still, in the moments when nobody was within sight, or whenever Arizona spotted a lone male approaching, irrational panic kicked in.

That panic was exactly why she'd decided to eat lunch here today. With Callie in surgery and the trial weighing heavily on her mind, dealing with the social gauntlet of the hospital cafeteria seemed even less appealing than confronting her fear of being alone. In their last session, Arizona had focused on that morning she hadn't been able to get out of her car in the dark. Though Dr. Watson assured her that it was perfectly normal to be afraid, she'd also given Arizona an assignment to actively face her fears whenever she could.

So here she sat. On her favorite bench, in her favorite section of the park. She hadn't come here alone in months, too afraid of being vulnerable out in the open.

Now it was time to reclaim this sanctuary.

Arizona tensed instinctively at the muffled sound of approaching footfalls, glancing over her shoulder to see a man walking toward her dressed in jeans and a baseball jersey. He ambled down the path, scanning his surroundings with interest, then stumbled slightly when his gaze fell on Arizona. He raised an eyebrow, gave her a smirk. As he drew closer, she saw him assessing her body greedily. It was a look she'd gotten from men hundreds of times before the rape and it had never frightened her then. Now she felt like a rabbit in the path of a wolf.

Arizona swiveled around, not wanting to invite conversation. With her back to him, she held her breath and waited for him to pass, closing her eyes briefly when she sensed he was directly behind her. Her hand crept to her purse, unconsciously seeking out her canister of pepper spray. After taking a moment to steel her nerve, she glanced over her other shoulder. He strolled away from her without saying anything, attention now fixed on an iPod in his hand.

Shoulders slumping, Arizona fought not to berate herself as the threat of immediate danger dissipated. This wasn't her. She never used to feel like this. _This_ was something Colin Thomas had done to her. Angry tears filled her eyes, but Arizona wiped them away quickly. Crying wouldn't bring back the woman she used to be.

Arizona straightened, refocusing on the city below. Time to try again.

She'd found this place less than a week after starting work at Seattle Grace. It had taken her only a couple of days navigating the hospital hallways to realize that she was working in a hotbed of drama and gossip, so finding a suitable escape had been priority number one. Here she'd always found peace. It had truly been her safe haven, before that night. These days she needed safety more than ever, so getting this refuge back was her new priority.

It was bittersweet to think about the Arizona who used to eat her lunch on this bench, smiling happily at everyone and everything. She had been so blissfully ignorant then. It had never really occurred to that Arizona that someone could just decide to _hurt_ her—she'd always understood the possibility of assault in an abstract way, of course, but that Arizona never imagined it would happen to her.

Sometimes she resented that poor, naïve woman, even as she yearned to find her again. Having her innocence stolen had been nasty and brutal, but it was the knowledge that she could never get it back that would always make her ache.

A child's high-pitched voice caught her attention, drawing her gaze over her shoulder again. Behind her a young mother walked with her tow-headed son, their excited back-and-forth chatter drawing an unthinking smile to Arizona's face. The smile became a full-fledged grin when she spotted Teddy Altman approaching from the opposite direction with a brown paper bag in her hand.

Teddy gave her a cautious wave and a half-smile. "Callie told me I'd find you here. I hope I'm not intruding."

"Not at all." Arizona scooted over to make room on the bench, happy for the visit. She'd had enough of facing her fears for one day. "I'm ready for some company."

"Good. Callie said you wanted time alone, but I was hoping you'd feel that way." Digging into the paper bag, Teddy carefully extracted a small strawberry tart. "I come bearing a gift."

Arizona threw her arms around Teddy and squeezed, then took the tart and nibbled reverently at one edge. It was probably pathetic just how quickly a friend and a French pastry lifted her spirits, but she was happy to bask in the sudden change of mood. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Teddy took a neat bite of her own tart, studying Arizona's face as she chewed. "How are you?"

Long past hiding her feelings from Teddy, Arizona had no problem being totally honest. "Tired of feeling afraid."

Teddy stopped chewing for a moment, as though surprised by the easy admission. "Afraid of what?"

"Men in parks. Nighttime. Being alone. Testifying." Arizona paused to rein in the emotion that instinctively rose as she rattled off the major items on a too-long list. "Everything, I guess."

Teddy surveyed their surroundings before pinning Arizona with compassionate eyes. "Are you afraid right now?"

"Not anymore."

"It's scary, seeing the world in a different way," Teddy said quietly. "Seeing it as more savage. And it's normal, you know, to be hyper-vigilant after surviving a violent attack. So don't get down on yourself, okay? Give it time. It will get better."

"It has to." Arizona slipped the rest of her tart back into the brown paper bag, no longer interested. Then, craving physical comfort, she rested her head on Teddy's shoulder. Pleased when Teddy wrapped an arm around her shoulders, Arizona cuddled close and soaked up the affection. "This sucks. I feel so pathetic."

"You're not pathetic. I was the same way. And I _knew_ my attackers—their names, their faces. It wasn't like a stranger suddenly jumped out at me. I can only imagine how unsettling that would make even the most mundane trip outside."

"Very," Arizona murmured.

Teddy pulled her closer. "After it happened, I couldn't stand to go to bars or parties—anywhere with music and drinking and men. Even when there would be crowds of people around, both men and women, I'd just shake like a leaf." She gazed into the distance as she spoke, her eyes faraway. "It wasn't the same situation, I _knew_ that there was very little chance anything bad would happen if I stayed with the crowd, but my body and my brain would simply react. I didn't feel like I had any control over it."

It was hard to picture Teddy like that. That alone gave Arizona hope that time would help erode these fears, and her reactions to them. "I'm afraid every time I see a man walking toward me. Even in broad daylight, in a public park, in a spot I've sat in dozens of times without anything ever happening. And it makes me feel so broken, and so ridiculous."

"You're not ridiculous. Everything you thought you knew is different now. _Reality_ is different. It's okay to struggle with that." Teddy's voice caught. "You're so brave, Arizona, really. Don't ever doubt that."

Arizona picked up her head and met Teddy's gaze. "No matter what, I'll never be able to go back to the way I was before. Will I?"

"No." Teddy gave her a small smile. "But at least now you know how strong you really are."

Exhaling, Arizona glanced around the park again. A pair of female joggers approached from one direction, a lone male jogger from the other. There was nothing threatening about this place. The ominous sense of danger that hovered over it came from within Arizona's mind, at odds with their seemingly innocuous surroundings. In a way, she was starting to get used to this ever-present disquiet—she pretty much felt unsafe everywhere except at home, with Callie. "When does it get better?"

"I wish I had an answer for you." Teddy cleaned the remnants of her tart off her fingers, then met Arizona's gaze cautiously. "Honestly, I'm hoping this trial will help give you some peace of mind."

Arizona's stomach twisted. Lately she only needed to hear the word _trial_ to be flooded with anxiety. It made work interesting, what with every mention of a _clinical trial_ sending her into severe bouts of nausea. She couldn't imagine how she would feel in the days before she testified when the thought made her so sick now.

When Arizona didn't answer, Teddy said, "It's coming up soon, huh?"

Though she'd always heard that these things could drag on for months, the state's case against Colin Thomas seemed to be barreling full-steam ahead. Unless the trial date was postponed—a very real possibility she wasn't exactly dreading—Arizona would be testifying within the next month. "Yeah."

"I can tell by the look on your face that you're terrified."

Swallowing the urge to vomit, Arizona murmured, "I don't really want to talk about it."

"We don't have to talk about it," Teddy said, "but I did want to ask you something."

Teddy's quiet hesitation caught her attention. "What's up?"

Looking caught between uncertainty and embarrassment, Teddy said, "May I be there for you? When you testify?"

Arizona tried not to let her body react to the word _testify_, focusing instead on how she would feel if Teddy were there. While she would probably appreciate another friendly face in the crowd, it was hard to think about Teddy listening to her answer Kent Johnson's questions. That would mean allowing her to hear every excruciating detail, things she'd only told Callie, Dr. Watson, and the prosecutor.

Teddy spoke up before she could answer. "If you don't want me there, I understand."

"It's not that." Ashamed to admit just how embarrassed she was, Arizona shook her head. "I just…"

"I hope I haven't overstepped." Teddy drew away slightly, giving her room to breathe. "To tell you the truth, your attack has reawakened some…stuff…for me. Things I haven't thought about or dealt with since college. I never went through a trial. I didn't even have the confidence to report those guys. What you're doing is so brave, and I'm so glad for you that you have this opportunity, no matter how scary it must be—for this closure. That's something I'll never have. I have to imagine it helps."

"I'm sorry." Arizona put a hand on Teddy's wrist and squeezed. She'd gotten so used to drawing strength from Teddy's ability to empathize, yet she'd never really considered what emotions this informal counseling must be stirring up in her friend. "Teddy…"

Teddy shook her head, silencing Arizona. "I can live with not having that closure, but I desperately want to be there with you during this trial. As your friend, but also as a woman who was raped."

The impassioned plea snapped Arizona out of her indecision. "Yes. I want you to be there."

"You're sure?"

"You've been there for me from the beginning. Talking to you was what really started me healing. Seems only right that you be there for this part, too."

Teddy beamed. "Thank you." She patted Arizona's knee. "You're going to be great."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "We'll see. Honestly, it'll be good to have you around. You and Callie can share the burden of dealing with my anxiety-ridden, nauseated ass."

Teddy laughed, bumping Arizona gently with her shoulder. "Well, when you sell it to me like that…" She sobered quickly. "Really, though, thank you. I know it's selfish for me to ask that of you, but—"

"No, it's not." Arizona managed a genuine smile. "No more selfish than everything I've asked of you. So…subject closed."

Teddy blew out a noisy exhalation. "Good. I've been so nervous to ask." Shaking her head, she shot Arizona a playful grin. "Okay, so now that the hard part's over, let's talk about something happy."

Despite everything, Arizona didn't have to reach to find an appropriately happy topic. "I did a bunch of research online for our trip to Spain last night. I can't buy tickets yet, in case the trial date is moved, but I'm making a plan. So far it looks like I'm going to spend half my time dragging Callie to a rapidly growing list of historic and cultural sites, and the other half ogling her on the beach."

"Nice." Teddy gave her a knowing smirk. "I'm willing to bet more than half your time will be spent ogling, though."

"You're probably right." Just the thought of Callie's dark, exotic beauty brightened her mood. "I plan on admiring and appreciating her every chance I get."

"Sounds like you're hoping for a steamy vacation."

"I _am_hoping, yes." Arizona fought back the heat that rose in her cheeks when she thought about the few Mediterranean fantasies she'd already entertained. "I think I'm going to need that, after the trial. To lose myself in her."

"So all that…is going well?" Charmingly, Teddy also blushed. "If it's not too weird and personal to ask?"

"I think you and I are way past weird and personal at this point." Arizona couldn't stop the look of satisfaction she could feel spreading over her face. "_All_ _that_ is pretty freakin' super-awesome, actually. Like, better than ever. _Hot_."

Glowing redder, Teddy raised an eyebrow. "Relieved?"

"More like elated." She allowed herself a moment to luxuriate in memories of their recent lovemaking, all of it the best sex she'd ever had. "In some terrible way, this has brought us so much closer."

"Well, that's something. Right?"

"Absolutely." Shrugging, Arizona said, "Not sure I'd choose to do it all over again the same way, but it's been pretty amazing to see how much Calliope loves me, and what our relationship can actually withstand."

"Being able to acknowledge that something good has come out of this whole mess is huge." Teddy tilted her head. "That's how you get better. Turn the pain into strength. Recognize how this has changed you, for the worse, but also for the better."

"I think that'll be easier after the trial," Arizona said. "But I hear what you're saying."

Teddy started to answer, but the melodic ring of Arizona's cell phone cut her off. She tipped her head. "Go ahead and answer that."

Arizona checked the display. "It's Callie. Hold on a minute." She swiped her thumb across the screen, answering the call. "Calliope," she chirped. "I was just talking about how hot you are. Were your ears burning?"

As soon as Callie chuckled half-heartedly, Arizona knew something was wrong. Her sober tone confirmed it. "Just good timing on my part."

"Is everything okay?" Arizona frowned. "You sound upset."

"Well…I am upset."

"Tell me what happened." Arizona caught Teddy's concerned gaze, shrugging as she waited for Callie to pull the rug out from under her feet. It seemed lately that every time Callie came to her sounding this serious, it was with earth-shattering news. "Did they release him?"

"No!" Callie said quickly, and Arizona shook her head at Teddy's look of alarm. "Nothing like that."

"Then what?"

Callie hesitated, and Arizona could practically hear her trying to decide how to say whatever it was she needed to say. Finally, voice tight, Callie said, "Kent Johnson from the prosecutor's office called me."

"He called _you_?" That was odd. Up until now, Kent and Sandy had only communicated directly with Arizona. Which made sense, since she was their witness. "What did he say?"

"The defense submitted their witness list this morning." Callie swallowed audibly. "And, um, I'm on it."

At first she wasn't quite sure what Callie was saying. It didn't make any sense. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, the defense is going to call me as a witness." Anger sharpened Callie's words. "I have no idea why. Maybe it has something to do with me performing surgery on him, or what happened in his room when I confronted him. Kent wants to meet with me to discuss that night so he can be better prepared for what Colin Thomas's lawyers might ask me."

Arizona's mind might have been swimming if she didn't feel so strangely numb. It was almost as though she'd lost the ability to feel anything about these new developments anymore. It was all too much. "Oh."

"I'm so sorry, Arizona." Now Callie sounded near tears. "I don't know what they'll ask me or what I'll have to tell them. It's possible that what I did to him that night could jeopardize the prosecution's case. I can't imagine how, and I can't bear to think that my actions might hurt our chances that he'll be punished, but I just…I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever be sorry for that," Arizona said softly, echoing a sentiment she'd heard from Callie countless times. "He came into the ER and you did your job as a surgeon—you fixed his legs. Then when you found out who he probably was, you reacted as my partner. I don't blame you for that. I would have done the same thing." She thought about it for a moment. "Maybe even worse."

Callie heaved a sigh. "You don't have to go with me when I meet with Kent Johnson. Not unless you want to."

"I wouldn't make you go through that alone," Arizona said, even as her gut churned at the thought of sitting through another discussion about the trial. But, hey, at least it was one more opportunity to confront her fears. "Just tell me when."

#

Two days later, Arizona sat beside Callie in the conference room at the prosecutor's office with her arms folded over her chest. Her knee jiggled beneath the table, evidence of anxiety that only Callie could see. Kent Johnson sat across from them, looking deadly serious. Guilt lanced through Callie's gut at the tension in the air—Arizona didn't need this on top of everything else, and it was Callie's impulsive behavior that had brought them here today.

Arizona was the first to break the ice. "I don't understand why the _defense_ would call Callie as a witness. They must know she's not going to say anything to help that man."

Kent Johnson laced his fingers together on the tabletop. Though he had projected unwavering confidence during their previous meeting, now Callie saw tautness in his shoulders indicative of stress. "They must think that Callie can tell them something that will be valuable to their case."

"Still, _Callie_?" Arizona's knee stilled. "She's my partner. It seems like a risky move, calling someone with a vested interest in seeing your client convicted."

"We've got DNA evidence, an eyewitness, a leap from a tall window that can be read as an admission of guilt…" Ken trailed off. "Trust me, they're going to do whatever they can to increase their odds of successfully defending the indefensible. What will probably happen is that the defense will ask the judge to declare Callie a hostile witness. That'll give them the freedom to ask leading questions, which usually only happens during cross-examination. Our strategy will be to go over what happened the night Colin Thomas was brought to the hospital—hopefully we'll be able to anticipate what they've decided to seize on for their case."

Callie kept her head down and her gaze locked on the table, unable to make eye contact with Arizona. Since Kent's phone call the other day, she'd been dreading this meeting, and the conversation it would require. It was bad enough that the defense thought she could help their case. Even worse was knowing that this meant she would be asked to talk about what had happened during her confrontation with Colin Thomas. She'd kept the details from Arizona on purpose, aware that his callous words would only hurt her.

"Calliope?"

Arizona's gentle voice startled her back into reality. Embarrassed by the realization that they were both waiting for her to speak, Callie cleared her throat. "Yes?"

"Can you tell us what happened when Colin Thomas arrived at the emergency room?" Kent's deep baritone drew her attention across the table. He gave her a kind smile. "Please."

Swallowing, Callie said, "My colleague Dr. Owen Hunt came into the pit with a man on a gurney. He called for me to help—I'm an orthopedic surgeon and both the man's legs were shattered. Messy, devastating breaks. The man was screaming, there was blood everywhere. I noticed that he was wearing blue jeans, but no shirt. As I began to assess his condition, I realized that police officers had accompanied him in. I asked one of the officers what happened."

"And what did he tell you?"

"That the man's name was Colin Thomas, and it appeared that he'd broken into a girl's apartment and raped her. Then he jumped out of the fourth-story bedroom window when her brother came home early and caught him in the act."

"After what happened to Dr. Robbins—your partner—that must have been difficult for you." Kent searched her face as he waited for an answer. "Treating him, I mean, knowing what he'd done."

Aware that he was playing a role, testing her, Callie replied, "It was difficult to know that he'd hurt a woman the way someone had hurt Arizona, but it wasn't hard to do my job. I'm a surgeon. I fix people—anyone who needs fixing, regardless of who they are or what they've done."

Kent nodded. "Good. So what happened after the surgery?"

"After I successfully repaired and set his legs, I decided to go to the cafeteria. I was emotionally drained…I needed a break. But then I saw Detective Mendoza talking to one of the officers who'd come in with Colin Thomas."

"Detective Mendoza, who took Dr. Robbins's statement after her attack?" Kent jotted a note on his legal pad. "Did you speak with her?"

"Yes." Swallowing, Callie snuck a sidelong glance at Arizona's face. "She seemed a little nervous when she noticed me, so I decided to approach her. I asked her if she was there for the man with the broken legs—"

"Colin Thomas," Kent prompted.

Always be precise, he had coached Arizona during their first meeting. At the time, Callie hadn't thought she would need to testify. If she'd known, she would have paid better attention to all those rules. "Right, Colin Thomas. Mendoza said that she'd heard I did the surgery, and I updated her that his condition was good, he would recover."

"Then what?"

"Like I said, I'd sensed that something was off with her right away, so when she then informed me that someone else should handle Colin Thomas's care for the rest of his stay in the hospital, I suspected who he was." Callie watched Kent scribble another note. "When I asked her why, she said that although they couldn't know for sure until they ran his DNA sample, they had reason to think that he might be Arizona's attacker."

"Did she tell you why they thought that?" Kent didn't tear his eyes away from the notepad as he jotted down what looked like a list of questions. "We know the circumstances of those two rapes were completely different. What made her think, at that point, that this was the same man who attacked Dr. Robbins?"

"I can't say for certain." Callie strained to remember exactly what Mendoza had said. "She told me she couldn't reveal details at that point in the investigation, but that there were similarities between what he said to the girl that night and what Arizona reported being said to her. He also fit Arizona's general physical description of her attacker."

Pausing in his writing, Kent made eye contact with Arizona. "Just so you know, he told all three of you that he hoped he got you pregnant. Despite the different M.O.'s between rapes, that's the one common thread. I can only assume it's what Detective Mendoza put together that night."

"Possibly." Already on edge, Callie jolted when Arizona's hand landed on hers. Turbulent emotion raged across Arizona's face, but she said nothing. Callie turned her hand over to hold Arizona's, cursing her sweaty palms. She hadn't even gotten to the bad part yet. "At any rate, I had to excuse myself from the conversation after that. I…wasn't feeling well."

"Did Detective Mendoza say anything else?"

Trying not to dwell on the memory of her shock and horror at discovering that she'd unknowingly tended to Arizona's rapist, Callie murmured, "Just that I should keep my distance from him until we knew more."

"And did you?" Kent gave Callie a pointed look. "Keep your distance?"

Tightening her jaw, Callie squeezed Arizona's hand as a wave of shame rolled over her. "No."

"Go on."

"I waited for Arizona to get out of surgery so I could tell her what had happened. I didn't want to keep any secrets from her, and I didn't want her to find out from someone else."

"What was her reaction?"

"She was upset, of course." Callie glanced over at Arizona, not entirely comfortable talking about her as though she wasn't there. Arizona gave her a brief nod, encouraging her to keep talking. "I comforted her for a few minutes, then offered to take her home. She refused—she didn't want to leave her patients—and then she got paged to another emergency anyway, so we stayed at the hospital."

"You were pretty upset, too, at this point?"

"Of course I was." Callie's voice rose slightly at the perceived judgment in Kent's tone—rage had been a reasonable reaction, she'd thought at the time, though now she regretted that she'd allowed her emotions to dictate her actions that night. If she'd simply obeyed Mendoza's request to stay away from Colin Thomas, they wouldn't be here now, and she wouldn't be poised to destroy Arizona with the rest of this story. Pissed at herself, Callie snapped, "How could I not be upset? I spent two hours doing surgery on the man who raped the person I love most in the world. Then I had to tell her that the monster she still sees in the dark every night was right there in the building with us, and that he'd hurt another woman. I had to see her deal with yet another traumatic event, just as things were starting to get better. Yes, I was upset. I wanted to kill him."

"Calliope—" Arizona rasped, gripping her hand tightly. "Don't."

Kent raised his eyebrow. "She's right, Callie. You need to stay calm. You can't let the defense attorney rattle you."

Feeling very small, Callie bit her lip hard enough to both quell her rage and bring tears to her eyes. She wasn't exactly being strong for Arizona right now, which only sharpened her self-recrimination. "I'm sorry."

Arizona stroked her thumb over Callie's. "Do you need to take a break?" she asked under her breath, as though they were the only two people in the room.

Callie shook her head. She just wanted to get this over with.

"Okay." Kent cleared his throat. "So you didn't keep your distance from Mr. Thomas. Tell me about that."

Closing her eyes, Callie dug the nails of her free hand into her thigh. She knew that hearing the details of her encounter with Colin Thomas would hurt Arizona, and that made her crave a little pain of her own. It was the only thing that would get her through this next part. "I went to his room. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got there, but I was just…livid. There was an officer guarding the door, but I walked right past him."

"At this point you were still technically his physician?"

"Probably. I don't know if Detective Mendoza had spoken to Chief Shepherd yet. Nobody stopped me from entering his room, my name was still on his chart." Callie opened her eyes, studying the grain of the wooden conference table. "He immediately asked me for painkillers, which I denied."

The scratch of pen on paper stopped, and though she kept her eyes down, Callie sensed that Kent was staring her down. "Did anyone witness your interaction with the defendant?"

"Nobody heard our conversation. We were alone in the room with the door closed until Derek Shepherd and the officer outside came in to remove me just a couple of minutes later." She shot Arizona a sidelong glance, then reluctantly gave Kent her full attention. "Do we really have to go over what was said in that room? Nobody can corroborate my story, anyway. Both Chief Shepherd and the cop made sure to make it clear that they hadn't noticed things getting physical. Colin Thomas never pressed charges against me."

"Callie, I can't be surprised in the courtroom. We don't know what the defense is going to ask you or what evidence they might have. I need to know what happened, _exactly_ as it happened. Would this be easier if Arizona left the room?"

Aware that she couldn't ask that of Arizona, Callie shook her head. "No."

"Okay." Kent waited a moment, then said, "Take your time."

Forcing numbness to the front, Callie surrendered to the inevitable. There was no avoiding this. Best she could do was to make it quick. "I denied him painkillers, so he called me a fucking bitch. I went off on him. I asked him if that's how he saw women—as fucking bitches—and if that made it easier for him to rape them. We exchanged some harsh words until he finally told me to give him drugs or leave the room. I was furious. I told him…that someone important to me had been raped at the hospital a couple months before. I asked him if he knew anything about it."

"What did he say?" Kent wasn't taking notes now. He simply watched Callie with sympathetic eyes.

"He implied that because the police had told me that he was accused of rape, I was ready to blame him for every woman in the city who had 'gotten a little rough loving'." The ugliest part of the story fast approaching, Callie checked Arizona's reaction. Her mouth was drawn in a tight line, forehead crinkled with what looked like disgust. She nodded at Callie to continue. "I told him that what had happened to my friend was more than a 'little rough loving', and that he knew it. Then he snapped. He was in pain, he was pissed off." Unable to look at Arizona, Callie studied how her fingernails bit angrily into the linen of her pants. She wished she could make it hurt even more. "Colin Thomas looked me in the eyes and said that if I was talking about 'that cunt surgeon with the tight pussy', to give him a break, that 'she was asking for it.'"

Arizona's hand tightened on hers almost imperceptibly, but other than that, there was no reaction. Not even the barest movement.

Kent coughed. "Is it safe to assume that this is when things turned physical?"

Callie winced as she finally loosened her grip on her thigh. "Yeah. I grabbed one of his legs and dug in until the Chief of Surgery and that police officer came into the room to pull me away. Thomas claimed that he'd told me he hadn't hurt 'my friend', but I'd attacked him anyway. He threatened to sue me, but Shepherd and the cop denied seeing any assault."

"Okay." Kent tapped his pen on the notepad. "So he admitted he raped Arizona, but unfortunately nobody else heard it. If the defense decides to raise the issue of the assault, during cross-examination I'll ask you what exactly he said to you. They'll almost certainly raise an objection, but it's worth a try."

"I don't know if it matters, but both Shepherd and the cop heard him tell me not to be jealous, that he liked big girls, too. But that's hardly a confession." Unable to resist, Callie stole another look at Arizona. Her eyes were shuttered, her expression closed off. There was no reading her mood. "I'm sorry," Callie said again, to both Arizona and Kent. "It was dumb of me to confront him. It didn't accomplish anything, and if there's any chance it'll screw up your case—"

Kent cut her off. "We have a strong case against Colin Thomas, so try not to this shake you. _Let_ them call you as a witness. Your job is to tell the truth, keep your answers simple, and stay calm. I honestly don't anticipate this derailing our strategy in any way."

Callie's nostrils flared as she fought against a wave of anxiety and despair. She released Arizona's hand, unsure she deserved the comfort her presence provided. Her mistakes were bound to make an already stressful experience even worse. Though Arizona's composure still hadn't wavered, Callie held her breath as she waited for the inevitable fallout.

But Arizona didn't crumble. Instead, she wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulders and said, "Kent, can we have a few minutes?"

"Sure." Kent pushed back his chair. "Why don't we just call it a day? We can reconvene a week or so before you testify, Arizona, to wrap up any loose ends."

"Thank you," Arizona said. She stood with Kent, shaking his hand over the table. Callie remained seated—she didn't trust her legs to support her, nor her stomach to tolerate the movement. Reliving her encounter with that asshole had her not only furious, but also nauseous with regret. She watched Kent leave the room, then startled when Arizona put a hand on her shoulder. "Stand up, Calliope."

Callie dragged her gaze to Arizona's face, frightened by what she would see, unsurprised to find anger. She wondered how much of it, if any, was meant for her. "I don't think I can," Callie whispered.

Arizona's expression softened. "Then scoot back," she murmured, encouraging Callie to roll her chair away from the table. To Callie's surprise, Arizona crawled in her lap, wrapping both arms around her shoulders and holding on tight. "Why do you look like you're waiting for me to kick you?"

Callie surprised herself by relaxing into the embrace. She gathered Arizona closer, happy that this turn of events didn't seem to have driven a wedge between them. "I should never have gone in his room." Then, softer, "I never wanted you to know what he said to me."

"No, it's good." Arizona brushed her lips over Callie's cheek, eliciting a shiver that briefly distracted Callie from her self-blaming. "This was good."

"_Good_?" Callie drew away, skeptical that Arizona wasn't just putting on a brave face. "How can hearing that garbage be good in any way?"

"Because now I'm pissed off again." Eyes gleaming, Arizona ran her fingers through Callie's dark hair, scraping gentle nails against her scalp. "And being pissed off _really_, _really_ helps."

Leaning into the caress, Callie said, "So…you're welcome? I guess?"

Arizona snorted. Then she said, fiercely, "He's an asshole."

"You have no idea." Callie had glossed over some of the less pertinent details, including his near-constant stream of verbal abuse and name-calling. Just remembering the way he'd spoken to her—and _about_ Arizona—made Callie shudder.

"Actually, I do have a pretty good idea." Arizona's beautiful features momentarily clouded with pain, making Callie regret her careless words. "I did spend the longest five minutes of my life with him, after all."

"Of course." Cupping Arizona's face between her hands, Callie pulled her in for a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry. Again."

Arizona shook her head. After a moment of silence, she said, "You know, even if it doesn't count in court, it means something that he admitted what he did to me. So I'm glad you went to his room, for that reason alone."

"It was still a dumb move. I'm lucky I didn't seriously hurt him, after what he said about you." Allowing her arms to fall around Arizona's waist, Callie swallowed painfully. "He has a filthy mouth. I hope for your sake that he keeps it shut during the trial."

"Me too." Arizona eased out of Callie's lap, retaking her seat. Then she clasped Callie's hands between her own, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I'm serious, Callie. I'm angry right now, and it's a _really_ good thing. Ever since he got arrested all I've really felt is frightened and anxious. Now I feel something else, and I'm grateful for that. Anger makes me stronger. It motivates me."

"I'm angry, too." Callie relaxed her shoulders, relieved to be admitting it out loud. Usually she tried to shield Arizona from her anger, determined to offer nothing but positivity. Yet Arizona's admission made her feel safe enough to speak the truth about her own emotions. "But I don't think my anger is helping anyone right now."

Arizona squeezed her hands again. "I know you're angry, Calliope, of _course_ you are. You love me."

"Yes, I do."

"I love you, too." Not for the first time, Arizona gazed at her like nobody else ever had. "Neither of us is perfect, we've both made mistakes, but I'm not upset with you about what happened in Colin Thomas's room. Okay?"

Callie held back the sob that threatened to escape at Arizona's sincere words. "Okay."

"Hey, everything is going to be all right." Arizona tucked a lock of Callie's hair behind her ear, an affectionate gesture that drew an instinctive smile to Callie's face. "I'm so, so sorry that you got dragged into this, but I know you'll do great, and it'll all be fine."

Callie recognized that once again their roles had flipped, with Arizona as protector and she as the protected. Last time this had happened, Arizona blossomed when given the opportunity to be the strong one. Callie was more than happy to let her do so again. "I know. You're right."

Arizona hit her with a sunny grin that made Callie's chest tighten with pleasure. "I love it when you say that."

Callie laughed. "I know you do."

"Tell you what, why don't you tell me more about how right I am during the drive home?"

"Nah." Taking the hint, Callie took a deep breath and stood. Her legs were steady now—her stomach, too. "Don't want you to get a big head. Any bigger than it already is, I mean."

"Nice." Arizona got to her feet as well, delivering a light swat to Callie's bottom. "Then how about we just go home, lock the doors behind us, and spend the evening curled up on the couch?"

"If anything will make today better, that's it." Callie reached for Arizona's hand, but Arizona surprised her by pulling her into a fierce hug.

"No matter what happens with this trial, I've got you. That's the important part. And you and me, we're going to be okay." Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck, breathing hard. "That's one thing I know for sure."

Painful pleasure swelled in Callie's chest, a wave of intense emotion that nearly brought her to tears again. Loving Arizona was her one bright, shining certainty even in times like these, when everything else felt screwed up and wrong. She tugged Arizona closer, refocusing on the only thing that really mattered.

Everything would be fine. She had Arizona.

Callie kissed the silky blonde hair that tickled her face, inhaling deeply. And her world righted itself again. "Me, too."

_To be continued…_


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

Therapy helped.

As much as she hated to admit it, Arizona had come to depend upon the sanctuary of Dr. Watson's office. It was a safe place where she could talk through her feelings unfiltered, and have an unbiased confidante offer her wisdom and perspective. Roughly twenty-four hours before Arizona was due to testify in court, Dr. Watson's warm, steady presence was helping take the edge off her rising nerves. Over the past couple of weeks, she'd been doing a pretty good job of redirecting her anxiety into being strong for Callie, but now that she was right on the cusp of the thing she had been dreading for months, fear was taking over. And therapy helped.

Dr. Watson gave her a sympathetic smile. "How are you holding up?"

"I've actually been okay, at least until this morning. Keeping Callie calm has helped me stay calm." Arizona grabbed a pillow from behind her back, needing something to hang onto. "But my stomach is killing me today. Right now I can't even imagine getting up and going to court tomorrow. I'd do just about anything to get out of it."

"Focus on the fact that it's almost over. The anticipation is the worst part—at least after you testify, you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"I know." Arizona twisted the corner of the pillow between her fingers, then shrugged. "I'm trying to stay positive, I really am. It's just been a hard couple of weeks."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She gave Dr. Watson a sheepish smile. "Yes."

"Go ahead." Folding her legs beneath her, Dr. Watson settled in attentively. "How are things with Callie?"

"They're good, when we've been together. Work has been crazy for the past couple of weeks. Seems like lately, either she's tied up in surgery or I am. Sometimes it feels like we're ships passing in the night." Out of the past fourteen days, they'd spent the entire night in the same bed only twice. Missing Callie fiercely, Arizona had stolen precious minutes of quality time in the hospital cafeteria with her between surgeries, and once, in an on-call room during a lull in their shifts. "I can see that she's struggling right now, but we've been too busy to really talk about it." Well, that wasn't exactly true. Arizona amended, "She doesn't want to talk about it. One time when I tried, she said she just wanted to enjoy the twenty minutes we had together, and not think about the trial. That seemed fair."

"What makes you think she's struggling?"

"She just looks exhausted. Part of it is work, of course, but Callie is a bad-ass. She can push through surgery after surgery and still ask for more. But since she found out she'll have to testify, she's just…" Arizona paused, searching for the right word, and when she couldn't find it, she shrugged. "I know she feels guilty. Being called by the defense…she's worried that somehow something she says or does will exonerate Colin Thomas. Neither Kent nor I see how that could be possible—Kent honestly thinks it's some kind of desperate gambit by an overmatched defense team. But Callie is making herself sick with worry that she'll ruin any chance that Colin Thomas will be found guilty."

"I agree that chances are, Callie's testimony won't negatively impact the prosecution's case. But let's say that did happen, the worst-case scenario. What do you think Callie is most afraid about?" Dr. Watson maintained an even expression. "That Colin Thomas will be back on the streets? What your reaction would be?"

"I think she's afraid of losing me." The words were out before Arizona had a chance to consider them, but the moment they escaped her lips, she knew it was true. After everything they had been through, there was still some part of Callie that didn't believe in unconditional love. "She's used to being left. Or having love threatened or withheld if she displeases her parents, her father especially." Though she knew Carlos had mostly come around, his initial rejection to the news of their relationship—and Callie's bisexuality—had wounded Callie deeply. It had only created a deeper fear of loss and abandonment in an already uncertain heart. "She's worried that if Colin Thomas is acquitted, I'll resent her—especially if her testimony proves crucial to the defense."

"Will you?" Dr. Watson asked. "Resent her?"

Would she? Arizona wanted to see that man punished, locked up, maybe even subjected to a little rough treatment in prison. She was afraid of him. And she loathed him for creating the fear that infected nearly every aspect of her life to this day. If he walked free, he would almost certainly hurt more women. If Colin Thomas didn't go to prison, it would be soul shattering.

But Callie hadn't done anything she wouldn't have done, had she been in Callie's shoes. She confronted a man who had just raped a woman, who might've also raped her partner. And when he seemed to confess, she'd caused him non-lethal pain.

How could Arizona judge Callie when she could so easily imagine doing the same to defend Callie's honor?

"I would never resent Callie for her emotions and reactions that night. I completely understand why she did what she did. It came from wanting to protect me, and loving me." Arizona wiped away the tears that pooled at the thought of just how devoted Callie Torres was to her—and how easily she returned that devotion. "God, she's not going to lose me. But I know Callie…she won't feel better until this whole thing is over. And even then, only if it goes our way. I don't know how she'll react if he's acquitted, whether or not it's because of her testimony."

"Perhaps you should bring her in for another session," Dr. Watson said. "If you'd like."

"That's probably a good idea." Callie had been attending infrequent appointments with her own therapist, as her schedule allowed, but Arizona knew they would both benefit from being forced to sit down and talk this issue through, together. "Callie has at least another week before she'll have to testify. I'll try to get her in here before then."

"Perfect." Dr. Watson smiled. "So what else?"

Arizona sighed deeply. "I don't know. We had a bit of a scare last week. Callie was talking to Mark about the trial and he asked if the fact that she was testifying meant that she wouldn't be allowed to be there with me tomorrow. Callie freaked out and called me in tears. Neither of us had even considered that. I called Kent at the prosecutor's office and he assured me that the judge would probably make an exception to witness exclusion in our case, since we're partners. He hadn't wanted to worry us about it before he had a chance to see what the judge said."

"I'm hoping the judge said it was okay?"

Chuckling, Arizona said, "I wouldn't be nearly so collected right now if he hadn't."

"Good." Dr. Watson looked almost as relieved as Arizona had been at the news. Even though Teddy would be there, Callie's absence would have weighed heavily on both of them. Callie would have blamed herself for that one forever. "Do you feel ready for tomorrow?"

"I'm ready for it to be over. Ready to just do it and get on with my life. But I'm really, really scared." Arizona sat with that for a moment, then said, "I'm angry, too. The angry part of me is ready for this."

"Tell me about the angry part of you."

Arizona tensed as she remembered Callie's retelling of her confrontation with Colin Thomas. "I'm angry that Callie has been dragged into this whole mess. The rape left me with so much emotional baggage, and for the most part, Callie has been nothing short of amazing about adjusting to it. She doesn't deserve this experience."

Dr. Watson raised a pointed eyebrow. "Neither do you."

"No, you're right. I know." Not that it eased her desire for Callie not to be further harmed because of something that had happened to _her_. "I'm angry about his attitude, the things he said to Callie. Making a remark about her body. Telling her I was asking for it."

"I don't blame you for being angry about that. And I think using that anger to motivate you tomorrow is just what you need."

"Me too." Arizona hugged the pillow she still held to her chest, hoping the faux embrace would soothe her. "I know I'll be okay. I just need to get through this part…"

Dr. Watson radiated sympathy. "This takes a lot of courage. I have tremendous respect for you, Arizona. And I'm not the only one."

She appreciated the sentiment. "I know I have a lot of people who love and support me. That helps."

"I was actually talking about Sofia Romero. She asked me to tell you hello, and good luck."

Arizona sat up straighter. "You…you've spoken to Sofia?" She hadn't heard from his third victim since she'd called to check in shortly after their first meeting, but Arizona thought about her often. The news that Sofia had contacted Dr. Watson lifted her spirits considerably. "How is she?"

"I can't really say much, but she did ask me to let you know that she's decided to testify. She's scared, too, but apparently you made a pretty big impression on her." Dr. Watson gave her a broad smile. "You did good work, Dr. Robbins. Your strength has inspired the same in her. That's a remarkable thing."

Deciding that she was destined to shed tears every time she came to therapy, Arizona didn't fight the swell of emotion that rose at Dr. Watson's words. "Awesome," she murmured. That Sofia would testify was incredible news for the prosecution. Arizona couldn't imagine how frightened Sofia must be, especially because the defense would probably claim that she'd had consensual sex with Colin Thomas. Once the jury saw Sofia, though, and heard her story, Arizona was confident that they would believe it was rape.

"I hope that helps you tomorrow, too," Dr. Watson said. "I think it might."

"It does." The thought that Sofia planned to testify emboldened Arizona. If Sofia could do it, she sure as hell could, too. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

Arizona's phone chirped, and she moved to silence it, blushing as she checked the display. Normally she would turn her phone off during therapy, but she hadn't wanted to be out of touch if Callie needed her. Not today. She perked up when she saw that Callie had sent a text message, then shot Dr. Watson an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."

"Do what you need to do." To Arizona's relief, there was no irritation in her tone. "I can wait."

Sheepish yet relieved, Arizona eagerly pulled up Callie's message. _Heading up to 4th floor on call room in ten minutes, gonna catch a nap. Come by if you have a chance. I miss you._ Warmed by the simple message, Arizona pocketed the phone, then blushed when she noticed Dr. Watson studying her. "Just a text from Callie. Sounds like maybe we'll be able to catch a nap together after I get back to the hospital. At least for a few minutes, I hope."

"Well, we've still got another fifteen minutes left, but if you'd rather cut this short and go be with Callie, I'll understand." She watched Arizona's face, amusement tugging at her mouth. "Do whatever you think will be more helpful as far as calming your nerves today. I was going to suggest we do some breathing exercises, but I suspect that an intimate interlude with Callie could be just as relaxing for you."

Arizona didn't have to think about it for very long. "Talking to you has really helped, but I'd love to catch Callie before one of us gets paged."

Clearly having expected that answer, Dr. Watson sat forward in her chair, staring directly into Arizona's eyes. "You're going to be great tomorrow. Just answer Kent's questions, look at Callie or Teddy when you need comfort, and remember why you're doing this. And feel free to call me if you need me, anytime. I'll keep my cell phone on. Okay?"

Nodding rapidly, Arizona bit her lip to keep her gratitude in check. She wasn't about to start blubbering about how much she appreciated Dr. Watson's reassurance—even if it made all the difference right now. When she thought she could manage a couple of words, Arizona whispered, "Thank you."

Dr. Watson waved her toward the door. "Go be with Callie."

#

The familiar sensation of Arizona's body pressing into her back roused Callie from fitful sleep. Though she'd probably only gotten five minutes of rest, ten at most, she didn't mind the interruption. With a contented murmur, Callie pressed her bottom into the cradle of Arizona's hips even as a strong arm curled around her waist and tugged her backward.

"I was trying not to wake you." Arizona kissed the side of her neck, drawing a groan from deep within Callie's throat. "Go back to sleep."

"No," Callie mumbled. "I'm okay…um, awake. I'm awake." With effort, she mustered a weary smile and rolled to face Arizona. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too." Arizona closed the scant distance between them and brushed her lips over Callie's. "But I think you should rest. You've got another surgery scheduled for this afternoon, don't you?"

"An easy one. I'll be fine," Callie said, which was true. That didn't mean she didn't desperately need a nap—she just didn't think sleep was more important than spending this time together. Tomorrow Arizona had to sit in a courtroom with her rapist and tell everyone what he'd done, and Callie knew anxiety was taking its toll. Being close always seemed to help, and the comfort went both ways. Right now Callie needed Arizona just as much as Arizona needed her.

Despite her exhaustion, Callie hadn't been able to truly relax in weeks. Anger, panic, worry, and self-recrimination kept her tightly wound and unable to let go. She'd thrown herself into work in an effort to distract herself from what was coming, yet still spent her unrelentingly busy days and nights dreading the trial—or more precisely, the eventual verdict. Arizona was her only balm, a source of unwavering love and devotion that Callie feared would disappear if the trial didn't turn out as it should.

Because of that, being with Arizona stirred mixed feelings. Her presence was the only thing that made Callie happy, but it also reminded her just how much she had to lose.

Shoving away her negative thoughts, Callie pushed a blond curl behind Arizona's ear. "You look tired, too."

"I am." Arizona hooked her leg over Callie's, entangling their lower bodies. "But this is super nice."

Super nice. Callie rolled her eyes slightly at Arizona's choice of words, even though she agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment. Her teasing reaction was purely for show, a way to reassure Arizona that some things would never change between them. Secretly, she was thrilled that Arizona hadn't lost her affinity for junior-high school phrasing. "Yes, it's wonderful."

Arizona tucked her head beneath Callie's chin and tightened her sheltering arms around Callie's middle. "Apparently Sofia Romero has decided to testify."

As much as she didn't want to talk about the trial, Callie jerked to attention at Arizona's softly spoken news. "Really?"

"That's what Dr. Watson told me. Sofia asked her to pass the news along. Which means she's also changed her mind about therapy."

"That's fantastic." A trickle of relief worked its way into Callie's gut, triggering mild nausea at the realization that the trial might still turn out all right. Sofia's testimony could only help the prosecution, and hopefully counteract whatever Callie might say on behalf of the defense. "Are you relieved?"

"I'm thrilled—for her, and for the prosecutor. There's no way the jury will believe what it was consensual after they hear her talk." Arizona frowned, fingering a lock of Callie's dark hair. "How about you? Are you relieved?"

"I won't be relieved until it's over."

Arizona moved her hands to cradle Callie's face. "Cal, it really will be okay."

"I do think Sofia's testimony will help, but—"

Silencing Callie with her lips, Arizona waited until she surrendered to the kiss before pulling back. Then she shook her head, fire in her eyes. "It will be okay. No matter what happens, even if he goes free. _We'll _be okay. You know that, right?"

A powerful rush of self-loathing twisted Callie's insides. She knew Arizona meant what she said, she honestly believed it, but Callie genuinely didn't know how it could be true. Arizona wouldn't simply be okay if Colin Thomas was found not guilty, and if Callie were somehow responsible for that outcome, there was no way it wouldn't affect their relationship. Something like that would always linger between them. Even if Arizona claimed to understand the impulsivity of Callie's actions that night, how could she look at her the same, knowing that she'd helped the man who raped her and two other women get off scot-free?

"Hey." The sharpness of Arizona's voice snapped Callie's focus back to blue eyes that stared at her with infinite tenderness. "This is unconditional," she said, gesturing between them. "You and me, we're a hell of a lot stronger than you're giving us credit for right now. So stop it."

Not wanting Arizona to think she didn't have faith in them, Callie struggled to explain. "I know you love me, I don't doubt that, and I love you, but you won't be able to control how you'll feel if he's acquitted. Especially if my testimony helps that happen." Battling against the sting of impending tears, Callie bit her lip to stave off a breakdown. "I just think it would be hard for us to overcome that. It would be hard for any couple."

"Oh, Callie…"

Callie averted her gaze, unable to bear the sorrow in Arizona's words and the expression of pure heartbreak on her face. She stared at the milky smoothness of Arizona's throat instead, wishing with all her heart that things were simple again. In a simpler time, she would just kiss Arizona, and express her love the most passionate way she knew how. But these days, things were damn complicated and Callie didn't feel worthy of Arizona's devotion, let alone her touch.

"Calliope," Arizona murmured again, cradling her face between soft, warm hands. "We. Are. Awesome. We can do anything—even get through this."

Aware that she had chosen the worst possible moment for this pity party, Callie tamped down on her self-flagellation. Arizona needed comfort and support right now, not a depressed and moody partner. Pulling herself together, Callie lifted her face and inhaled—ready to apologize.

Arizona cut off her words with a hard kiss on her mouth. Callie grunted in surprise, then tightened her arms around Arizona's waist on instinct and tentatively kissed back. After a few moments, she pulled away. "Arizona, I—"

"No," Arizona said, reclaiming Callie's lips in another desperate kiss. She smoothed one hand up the length of Callie's side, pushing under her scrub top to cradle a sensitive breast in her hand. Arizona broke away only long enough to say, "No more talking", then kissed her some more.

Returning the frantic kisses, Callie closed her eyes and tried to relax enough to enjoy the physical intimacy. She wasn't in the mood, but fervently wanted to get there. Making love always made her feel closer to Arizona. They hadn't been together in that way since before their meeting with Kent, and Callie missed Arizona on a soul level. There was every reason to believe that having sex would make her feel better—it usually did.

Except this time, she just couldn't get into it. This time, she felt vaguely dirty, and wholly undeserving of such ardent desire. More than that, she felt sad. She couldn't help but wonder if Arizona was acting out of genuine physical need, or rather because she wanted to prove something to Callie and thought sex was the way to do it. With too many thoughts and insecurities making her head ache, Callie decided she really wasn't up for what Arizona was urgently trying to initiate.

Breaking their kiss again, Callie gasped for air. "Arizona, wait."

"I love you," Arizona whispered, sprinkling kisses over Callie's face as she slid her hand from under her scrub top, down into her scrub bottoms. Moaning eagerly, Arizona ventured beneath the waistband of Callie's panties, finding her labia with practiced fingers.

Callie winced as Arizona rubbed over her dry folds, but despite encountering evidence of her lack of arousal, Arizona stroked her again. Turning away from persistent lips, Callie grabbed Arizona's arm and closed her thighs on her questing hand. "Stop, Arizona, please. I don't want it."

Arizona froze in place.

Instantly aware of the stiffness of Arizona's frame and the hitched cadence of her breathing, Callie made tentative eye contact and found Arizona gazing back at her, tears threatening to spill from her shining eyes. Awkwardly, Callie eased her thighs open, allowing Arizona to snatch back her hand as though she'd been burned.

"I'm sorry," Arizona whispered, voice strangely hoarse. She retreated to the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Callie shook her head emphatically. "Don't." She caught Arizona's wrist before she could roll off the mattress. "Don't apologize, and don't leave. Please."

Swallowing hard, Arizona lie stiffly on her back. "I only wanted to show you how much I love you, to reassure you that I'm not going anywhere. But I would never…I didn't mean to…"

"Arizona." Taking hold of Arizona's hand, Callie pressed her lips to each knuckle, one at a time. "I know. I love you, too. I just wasn't in the mood to make love."

Arizona swallowed again, nose scrunching up as she clearly tried to keep her composure, but she said nothing.

"I'm not angry with you," Callie said softly, drawing her fingertip along the curve of Arizona's tense jaw. Now she wished she'd just tried harder to go along with the seduction—it would have been better to fake it than to cause the pain she saw on Arizona's face. "It's not a big deal. Please don't be upset."

Arizona's nostrils flared. "I'm trying not to draw parallels. I'm sorry." Closing her eyes briefly, she whispered, "It's been a long day."

"You're not like him. Okay?" Distressed that Arizona would even go there, Callie wrapped her in a tight hug. "I didn't want sex, I told you, you stopped. No harm done. It's not even remotely the same thing."

Staring past Callie, Arizona said, "I knew you weren't into it. But I wanted you, so I wanted to make you want me, too." She exhaled, then sagged against Callie's body. "Why does everything have to be so damn complicated?"

Determined to salvage the rest of their interlude, Callie kissed Arizona's cheek and gave her a gentle squeeze. "It won't always be this complicated."

"Three minutes ago, you were convinced that things would only get worse."

Callie exhaled, hating the hollowness of Arizona's voice. Some partner she was. She knew Arizona must feel like the world was pressing in on her today, and so far she'd done nothing to provide her solace and comfort. For months she'd done nothing but try and be strong for Arizona, but now when it really counted, she was letting her down.

No more.

She lifted Arizona's face with a hand beneath her chin. "I'm sorry."

Arizona didn't meet her eyes. "For what?"

"Being grumpy."

Mouth twitching, Arizona gave her a mild frown. "That wasn't grumpy. It was downright morose. Eeyore's got nothing on you."

Callie managed a chuckle, relieved that they were easing past their uncomfortable moment. Pleased by the unexpected reappearance of Arizona's humor, she seized the opportunity to end their time together on a happier note. "I trust you, Arizona. I just get scared sometimes."

"Because people leave you. Love goes away."

Having her partner vocalize the source of all her fears and insecurities so plainly, so incisively, made Callie feel flayed open, exposed. Suddenly she was the one who couldn't maintain eye contact. "I know you won't leave."

"No, you don't," Arizona murmured, then planted an almost platonic kiss on Callie's lips. "But I do. I'm not leaving you, and all I can do is prove it to you."

Callie pulled her closer, resting her chin on Arizona's shoulder. Though she knew Arizona lived with everyday fear that made her feel weak, to Callie she seemed like the strongest woman in the world. Reverently, Callie murmured, "You're going to kick ass tomorrow. That's what _I_ know."

"I'm scared." It wasn't the first time she'd made the admission, but Callie had a feeling it helped Arizona to say it aloud. "I wish I could just fast forward to tomorrow night."

Callie tightened her arms, wishing she had something new to say, a perfect piece of advice or comfort that would dissolve Arizona's anxiety. Nothing came to mind, but she had to say something. "Where do you want to go on our date tomorrow night?"

Arizona was quiet for a long time, until Callie began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep. Just as Callie decided to close her own eyes, Arizona said, "I'm not sure I'll be in the right mental space for a date."

"I think tomorrow night you're going to be damn relieved." Drawing back, she stared seriously into Arizona's eyes. Knowing this was her chance to reassure Arizona that she hadn't given up on their future together, Callie smiled and said, "I think we're both going to be in the mood to celebrate."

At first Arizona held her gaze stone-faced, then she twitched into an answering smile. "Okay."

"How about that restaurant you wanted to try? The fancy one?" Callie knew what it was called, had been setting aside money to take Arizona there for a couple of months, but she wasn't about to let on. It was more fun this way.

Arizona blinked, clearly surprised. "That's a little pricey, isn't it?"

"My treat." She hadn't exactly planned on taking Arizona out for an expensive meal right in the midst of the trial, but maybe it was a good idea. Somehow it seemed like the right time. "We can dress up in our hottest outfits, drink wine with our totally decadent meals, split a dessert, then go home and share some more dessert. And by _more dessert_, I obviously mean sex."

Arizona barked laughter. "It's a date."

Callie stroked the backs of her fingers over Arizona's cheek, allowing the sound of her giggles to chase away her lingering melancholy. She could be scared all she wanted, but she couldn't continue to let Arizona see it. Not when her apprehension was interpreted as a lack of faith and trust. The truth was, she trusted Arizona more than she'd ever trusted anyone. She just didn't believe that an acquittal was something any couple in this position could successfully weather.

Arizona was the one who believed in unicorns and fairy dust. Callie was a realist. She knew how things had a way of ending even when you never saw it coming.

Cuddling closer to Callie's chest, Arizona exhaled happily. "I love you, Calliope. Our date sounds perfect. Thanks for giving me something awesome to look forward to."

Callie kissed the top of Arizona's head, squeezing her eyes closed to drive away the crushing emotion that swelled in her chest. That's why the thought of losing Arizona was so breathtakingly painful—because losing her would mean she'd have nothing to look forward to anymore. She honestly believed that. Arizona was the only one for her. The thought of trying to pick up the pieces and move on from this relationship seemed impossible.

It was also quite simply too devastating to imagine.

When she could speak evenly, Callie whispered, "You, too."

_To be continued…_


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

The morning Arizona was to testify, Teddy arrived at their apartment exactly an hour and a half before they were due in court. Standing at their door wearing a tentative smile that didn't reach her eyes, she looked almost as nervous as Callie felt. "Where's Arizona?"

Callie stepped aside to allow Teddy entry. "Throwing up." She winced. "On and off, all night long. I don't think she has anything left in her stomach, at this point. But she's been anxious to the point of nauseated for at least a week now. I've never seen her like this." Closing the door behind Teddy, Callie slumped against the hard surface, physically and emotionally overwhelmed by the task in front of them. "We just have to get her through today. That's all I'm focused on right now."

Tension sharpened Teddy's already angular features. "I can only imagine how she's feeling. All I have to do is sit there and _I'm_ freaking out."

"Me, too." Callie exhaled. "I'd do anything to spare her from this. Instead, because of my stupidity, it won't even be over after today. This won't be our last time in a courtroom with that piece of shit." She stopped short, unsettled by how easily she was unburdening on Teddy. It wasn't that Callie didn't trust her, but she'd always thought of her as Arizona's confidante. Still, it felt good to give voice to her anxiety. "I know I've made things even harder for her, and I hate that."

Teddy hesitated only a moment before pulling Callie into a tight hug. When Callie stiffened in surprise, Teddy murmured, "Just go with it, Torres."

Callie chuckled, then, as she realized how good it felt to be held, tightened her arms and hugged Teddy back. The contact grounded her, allowing her to take a deep breath for the first time that morning. Embarrassed, Callie closed her eyes and whispered, "Thanks."

"You're welcome, but I needed that, too. Believe me." Teddy pulled away, appearing slightly more relaxed. She took Callie by the shoulders and gave her a stern look. "Now let's go make sure Arizona is okay."

"Good idea." Callie led Teddy to their bedroom. Once inside, she approached the bathroom door with caution, hoping that Arizona wouldn't be embarrassed by their arrival. She glanced at Teddy as she gently rapped on the door. "Arizona, baby? How are you doing?"

"Not super," came the muffled response. "Sort of wishing for death at the moment."

Callie frowned, catching Teddy's gaze. "Teddy's here."

"Hey, AZ." Teddy managed a half-hearted grin when Arizona chuckled weakly at the nickname, then rested her forehead against the doorframe. "How're you holding up?"

A rustling sound came from within the room. "You guys can come in."

Easing the door open slowly, Callie peeked inside. Her chest tightened in sympathy at the sight of Arizona on the floor, sitting with her back against the bathtub. Still damp from the shower, she wore only a camisole and panties. Her skin was sallow, her eyes dull. Despite her fierce determination to face testifying head-on, right now Arizona looked every inch the scared little girl.

Instinctively, Callie went to Arizona and knelt beside her. She brushed a lock of wet blonde hair away from Arizona's face, frowning at the clammy heat of her forehead. "Sweetheart, it's going to be all right," Callie murmured, hating how hollow the words sounded to her own ears. "You can do this. You're going to help get a monster off the streets today."

Arizona nodded, then sniffled. She stared at the floor, looking so uncharacteristically lost that Callie's heart constricted until she could barely breathe. "I'm not sure I can stand up. I'm afraid I'll pass out if I do."

Callie squeezed her eyes closed, trying and failing to hold back tears at Arizona's whispered confession. She pressed her lips to Arizona's forehead, wishing like hell that she could testify in Arizona's place. As much as she dreaded her own day in court, she would gladly suffer through that experience a million times over before wishing this on Arizona.

"We'll help you," Teddy said, breaking the heavy silence in the room. "Callie, grab her hand."

Though she was grateful that Teddy was there to coax them toward the inevitable, Callie hated to pull away from Arizona. In the end, she did so only because she knew the clock was winding down. They needed to leave for court soon. Callie grasped Arizona's wrist and gave her a gentle smile. "Ready?"

Teddy reached out with a steady hand. Arizona nodded, visibly trembling as she grabbed it. "Okay."

Callie stood slowly, she and Teddy working together to pull Arizona onto her feet. When Arizona wobbled, unsteady, they both stepped closer to support her weight. Laughing weakly, Arizona clung onto the two of them, resting her forehead against Callie's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. This is ridiculous."

"No, it isn't." Callie pressed a kiss to the top of Arizona's head, mentally running through what needed to happen before they could walk out the door. They needed to help Arizona dress, then hopefully get a little food into her belly. _Dios sabe_, her girl needed the strength today. "You're a doctor. You know what stress and anxiety does to the human body. That's all this is. We just need to focus on getting through the next few hours, and then you'll feel better."

"Do you have clothes laid out?" Teddy carefully detached herself from Arizona's grip, impressively resolute about moving forward. "I can go get them."

Arizona nodded. "On the bed." As soon as Teddy stepped out of the bathroom, Arizona hiccupped out a quiet sob. "This sucks."

"Yeah, it does." Callie rubbed her hand up and down Arizona's back, savoring the warmth of her skin through her thin T-shirt. "But you're a hero. That's pretty cool."

"I haven't done anything yet," Arizona mumbled. "He's not in prison." Then she stiffened slightly, just as Callie felt the words pluck at her guilty conscience.

If he didn't go to prison, Arizona would be no less a hero. But Callie would be someone who lost control and, in doing so, denied three women the closure they deserved. Three women, including the person she would do anything to save from harm.

Now wasn't the time to dwell on her regrets. Shaking her head, Callie gathered Arizona closer. "It doesn't matter. What makes you a hero is your willingness to do something that scares you to death, because you know it's the right thing to do. I'm so proud to be your partner, I can't even tell you."

Arizona pressed against her, all soft curves and warm femininity, eliciting a surge of protectiveness from deep in Callie's soul. Being in the courtroom with that animal would be torture. _He'd_ done this. He was the reason Arizona had spent most of the night lying on the bathroom floor.

Callie wanted to murder him.

Teddy poked her head into the bathroom. "Ready to get dressed?"

"As ready as I'm going to be." Taking a deep breath, Arizona crossed the room to take the clothes Teddy offered. "Thank you."

Glad for Teddy's sudden stoicism, Callie echoed, "Yes, thank you."

"It's no problem." Teddy gestured behind her. "I'll just go wait on the couch."

Arizona stopped Teddy from leaving with a hand on her wrist. "No, stay. Please."

"You sure? Or I could make you a piece of toast." She seemed hesitant to linger there with them. "Give you some privacy."

Arizona shook her head, already pulling her thin camisole over her head. Teddy smoothly averted her eyes from her nudity, while Callie stepped in to help Arizona into the modest top the prosecutor had suggested she wear. "I'm not sure I can keep anything down. And I like having both of you here."

Impressed when her hands didn't tremble as she buttoned Arizona's shirt, Callie said, "I'll slip a snack in my purse, in case you change your mind. If you can manage it, you really should get something in your stomach. It'll help with the light-headedness."

"I know." Arizona closed her eyes, apparently content to let Callie dress her. She picked up one foot, then the other, to allow Callie to pull her slacks on. "I hope I remember what to say."

"You've rehearsed this. You'll do just fine." Pausing in their preparations, Callie stroked her thumb across Arizona's chin until she opened her eyes. "Just look at me if it gets to be too much, okay? And if you get lost or you're not sure what to say, be honest about that. Everyone there will understand that this is difficult for you. They won't judge."

"I know," Arizona whispered. They'd had this conversation more than once, but Callie was happy to rehash it a thousand times if there was any chance it would make Arizona feel better. "Have I mentioned how much I hate that asshole for putting me through this?"

"So do I." Now that Arizona was dressed, Teddy rejoined the conversation. "But what's great about today is that you finally have a chance to fight back. When you tell everyone what he did, you'll reclaim the power he stole from you. Trust me, he's the one who ought to be scared today. Not you. Today, you're in control."

Arizona managed her first genuine smile of the morning. "Thanks, Teddy."

Amazing. It was as though Callie were seeing Teddy through new eyes—and she was suddenly very glad for her presence.

#

Callie sat in the front row of the courtroom gallery, directly behind the chair where Kent Johnson sat reviewing notes on a legal pad. Teddy was to her left, a welcome barrier between her and the man she knew would be brought in shortly. Callie's insides churned in anticipation. She doubted she was even a fraction as nervous as poor Arizona. Leaving her in the conference room with Sandy had been one of the most difficult things Callie had ever had to do. If she hadn't needed to get into the courtroom before the trial resumed, nothing could have torn Callie away from Arizona's side.

"This is excruciating," Teddy murmured under her breath. "Poor Arizona."

"Yup." Resting her arm along the back of her chair, Callie glanced at a door on the far side of the room just as it swung open and a man in a suit walked inside pushing Colin Thomas in a wheelchair. A woman in a modest grey suit followed them—another attorney, no doubt there to add a female face to the defense team. The uniformed officer who flanked the small group peeled away to stand guard nearby while Colin's attorney parked his client at the far end of the defense table.

Callie's stomach turned over at the sight of Arizona's rapist dressed in his Sunday best. He was freshly shaven, clean-cut, and totally unassuming. Looking at him, it was hard to believe that he was the kind of man who would take joy in brutalizing women. His attorneys had succeeded on that front. Callie tightened her fists in her lap, watching in disgust as a woman in the front row of the gallery leaned in and murmured quietly to Colin. He smiled and chuckled as he replied.

"He makes me sick." With effort, Callie tore her gaze away from his empty eyes and insincere smile. Was that his girlfriend? Did she know what kind of man Colin was? Did she at least suspect?

Teddy turned her attention toward Callie, angling her body away from the defense table. "In total agreement."

Callie fell silent as the bailiff introduced the judge and the proceedings began. Lauren Chase had testified the day before. Today's first order of business was Arizona's testimony. When Kent Johnson called her to the stand, Callie's heart leapt into her throat. The moment Arizona had been dreading was finally here.

When the courtroom door opened and Arizona stepped inside, Callie turned and met her gaze. She managed what she hoped was a reassuring smile, mouthing _I love you_. Arizona tipped her head in acknowledgment. Then she threw her shoulders back, striding to the witness stand with single-minded focus. She kept her gaze locked on the bailiff as she was sworn in, and once she sat down, she spared Callie a lingering glance before turning her attention to Kent Johnson.

Kent said something that Callie managed not to hear, too distracted by trying to read the expression on Arizona's face. Then Arizona's strong voice filled the courtroom. "My name is Dr. Arizona Robbins. R-o-b-b-i-n-s. I'm a pediatric surgeon, and I work at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital."

Callie's heart was in her throat. Arizona sounded so in control, except for a slight tremor that probably only Callie noticed. Despite her crippling anxiety, Arizona seemed poised to deliver a solid performance. Callie tried to force her body to relax, not wanting Arizona to see that she was nervous if she happened to glance her way. The first few questions were easy, but they got more difficult quickly. Schooling her facial expression, Callie concentrated on being the source of calm confidence that Arizona would surely need.

Despite Callie's attempt at stoicism, she couldn't help holding her breath when Kent asked his first challenging question. This was it.

"So you left the hospital at approximately nine o'clock that evening, then walked to your car in the east employee parking lot. Now, I know this is difficult, but could you please tell me what happened then?"

Arizona opened her mouth to answer, as she had each of the establishing questions, but then her gaze drifted toward the defense table. Callie knew what was going to happen even before she saw the panic in Arizona's eyes. Looking as frightened as Callie had ever seen her, Arizona froze.

#

He was so close. No more than fifteen feet away, Arizona guessed, not that she knew how to judge distance reliably even in the best of circumstances. And these weren't good circumstances—not at all. Just being in the same room with him made her feel as though Colin Thomas was right on top of her. Again.

Looking over at the defense table had been a mistake, one that she'd promised herself she wouldn't make. But the urge had been too strong. The knowledge that he was _right there_ made it impossible not to satisfy her morbid curiosity.

His eyes locked with hers immediately. He didn't betray any reaction, though she could _feel_ a smirk lurking beneath his placid expression. His gaze slid over her body, subtly, before he made eye contact again. Arizona hated how filthy he made her feel with just one look. Was he remembering what it felt like to force his way inside her? How she struggled and screamed and cried?

Shuddering, Arizona looked away from Colin Thomas only to lock eyes with a scowling brunette who sat behind him. Taken aback, Arizona realized that she was probably his girlfriend, maybe even his wife. She looked enraged—and she was currently directing all that anger at Arizona.

"Dr. Robbins. What happened when you went to your car?"

With effort, Arizona dragged her gaze back to Kent Johnson, who stared at her with a mixture of fierce determination and silent pleading. Despite his apparent confidence that Colin Thomas would be found guilty, he'd never minced words about how much he needed Arizona's help to make that happen. That meant she needed to speak. It was the whole reason she was here. Except her throat felt tight and it was hard to breathe, and now that she'd looked into Colin Thomas's eyes, she couldn't stop thinking about what she was going to have to say right in front of him. She couldn't stop _feeling_ his presence.

Callie. Arizona sought out the comfort of her loving gaze, hoping to find the strength to push ahead. The sight of Callie—and Teddy—smiling at her from the gallery calmed her instantly. Each of them clutched the other by the hand, looking almost as scared as Arizona felt. Somehow, knowing they were trying so hard to be supportive in the face of their own discomfort helped lighten her mood. This really sucked. It would almost be funny if it weren't such a nightmare.

Exhaling, Arizona returned her focus to Kent. She just had to go back to their rehearsed answers and power through this. She had no other choice. "The light near my parking spot had gone dark. I called security on my cell phone to report it, but continued walking to my car anyway. Just as I was about to open the driver's side door so I could get in, a man tackled me from behind."

"He tackled you?"

Refusing to succumb to the temptation to look at Colin Thomas again, Arizona said, "Yes. He smashed my face and my shoulder into the window, then dragged me to the grass at the edge of the lot. He threw me down on the ground, and when I tried to get up, he punched me in the face with his fist."

"Did he say anything to you?"

Feeling like a glutton for punishment, Arizona flicked her gaze to the jury box. The only thing worse than looking at the man who raped her was staring into the faces of the men and women who would decide his fate. Later they would pass around evidence photos of her bruised and battered body, read medical reports that detailed her injuries, and review transcripts of the testimony she was giving now. She hated how exposed and vulnerable she felt in front of this group of five men and seven women—her peers.

Yet it was the encouraging nod of a young female juror that encouraged her to keep going. "He told me to shut up. Then he punched me again and pinned me down on the ground. He told me to shut up or he'd kill me."

"Did you believe him?"

"Completely."

"Then what happened?"

Arizona swallowed. This was the part she'd really been dreading. Describing a beating was one thing, but talking about how he'd molested her was another. Once again, she looked to Callie for reassurance. Callie stared back at her, the very picture of loving support. Without breaking eye contact, Arizona began to speak. "He started trying to undress me, pulling at my shirt and pants. He asked me if I knew what he was going to do to me. I was too scared to answer so I closed my eyes, but he slapped my face until I opened them again. That's when he told me he was going to 'fuck' me. He called me a slut and asked me if I liked that."

"Did you speak to him?"

"I begged him to let me go. I told him I'd called security, hoping he would leave. But he just told me he didn't plan on taking a long time." Arizona took a deep breath, then another. "That's when I realized that he had my pants unbuttoned with my zipper down. I panicked and started to struggle with him."

"How tall are you, Dr. Robbins?"

Relived to have another easy question, Arizona answered this one with confidence. "I'm five foot five."

"How tall would you estimate your attacker was?"

"I told the police I thought he was around six feet tall, give or take a couple of inches." Arizona knew that Colin Thomas six foot one—and she was trying to forget that he was still _looking_ at her. "He was much stronger than me. He overpowered me easily. When I tried to get away, he punched me in the head, then forced me onto my stomach. I tried to scream, but he pulled my hair and shoved my face into the grass. He told me if I didn't stay quiet, he would 'make it really hurt'."

"And again, you believed him."

"By this point he'd punched me in the face and head at least four times. _Hard_ punches. He could have killed me if he wanted to. But I was pretty sure that wasn't what he was after. He wanted to rape me. At that point, my only goal was to make it out of the situation alive." Arizona took a deep breath, trying to stave off another wave of nausea. "So I just lie there. He touched me with his fingers a little, then put his hand over my mouth and penetrated me with his penis."

"He penetrated you vaginally?"

Arizona looked down at her fingernails. Being precise was humiliating. "Yes."

"How long did the entire assault last?"

"I can't say for certain. It was so painful it felt like forever. I'd estimate no more than five or ten minutes, though."

Kent leaned against the table and folded his arms over his chest. "What happened next?"

This part had always been hard to say, even when they had only been rehearsing and Callie was holding her hand. Alone on the witness stand, she didn't know how she would get through it. Face on fire, Arizona said, "He ejaculated inside me. I thought he would leave afterward, but he just stayed on top of me. He had his hands inside my shirt and he was touching my breasts and moving his hips around. He told me he hoped he'd gotten me pregnant." She faltered as her voice broke. Shaken, her gaze flitted around the room without her permission. To Colin, who was no longer hiding his malevolence quite so well, obsidian eyes sparkling as he stared her down. Then to his female companion, who suddenly seemed unable to meet her gaze.

"Go on, Dr. Robbins."

Arizona looked again to Callie, who sat at the edge of her seat, shoulders back, chest out. The naked anxiety on her face had disappeared, replaced by anger—at Colin—and pride—which Arizona guessed was all for her. Callie had her arm around Teddy, who was hastily wiping away her tears with visibly shaking hands. Once again, the sight of her support system gave her the fortitude to keep going.

"Two of my colleagues came out to the parking lot and saw that he had me on the ground. They shouted, asking what was going on, so he pulled out of me and ran away." Arizona took a moment to exhale, aware that one of the hardest parts was now behind her—until cross-examination, at least. "My colleagues took me inside the hospital where they collected evidence and called the police."

"Were you able to give the police a detailed description of your attacker?"

Arizona looked back to the jury box, feeling almost apologetic about the answer she had to give. Kent knew that her lack of physical description to the police was an issue that would be raised by the defense, so he felt it was important that they be open and acknowledge that she hadn't gotten a good look at Colin Thomas. The DNA evidence combined with the circumstantial evidence—as far as similarities in what he'd said to each victim—made the lack of a visual identification of little importance.

Or at least that's what Kent was trying to sell to the jury.

"Like I said, the light near my car was out, so it was very dark. But I could tell that he was a Caucasian male, about six feet tall, I estimated about two-hundred pounds. He had a full head of hair and, at the time, facial stubble. His hands smelled like cigarettes." Arizona swallowed. "That was all I was able to tell the police."

"When did you learn that a DNA match had been made against the semen collected from your rape?"

"A little over two months later. Janis Martinez, the detective assigned to my case, called to tell me that they were able to match DNA from my rape to that of a rape that had just occurred in the victim's apartment. She told me that the semen they had collected from me belonged to Colin Thomas." Arizona looked at him again, deliberately. Each time she did, she felt a little less frightened and a little more pissed off. She was going to need that for this next part.

Kent picked up a remote from the table beside him and projected a large picture on the screen that had been set up beside the witness stand, angled toward the jury. Even though she told herself not to look, Arizona crumbled and snuck a quick peek just as a murmur of reaction rippled through the jury. It was a picture of her face, dirty, swollen, and battered nearly beyond recognition. She gasped along with the jury, then turned away.

"This was an extremely violent attack." Kent clicked a button on the remote, cycling through the rest of the photos from that night. Not wanting to see any more, Arizona watched the jury as they reacted to each one. They wore expressions of anger, disgust, sadness, compassion. "Dr. Robbins, can you please give us a brief description of your injuries? Physical as well as emotional."

"I was covered in abrasions and contusions, swollen and in pain, for a couple of weeks. He…he tore my vagina slightly, which required stitches and was also very painful." Infused with a sudden shot of courage mixed with pure, righteous fury, Arizona met Colin's gaze again. And refused to look away. "But the worst injuries Colin Thomas caused when he raped me are the ones I'm still dealing with today, even after my body has healed. Nightmares, panic attacks, difficulty being intimate with my partner, anxiety, loss of self-confidence, loss of trust in men. A lot of it has improved with therapy, but I'm still dealing with all of those things. It's possible I always will."

Incredibly, almost inexplicably, Colin Thomas dropped his gaze. No longer gloating, he stared at the legal pad in front of him, then picked up a pen and began writing. She couldn't tell if he was honestly taking notes, or simply doodling so he wouldn't have to look at her anymore. Either way, it felt like victory.

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins. No further questions."

The words signaled the next phase of her testimony—the part she'd been dreading the most. She had no idea what cross-examination would bring. Kent had helped her rehearse answers to questions he guessed she might be asked, but that didn't mean she would have a canned response for whatever the defense attorney might come up with. All she had was a list of dos and don'ts and the knowledge that she wasn't the one who had committed a crime.

Colin's attorney—Bob Lintz, according to Kent—stood and gave her a faux-concerned smile. "Good morning, Dr. Robbins."

"Good morning." Arizona sat up straighter. She wasn't going to lower her guard for even a moment. Not with this man.

"I know this must be very difficult for you. It's clear that you survived a very violent, very chaotic, very _confusing_ assault." He paused as though waiting for her to answer, but Arizona stayed quiet. Kent had told her to answer direct questions and nothing more. Clearly recognizing that she wasn't going to be drawn into a casual exchange, Bob said, "Dr. Robbins, how many times did your assailant strike you in the head and face?"

"Colin Thomas struck me with force in the head and face four times."

Bob looked at the jury. "Would you say that you were dazed from these repeated blows to the head?"

"I was briefly dazed after each blow, but I was conscious throughout the attack. And aware of what was happening."

"It was dark, you were dazed and frightened, and you were almost wholly unable to provide a physical description of your rapist to the police. Is that an accurate statement?"

Arizona hesitated. "Yes."

"During the actual sexual assault, your assailant penetrated you from behind and held your face in the grass. That's what you said, isn't it?"

Cringing at having her traumatic experience repeated back to her, Arizona tried not to act rattled. "Yes."

"So the only reason _you_ believe that Mr. Thomas raped you is because you were told that the DNA evidence supported that conclusion?"

"That's true. Yes."

Bob's smile faded. "Dr. Robbins, how much do you know about the accuracy of DNA testing?"

Kent shot to his feet. "Objection. The witness's knowledge of DNA testing is irrelevant."

The judge—a dark-skinned woman with an expression of perpetual intensity—nodded her head. "Sustained."

Bob didn't miss a beat. "Dr. Robbins, as a surgeon—a scientist—would you guess that DNA testing is 100% accurate?"

"Very few things in life are 100%."

"True." Bob inhaled to continue speaking, but Arizona cut him off.

"However, DNA is generally acknowledged to be certain in all but 1 out of 100 billion cases. It far exceeds the 'beyond a reasonable doubt' standard." Arizona paused, then said, "As I'm sure you know."

Clearly flustered, Bob faltered for a moment before he managed a response. "What I know is that DNA testing is not 100% accurate. And, frankly, I don't believe that the questionable analysis of evidence collected by your colleague can be said to reliably connect Colin Thomas to your assault."

Kent was back on his feet. "Objection. Does counsel have a question for my witness or is he just taking this opportunity to launch a one-man crusade against the indisputable accuracy of DNA testing?"

Bob sniffed. "I have no more questions for this witness, your honor."

Arizona sat stunned as Bob shuffled back to the defense table and sat down. That was it? She'd been expecting more—more degradation, more objections, more trauma. Instead, his questioning had barely grazed her. Was it really possible that she'd just gotten through this thing?

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins." The sound of the judge's voice snapped Arizona to attention. Disbelief flooded through her at the knowledge that she was done. It was over. When the bailiff approached the witness stand, it took her a moment to realize that she needed to get to her feet. He offered his arm and she took it instinctively, knowing that she would need the support.

Her legs wouldn't stop shaking. Not from fear, though. She wasn't afraid anymore. With that thought in mind, Arizona stared down Colin Thomas as she walked past the defense table. He met her eyes only briefly before turning away to whisper in his attorney's ear. Arizona actually smiled. He held no power over her anymore. None.

She was free.

#

Ten minutes later, Arizona perked up at a knock on the door of the conference room where she sat with Sandy, waiting for court to recess. Knowing it had to be Callie and Teddy, she rushed over and flung open the door with a breathless grin. Callie took one look at her face and mirrored her expression, pulling her into a tight hug.

"You were _amazing_," Callie murmured. She sprinkled kisses down Arizona's jaw line, briefly nuzzling her neck before drawing away with a toothy smile. "Seriously, babe, you kicked so much ass in there."

"Yeah? I thought it went pretty well, too." As much as Arizona wanted to just stare into Callie's loving eyes forever, she sensed Teddy hovering awkwardly nearby and shifted her attention to her best friend. Teddy's eyes were red and she looked as though she was merely between bouts of tears. "Hey, Theodora. You okay?"

Nodding, Teddy dissolved as she threw her arms around Arizona in a desperate embrace. "I'm so proud of you. That man is a fucking scumbag." Teddy sniffled, then stepped back and embarrassedly wiped her face. "God, I was supposed to be here to support you. Not turn into a basket case."

"Rough day?" Arizona chuckled.

Teddy rolled her eyes and continued to dry her tears. "A little, yeah."

Arizona patted her on the back. "The hard part is over."

Teddy barked a laugh, shrugging as she retreated behind Callie. "Honestly, Arizona. You were so brave—both today, and that night. At the risk of sounding stupidly trite, you really are my hero."

"Thanks." Shy under Teddy's effusive praise, Arizona moved back into Callie's waiting embrace. Closing her eyes, she soaked up the feeling of security she had been craving all day. "I'm so glad that part is done."

"God, me too." Callie gave her a gentle squeeze. "What do you say we get out of here and go have some lunch?"

Arizona's stomach growled at the mere suggestion. Apparently her nausea was gone. "I could eat."

Callie beamed. "Teddy? You hungry?"

"Sure." Teddy smiled bravely, compelling Arizona to take a step forward and take her hand.

Arizona gave Callie a subtle look, then led Teddy to the corner of the room, out of earshot. "If you need to talk…"

Pink-cheeked, Teddy nodded. "Not today. At some point, yes." She lifted her gaze and searched Arizona's face. "But only if you're up for it."

"You've always been there for me," Arizona murmured. "I'll be here for you whenever you're ready."

"I appreciate that." Teddy kissed her cheek, then said, "If you don't mind, I need to go freshen up before we leave. I'll meet you back here?"

"Take your time." Now that the difficult part was over, Arizona felt strangely complacent. Going to lunch would be great—so would going home—but, post-testimony, she didn't care as much about what she was doing—or where—as she did about how fantastic it felt to be alive. "We'll be here."

After Teddy left the room, Sandy broke away from her conversation with Callie to answer a phone call. She nodded to Arizona in apology, then walked out of the room on Teddy's heels. Just as happy to be alone with Callie, Arizona sidled up to her partner and rubbed her lower back. "Hey."

Callie grinned and pulled her into another hug. "Hey, yourself."

Arizona tucked a lock of dark hair behind Callie's ear. "Are we still going on that date tonight?"

"If you're game, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than take you out and celebrate what you just did."

Arizona shivered at the warm press of Callie's hands on her sides. "I'm feeling a lot better now. Just like you said."

Gathering her closer, Callie whispered, "Good."

Arizona raked her fingers through Callie's hair, drawing out a contented sigh. "How do _you_ feel?"

"Glad this part is over." Callie stiffened slightly. "Bummed there's still more to come."

Sensing a crack in Callie's positive front, Arizona said, "So did today make you more or less nervous about testifying?"

Callie drew back and met her gaze. Her chin quivered. "I don't know. The same. I don't think it's possible for me to feel any more nervous."

"I know it's scary, but it won't be as bad as you think. I promise." Hoping to draw out a smile, Arizona planted a playful kiss in the center of Callie's lower lip. "It wasn't nearly as awful as I imagined it might be. Actually, it was sort of empowering."

Callie shrugged and looked at the floor. "Yeah, but it'll be different for me. I can't even imagine how hard it was to do what you just did, but at least you knew you hadn't done anything wrong. That had to help."

"Hey." Arizona gave Callie's shapely bottom a firm pinch, making her yelp. "Stop it. You didn't do anything wrong, either."

Obviously trying to suppress a smile, Callie knocked Arizona's hand away. "If I didn't do anything wrong, why am I getting pinched?"

"Because you've got a great ass."

That earned her a hearty, genuine laugh. Callie shook her head, tugging Arizona in for an extra-long hug. "I think you're better at cheering me up than I am at cheering you up."

"Not true. You were awesome this morning. And in court—every time I thought I wouldn't be able to keep going, I looked at you. Just the sight of you gave me strength." Arizona kissed Callie's earlobe, then whispered, "You didn't do anything wrong. You were acting out of love, nobody was permanently damaged, and, honestly, you were entitled to some anger, considering the circumstances."

Callie tightened her embrace. "As long as you believe that, I'm good."

"I believe that." Arizona paused. "Plus, how hot is the thought of you going ballistic on that scumbag? Defending my honor with that sexy hot-blooded Latina attitude."

Rumbling with laughter, Callie kissed Arizona's cheek. "You are feeling better, aren't you?"

Better didn't even begin to cover it. Despite her lingering worry about the verdict, Arizona was ecstatic. She had done her duty and stayed strong. Not only that, but she'd stared down the monster that still haunted her life until he looked away. Tonight she would eat a fancy French dinner and make love to a beautiful woman, before getting up tomorrow to go work with her kids at the hospital.

Wearing what she knew was a ridiculously perky grin, Arizona said, "I'm happy."

Callie didn't hesitate before breaking into her own mirroring smile. "Me, too."

And that's when inspiration struck. Suddenly Arizona knew exactly how to cheer Callie up in a major way—and hopefully convince her, once and for all, that they would make it through this trial intact. Tonight she would put her plan into action. If all went well, there would no shortage of things to celebrate.

She couldn't wait.

_To be continued…_


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

Arizona was up to something. Never good at deception, the more excited she was about a secret, the giddier and more obvious she became about the fact that she had one. Right now she was literally bouncing in her chair at the elegant French restaurant Callie had chosen, drop-dead gorgeous in a blue dress that matched her eyes and showed off a tasteful hint of cleavage. Despite the captivating sight of Arizona showing more skin in public than she had in months, Callie's gaze was riveted to her face. Her dimples were out in full force and she looked like she didn't have a care in the world.

"God, you're beautiful." Callie blinked when Arizona's smile grew impossibly wider. She hadn't even realized she'd spoken that aloud. It was true, though. "You look stunning."

"So do you." Arizona's gaze slid down to Callie's chest before making a slow return trip to her face. "I feel like the luckiest girl in the world when you wear that dress."

Callie grinned, leaning over the table to offer Arizona a glimpse of the tops of her breasts. She chuckled when Arizona's focus immediately shifted lower. "That's why I wore it. I know how much you like the view."

Arizona glanced around the dining room, a smile playing on her rosy lips. "So does everyone else. You've turned a lot of heads tonight." She wrinkled her nose, adorable to the core. "It's a good thing I'm not the jealous type."

"Me, too." Callie reached across the table and took Arizona's hand. "Because you really are breathtaking tonight. It's like you're glowing."

"I'm just relieved." Running her thumb over Callie's knuckles, Arizona murmured, "Life is good."

As pleased as she was to see Arizona so steeped in positivity, Callie couldn't silence the small, worried voice inside of her that warned that this idyllic bubble they were living inside might not last. Arizona could promise her love and devotion all day long—she could even mean it—but neither of them knew what would happen after Callie testified. Too much was up in the air. Depending upon the outcome of the trial, they might not have another night of celebration like this for a long time.

As though sensing the direction Callie's thoughts had taken, Arizona squeezed her hand. "Life. Is. Good."

Callie exhaled, focusing on what was right in front of her in this moment. Arizona was still hers. Tonight they were celebrating Arizona's courage, and Callie wanted to honor what she'd accomplished by making this an evening to remember. Judging from the sly look on Arizona's face, the one that made it totally clear that she was burning to reveal some big surprise, Arizona was on exactly the same page. Tonight was special and they both knew it.

"Life is very good," Callie murmured, turning Arizona's hand over. She traced her fingertips over Arizona's palm and gave her an innocent smile. "So are you going to break down and tell me, or are you waiting for me to try and coax it out of you?"

Arizona's mouth dropped open in mock surprise. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't." Feeling naughty, Callie extended her foot and ran the toe of her shoe up Arizona's toned calf. "You're totally subtle. Really. I have absolutely no idea that you're keeping a secret."

Even Arizona's scowl was precious. "I _am_ subtle."

"Subtle as a stampeding herd of unicorns."

A very unladylike peal of laughter burst out of Arizona. Wide-eyed, she clapped a hand over her mouth and managed a sheepish look around as she fought off a case of the giggles. When she finally regained control, she shook her head and looked up at Callie with shining eyes. "I love the way you make me laugh, Calliope."

"Me too." Nothing felt better than hearing Arizona in the throes of joy. The few weeks when Arizona's laughter had disappeared had been the worst of Callie's life. "I love you. You deserve to be happy."

Arizona sat up a little straighter. "You make me happy."

Callie beamed, reaching across the table to take Arizona's other hand. "You make me happy, too."

Arizona bit her lip, shook her head, then said, "How do you feel about flash mobs?"

Callie blinked. Now she was confused. "In what sense?"

"Do you like the _concept_ of flash mobs?"

"A bunch of people showing up somewhere so they can dance together?" Uncertain about where the conversation was going, Callie didn't know how to answer. "Yeah, it's cool. It would be fun to see something like that. Or are you about to ask me if I want to _join_ one?"

Arizona exhaled. Then she pulled a small box out of her purse—a ring box. Callie's breath caught at the shock of seeing that object in Arizona's hand. If Arizona was really about to do what Callie thought she was going to do, then this was most definitely a very big, very exciting secret. It was a wonder that Arizona had been able to hold out this long.

Obviously gathering her thoughts, Arizona cleared her throat. "I don't think I ever _really_ saw myself doing this—what I'm about to do, I mean. I never thought about it much before I met you. That said, I had imagined that if I ever _did_ propose to a woman, I'd totally make it into this grand, romantic gesture." She quirked a smile. "Like a flash mob just for you."

Callie's heart threatened to hammer out of her chest. Somehow this wasn't what she'd been expecting at all. Not that she was complaining. "Grand gestures are overrated," she whispered.

"I'm glad you think so, because I have a feeling those flash mobs are a pain to organize, and I really didn't want to wait to do this." Taking a deep breath, Arizona opened the ring box and revealed an absolutely gorgeous diamond ring. Elegant and feminine, it made Callie feel impossibly beautiful—and she hadn't even put it on yet. "This is my grandmother's wedding ring—my father's mother. It was supposed to go to my brother, so he could give it to whoever he married."

Callie's throat tightened at the enormity of what Arizona was giving her. It was too much. They had no idea what was going to happen next, and Callie didn't want to put Arizona in a position where she would be forced to break a promise. Because that's what this ring was—a promise of forever. A promise to stick things out, for better or for worse.

"When Danny died, my father gave it to me. I planned to just keep it for myself, honestly. I never, _ever_ envisioned someday meeting a woman I would trust and love so completely that I would actually _want_ to give away something this precious." Arizona took the ring out of the slot, then set the box aside. She met Callie's eyes again, holding the sparkling band between their faces. "Calliope, you are far more precious to me than any piece of jewelry can possibly convey. You are my partner in every sense of the word, and my best friend, and the person I want to spend the rest of my life loving."

Callie's mouth dropped open as Arizona took her hand, sliding the ring onto her finger with ease. It fit. She met Arizona's gaze, slack-jawed and wholly without words.

Arizona lifted their joined hands slightly, lowering her face to kiss Callie's knuckles. "I love you, Calliope Torres. Unconditionally. Forever. With all that we've already overcome, I know we can make it through anything." Eyes shining, Arizona broke into a grin that was the very definition of ear-to-ear. "Will you marry me?"

"I—" Callie's vision blurred and her voice faltered. Frightened by the thunderous pounding of her heart, she placed the palm of her free hand over her chest and tried to breathe. She stared at her ring finger, marveling at the intricacy of the filigree work on the band. "This ring is…"

"Yours." Arizona's dimples deepened. "That ring is yours."

Callie didn't know how to process all the emotion swirling around inside her. As terrified as she still was about testifying, she couldn't possibly say no. She didn't _want_ to say no. Not only because she would rather die than break Arizona's heart like that, but also because nothing had ever sounded more exciting than being Arizona's wife. "Yes," Callie whispered. "Of course I'll marry you."

Arizona clapped softly but excitedly, then sprang out of her chair to pull Callie onto her feet and into a tight hug. Quiet, scattered applause erupted in the dining room as the people who'd noticed the scene reacted to the outcome. Arizona drew back and grinned around the room, then whispered to Callie, "The only thing that could possibly make this better would be if they all stood up and started dancing, right?"

Callie laughed and released Arizona with a soft kiss on her lips. "Nothing could make this better." She waved at the smiling patrons around them, then sat down and gazed again at the ring as Arizona took her seat. Now that the initial euphoria was receding, her anxiety took hold. "I'm afraid to accept this before I have to testify." She didn't look at Arizona's face as her deepest fear spilled out, worried that she was going to spoil what really had been the perfect proposal.

"I know you are—which is the biggest reason I wanted to give it to you now."

"Obviously you know that if something happened…" Callie trailed off, hating the pain in Arizona's face as she once again verbalized her doubt. "I would return the ring. I know what it means to you."

"You're not returning the ring." Arizona's eyes flashed. "We are _not_ breaking up. Not over some lowlife, pathetic rapist."

The waitress chose that moment to bring their food, along with a bottle of champagne they hadn't ordered. Auburn-haired and wearing a sunny smile, her eyes sparkled as she glanced back and forth between them. "I couldn't help noticing that we have something to celebrate."

Arizona grinned back, once again all rainbows and joy. "She said yes."

After pouring the champagne into their glasses, the waitress turned to Callie with an excited wiggle that reminded her a lot of Arizona. "May I see?"

Callie lifted her hand, meeting Arizona's gaze with a shy smile as the waitress oohed and aahed over the ring. Arizona reached over the table and gave her wrist a reassuring squeeze. When the waitress left after congratulating them both, Arizona pulled Callie's left hand over the table, ignoring her duck entrée in favor of adjusting the ring on Callie's finger.

"The only way Colin Thomas can hurt me now is by costing me the love of my life. Trust me when I say that _I_ won't let that happen. By accepting this ring now, you're making a commitment that neither of us will let that happen." Arizona swallowed, tears falling despite the tremulous smile she still wore. "Please, _please_ don't let him destroy us, Calliope. I don't know how I'd survive that."

"Of course I won't." Callie grabbed Arizona's hands and kissed the backs of her fingers. For as much as they'd talked about the what-if's surrounding Callie's testimony, this was the first time that Callie truly believed that Arizona would fight to keep their relationship alive no matter what happened. Ashamed that it had taken her so long to find absolute faith in the woman she loved, Callie wiped Arizona's tears away with her thumb. "I absolutely love the ring. And you—I love you."

"I love you, too."

Wanting to offer Arizona something more on this night than just her insecurities, Callie said, "We both know I never envisioned being with someone like you. But now that I've met you, I can't imagine ever loving anyone else. I'm accepting this ring because I _do_ believe you're the one for me. And I promise I won't let him take that away from us, either."

Still teary-eyed, Arizona gave her a broad grin. "Good. Now let's eat our dinner so we can go home and get in bed. Okay?"

Totally on board with that suggestion, Callie picked up her fork and dug into her succulent-looking beef entrée. "Bon appétit."

#

An hour later, Callie struggled to unlock the door as Arizona kissed her sweetly in the hallway outside their apartment. While this wasn't the first time they'd succumbed to desire before making it inside, Arizona hadn't been so public with her affection in months. She wasn't throwing herself at Callie or being overtly sexual—she simply stood with her arms wrapped around Callie's neck, pouring every ounce of her emotion into the joining of their lips. Callie couldn't remember a more perfect moment in her entire life and hated that she had to pull away to successfully fit her keys into the lock.

"Let's go straight to bed," Arizona murmured, caressing the small of Callie's back when she finally managed to open the door. "Because as much as I love this dress, I've been waiting all evening to get you out of it."

Callie grinned as she closed and locked the door behind them. Catching Arizona's hand before she could walk away, Callie tugged her back into the circle of her arms. "What a coincidence." She kissed Arizona's neck as she dragged the zipper on the back of her dress down to the base of her spine. "I was planning to take yours off right here."

Arizona shivered, clinging to Callie as soon as her shoulders were bare. She stood perfectly still as Callie removed her dress, then primly stepped out of the material that had pooled around her ankles. Her gaze turned predatory as she reached for Callie's zipper. "Now you."

"But maybe I wasn't done with you yet." Callie pretended to duck away from Arizona's searching fingers but allowed herself to be caught easily.

Giggling, Arizona wrestled with the zipper on Callie's dress. Too impatient to hold back another second, Callie ran her hand over the damp crotch of Arizona's pretty pink underwear. Arizona's laughter turned into a moan. "Stop trying to distract me."

Choosing obedience, Callie half-turned so Arizona could unzip her dress the rest of the way. It occurred to her how boldly she'd just touched Arizona and how freely Arizona had accepted the contact. She hadn't considered the possible repercussions of such an intimate caress, even after the day they'd had. That Arizona hadn't flinched was reassurance that despite her intense, exhausting morning, she was fully engaged in the present. More than that, she seemed eager to lose herself in the safety of their intimate connection.

Arizona stripped Callie down to only her bra and panties. Because they'd gotten dressed for their date in separate rooms—to "preserve the magic", according to Arizona—Callie made sure to pay attention as Arizona got her first glimpse of the lacy black lingerie Callie had purchased just for this occasion.

"Wow." Arizona stared at her chest as though it held the secret of life. "Just…wow."

"For you." Callie grabbed Arizona's hands and placed them on her breasts. "You like?"

Smoothing her hands over the delicate material, Arizona whispered, "I love."

Callie pulled Arizona into another hug, desperate for skin-on-skin contact. She sighed at the familiar press of Arizona's curves against her own, then kissed her jaw with a contented groan. "_Now_ we can go to bed."

Arizona turned her face to capture Callie's mouth, then breathed, "I'm not sure I'll be able to stop kissing you long enough to walk that far."

"No problem." Calling upon the same strength that made her such a capable orthopedic surgeon, Callie lifted Arizona into her arms. "You don't have to."

Arizona gasped, clearly surprised, and wrapped her legs around Callie's hips. Then she sank her fingers into Callie's hair, chest heaving. "_Hot_." Arizona's mouth crashed against hers again, wreaking havoc on Callie's ability to actually put one foot in front of the other.

Callie managed to carry Arizona to the bedroom without dropping her or bumping into anything—earning her definite stud points, as far as she was concerned. When she finally reached the edge of the bed, she deposited Arizona on her feet, gently. Then she brought her hands to Arizona's face and kissed her some more.

Breaking away some time later, Arizona murmured, "Get on the bed, Calliope. I want to make you come."

Her direct words set Callie on fire. She scrambled onto the mattress, but before she could crawl up to her pillow, Arizona placed a hand on her calf.

"Wait."

Callie froze. "Okay." Still on her hands and knees, she knew she was giving Arizona a nice view. She looked over her shoulder, not surprised to find Arizona's gaze fixed on her ass. She smiled. "See something you like?"

Arizona bit her lip and met Callie's eyes. "I want you like this."

Callie's stomach fluttered pleasantly at the thought. She loved being taken from behind—she especially liked having _Arizona_ take her from behind. This had always been her favorite position for penetration, but it wasn't something they'd done since Arizona's attack. It simply hadn't come up during sex. Now that it had, Callie realized how very vulnerable a position this really was—and how potentially triggering it might be for Arizona.

With that in mind, she took a deep breath and focused. She wasn't going to refuse Arizona's desires, especially when they so closely matched her own. But she did need to communicate. "Are you sure?"

Arizona gave her a look that made it clear that she heard Callie's concern and understood what she was asking. "I love taking you this way."

"I love it, too." Callie arched her back and wiggled her bottom, eager for Arizona's fingers. "Touch me, Arizona. Don't make me wait after all those kisses."

Arizona gripped her hips, then smoothed her hands over her buttocks. Callie set her knees farther apart, thrusting her ass high into the air. The mattress moved as Arizona settled in behind her and Callie held her breath in anticipation. She was so horny and so in love with Arizona Robbins that she felt like she might pop. Either that or pass out. The only thing that could help her was Arizona's touch.

Callie gasped when Arizona pressed her mouth against the crotch of her panties. She rocked forward only to have Arizona drag her back again, covering her bottom with warm kisses interspersed with playful nips. It wasn't the contact she'd been hoping for, but she loved every second of Arizona's attention.

"I _love_ these panties, Cal." Arizona drew her finger along the material covering Callie's labia, calling attention to the fact that she was embarrassingly wet. "Should I leave them on or take them off?"

No brainer. "Off." Her thighs trembled as Arizona slowly eased her panties down over her hips.

"I thought I might do a little more kissing." Arizona's lips moved across Callie's bare skin as she revealed it, starting at the tops of her buttocks and finally working her way down to Callie's labia. Arizona yanked her panties off her legs, then tossed them aside. Her hands returned to Callie's ass and spread her open. "Hope you don't mind." Arizona dipped her tongue into the valley between Callie's buttocks.

Callie groaned. "I don't—" She grabbed her pillow, tightening her fingers as Arizona's tongue glided along her labia. "I don't mind."

"Good." Arizona began licking and sucking in earnest, devouring her with an enthusiasm Callie had never experienced before—at least not in this position. It was as though she was Arizona's oasis in the desert. She wasn't sure she'd ever felt more desired—or sexier—in her entire life.

Callie's arms shook then gave out, causing her upper body to collapse onto the mattress. She rested her face on the sheet and simply concentrated on keeping her bottom in the air. She'd never known it was possible to be worshiped so thoroughly. It was overwhelming in the best possible way.

Callie's heart nearly stopped when Arizona traced the tip of her tongue around her anus. Clenching her hands into fists, she held her breath as Arizona replaced her tongue with what felt like her thumb. This was the kind of sex they'd had before the rape—adventurous and spontaneous and kinky and fun. She hadn't expected Arizona to get back to this place so soon. Testifying had apparently imbued her with renewed confidence—and maybe even granted her genuine closure.

Sensing the unspoken question in Arizona's touch, Callie said, "Yes."

Arizona laughed. "Eager."

"Just a little." Callie wiggled her bottom, excited that Arizona was in such high spirits. This morning she'd never imagined they would end the day like this. "Touch me there, baby. _Please_."

"I love you." Arizona dragged her thumb down and entered Callie's pussy with a confident thrust. "You're dripping wet."

Pleasure rippled through Callie's belly as Arizona stroked along her inner walls. Moaning, she said, "I love you, too. And fuck yeah, I am."

"Dirty mouth." Arizona withdrew from her pussy, then moved up to play again with her tight, sensitive ring of muscle. "You naughty girl."

Callie rocked back on her knees, drawing Arizona slightly inside. She groaned at the long-missed sensation of anal penetration, then opened her mouth with a gasp when Arizona eased in just a bit deeper. "_Oh_, that feels good."

"Good," Arizona whispered. She shifted position again. The delicious tickle of hot breath on her slick labia made Callie tense in anticipation. "I'm about to make you feel _awesome_."

Callie's laughter turned into a moan when Arizona's tongue went back to work, lapping and sucking her from behind as her thumb gently worked inside Callie's ass. Nails digging into her palms, Callie clenched her fists and concentrated on the dizzying pleasure Arizona created with her fingers and mouth. All too quickly, her thighs began to quake.

Callie lifted her face. "You're going to make me come." She didn't mind, not at all, but she knew Arizona enjoyed choosing exactly when she would peak. As soon as she gave the warning, her pussy contracted and she had to grit her teeth and think about performing a bowel resection surgery to stave off her climax. She didn't want to orgasm until she knew Arizona was ready. "May I come?"

Arizona pulled away chuckling. "Thank you for asking."

"Not a problem." Callie whimpered in frustration as her climax receded. "So is that a no?"

"It's not a no." The bed shifted once again. "I want you to come, Calliope, but I want to _really_ feel it when you do."

Callie fisted her hands above her head and set her knees apart as far as they could go. She wanted Arizona to fill her up so badly she could taste it. "Fuck me." Callie held her breath as soon as the impetuous words left her mouth, worried about the effect they might have on Arizona.

But Arizona only moaned, dragging her fingers through Callie's wetness. "Say please."

"_Please_."

Arizona entered her pussy with what felt like two fingers. Her thumb remained buried in Callie's ass. "Please what?"

Swept away by Arizona's obvious desire for hot, dirty sex, Callie didn't hesitate. "Fuck me. _Please_ fuck me."

Arizona withdrew then pushed back inside her with a powerful thrust, causing Callie to rock forward on her knees. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so wanton. At dinner she'd imagined they would come home and make sweet, tender love. Instead she was being double-penetrated and taken doggy-style. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

"You feel incredible, Calliope." Without stopping her firm, deep thrusts, Arizona somehow managed to unhook the clasp on the back of Callie's bra. It took every bit of Callie's concentration to lift one hand, then the other, to allow Arizona to ease it off and throw it over the side of the bed. Once it was gone, Arizona got on her knees behind Callie and reached her free hand beneath Callie's chest, cupping her breast. "Rub your clit for me. Help me make you come."

Callie reached between her legs and stroked herself, moaning loudly in pleasure. Arizona pinched her nipple in time with her strokes, occasionally stopping to roll the hard tip between her fingers. Between her own hand and both of Arizona's—caressing her clit, filling her ass and pussy, teasing her breasts—she peaked almost immediately, lost in a riot of pleasure. She collapsed onto her belly as she rode out her orgasm, grateful that Arizona moved with her without ever stopping the motion of her hands.

Determined to withstand whatever Arizona gave her, Callie held out through a second orgasm that started less than a minute after the first one ended. By this point she was lying with her hand trapped beneath her pelvis, fingers pressed wetly against her throbbing clit. When it seemed that Arizona was eager to try for a third, Callie reached back and patted her thigh weakly. "Mercy."

Arizona chuckled, bare breasts brushing against Callie's back as she planted a kiss between her shoulders. "That was super hot."

"Oh, yes." With effort, Callie lifted her head and caught Arizona's gaze. Though Arizona wore a toothy smile, the carefree joy was missing from her eyes. Concerned, Callie touched Arizona's cheek. "You okay?"

Arizona nodded quickly. Too quickly. "Yeah. I'm going to pull out now, okay?"

"Okay." Callie suppressed her instinctive wince as Arizona removed her fingers. She studied Arizona's expression, searching for some hint as to what she was thinking. The sex had been undeniably good. Arizona had been happy. What the hell had just happened? Unsettled, Callie rolled onto her side and touched Arizona's wrist. Her ring sparkled as it caught the bedside lamplight. "Arizona—"

"I'm going to the bathroom. Don't move, though, okay?" Arizona rolled out of bed, tossing a flirtatious kiss over her shoulder. "I'll be right back."

Callie waited until Arizona closed the bathroom door, then rolled onto her back with a sigh. So much for closure.

#

Arizona stared at herself in the mirror above the sink as she washed her hands. She kept her sunny smile on her face even though Callie couldn't see her anymore, afraid to surrender to her disquieting emotion for even a moment. The evening had been perfect in every way—from dinner and her proposal to the mind-blowing sex they'd just had—and Arizona desperately didn't want to ruin it with her stupid, fleeting reaction to the way she'd just taken Callie.

Her unease wasn't due to the position they'd just used. Nor the acts she'd performed. On the contrary, having Callie on her hands and knees had aroused Arizona to the point of lightheadedness. The panties she still wore were soaked through and her erect, aching nipples strained against the satin cups of her bra. That's why it was so frustrating that her brain wouldn't just take the hint and shut off for a while. She wasn't proud of the result of her emotional processing and worried that her shame would interfere with the rest of their night.

Callie knocked softly on the bathroom door. "Sweetie?"

"Yeah." Arizona checked her smile in the mirror, then opened the bathroom door. Callie leaned against the doorframe, naked and effortlessly sexy. Arizona swallowed, ignoring the twinge in her gut at the sight. "Hey. Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Searching her face, Callie touched Arizona's cheek as though afraid of how she might react. "Talk to me. Was that too much?"

Cursing her ridiculous hang-ups for threatening to blemish what they'd just shared, Arizona said, "No, it was fantastic. Didn't you think it was fantastic?"

"Are you kidding me? It was incredible." Callie took Arizona's hand between her own. "But I can see that something is bothering you. Was it what I said?"

"What did you say?" Arizona strained to remember everything that had come out of Callie's mouth, not entirely certain what Callie thought had upset her. She hadn't been triggered. That wasn't the issue. "No, you were perfect." Shy under the weight of Callie's concerned gaze, Arizona took her hand and led her back to bed. She hesitated briefly before reaching behind her back to unsnap her bra. "Tonight has been _perfect_, Calliope. I don't mean to spoil it."

Callie's gaze strayed to her bare breasts before returning to her face. "You haven't spoiled anything. I just want to make sure you're all right." She paused to watch Arizona strip off her panties, then said, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Sighing, Arizona pulled back the comforter and slipped into bed. She patted the empty spot beside her. "Join me?"

"Always." Callie slid beneath the comforter and stretched out on her side. She lifted her arm, giving Arizona a cautious look. "May I hold you?"

"Of course." Arizona rolled onto her side away from Callie, then scooted back until Callie was spooning her. She pulled Callie's arm across her stomach and closed her eyes, embarrassed by how obviously she had been affected by the sex they'd just had. "I'm so sorry. It really was awesome, Cal. God, I don't think I've ever seen you look so gorgeous. So _sexy_." Arizona's voice faltered and she swallowed. "It felt incredible."

"Yeah, it did." Callie tightened her arm around Arizona's middle. Her breasts pressed against Arizona's back, making Arizona shiver. "I missed doggy style. You're so good at it."

"Well, I try." Arizona wanted to ignore the ache in her chest, but she knew the only way they could get past the awkwardness she'd introduced into the evening was to talk about the issue head on. "I miss it, too. That's what I was thinking about. You know…after."

"You miss doggy style?"

Arizona shrugged, feeling silly and helpless and generally annoyed. "Yeah." It wasn't exactly about rear-entry sex, though—not entirely. She unfolded Callie's fingers and placed her hand on her stomach, enjoying the sense of connection Callie's touch brought. "I miss easy. I miss _simple_. I miss doing whatever feels good and not thinking about anything except you and me when we're together."

Callie ghosted her lips across Arizona's shoulder. "So it did upset you."

Arizona exhaled. Might as well be completely honest. Her ring was on Callie's finger, and nothing she confessed would change the fact that they loved each other. "It's ridiculous and…and a little ugly, I guess, but I was…envious. Of you. For a minute."

"Why?"

"Because you're able to give yourself to me without hesitation and love every second of it. Because you don't have to live with the memories I do." Arizona cringed as she heard her the words coming out of her mouth. "God, Calliope, I'd go through it all again a hundred times to save you from _ever_ having to know what this feels like. But watching you just now, so hot and confident and _eager_…I was jealous. Because you don't know what it's like."

Arizona held her breath as she waited for Callie to respond. She had no idea how Callie would react to what she'd just said. How would _she_ react, if the tables were turned? She understood why she felt the way she did and assumed Callie would too, but seriously, how fucked up was it that she'd had a moment of near-resentment at Callie for having never been damaged?

_Damn it._ All she'd wanted was one night of freedom. Maybe it had been naïve to believe such a thing was even possible, but after the genuine sense of closure she felt in court today, she had honestly believed that tonight could belong to her and Callie alone. Discovering Colin Thomas still in bed with them was heartbreaking.

Callie splayed her fingers over Arizona's belly and kissed her shoulder more firmly. "It'll get easier, Arizona. With time."

"I know it will." Of course she knew that. So many things had already gotten easier. But that didn't erase her deepest, darkest fear. "But what if it's never actually easy again?"

Callie didn't speak for a long time. She traced circles around Arizona's navel and buried her face in Arizona's hair. Finally she gave Arizona a gentle squeeze. "Even if it's not, we'll still have hot sex and be incredibly happy and have the type of relationship that other people dream of finding. No matter what happens, even when it's not easy, we'll have each other. And that's more than enough. Right?"

Arizona smiled for real for the first time since she escaped to the bathroom. "You're right. It is." She exhaled, shaking off her gloom. She'd given it—and Colin Thomas—enough attention for one evening. If she was going to salvage tonight and the celebration of their engagement, it was time to concentrate on other things. Like the way the gentle touch of Callie's hand was driving her to distraction. "It has to be a good sign that I'm still turned on, right?"

Callie's fingers stilled for a moment, then slid across her belly, up to her hip. "I like the sound of that." She kissed Arizona's neck, then tugged at her shoulder. "May I lick you?"

It sounded so wonderful, so safe, but Arizona wanted to try something else. "Will you touch my breasts?"

"I'd love to." Callie pulled at her again. "Turn over."

"No, like this." Arizona glanced over her shoulder, meeting Callie's gaze. "Stay here with me."

Callie froze. Arizona waited for her to refuse, but instead took a deep breath and then relaxed. "All right." She propped herself up on her elbow, sprinkling kisses along Arizona's bare shoulder. Her fingers went back for two more circuits around Arizona's navel, then slid up to lightly stroke the curve of one breast. "I've never seen you look more radiant than you did tonight at dinner. And I've never wanted you as badly as I do right now."

Arizona trembled as her nipples tightened into painful nubs. A wave of desire crashed over her, carrying with it an undercurrent of mild fear. For months now, being touched sexually from behind had been strictly off-limits. Yet she couldn't deny that this felt good. She might not be ready for doggy style, but she honestly believed that she could handle this. All she had to do was focus on Callie's scent and the safety of her embrace.

"Please don't stop," Arizona murmured.

Callie pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. "I won't." She moved her hand so her palm covered Arizona's nipple, applying gentle pressure that soothed her aching flesh. "You feel so good in my arms."

"You feel good, too." Arizona turned her head and met Callie's lips in a slow kiss. She shuddered in pleasure when Callie skimmed over her nipple, then moved to stroke the tip of her other breast. Breaking their kiss, Arizona whispered, "You're going to be my wife."

Callie's toothy grin elicited an answering smile from Arizona. "Yeah, I am."

Arizona brought her hand to her chest, trapping Callie's hand against her flesh. "I want you to make me come."

"Like this?"

Arizona turned so her back was to Callie. "Yes."

Callie ran her hand along Arizona's side, then brushed her fingertips over her abdomen. "We can do whatever you want—just as long as you promise to keep talking to me and not push yourself too hard. Okay?"

"Deal." Arizona picked up Callie's hand and kissed the center of her palm. She nuzzled into Callie with her cheek, breathing in her vaguely spicy scent. Then she drew Callie's index finger into her mouth, even though she knew she wasn't lacking for lubrication. She dragged her tongue along the length, wetting it thoroughly, then moved their hands down her stomach to the space between her thighs. "Just start out slow."

Arizona released Callie's hand and brought her own up to cover her face. The sensation of Callie's warm fingers cradling her mound was almost overwhelming. Her first reaction was a surge of arousal. The second, right on its heels, was instinctive shame. Squirming uncomfortably, Arizona pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead as she fought to separate her memories of violence from the very real tenderness with which Callie touched her.

"Tell me what you want." Callie kissed her shoulder again. "Stay with me, baby."

"I want…" Arizona exhaled. What did she want? She wanted to celebrate her engagement with her fiancée. To have an orgasm while being cradled in Callie's arms. For this to be easy. It _wasn't_ easy, but she was determined. This was the woman she loved. _He_ was just a pathetic man in a wheelchair—and he couldn't hurt her anymore. Parting her legs slightly, Arizona said, "Rub my clit."

Callie's hand dropped lower, deft fingers seeking out and finding Arizona's swollen clit. She rubbed lazy, whisper-soft circles around the distended flesh, spreading around the wetness that painted Arizona's pussy and thighs. "Poor girl. You were ready for this, weren't you?"

"Making you come seems to have that effect on me."

Callie kissed the base of her neck, between her shoulder blades. Her fingers slid lower, toying with Arizona's labia. "Lucky me."

Arizona's nostrils flared at the casualness of Callie's touch. It was obvious she wasn't in any hurry to send Arizona tumbling into orgasm. She seemed content to tease. Arizona groaned in frustration, then broke into a grudging smile. If delayed gratification was her biggest worry, Callie was doing something right. "I'm the lucky one."

Finally dragging her fingertips back to Arizona's clit, Callie drew measured, sensuous circles around the small bundle of nerves. "Does this feel good, baby?"

Arizona turned her face, inviting another soft kiss. When they parted for air, she moaned in appreciation of the building pressure between her legs. "You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I do." Callie bit her earlobe gently. In a low, throaty voice that made Arizona's pussy contract once, hard, she murmured, "I could touch you like this forever."

Arizona's breathing hitched when the fingers on her clit slid back down to pet her labia once more. Without thinking, she moved her own hand between her legs, finding and stroking her clit with ease. She sighed in relief. There. That was better.

"Hey." Callie's scolding tone was tempered with humor and affection. "Control freak."

"Maybe a little," Arizona admitted. Summoning all her willpower, she stopped rubbing but left her hand in place. She sighed in pleasure when Callie ran her slick fingers over her nails, applying gentle pressure to her throbbing clit. "Tease."

Callie chuckled. "Maybe a little." She rubbed her thumb along the side of Arizona's wrist. "Do you want to touch yourself, or do you just want me to stay on task a little better?"

What she wanted occurred to her instantly. Surprised by her desire but desperate for it for so many reasons, Arizona said, "Will you go inside me while I rub my clit?"

Callie pressed her lips to Arizona's shoulder, then whispered, "Are you sure?"

"You know my orgasms are always more intense with penetration." Arizona knew that this probably qualified as pushing herself. It wasn't so much about penetration—which she'd enjoyed more than once since the rape—but rather being entered from behind. But she really wanted this. Allowing Callie access to her body this way would be the perfect end to a thoroughly memorable and transformative day. She knew it was a little bit of a risk, one she so badly wanted Callie to take with her. "Please. I need to feel you inside me."

Callie moved her hand to Arizona's hip, then between their bodies to cradle her bottom. "I think I'll have to…" She hesitated. "From behind."

"I know." Arizona moved her leg forward, ever so slightly rolling more fully onto her stomach. A flutter of panic rose in her belly as she considered how exposed she was, and how much trust she was placing in Callie. Anything could happen to her in this position. She wouldn't even know it was coming. "Wait."

Callie's hand hadn't moved. "I'm waiting." Infinitely patient, Callie kissed her shoulder with an air of solemn reverence. "Why don't you rub your clit again?"

Arizona started moving her fingers, trusting that Callie knew best. It still felt wonderful. She still wanted to come. Without moving the hand on her bottom, Callie eased her other arm beneath Arizona's shoulder, gathering her into a sheltering embrace.

"It's so hot, watching you touch yourself," Callie whispered next to her ear.

It was the perfect thing for her to say. Arizona relaxed, instinctively falling into an instinctive desire to show off. She rolled her hips against her hand, moaning at the undeniable pleasure she was creating. The slight tightening of Callie's fingers on her bottom only heightened her arousal.

"That good, huh?" Callie's tongue traced the edge of her earlobe. "I'm not surprised. Those fingers were magic inside me earlier. My pussy _and_ my ass."

Arizona bit her lip when all of a sudden she was hovering on the edge of release. She couldn't believe how quickly she'd gotten there, and wasn't ready to let go yet. Not without Callie. "Go inside me now."

Callie lowered her hand slowly, brushing the tips of her fingers over Arizona's slippery labia. "Ready? One finger."

Arizona arched her back, giving Callie easier access. She was so wet and open, so empty, and Callie would never hurt her. She knew that. "Do it." Callie probed gently at her entrance, then pushed inside slowly. It was good, but not enough. Not nearly enough. "Two fingers."

She could feel Callie's smile against her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Please." Callie withdrew then pressed back inside with two fingers. Arizona groaned in satisfaction at having her emptiness filled with such care. She started rubbing her clit again, echoing Callie's moan when the stimulation caused her to immediately tighten around Callie's fingers.

"Do you want me to move, or just stay still?" Callie whispered.

"Move a little." Arizona shivered at the delicious friction caused by Callie's slow, shallow thrusts. "Oh, yeah. Just like that."

Callie moaned. "_God_, you're sexy."

"_You_ are," Arizona shot back, then stopped talking altogether. She was about to come—there was no stopping it this time—and she wanted to just shut up and enjoy the ride. Rubbing furious circles over her clit, she turned and lifted her head, meeting Callie in a hot, messy kiss.

Arizona cried out her orgasm into Callie's mouth, then broke away and buried her face in her pillow. She kept up a valiant effort to continue stroking her clit, but her movements became jerky and erratic as she rode out her shattering climax. Callie stopped thrusting as the pleasure ebbed but made no move to pull out her fingers. She tightened her one-armed hug, holding Arizona close.

"I love you so much," Callie murmured, kissing her hair. "Was that good?"

Raising her leg slightly, Arizona waited for Callie to withdraw, then rolled so they were face-to-face. She threw her arms around Callie's shoulders, holding her tight. Filled with elation for having overcome another challenge, Arizona wrapped her leg around Callie's hips and pulled their lower bodies together. "Good doesn't begin to cover it."

Callie caressed her bottom. "You tired, or are you up for another round?"

Arizona laughed, pleased that Callie wasn't yet sated—and that she felt confident enough to ask for more. "Oh, you're not getting off that easily." She waited a beat. "So to speak."

Groaning, Callie silenced Arizona's giggles with a kiss. When she pulled away, she murmured, "Dork."

Arizona shivered as Callie stroked her lower back. "We're getting married. That deserves a night of marathon sex."

"It sure does." Callie tugged her on top of her body. Arizona settled into position, enjoying the sensation of regaining control. Running her hands down to Arizona's bottom, Callie gave her a playful pat. "How about we start with you letting me lick your pussy?"

Arizona rolled her hips, grinding her center against Callie's belly. "May I be on top?"

Callie nearly blinded her with the wide, easy grin that spread across her face and ended at her eyes. "I would enjoy that very much."

"Awesome." Arizona sat up, then crawled closer to the headboard while Callie fluffed her pillows and scooted slightly down. As Arizona lowered herself onto the waiting, welcoming heat of Callie's mouth, the rest of the world ceased to exist for minutes that felt like hours, and there was only her and Callie.

Together.

_To be continued…_


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

Getting ready for court was both easier and harder for Arizona the second time around. Easier, because this time the anxiety in her belly was unpleasant but not crippling, since it wasn't for herself—the churning in her gut was one hundred percent for Callie. Harder, because watching Callie suffer was downright painful. Without Teddy there to provide an outsider's calming influence, Arizona found it almost impossible to stay on task and not succumb to the urge to comfort Callie at every turn.

The only thing that stopped her was the fact that Callie was clearly not receptive to comfort. She'd woken up grumpy and sullen and had barely uttered three words as Arizona guided her through their morning routine. When Arizona admonished her to eat a piece of toast, she'd scowled and rolled her eyes, then grumbled about how it wasn't like _Arizona_ had eaten before her day in court. After Arizona suggested that she at least sip some peppermint tea to settle her stomach, Callie had snapped at her to stop mothering and just leave her be.

She didn't take Callie's bad mood to heart. Sometimes when Callie was really frightened or insecure, she reacted by lashing out even as she turned inward. This was simply one of those times. Knowing better than to push Callie to engage in banal conversation when she was in such a foul mood, Arizona didn't speak as she ushered them out the door and to the car. She fully intended to let Callie stew in silence during the drive, hopeful that she'd work through her fears on her own terms.

Despite her sullen mood, Callie held Arizona's hand the entire way to the courthouse and didn't let go until Kent Johnson warned them that the trial would resume in a little more than five minutes. As soon as Arizona moved to leave the conference room where they were waiting, the cold mask Callie had been wearing all morning vanished, replaced by an expression of heartbreaking vulnerability. She let go of Arizona's hand with obvious trepidation, throat working as Arizona kissed her and wished her luck.

And when Arizona left the conference room, Callie watched her go as though terrified that she'd never see her again.

The idea that Callie might honestly still believe that whatever happened next could destroy them rent Arizona's heart in two. She walked to the courtroom with a heavy ache in her chest, wishing she didn't have to leave Callie behind to secure a seat in the gallery. There was nothing more terrible than knowing Callie was hurting and not being able to comfort her. She'd hoped the engagement ring might offer some reassurance today, but now she wasn't sure whether that would be enough.

Once inside the courtroom, Arizona surveyed the gallery for an open seat. Being able to see Callie and Teddy in the audience had made all the difference during her own testimony, so she wanted to sit where Callie could easily spot her face. She hoped it would help, because she honestly wasn't sure what else she could do.

A hand waved from the row of chairs behind the prosecutor's table and caught her gaze. Arizona grinned when she saw who was trying to get her attention. Lauren Chase. Grateful for a friendly face among the crowd of spectators, Arizona hurried down the center aisle and slipped into the empty chair next to Lauren.

"I figured I would save you a seat," Lauren said as Arizona settled in. "How's your partner doing?"

"She's nervous." Arizona exhaled, glancing in the direction of the defense table. Colin Thomas hadn't been brought into the room yet. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you here. Makes this easier. For me, at least."

"I wanted to support you—and Calliope." Lauren touched her arm. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here the day you testified. I had to work."

"Don't worry about it." Arizona met Lauren's eyes, touched by the genuine concern she found there. "Honestly, I had Callie and my best friend Teddy with me, so I was fine. But so far today I've been feeling kind of alone, and watching Callie deal with this is so hard, so I'm really, really glad you're here right now." Aware she was starting to babble, Arizona paused and exhaled. "Anyway. Thank you."

"There's nowhere I'd rather be, believe me." Lauren's focus shifted to the opposite side of the room at the sound of a door opening. She wrinkled her nose in disgust as Colin Thomas came limping through the door on a pair of brand-new crutches, dressed in a suit and tie. "I want to see that bastard squirm."

Arizona turned to look just as Colin's gaze drifted toward them. He briefly locked eyes with Arizona, then Lauren, and then he looked away. Lacking the bravado he'd displayed last time, he hobbled to his chair and carefully sat between his attorneys. With a measure of satisfaction, Arizona noticed that his female companion wasn't in attendance today. Perhaps she'd thought better of her unwavering support.

"He seems less confident than the last time I saw him," Arizona murmured. "Maybe this is finally getting real for him."

"The trial does seem to have humbled him a bit. He was a monster during my testimony. He actually _winked_ at me at one point. I'm not sure whether anyone saw him—probably not, because he did it when Kent was showing the jury the photographs of my injuries. But I saw. Cocky asshole." Lauren glared in his direction with palpable rage. "His dickhead defense attorney did a decent job of painting me as a drunk slut who had no idea what the fuck happened to her and was asking for it, anyway. I'm sure Colin was riding high off that when you got up to testify."

"Well, he seemed a bit deflated by the time I was done." Arizona stared down the back of his head, feeling much stronger than she had the last time they'd been in this room together. Lauren's presence at her side only bolstered her sense of power. "He wouldn't even look me in the eye."

"And that was _before_ Sofia Romero testified. Trust me, that was a rough day."

Arizona turned, no longer interested in their rapist. She avoided the news coverage of the trial and hadn't asked Kent for details, but she was undeniably curious about how Sofia had fared. With as frightened as Sofia had been the last time they spoke, Arizona couldn't imagine how she'd managed to confront Colin again, even in a room full of people. "You were here?"

"Oh, yeah." A look of satisfaction softened Lauren's face. "She was _amazing_."

"Really?"

"You could tell she was scared to death, the poor thing, but she did great. There's no way _anyone_ in that jury believes that what happened between her and Colin was consensual. Not after the way she described it. When Bob Lintz started off his cross-examination by trying to frame her as a college girl who cheated on her boyfriend because she wanted rough, dangerous sex with a stranger, I could _see_ the jury turning against him." Lauren's good humor vanished and her eyes darkened. Flicking her attention back to the defense table, she said, "You can't even imagine what he put that poor girl through. I could hardly bear to sit in here and listen."

Arizona's eyes welled with emotion at the thought of Sofia—frightened, broken Sofia—standing up in court and delivering a killing blow to Colin Thomas's defense. "Good for her."

Lauren bumped Arizona gently with her shoulder. "Honestly, I don't think he has a prayer of getting off. Besides the consent defense, their only other strategy has been trying to discredit the DNA evidence from our rapes. But Kent says he doesn't think that will work. They keep insinuating that the DNA analysis was flawed, that the police department made sure they got the results they were hoping to get, but the samples were tested more than once by two different accredited labs. And the defense hasn't offered an alternative analysis." She hesitated, sobering. "Unfortunately, that means Bob is probably getting desperate. This is one of his last opportunities to convince the jury that his client isn't an evil scumbag."

"He must be desperate already to even think about putting my partner on the stand." Arizona glanced at the door near the bench. The judge would arrive any moment to call court into session, and then Callie would be on. Was she dying inside right now? Needing to distract herself from thoughts of how Callie must be feeling, Arizona studied the back of Bob Lintz's head. If only she could divine his strategy simply by staring. "I hope he doesn't try anything crazy with Callie today. She's terrified already…convinced that she's going to singlehandedly get Colin Thomas acquitted."

Snorting, Lauren said, "I think she's giving good old Bob a little too much credit."

Arizona hoped so. Before she could reply, the bailiff opened the door for the judge, who swept into the room and quickly brought court into session. Arizona mentally reviewed Callie's practice sessions with Kent Johnson as the trial picked up where they'd left off the day before. Hopefully the defense would stick to the questions Kent had anticipated and prepared Callie to answer. As cool-headed as Callie was in the operating room, being forced to think on her feet in this situation would likely send her into panic mode. After all, Callie had lost this trial for the prosecution hundreds of times in her head. It wouldn't take much to knock her off balance.

When Bob Lintz called Callie to the stand, every head in the room turned to watch the bailiff lead her inside. Lauren touched Arizona's hand and leaned in close. "You didn't tell me she was a freakin' goddess. _Wow_."

Lauren's whispered comment triggered a big, no-doubt dimpled smile just as Callie's tense gaze landed on Arizona's face. To Arizona's delight, a small answering grin tugged at Callie's lips. As though taking strength from Arizona's good mood, Callie took a visible breath and threw back her shoulders as she walked to the witness box to be sworn in. When she sat down and regarded Bob with expectant silence, she appeared cool and unflappable—the very picture of confidence. Surely nobody except Arizona could see that she was scared to death.

Arizona grabbed Lauren's hand on impulse, pleased when Lauren gave her a reassuring squeeze. Making sure to keep her attention locked on Callie, Arizona sat up straighter and exhaled. _Here we go_.

#

Bob Lintz asked an easy question first—name and occupation. Callie cleared her throat, praying her voice wouldn't waver when she answered. "My name is Calliope Torres and I'm an orthopedic surgeon at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital."

Lintz's smile oozed insincerity. "So Dr. Arizona Robbins is your colleague."

"That's correct."

"She is also your lesbian lover."

Callie bristled at the way he diminished their relationship with his choice of words, then glanced at the jury, trying to gauge their reaction. One woman rolled her eyes while another gave Callie a warm smile. An older man in the second row looked back and forth between Callie and where Arizona sat in the gallery, his expression unreadable. Callie returned her attention to Lintz, reining in her urge to offer a little attitude in response. "Arizona Robbins is my partner. Yes."

"You are also, coincidentally enough, the surgeon who repaired Colin Thomas's fractured legs the night he was arrested for an alleged sexual assault on Sofia Romero. However, you decided to recuse yourself from managing his care shortly after you completed the surgery on Mr. Thomas's legs. Is that accurate?"

Mindful of Ken's admonishments not to say more than necessary, Callie said, "Yes."

Lintz paused, adjusted his tie, then said, "Let's talk for a moment about my client's injuries. He badly fractured both legs and required extensive surgical repair. Would you say that the damage was consistent with a fall—or perhaps a push—out of a fourth-story window?"

Taken aback by the implied accusation in Lintz's question, Callie took a moment to bring her emotions under control. A push? It seemed that Lintz wanted the jury to believe that Colin Thomas's act of desperation was actually a murder attempt by an overprotective brother. As though poor Colin was an innocent victim in all this. Callie shook her head. "Colin Thomas had multiple fractures, internal bleeding, as well as abrasions and contusions that were consistent with a fall—or more likely a leap—from a relatively great height. Like that of a fourth-story window."

"Beyond the injuries resulting from Mr. Thomas's impact with the ground, did you observe any other signs of physical struggle?"

Certain that Lintz's intention was to cast Colin Thomas as a victim and Danny Romero as a violent thug, Callie shook her head. "No. I did not observe any evidence of a physical altercation."

When Bob Lintz smiled and glanced over to the jury, Callie's stomach turned over. Shit. Had she fucked up already? Tightening her hands into fists, Callie waited for the fallout.

"So you observed no other wounds on Mr. Thomas's face or body?" Lintz turned back to Callie. "Nothing that suggested a woman defending herself? Scratches from fingernails, that sort of thing?"

_Shit_. Callie swallowed thickly. His misdirection had essentially just forced her to admit that she'd seen no evidence that Sofia Romero had fought back. Truthfully, though, she'd been so focused on the surgery and her resentment over having to do it to even notice. "I wasn't the technician in charge of recording evidence for a sexual assault prosecution. My job was to treat his internal injuries and fractures."

"Please answer the question, Dr. Torres. Did you observe any injuries to Colin Thomas that would suggest that he had perpetrated a sexual assault against a woman who physically resisted him?"

Kent shot to his feet. "Objection, your honor. The witness just stated that she didn't examine the defendant for evidence relating to a sexual assault prosecution."

The judge raised her eyebrow at Kent. "I'm going to allow the witness to clarify her earlier answer." Turned her weary gaze to Lintz, she added, "But let's move on after that."

"Of course, your honor." Lintz cleared his throat. "Dr. Torres, to confirm: In your capacity as Colin Thomas's surgeon on the night of his arrest, you observed no other wounds beyond those caused by the impact from his fall. Is that correct?"

"That's correct," Callie said grudgingly.

"Thank you." Lintz paced toward the jury box, all theatrics. He stopped and said, with a flourish, "Dr. Torres, did you know that Colin Thomas had been accused of rape when you performed surgery on him?"

"Yes."

"That must have made you angry. I can only imagine how difficult it would have been to help an accused rapist when your own lover had so recently been raped." Lintz paused, and when Callie didn't take the bait to answer a non-existent question, he said, "How _did_ you feel, operating on a man who was being accused of sexual assault?"

"Not great," Callie said. Though Kent had told her that the jury always valued honesty, she didn't want to get too in-depth with her emotions. She'd lost control that night in the hospital, but she refused to lose control in court. "But I did my job. The surgery was successful and, with physical therapy, his long-term prognosis is excellent."

"Fine." Lintz sniffed. "Dr. Torres, why did you recuse yourself from managing Mr. Thomas's follow-up care?"

Callie exhaled, trying not to glance nervously at Kent. They'd practiced this one. "Because I ran into Detective Mendoza after I got out of surgery. She told me that there was a possibility that Colin Thomas was the same man who raped Arizona, and suggested that I take myself off his case. I followed her advice."

"This conversation occurred mere hours after Colin Thomas arrived at the hospital. Had he woken up from surgery by that point?"

"No."

Lintz leaned back against the defense table, folding his arms over his chest. Behind him, Colin Thomas stared at her blankly. Clearly working up to _something_, Lintz said, "This was well before any DNA could be tested. Right?"

For the first time since Lintz started lobbing questions, Callie glanced at Arizona, grateful for the immediate, calming impact of her beauty. For the first time, she noticed an attractive brunette woman sitting beside Arizona, obviously holding her hand. Lauren Chase, she guessed. The realization that another of Colin's victims was here to witness her testimony unnerved her, to say the least. All too aware that Lintz's question still hung in the air, Callie said, "That's right."

"Remind me again where Dr. Robbins was raped?"

Callie stiffened. The question—and the way it made her reflect on what happened to Arizona—touched a nerve. She resented having to answer it when he clearly knew. "Colin Thomas raped her—"

"Allegedly," Lintz interjected.

"He raped her in the employee parking lot at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital. Near where her car was parked."

"So Dr. Robbins was raped by an assailant who performed a hit-and-run style attack in a public place. Colin Thomas engaged in an hours-long consensual—albeit rough—sexual encounter with Sofia Romero in Ms. Romero's apartment. It was only after her brother came home from work and reacted negatively to what was happening in Ms. Romero's bedroom that Ms. Romero suddenly cried rape." Lintz walked closer to the jury, making eye contact with more than one member. "On the surface, there are very few similarities between these two incidents. In fact, perhaps the only thing they have in common is that in each case, a woman accused a man of sexual assault. Given how dissimilar Dr. Robbins's attack was to Sofia Romero's _alleged_ assault, it strains the mind to try and understand how Detective Mendoza could have _possibly_ made the mental leap between the two cases so intuitively."

Now he was attempting to cast doubt on Mendoza and her intentions. Frustrated, Callie discarded Kent's advice only to answer direct questions. "She told me that she couldn't discuss details, but that there were similarities in what was said to both Arizona and Sofia Romero during their attacks."

"Did Detective Mendoza tell you what similarities she was talking about?"

"No, she did not."

Bob chuckled. "Don't you think that there are probably similarities between the language used during many different types of sexual encounters?"

Callie tried not to let her disgust at the question—and his condescending laughter—show. "We aren't talking about a 'sexual encounter' here. This wasn't dirty talk. Arizona was brutally raped, and she was verbally threatened and taunted throughout the attack. _That's_ what we're talking about."

"Fair enough." The bland expression on Lintz's face only heightened Callie's irritation. "Still, I imagine that there are a number of distinct things a man might say while committing a rape—or a woman might report being said to her during an alleged rape—that wouldn't be uncommon to hear. Degrading language, foul words, name-calling. Similarities in words or phrases between sexual assault reports is potentially a very tenuous connection."

"Detective Mendoza obviously felt as though whatever was said to both Arizona and Sofia Romero was specific enough that a connection could be made." Callie glanced at the jury, wishing she could just go ahead and tell them what Kent had shared with her—that Colin Thomas had told his victims that he hoped he'd gotten them pregnant. Unfortunately, she couldn't testify about knowledge she only had because of Kent. Knowing she would have to leave that explanation to the prosecution, she said, "Her suspicion was confirmed by the DNA testing. Seems like an example of good detective work to me."

Lintz's face darkened. "Or perhaps Detective Mendoza simply recognized that Mr. Thomas's arrest was an opportunity to boost her low case closure rate by connecting a falsely accused man to a totally unrelated sexual assault, despite the two completely different M.O.'s."

Kent nearly stumbled in his rush to leap to his feet. "Objection. Counsel is leveling some extremely serious accusations against a decorated police detective with a flawless record. This is pure speculation and, frankly, reeks of desperation. The DNA evidence is scientifically sound. Mr. Lintz hasn't offered any evidence indicating otherwise."

"Sustained." The judge gave Lintz an expectant look. "Do you have more questions for this witness, Mr. Lintz?"

"I do," Lintz said. "Dr. Torres, at any point during the time he was a patient at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital, did you or anyone of your colleagues have access to Colin Thomas's DNA samples?"

Callie was floored. She had imagined a thousand different ways today could go badly, but never had she envisioned being accused of tampering with evidence. What if the jury believed him? What if they thought that she or Cristina or any of Arizona's other friends at the hospital had somehow fudged with his samples to implicate him? Focusing on the reality that she hadn't done anything wrong, Callie managed to feign calm. "I wasn't involved with evidence collection. I'm not aware of when DNA evidence was collected or who collected it."

"So you're not aware of whether another of Dr. Robbins's friends or colleagues might have had access to blood samples, cheek swabs, anything of that nature?"

"No, I'm not." Callie hesitated. "As far as I know, only Detective Mendoza, Chief Shepherd, and I knew that Colin Thomas was a suspect in Arizona's rape until he was officially charged. He was transferred out of the hospital before most of our colleagues even knew he was there…and who he was."

"Can you tell me who performed the evidence collection after Dr. Robbins's rape?"

Unsure where Lintz was going with the question, Callie was relieved when Kent objected again. "Relevance?"

Lintz sniffed. "I'm trying to get an idea of just how close-knit the staff at Seattle Grace Mercy West is…and whether the proper protocols are followed when one of their own is involved."

"Overruled."

Callie exhaled when Lintz gestured for her to answer. "Dr. Cristina Yang did the rape kit."

"Is Dr. Yang a colleague? A friend?"

"She works at the hospital. She's a surgical resident."

"Wow. A surgical resident collecting evidence from a sexual assault?" He tilted his head. "Seems a bit beneath her pay grade."

"Arizona asked Dr. Yang to do the evidence collection. She wanted someone she knew—and trusted—in there with her." She could feel her anger rising, and tried hard not to give it voice. "She was completely traumatized, as I'm sure you can imagine. Covered in blood from when Colin Thomas punched her in the face, in pain—"

"So Dr. Yang is a friend."

"Yes."

"She's also your former roommate, isn't she? The three of you must be very close."

Callie hoped she didn't look as stunned as she felt. Had the defense _investigated_ her?

"Objection." Kent stood again. "What is Mr. Lintz trying to suggest? The evidence from Dr. Robbins's rape was collected more than _two months_ before Colin Thomas was arrested. It was turned over to the police immediately. Despite Mr. Lintz's insinuations, I fail to see what exactly he's accusing Dr. Torres, Dr. Yang, or anyone else at Seattle Grace Mercy West of doing. The semen collected from inside Lauren Chase, Arizona Robbins, and Sofia Romero all matched. Nobody connected to Seattle Grace Mercy West ever had access to evidence from Ms. Chase's assault. This line of questioning is nonsense."

"Sustained." The judge folded her arms over her chest. "Mr. Lintz, unless you have another question for this witness—a question relevant to establishing the defendant's innocence—I'm going to have to insist we move on."

"Fine. I want to talk about an incident that happened the night Colin Thomas was arrested, when my client was recovering from surgery." Lintz stepped closer to the witness box, eyes blazing. "Dr. Torres, did you go to Mr. Thomas's hospital room after Detective Mendoza told you that he might be the man who raped Dr. Robbins?"

There it was. The question she'd desperately hoped he wouldn't ask. Time seemed to slow down around her, and the affirmation she knew she had to make stuck in her throat. She looked at Arizona, then Lauren. What she said next could ruin their chances for closure. But there was no choice but the truth. "Yes."

"Did you then confront Mr. Thomas and accuse him of raping Dr. Robbins?"

_Be honest_. "Yes."

"And did you also physically assault Mr. Thomas in his hospital bed that night, based on the 'hunch' Detective Mendoza shared with you?"

Callie hesitated. "I did assault him. But only after—"

"That's all I need from you, Dr. Torres." Lintz refused to look her in the eyes, addressing the jury instead. "It's obvious that Detective Mendoza used you as a pawn in her personal vendetta against my client. I'm sorry she took advantage of you and Dr. Robbins in that way."

"Objection, your honor—"

Lintz waved off Kent's frustrated interjection. "The witness is yours, counsel."

Kent launched out of his chair and stalked to the witness box. "Dr. Torres, why did you go to Colin Thomas's hospital room?"

Callie struggled to swallow. They'd rehearsed this one, too. All she had to do was get the words out. "I don't know. I wanted to confront him. Detective Mendoza seemed fairly certain he was the man who raped Arizona. He fit Arizona's basic physical description of her attacker. And I'd just spent hours stitching him back together again. I'm human. I made an impulsive decision."

Kent practically cut her off. "Tell us what happened when you went to Colin Thomas's hospital room."

"He asked me for painkillers and I told him he didn't need any. Then he called me a 'fucking bitch'—"

Bob Lintz held up his hand. "Objection. Dr. Torres and Colin Thomas were alone in that hospital room. It's her word against his as far as what was or was not said."

The judge looked over the top of her glasses at Lintz. "You must be joking, counselor. You chose to bring up Dr. Torres's encounter with your client. Because of that, I'm going to allow her to testify about her version of the events in that hospital room. If you want us to hear Mr. Thomas's version, you can put him on the stand."

Lintz sat down without responding. Next to him, Colin made eye contact with her for the first time. He hardened his expression, curling his lip in disgust. All of the anger Callie felt that night in his hospital room came flooding back in an instant. Even though she knew that allowing rage to creep into her testimony would be a terrible mistake, she couldn't help tightening her fists in her lap.

Kent cleared his throat, tearing her attention away from Colin. "Dr. Torres, please continue. You went to his room, he asked you for painkillers, and you told him he didn't need any. What happened next?"

Nostrils flaring, Callie fought to keep her tone even. "He called me a 'fucking bitch'. I was upset, so I asked him if that's how he saw women, as 'fucking bitches'. I asked him if that made it easier for him to rape them and treat them like garbage. Then I basically told him that he didn't just get to walk away after hurting women like he had."

"Go on." Kent nodded.

"He told me to give him drugs or leave his room. I got angry. I told him that someone important to me had been raped in the hospital parking lot a little over two months prior, and I asked him if he knew anything about it."

"What did he say?"

"He complained that because he had been arrested for rape, I was ready to blame him for every woman in the city who had 'gotten a little rough loving'." Out of the corner of her eye, Callie could see Lintz nodding in agreement. "I told him that what had happened to my friend was more than just a 'little rough loving', and he knew it." Hating the words she was about to say out loud, Callie looked down at her hands. "He seemed to snap. He glared at me and said that if I was talking about…" She faltered. "He said if I was talking about 'that cunt surgeon with the tight pussy', to give him a break because she was 'asking for it'. That's when I assaulted him."

Bob Lintz shouted over an audible gasp from the jury. "Objection, your honor! This witness is biasing the jury against my client based on a private conversation she had with Mr. Thomas while he was in pain and most likely still under the effects of the anesthesia from his surgery." Sheer panic flashed across Lintz's face. Callie hoped he was regretting calling her to the stand despite the mileage he'd gotten out of her so far. "This witness has every reason to lie about what Colin Thomas said that night. She's hardly impartial. She physically attacked an injured man based on unverified information…on _rumor_."

The judge looked down at Callie. "Dr. Torres, was any part of your conversation with Colin Thomas witnessed by anyone else?"

Glad to have reached the end of her sordid tale, Callie said, "Chief Shepherd and the officer posted by the door heard Colin tell me not to be jealous because he liked big girls, too." She forced her body to relax as the crowd reacted. At least everything was out in the open now. She wasn't sure what more Lintz and Kent could ask. "That was it. Then I left the room."

"Thank you, Dr. Torres. That's all." Kent gave her a supportive nod and sat down.

Callie exhaled in relief, then stiffened when Bob Lintz stood up again. "Dr. Torres, do you believe that my client was in pain after he woke up from surgery?"

It took all of Callie's willpower not to smile at the question. The memory of Colin Thomas's pain was her one high point of that evening. "I'm sure he must have been."

"So why deny him painkillers?"

Callie wasn't certain how to answer. She could've increased his pain medication dosage. But she hadn't wanted to. She'd wanted him to suffer. Choosing partial honesty, Callie said, "The patient was already receiving pain medication intravenously. I didn't want to increase his dosage and risk overmedicating him."

"It wasn't because you were choosing to act as judge and jury and deliver punishment to a man who hadn't been proven guilty of anything?" He didn't give Callie a chance to answer. "Dr. Torres, would you agree that intense pain could cause a person lash out?"

She knew where he was going with this, and it made sense. It was a good response to the conversation she'd recounted. At the very least, this would introduce doubt into the jury's mind that Colin Thomas had been totally lucid during their encounter. But what could she say? The entire room knew the answer to this question. "Yes, of course."

"You denied your patient painkillers and then accused him of raping your lesbian lover when he was likely still partially sedated—and most certainly suffering—after a major surgery. Were you surprised when he struck out verbally?"

"No," Callie said. She met Colin's gaze, shivering when he stared back at her, unblinking. "I wasn't at all surprised by what he said."

"Do you think that perhaps he was simply trying to get a rise out of the woman who was tormenting him?"

"_Tormenting_ him?" Callie said, just as Kent leapt to his feet.

"Objection. Dr. Torres cannot testify to the defendant's state of mind." Kent gestured at Lintz. "It's pretty obvious that counsel is throwing whatever he can at Dr. Torres in the pathetic hope that something will stick."

Lintz puffed out his chest. "No, I'm demonstrating that my client was presumed guilty of totally unrelated alleged sexual assaults—and treated like an animal because of it—before _anyone_ had one shred of evidence to disprove his innocence. But because I'm confident that I've amply highlighted the systematic campaign to persecute my client, I'll withdraw my last question." He turned with an indifferent shrug. "I'm done with this witness."

The judge gave Callie a brief nod. "Dr. Torres, you're dismissed."

Dazed, Callie stood on shaky legs. Unable to look at Arizona and Lauren, she stared at the floor as she followed the bailiff out of the room. She had no idea what to think about what had just happened. Her brain couldn't process the twists and turns in her testimony well enough for her to decide just how badly she might have damaged the prosecution's case. Maybe a lot. Maybe only a little. There was probably no way to know for sure until the jury returned the verdict.

The bailiff escorted Callie back to the conference room where she'd waited before. She thanked him and sat down at the table with a tremulous sigh. Arizona would no doubt be right behind her, ready to wrap her up in a hug that would make her feel better. Callie hoped so, at least, because she _desperately_ wanted to feel better. She'd imagined experiencing relief after testifying, elation—something resembling the high Arizona had clearly felt when she knew the worst was over. Unfortunately, Callie _didn't_ know that the worst was over. And so relief and elation eluded her.

Stomach roiling, Callie struggled to recall everything she'd been asked, how she'd answered, and how the jury had reacted. Had her confident declaration that Colin bore no signs of physical struggle cast doubt on Sofia Romero's version of events? Was there any chance the jury actually believed that she or someone else at the hospital had tampered with evidence? Or that Detective Mendoza was corrupt? What if Lintz had successfully painted Callie as an angry vigilante hell-bent on punishing the first accused rapist to land on her table after Arizona's attack?

The conference room door opened and broke Callie out of the emotional tailspin she was about to fall into. Despite her gut-churning anxiety, she couldn't help but return the smile Arizona flashed her when she poked her head inside the room. "Hey."

"Hey." Callie stood slowly, too embarrassed to say much more until she knew what Arizona thought about her performance. Concentrating hard on not letting her emotion sweep her away, she said, "You okay?"

Somehow knowing exactly what she needed, Arizona closed the distance between them and gathered her into a tight hug. "I'm fine. Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm not sure." Wanting to see Arizona's honest reaction, Callie drew back and searched her face. "How bad do you think that was?"

"Not bad at all."

Callie couldn't suppress a scoff. "Were you _listening_? He got me to admit that Colin Thomas didn't have any wounds or scratches from Sofia defending herself. He's painted Detective Mendoza as some sort of lunatic cop who's trying to clear her docket by pinning random, open rape cases on a wrongly accused one-night stand. He accused me and half the hospital of tampering with evidence."

"Yeah. He came up with every insinuation and distraction he could to save his client, but none of those things change the fact that Colin Thomas is guilty. No signs of a physical altercation? I didn't manage to scratch, bite, or otherwise injure him, either. I couldn't. And you saw what he did to me. Is it not rape if Sofia didn't fight back?"

Shamed by the question, Callie said, "Of course it was."

"Tampered with evidence? He asked if you had access to Colin's DNA sample that night, but what exactly is he suggesting? That you swapped the fluids collected from my rape with samples from Colin Thomas? How can he explain the fact that the same semen was collected from inside Sofia Romero, me, _and_ Lauren? How exactly would you have engineered that feat, even if you _had_ access to a blood or semen sample?"

"I know you're right." Callie wrung her hands. "I just hope the jury sees it the same way."

"The jury saw a defense attorney desperate to get his client off for crimes he very obviously committed. They also saw a strong, loyal woman testify about a traumatic night when she succumbed to the very human desire to fight for the woman she loves." Arizona took Callie's hand, squeezing cautiously. "Don't worry about the jury. Lauren said that as far as she could tell, Sofia's testimony convinced them even if the DNA evidence doesn't. Nothing the defense conjured up today—not the theories of police conspiracy, or pain-induced false confessions, or faulty DNA analysis—changes that."

Cradling Arizona's cheek, Callie rubbed her thumb over her lips, almost awed that she was still allowed to touch Arizona so intimately. "I'm glad Lauren was here today. That you had someone with you."

"Me too." Arizona kissed Callie's thumb. "Are you up for a quick introduction? She's waiting outside. She knows you were pretty freaked out about today, but she wants to meet you. And…I want you to meet her."

As nervous as she was to come face-to-face with another of Colin Thomas's victims right on the heels of her testimony, Callie sensed that this meeting was important to Arizona. Not that she could refuse, anyway, with Arizona's dimples out in full force. "Sure."

"Don't worry, she's nice." Arizona winked and backed away, heading for the door. "I'll protect you."

Callie relaxed slightly. "Just let her in," she said, battling the smile that threatened to take over at the sight of Arizona in such high spirits. Considering that she'd just sat in a courtroom with her rapist for the second time, she seemed amazingly unburdened. And so very pretty. If nothing else, the fact that Arizona was still here—and still smiling—meant that things really were okay.

Arizona stuck her head into the hallway and spoke quietly to someone who waited out of sight. Aware that her palms were still clammy with nerves, Callie wiped her hands on her pants. Even if it was too late to make a good first impression, she didn't want to inflict her flop sweat on a stranger.

Lauren came into the room wearing a smile that rivaled Arizona's. "Congratulations. It's over—and you did great."

Blushing, Callie offered her hand. "I'm not sure how great I was, but thanks. It's nice to meet you, Lauren."

"It's good to meet you, too." Clearly hesitant, Lauren waited a beat and then opened her arms. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you need one."

Disarmed by Lauren's calming presence, Callie accepted her friendly embrace. A hug had to mean that Lauren wasn't _that_ upset about Callie's testimony. Allowing the thought—and Lauren's closeness—to bring her peace, Callie managed a genuine smile when she pulled back. "Thanks. That did help."

"Good." Lauren stuffed her hands into her pockets. "Listen, seriously, don't let what just happened rattle you. Bob did what defense attorneys do, you know? When you're defending the indefensible, you're going to grasp at straws. And try to cast blame elsewhere."

"Yeah, it kind of felt like I was the one on trial today." Callie shrugged. "I just hope it didn't sound as bad to the jury as it did to me."

"It wasn't nearly as bad as you think. You should've heard my cross-examination. By the time Bob was done with me, the entire courtroom knew that my blood alcohol level was .15 when I arrived at the hospital. They heard about how two different semen samples were collected from me, because I'd had unprotected consensual sex with the guy I was seeing earlier that evening. It was insinuated that my rapist was most likely a regular client at the bar where I worked…perhaps someone I'd enticed with my dancing or my slutty outfit—or lack of one." Lauren's expression hardened slightly. "He focused on the fact that I couldn't give the police a good description of my attacker, and that I was confused about certain details when I was interviewed. Like that meant I hadn't been raped and had my nose and fingers broken. Like I was the one who had done something wrong."

Arizona cringed. "I'm so sorry, Lauren."

Lauren shook her head, holding Callie's gaze. "We didn't do anything wrong. _You_ didn't do anything wrong. No matter what happens with the verdict, please believe that. If nothing else, Arizona and I both know that. Okay?"

Touched by the passion with which Lauren sought to reassure her, Callie nodded soberly. "Okay."

"All right, then." Lauren smirked. "And for the record, if I'd had a chance to hit him while he was lying in a hospital bed, I'd have taken it, too."

Biting her lip, Callie hesitated, and then said, "I didn't _hit_ him, exactly. More like…dug my thumbs into one of the spots where the bone had pierced through his skin."

Lauren winced happily. "I love it. Guess that means we're both evil bitches."

"Or maybe it just means he deserved it," Arizona said, wrapping her arm around Callie's waist. "Sweetheart, the jury isn't going to acquit him because you got upset. Not with all the other evidence and testimony they've seen."

"And if they do, fuck 'em," Lauren said. "It won't be your fault."

Callie tugged Arizona closer and kissed her blond hair, exhaling. The realization that Lauren truly wasn't upset melted away the rest of her tension. A little bit of the feeling she'd been craving—reprieve, completion—took its place. "Thank you."

Arizona patted her chest. "Feel better?"

"Yeah." Callie shared another smile with Lauren. "You guys make a good team. Did you coordinate before you came in here?"

"No, we pretty much just agree that _you're_ wonderful and _he_ sucks." Lauren patted Callie's shoulder, then opened her arms for a hug that Arizona stepped into without hesitation. "On that note, I've got to be at work in an hour. So as much as I'd love to keep chatting…"

"Oh, that's a shame." Arizona released Lauren and returned to Callie's side. "I was going to ask if you wanted to grab lunch with us."

Lauren seemed genuinely disappointed even as she edged closer to the door. "That would've been nice. Maybe another time?"

"Definitely," Callie said. She liked Lauren already, and from the brief interaction she'd just witnessed between her and Arizona, it appeared that they had forged a real connection despite this only being their second meeting. Imagine if they had a chance to socialize in a more relaxed setting. "You should come over for dinner at our place sometime."

Blinking in obvious surprise, Lauren said, "Really?"

"Yes!" Arizona clapped twice, eliciting snickers from both Callie and Lauren. "_Yes_. Soon."

"All right." Lauren seemed caught between happiness and mild embarrassment. "Yeah, I'd like that. "

"So would we." Arizona walked Lauren to the door as Callie lingered behind. "Thanks for saving me a seat today."

"You're very welcome. It was great seeing you again. Really."

Arizona gave Lauren another tight hug before sending her off with the promise to call and make plans. After Lauren left the room, Arizona turned and gave Callie a look that she felt all over. "Thank you for inviting her to dinner."

"Of course. She's your friend." Callie walked to Arizona and took her hand, pulling her out the door. Now that her day in court was over, she wanted to get away from the sights and sounds of the justice system as soon as possible—and back to their life. "Do you mind if we go home instead of to lunch? We can grab something to eat on the way. I know I need something in my stomach."

"Sure." Arizona studied her face as they stepped out of the building and walked toward the parking lot. "Are you really okay?"

"Yeah." Callie took a deep breath, pleased by the realization that she was telling the truth. "I just want to relax before we go to work tonight. That's all."

"We can do that." Arizona nodded in determination. "I'll drive."

#

Two hours and one fast-food sandwich later, Callie lay on her side behind Arizona in their bed, mouth pressed against the soft skin of Arizona's shoulder, fingertips tucked beneath the elastic waistband of her cotton panties. The gentle rise and fall of Arizona's belly beneath her hand had lulled her into a feeling of safety she vaguely remembered from a time before trials and testimony. Content to savor the easy intimacy of their embrace in silence, Callie considered how lucky she was to still occupy this privileged place not only in Arizona's bed, but also her life.

After this morning, it hardly seemed possible that things with Arizona could still feel exactly the same. They were still flirting. Still laughing. Still in love. She had been so ready for _something_ to feel different that she almost couldn't believe nothing did.

Amazing.

Callie kissed the warm skin beneath her lips, ready to break the silence. "I'm sorry I was so grumpy this morning."

Arizona hummed, covering Callie's hand on her belly with her own. "No need to apologize."

"Sure there is." Rubbing Arizona's tummy, Callie said, "I plan on making it up to you."

Arizona made another quiet noise, closer to a murmur or a moan. "I have some ideas about how you can do that."

"So do I." Callie slipped her hand into Arizona's panties, stroking the trimmed hairs that covered her sex. She didn't intend for the touch to be a come-on, despite what she'd just said. Right now she was simply enjoying the closeness of their bodies, the sharing of unguarded space. "_Querida?_"

"Yes?"

"I'm really glad that part is over."

Sighing, Arizona said, "God, me too."

Callie closed her eyes, trying not to worry about the verdict. There was nothing she could do to change it now. All she could do was have faith that in the end, it didn't really matter. Except, it did. It did matter, not only for Arizona, Lauren, and Sofia, but all the other women he would hurt if he got the chance. "I hope he goes to prison for a long, long time."

"I think he will."

Nodding, Callie fell silent for another couple of minutes. Then she whispered, "Arizona?"

"Yes, Calliope?"

She didn't know why she felt the need to make this confession, but she wanted to put her conflicted thoughts into words. And somehow she knew Arizona would understand. "I think…I would hurt him again. If I had it to do over."

"I know, sweetheart." Arizona covered Callie's hand with her own, both of them cradling between her thighs. "Because he hurt me."

Callie's throat stung at Arizona's simple statement and the placement of their hands. "Yeah." She bit her lip in an effort to stop the flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. "Because he hurt you."

"But he can't hurt me anymore." Arizona rolled to face her, forcing Callie to slide her hand around to the back of her panties. "Are you ready to stop thinking about Colin Thomas for today?"

Caressing Arizona's bare bottom, Callie forced away thoughts of the verdict. There would be time enough later to dwell on what would happen next. This was her daily Arizona fix and she didn't intend to waste another second of it. "For today, at _least_."

"Good." Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's hair and drew her into a gentle kiss. "Want to make out a little before we go to work?"

Callie grinned. Easiest question of the day.

_To be continued…_


	26. Chapter 26

**So. Here we are.**

**I apologize wholeheartedly for taking so long to post this chapter. I also apologize that it's the last one (maybe…sorta…more on that later). I had a public speaking commitment (EEK!) followed by a visit from the parents, and that sort of derailed me from being creative for a couple months. Amazing how time flies when you're anxious and overwhelmed. Also…it was damn hard to write this chapter. Like, harder than I ever imagined it would be.**

**When I first started writing this story back in June 2010 (OMFG!), I had no idea it would take me almost two years to finish it. That's pretty crazy, and kudos to those of you who have stuck around for the duration. I have plenty of excuses for why this has taken so long: other writing projects, being a mom, working a full-time job, real life in general, and (honestly) the difficulty of writing a story about rape, with all the emotions it entails. I have to put myself into my character's heads to write convincingly, and this was a fairly traumatic head space to be in. I hate that I made you guys wait so long between updates at times, but the support I received always compelled me to keep going. Thank you for that.**

**In the time I've been writing this, I finished the second half of one novel and wrote another to completion. I also published two original short stories. "Little Earthquakes" has been my labor of love—an unpaid, semi-anonymous escape from my published fiction. As such, it was always the last priority and always the first project to be pushed aside whenever something else came up. I regret that it took me so long to finish it and I thank everyone for their patience. I appreciate it—and you—wholeheartedly.**

**To be totally honest, I started this chapter with the intention of writing two more. This one—the true conclusion of the story—followed by a short epilogue, which would be almost pure fluff and smut. An incontrovertibly happy ending, I guess. But when I finally neared the end of this chapter, I realized that it really **_**felt**_** like the conclusion to this story. And so I'm calling this the end. I genuinely feel that with this one, I've said all I needed to say. And I don't want to hold myself to writing "just one more" if it doesn't feel right.**

**That said, I am reserving the right to write a short, stand-alone epilogue to this story at some point in the future, with all the aforementioned fluff and smut (and I bet you can guess where it'll take place). Unfortunately, I can't promise when I'll be able to get to it. I have (paid) writing projects that I've been putting on hold for literally two years now that I desperately need to focus on. So I'm officially putting this story to bed for now. Keep your eyes open in the future.**

**To everyone who has taken the time to comment, review, or PM me—thank you. Whether or not I was able to respond individually (I did try, but admittedly wasn't always successful), your support and encouragement has meant everything to me. I'm going to try and answer all comments/reviews/notes relating to this final chapter. Just don't yell at me for ending it! (j/k…you can yell at me if you want).**

**As I mentioned before, I struggled mightily with this chapter and I'm still not convinced I won…but I hope you enjoy it. And, again, thank you. Seriously. It's been a pleasure writing for you all.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

"Torres, if you don't stop playing with that damn phone, I'm kicking you out of my OR." Mark spoke in a low grumble, never breaking his intense focus on the dissecting probe he maneuvered within his patient's incised hand. "And before you ask, yes, I'm serious. You're distracting me."

Callie frowned and slipped her phone back into the pocket of her scrubs. She'd convinced herself that she was being subtle about her obsession with checking for new text messages, but clearly that was not the case. "Sorry."

"I get it, I do, but _please_ relax. For Mr. Benton's sake, if nothing else." Despite his admonition, Mark was as steady as ever as he repaired a finger misshapen by rheumatoid arthritis. She was glad that Mark's head was in the game, because Callie wasn't in the right frame of mind to assist. She'd only scrubbed in so she would have something to do besides worry. And Mark knew that—though he clearly regretted having agreed to babysit her now.

"I'll try." If only it were so easy. Callie had no idea how to relax when the jury could return their verdict at any moment, potentially unleashing yet another little earthquake in her and Arizona's relationship. Even knowing they'd survive it didn't make her any more eager to face a new emotional challenge. "I just hate waiting."

"So let's do something to take your mind off it. Drinks and darts after work?" Mark popped an eyebrow, exuding easy charm without ceasing the motion of his hands. "I owe you an ass-kicking after last time."

Callie didn't even want to think about last time—and she certainly wasn't going to leave Arizona alone like that again. Not with the jury in day two of deliberations and their own relative peace on the verge of being shattered once more. "No, thanks. Hanging out with Arizona tonight."

To his credit, Mark didn't try to talk her out of that. She was glad. He could be exhausting to fend off sometimes. Without missing a beat, he said, "I hear you two are jetting away to Spain next month."

"For ten days." Callie resisted the urge to pull her phone out of her pocket and check it again. News that Colin Thomas was going to prison would make it a whole lot easier to get excited about their vacation. Still, Mark was right—obsessing wouldn't produce a verdict any sooner. For all she knew, it might not even happen today. And Lauren had promised to text as soon as it did. Forcing her mind toward a happier future, Callie said, "I can't remember the last time I got away from reality for _ten_ whole days. It was before I met Arizona, for sure."

"Well, you've earned it. Both of you."

"I can't wait. I'm ready to leave all this behind for a while." Callie smirked when Mark pulled a face. "No offense."

"None taken." Mark turned to Jackson Avery, who had been standing by silently during this entire exchange, and traded his probe for forceps. Then he bent to his patient's hand once more. "So are you two planning to do the tourist thing? The beach thing? Or just the bedroom thing?"

Callie rolled her eyes at Avery, who chuckled quietly. "I can always count on you, Mark." She only considered not answering for a moment. "All of the above."

Mark grinned. "Atta girl."

A musical tone bubbled up from within Callie's pocket and cut off her reply. She froze in place, immediately reduced to sheer, trembling panic at the possibility that she'd just been given exactly what she'd wanted. News. Though she'd checked her phone at least a hundred times already that morning, she couldn't seem to force herself to reach for it now. Her heart hammered against her chest wall as adrenaline coursed through her body.

"You gonna look?" Mark paused and lifted his gaze. "I don't mind you looking as long as there's actually something to see."

Callie swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I don't know if I can."

"Don't be ridiculous." Mark raised his eyebrow again. "You _can_."

"But—"

"It is what it is, Callie. Just get it over with and look." He gave her a kind smile before resuming his work. "Think of how relieved you'll feel if it's good news. Or if it's not, all the ways Robbins will try to cheer you up."

Callie closed her eyes. Annoying as it was, he was right. Again. Delaying the inevitable wasn't going to ease her tension. Getting rid of the source of her anxiety—this crippling uncertainty—would. Even if she was about to read bad news, knowing had to be better than this _not_ knowing. Hands shaking, she reached into her pocket and took out her phone. She swallowed, steeling her nerve.

Mark groaned. "You're killing me. Seriously."

"Fine." Irritated by his lack of sympathy, Callie opened her eyes and unlocked her phone. One text message, from Lauren. She had to read it twice before the words sank in. _Guilty of 7 felony counts. Sentencing in 3 months. Eligible for 45 to 80 years. Pretty sure that bastard isn't smiling now!_ She read each sentence again, just to be sure.

"Callie."

She didn't realize she had tears in her eyes until she looked up to see Mark's blurry visage staring back at her in concern. When his face threatened to fall, no doubt in response to her own shell-shocked expression, she found her voice. "It's good news."

Mark looked relieved. "Congratulations."

Callie lowered her gaze and read Lauren's text one more time. Forty-five to eighty years. That was good. _Very_ good. Better than she'd ever dared hope. She was almost positive Arizona would be satisfied with this result, which was really all she cared about, in the end. With that in mind, Callie burned to share the news.

"You should go," Mark said. "Avery and I've got this."

Callie nodded but didn't stand. Arizona was in the middle of an hours-long surgery to correct a little girl's severe scoliosis, and had specifically chosen to lock her own cell phone in a drawer today—something about not wanting to be distracted by thoughts of juries and verdicts when she had a tiny human on the table. But surely Arizona wouldn't mind if she caught wind of _good_ news. At least Callie hoped not. Right now she couldn't imagine _not_ seeing Arizona, even if only from a distance.

Callie clambered to her feet. "I'm leaving. Thanks for putting up with me. For the most part, I mean."

"Anytime." She could hear Mark's good humor behind in his voice. "Say hello to Arizona for me."

"I will." Callie hurried out of the room, full of purpose. She deflated after only a few steps down the hallway. Barging in on Arizona's surgery would be a major blunder—Arizona would likely be embarrassed if she interrupted with such personal news. Her safest bet was to head up to the observation area. If she happened to catch Arizona's eye, she could give her a thumbs-up, but that would be it. The girl on Arizona's table came before everything else today—even the celebration Callie had been waiting for months to have.

The observation room over Arizona's OR was empty. Callie walked to the front row of chairs and stood close to the glass, overcome with emotion at the sight of a familiar pink scrub cap below. Arizona stood beside Meredith Grey, chatting away happily as she affixed a hook into her patient's spine. Focused and fluid in movement, she exuded strength and confidence and beauty and _oh God_ things could have turned out so much worse. Callie took a step backward and sat down hard as a flood of relief turned her legs to jelly.

It was almost impossible to believe that this was the same woman who had been so broken and terrified in the days and weeks after Colin Thomas had entered their lives. Arizona had told her the night she was raped that the attack had changed her—and she was right. Arizona _was_ a different person now. She was no less incredible than before, and infinitely stronger.

_And she's mine_. Callie covered her mouth with her hand to hide the stupid grin the possessive thought triggered. Arizona was _hers_. How about that for a happily ever after?

Meredith lifted her gaze from their patient's exposed spine and caught Callie watching. She tilted her head as the amusement faded from her eyes, then said something that tore Arizona's attention away from the bolt she was attaching. Looking up at Callie, Arizona furrowed her forehead in concern.

Aware that her facial expression couldn't possibly didn't match what she felt inside, Callie dropped her hand and gave her stupid grin permission to take over. Arizona visibly brightened, no doubt matching Callie's smile beneath her mask. Even though it was obvious Arizona understood the reason for Callie's sudden appearance and her good mood, Callie shot her a thumb's up just to make sure. The corners of Arizona's eyes crinkled as she nodded.

Then Arizona looked away, taking a deep breath as though steadying herself. Callie could see that she was processing the news and dealing with a flood of emotion—far more than just simple joy. She watched as Arizona picked up a surgical screw then set it down again, bowing her head and visibly exhaling. After a moment, Arizona looked up at Callie again with shining eyes.

On instinct, Callie put her hand on the glass in front of her. She wished she could wrap Arizona in a tight hug to help her through whatever she was experiencing, and hated that it wasn't an option. Maybe coming in here had been a mistake. She should have realized that even good news would trigger a complicated tangle of feelings.

Arizona lowered her gaze and said something to Meredith, who picked up a cloth and dabbed carefully beneath Arizona's eyes. Then Arizona picked up the surgical screw again, no longer paying attention to Callie. Meredith caught Callie's eye and smiled before walking briskly out of the OR.

Callie sat back as Arizona resumed work on her patient's curved spine. She forced her tense muscles to relax, a task that got easier once she realized that Arizona was once again focused entirely on her surgery. Anticipating Meredith's imminent arrival, Callie tracked the sure movement of Arizona's hands until the door behind her opened.

"Hey, Callie." Meredith sounded cautious.

"Hey." Callie tossed a wave over her shoulder without looking back. "Guilty of seven felony counts. He's eligible for forty-five to eighty years in prison."

Meredith exhaled as she plopped onto the bench beside her. "That's great news."

"It's the best news." Callie gave her a sidelong glance. "I couldn't keep it to myself. Sorry to interrupt."

"She understands. And she asked me to pass this along." Before Callie could wonder what that meant, Meredith had gathered her into a warm embrace. The hug was a pale substitute for one of Arizona's, but Callie would take it. She even needed it, a little.

When Meredith released her, Callie said, "Did she say anything else?"

"Yeah." Meredith's smile turned sheepish. "She said she'll come find you after she closes up."

Callie gazed down into the operating theater, not terribly surprised to find Arizona watching her with sparkling eyes. "Is that a hint? Did she send you to get rid of me?"

"You might be distracting her." Meredith held up her thumb and forefinger, spaced inches apart. "Just a bit."

Arizona winked up at her, taking any sting out of Meredith's pronouncement. Callie sighed. "Apparently I have a knack for that today."

"Honestly, I think she's just trying to hold it together. She's been _extra_ perky today, if you know what I mean."

She knew exactly what Meredith meant. Extra perky meant Arizona was battling strong emotions. "I'll go." She wasn't entirely sure where. Worried about falling apart over a not guilty verdict, she'd finagled her schedule so she had very few commitments for the rest of the afternoon. Even if she was emotionally capable of returning to work, she was physically exhausted. "Maybe I'll take a nap." She yawned as her body reacted to the suggestion of sleep. "A quick one."

"You probably need it." Meredith bumped her shoulder. "Go on. We'll be done in a couple hours."

"Okay." Callie yawned again. "You talked me into it. Let Arizona know?"

"Of course."

Callie got to her feet, surprised by how much effort it took. Exhausted didn't nearly cover it. She felt like she could sleep for days. "Tell her to wake me up even if I'm sleeping when she finds me."

"All right."

Callie stopped when she reached the door, casting one last look down to the operating table. "And tell her I love her." Eyes welling, Callie cleared her throat. "So much."

"I will." Meredith gestured for her to go, but kindly. "Get some rest."

Callie obeyed.

#

As soon as Arizona scrubbed out of surgery, she embarked on a tour of Seattle Grace Mercy West's on-call rooms. She started with their favorite—the site of a shameful number of mid-shift dalliances—where she found Owen Hunt and Cristina Yang tangled in a passionate, half-naked embrace. After a round of apologies, mostly on her part, Arizona fled the room and continued her search for Callie.

She wished she hadn't felt the need to send her away earlier. Seeing Callie's smiling face looming above her usually inspired her best work, but today, with all she was feeling, it had simply been too overwhelming to have her so near. When Callie had given her that amazing grin, all she'd wanted to do was tear away her mask, strip off her gloves, and run up to the observation room to hug her as hard as she could. Partly because her reaction to the verdict threatened to sweep her away, making her crave the safety of Callie's embrace, but mostly because in that moment, she finally knew for sure that everything was going to be okay. All the pain, anxiety, and fear she'd been fighting back for months melted away at that realization, leaving her weak with relief. And tired. And fighting back tears.

It wasn't the right mental state for her to fall into during a long surgery, to say the least. Desperate to keep up the façade of cheerful competence, she'd sent Meredith to gently eject Callie from the observation room. She'd made it through the rest of the procedure with ease, but not without counting the seconds until she could collapse into Callie's arms.

Which made it slightly anti-climatic to find Callie in the third on-call room she checked, sprawled out on the bottom bunk with her mouth hanging open. Her disappointment was tempered by how adorable Callie looked when she slept, and by the knowledge that she desperately needed the rest. Arizona kicked off her shoes and knelt beside the bed, then carefully pulled a lock of dark hair away from Callie's bottom lip.

Callie mumbled, swiping at her cheek with the back of her hand. Unable to resist, Arizona dropped a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Scoot over," she whispered.

Without opening her eyes, Callie shifted closer to the wall, allowing Arizona to stretch out on the mattress behind her. "Good surgery?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah." Wrapping her arm around Callie's waist, Arizona nuzzled the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder. Then she pushed her hand inside Callie's scrub top, touching her stomach. "God, your body feels good."

"Did Meredith tell you?"

She had. Forty-five to eighty years in prison wouldn't erase what Colin Thomas had done to her—to all of them—but she would be lying if she said it meant nothing at all. It definitely meant something. She didn't even want to imagine what she would be feeling right now if the jury had found him not guilty. "It's very good news."

"Arizona…" Callie paused, inhaled—and Arizona cut her off with a careful squeeze.

"Can we not talk about it right now?" Arizona held her breath while she waited for an answer. She was so tired of thinking about that man and what he'd done to her that she could just scream. Her body was healed, her fears had largely receded, and now Colin Thomas was heading to prison. Arizona was ready to move on—as much as that was possible. "Please?"

Callie rolled over so their noses nearly touched. "Okay." Her gaze strayed to Arizona's mouth. "What should we talk about?"

"Do we have to talk?" Sliding her hand up Callie's bare side to cup a bra-covered breast, Arizona pressed her mouth to Callie's for a lazy kiss. She pulled away with a contented murmur. "Let's just be together. Enjoy each other."

"I can do that." Callie curled a piece of blond hair around her finger. "You're easy to enjoy."

Arizona succumbed to the urge to steal another kiss. She wasn't exactly up for sex and doubted Callie would be either, but it felt so good to be able to be with her without fear or anxiety hanging over them. Stark relief surged through her, loosening her muscles. She broke their kiss with a shaky exhalation.

"I know," Callie whispered. She rested her chin on Arizona's shoulder and hugged her tighter. "Me too."

Tears gathered in the corners of Arizona's eyes at the incredible joy of having someone who understood her even when she didn't know what to say. As much as she didn't want to cry, she was too tired to stop her body's reaction to the day and the woman she loved. She cursed under her breath as her tears spilled over.

Callie drew back, rubbing her thumb across Arizona's cheek. She said nothing, just stared at her tenderly.

"I'm not upset." Arizona winced when her voice broke, belying her words.

But Callie just nodded. "It's okay."

Further undone by Callie's quiet support, Arizona whispered, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not asking." Callie kissed her neck and rocked her gently. "Just let it out. Before you have to go back to work."

Normally Arizona would have protested, but she was too tired to fight. She buried her face in Callie and surrendered to the emotion she'd been battling for too long. She was pleased that Callie's shoulder muffled her sobs, and that Callie said and did nothing as she cried. It was embarrassing anytime she fell apart, and she desperately wanted to keep this between her and Callie.

Once Arizona's tears had run their course, she eased away and cringed at the large, dark stain she'd left behind. "Sorry."

Callie glanced at the wet spot on her scrubs and smiled. "I promise I won't tell anyone how this happened."

Arizona laughed through a sniffle. "I appreciate that."

"I know." Callie combed her fingers through Arizona's hair, drawing out a contented sigh. "How about after we get home tonight, we put on our pajamas, order a pizza, and watch whatever you want on TV?"

"If there was a Harper Avery award for best partner, you'd totally win." Arizona rested her head on Callie's chest and closed her eyes, exhaling. All cried out, she could feel a little of the perkiness she'd been forcing all day return to the front. The best part was that this time it was genuine. "I hope you're in the mood for Muppets."

"How could I _not_ be in the mood for Muppets?"

Arizona patted Callie's tummy. "I love you."

"And I love you." Kissing the crown of her head, Callie murmured, "Think maybe I could braid your hair again? If you're interested, I mean."

"That would be fun." Arizona lifted up so she could look into Callie's eyes. "May I return the favor this time?"

Predictably, Callie wrinkled her nose. "Would you settle for painting my nails instead?"

"Deal." Arizona grinned and settled back down. "Thank you, Calliope." She traced her finger down the center of Callie's chest, enjoying the strong heartbeat beneath her ear. Grateful that Callie had offered her a chance for catharsis, she wanted to return the favor. "How are you doing?"

Callie gave her another squeeze. "I'm happy."

"Just happy?" She hoped so. It had been a while since she'd seen happy Callie, and the idea of having her back made Arizona giddy.

"_Really_ happy. Tired, too." Sighing, Callie murmured, "And relieved."

"Me, too." Though Arizona was loath to leave the on-call room and the comfort of Callie's company, she had a few more things to do before she could go home for the night. And she couldn't _wait_ to go home. "I have a couple patients to check on, and I promised Bailey a consult. Maybe we can sneak away after that."

"I'll cross my fingers." Callie gently eased them into a sitting position, but kept her arms firmly around Arizona's middle. "I'm sure I'll figure out a way to keep myself busy until then."

"Yeah, somehow I think you'll manage." They shared a smile over the truth of that statement. Boring nights were a rarity at Seattle Grace Mercy West. "Just try not to get too busy. I've got dibs on you tonight."

Callie's smile took on a naughty edge. "I like the sound of that."

Arizona kissed her on the cheek. "I thought you might."

With a heavy sigh, Callie crawled over her and got out of the bunk, straightening her scrubs. Then she offered her hand. "Let's get this work stuff over with, shall we?"

Arizona let Callie pull her standing, then gestured at her face. "How do I look? Like a crybaby?"

"Like _my_ baby." Callie tugged her into a loose embrace, kissing her lips softly. "Your eyes are just a _tiny_ bit red, but you look absolutely beautiful right now."

"Damn." Arizona pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, willing away the evidence of her minor breakdown. She'd spent the entire day putting on a happy front and she'd be damned if she blew it now. Over good news, of all things. "You go ahead. I just need a couple of minutes to recover."

Callie coaxed her hands away from her face. "You really are gorgeous. That's all anyone will see."

Fresh tears threatened to fall. "Shit," Arizona said, then pushed lightly against Callie's shoulder. "Go. Before you make me lose it completely."

Grinning, Callie walked to the door and put her hand on the knob. When she glanced back, her eyes were sparkling. "I'm really glad this part is over."

"So am I." Arizona watched Callie go with a fond smile before turning her attention toward regaining her composure. That was a much easier task these days than it had been only a few months ago. She had the tools to cope and she knew how to use them. If nothing else, that was something she'd gained from this whole terrible experience. Perhaps even more important than being able to pull herself together was her new willingness not to run from the prospect of falling apart.

There was a time when she would've been terrified to surrender to the emotional turmoil she'd just experienced for even a moment, too frightened that she wouldn't make it back intact. The unrelenting, cheerful stoicism she'd practiced instead had made her feel safe, but it had also kept her distant. Shielded. Even from Callie.

Not anymore. Arizona raised her fingertips to lips that still tingled from Callie's kisses. Being raped had stolen her ability to hide what she was feeling and as a result, she'd found something she never expected to have—a partner in the truest sense of the word. She no longer wore her old, reliable armor with Callie. She didn't need to. As a result, she felt strong in a whole new way.

She wasn't sure she could say she'd do it all over again, but it felt good to see the happy ending in everything she'd gone through. If nothing else, Colin Thomas was the catalyst that had taken her relationship with Callie to the next level. And that meant everything to her.

Arizona fixed her hair as best as she could without a mirror, then walked out the on-call room door into the bustling hallway. Her first stop would have to be the locker room. Despite Callie's reassurances, she was certain she could use some freshening up. She turned toward her destination and nearly collided with Teddy.

"Oh!" Teddy's hands landed on her upper arms, preventing their bodies from crashing together. "I'm so sorry, AZ, I just got a page and…" She started to step around Arizona, then hesitated. "Is everything—" She tilted her head, worry painted all over her face. "Did the verdict come back?"

Either Callie had been lying about nobody noticing her puffy eyes, or else Teddy just knew her well enough to register that her mood was off. Probably a little of both. Eager to reassure Teddy, Arizona called up her sunniest expression. "Guilty. It was all good news, don't worry."

Teddy released her arms and hugged her tightly. "Oh, thank God. I'm so, so thrilled for you." A pager beeped at their waists, prompting them to break away from each other and check their respective devices. "Damn," Teddy murmured, stepping away quickly. "I'm so sorry, I've got to go. But let's—"

"We'll celebrate. Not tonight. But soon." Arizona waved at Teddy's back. "I'll talk to you later."

"Definitely." Teddy gave her an apologetic wave and a grin as she jogged away.

Mindful to look as light and carefree as possible, Arizona made her way to the locker room. She greeted various nurses, doctors, and other hospital personnel as she walked—the downside of being outgoing as a general rule was that she never really escaped social interaction, even when it was the last thing she wanted to face. Luckily, nobody seemed overly concerned about her wellbeing, and none of the friendly glances directed her way seemed to linger on her face.

Even so, Arizona was grateful for the potential respite offered by the locker room. Optimistic that she would find the room empty, the last thing she expected when she turned at the edge of the row of lockers was to bump into the solidly built form of a man. Once again, a hand gripped her arm, but this time, Arizona jerked away out of instinctive fear. Heart hammering, she stumbled backward, wincing when the corner of a locker dug into the small of her back. The flash of pain snapped her out of her panic and enabled her to calm down and recognize an obviously contrite Alex Karev standing in front of her. He stared her down with a mixture of caution and defensiveness.

Last time he'd taken her by surprise, she'd nearly taken off his head. But that was months ago and she'd grown since then. Or at least she was trying. Taking a deep breath, Arizona said, "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." Karev seemed to lower his guard a tiny bit, but his voice was gruff. "I didn't hear anyone come in."

"Just practicing my ninja skills." Pleased when Karev gave her a genuine smile, she returned the favor. Her adrenaline was still flowing, but she better than ever at bouncing back from these aftershocks. So much so that she didn't feel the need to run away from a man she knew and trusted, even if he had just scared the hell out of her. That realization calmed her even more. "Whose service are you on tomorrow?"

"Sloan." Karev made a face. "Lately he's giving me all his grunt work. I think he's punishing me for something, but I can't figure out what."

The possibilities were endless. Wanting to wipe their slate clean, Arizona decided to throw him a bone. "I have a couple of new patients coming in next week. Two-year-old twin girls, conjoined at the chest and abdomen. Their parents have elected surgery to separate them." She paused, enjoying the way Karev perked up at the thought of getting in on such a complex procedure. She hadn't worked closely with him in a while—truth be told, she'd avoided working with any men more than she had to after that incident with Avery—but Alex was a good surgeon and, inexplicably, Arizona sensed that he was meant for pediatrics. "You want in?"

"Hell yeah, I want in." Karev's face fell. "I mean, as long as Sloan—"

"I'll talk to Dr. Sloan." She figured Mark owed her a favor or two simply for putting up with him. Plus, she had a feeling he wouldn't exactly mourn Karev's absence on his service. Callie had mentioned that he seemed interested in courting Jackson Avery for plastics these days. "Let's meet tomorrow morning at ten to discuss the procedure and the team. Okay?"

Karev graced her with a full-on grin, more boyish than she'd ever seen him. "Great. Thanks, Dr. Robbins."

"You're very welcome, Dr. Karev." Only slightly self-conscious, Arizona stepped to the side and gestured for him to pass. "I'll see you then."

"Absolutely." Karev strode to the door with a noticeable spring in his step. "Later."

After he left, Arizona shook out her tense muscles, took a few more deep breaths, then walked to the locker where she kept a few personal items. She hated that she still reacted so strongly to being surprised—by men, especially—but accepted that it would probably get better with time. It already had gotten better, after all.

Arizona opened her locker, not surprised when her gaze went straight to the long-neglected Heelys that sat in the corner. She hadn't touched them since the night of the rape, when she'd taken them off and stashed them in here before meeting Callie in the elevator for their make-out session. Right before she'd walked into that parking lot and her life changed forever.

After that night, it had seemed silly to put them on again. Frivolous. Arizona touched one shoe, then the other, fingering the laces. For months she'd told herself the Heelys were a relic of a more innocent time, that they were the happy-go-lucky quirk of an undamaged version of herself. Not something for the woman she was now.

What a load of crap. As fun as they were, she'd never worn the Heelys for her own benefit. They were for the kids. Watching their faces light up as their doctor came rolling into the room never got old. It was an icebreaker, a tension diffuser, a way to put her patients and their parents at ease—it was one of the things that made her a kick-ass pediatric surgeon. Being raped might have changed a lot of things, but it hadn't changed that. She was still a kick-ass pediatric surgeon.

Decision made, Arizona grabbed the shoes, knocked off the light layer of dust that had gathered, then sat on the bench so she could slip them on. She _was_ a different person now in more ways than she could count, but the thought no longer brought her sadness. She would always mourn the Arizona she'd lost to Colin Thomas's rage, yet she no longer yearned to get her back. How could she, when she genuinely liked the woman who had emerged from that terrible night?

She'd made peace with showing vulnerability to those who loved her, and with admitting that there were some things she couldn't handle alone. A year ago she would've considered that weakness. Now she understood that letting others in took courage and strength of a sort she hadn't known before her sense of self was shattered. Of course, that was all thanks to Callie. It was the discovery that the woman she loved was truly the love of her life—someone would stick by her side through even the most difficult times, evolving right along with her—that changed her most of all. It was Callie who made her the best person she could be.

Calliope Torres was a revelation. And Arizona planned to spend the rest of their lives showing her exactly how much she knew it.

But first, she had some kids to cheer up. Arizona left the locker room, waiting until there was a break in the stream of bodies moving down the hallway to set one foot in front of the other. Pointing her toes to the sky, she heeled down the hallway slowly at first, then took a few steps to gain speed. She whizzed past Callie at the reception desk, meeting her grin with one of her own.

"Be careful!" Callie called out as Arizona rolled past, just like she always had. It was almost as though no time had passed at all.

"I will," Arizona said, before executing a perfect 180 that left her facing Callie and rolling backwards down the hall.

Callie pretended to hide her eyes. "You're going to give me a heart attack."

Arizona brought her toes down and came to a stop. She waited until Callie uncovered her eyes, then did a 360 spin on one wheel. "But you love me."

"Unconditionally." Callie gave her a stern look when she performed another pirouette. "I'll even kiss your boo-boo when you fall down. Right after I say I told you so."

Despite Callie's words, Arizona could see the way her eyes sparkled with pleased amusement. Taking a bow, Arizona said, "I love you, too." Then she spun on her heel and took off, elated by the sound of Callie's laughter following her down the hallway.

It made her feel awesome.

END


End file.
